Who: Cho Chang & Remus Lupin When: JUMP THREAD - June 10, 2003 Where: Remus' Home, Hogsmeade, Scotland What: Being Adorable in Secret Rating: Low Status: Logged, Complete
The last few chapters of her novel had captivated Cho so much that she had forgotten where she was. Remus had left the bed some time ago leaving Cho behind dressed in one of his shirts and devouring the pages of her book. Her hair was tousled from their lovemaking, little red marks left by his mouth dotted her neck and Cho was utterly happy. It was the sort of happiness she didn't try to think about, knowing full well it wasn't meant to last.
Rolling over onto her stomach, Cho sighed happily as she finished the last page, closing the book and setting it on the unmade bed. "Every story should have a happy ending," she said wistfully before stretching and closing her eyes. Being in his room felt like a private oasis, free from the bitterness and pain of the real world. Here, with him, Cho almost felt like the woman she use to be.
"Remus," she called out. "Where did you go?"
~&~
Remus, of course, had wandered into the kitchen to make tea rather than disturb her reading. As he sat waiting for the kettle to boil, he smiled at the thought of having a woman in his bed while he made tea. Such a simple, stupid thought, but it made him smile. Little domestic rituals like this made him feel like a normal man. He made two cups, and laid them out on a tray with a cup of cream and a small bowl of sugar. While he didn't have much, he had always made sure he had a simple tea set with him. It was a bit of sophistication, made all the more important while he was on the run. Holding on to that part of himself made these moments, when he could bring the tea tray into a bedroom with a waiting lover, all the more special.
"In here," he called from the kitchen. "Just making tea." He walked back into the room carefully, not wanting to spill. "Rooibos tea, naturally caffeine free," he announced as he came into the room and set the tray down on the bedside table. "At my age, I'm not going to try to stay up all night. And I know post-sex tea is perhaps not as bohemian as a post-sex cigarette or joint, but... well, I'm a responsible adult now, aren't I?" He smirked and joined her on the bed, allowing her to make her tea first. "Was your book good? Did it all turn out alright in the end?"
~&~
Sitting up on his bed and drawing her knees to her chest, Cho waited for Remus to return. Her smile was soft as he walked into the room carrying the tea tray. Merlin, he was lovely to spend time with. Cho knew she shouldn't enjoy it as much as she did and getting use to his smile would end badly for her, but she couldn't really help herself. Cho made herself a cup of tea, sipping at it slowly as she settled next to him, her small body tucked against his.
"You're not that old," she told him with a quick kiss to his cheek. "And I've never been much for smoking or weed," she said. "Wine tends to be my vice of choice. Well, wine and amazing sex with utterly irresistible men." His body was so warm. She loved being able to press against him and feel his arms wrap her up so easily. "And my book was perfect. Sappy and romantic with a happy ending. It's a nice distraction from reality."
~&~
Remus shrugged. “I was a teenager in the seventies. What can I say, there was a bit of a pothead. He made himself a cup of tea, and smiled as she settled in next to him. His favorite thing in the world was cuddling. This was yet another one of those things he wondered about himself. Was the cuddling really him, or was it the wolf? He knew that wolves and canines in general were very social creatures. Hell, he’d be happy sleeping in a full puppy pile every night if he could. But it was so... other. Animal. He’d never really know if that was something he’d like if he was normal.
“I like wine too, though,” he added, looking down at her and looping an arm around her. “And well, amazing sex with utterly irresistible people, like yourself.”
He grinned at her then. “So romance novels? Interesting. Never pegged you for romance. Though... no, it makes sense, actually, now that I think about it. Yes, an escape from reality. See for that, I’d prefer a good muggle fantasy.” He sighed then. But this... this is nice. Merlin, I could get used to this.”
~&~
Cho really didn't want to point out she hadn't been alive for the majority of the Seventies. Remus knew exactly how young she was, after all, he'd been her teacher when she was 15. But, Merlin, Hogwarts felt like a lifetime ago. So much had changed in the world and in her life. She wasn't some lovesick, hopeless fool these days. Cho had been through emotional hell and back since her time at Hogwarts. It was hard to remember what she had wanted to become all those years ago. Most days Cho still didn't know what she wanted to become. And somehow when she was in bed with Remus those questions and concerns floated away. She could be present with him, live in the moment and forget about the hell burning around them.
"Mock all you want," she said with a grin, "but there was a time when I was a hopeless romantic. I suppose my literary tastes never let go of that." As Remus's arm dropped around her, Cho couldn't resist the urge to snuggle up closer to him. It was too easy to shift onto his lap and settle against his chest, pulling his arm around her. "There," she said. "That's better." Looking back and up at him, Cho craned her neck to plant a small kiss on his jaw. "You mean you're not use to me yet? Pity... I thought I was making more of an impression than that, love."
~&~
"No mocking, I swear," he said, quickly putting his hands up in defense. "I think it's sweet, actually. You put on such a show of being rude and mean. Even called me a moron, I think it was," he teased. "But really, you just like to cuddle like the rest of us. And don't worry, you are making an impression on me. I like it." he sighed and settled his arm back around her. Sweet Merlin, this felt good. Scarily so. And it was enormously stupid and dangerous. After Dora he swore he would stay away from people who were drastically younger than him. He would be nothing but bad for her, and not to mention the Tinworth thing... No, fuck it. Best not to think about it.
"So any recommendations for good bodice-ripping romance novels? I might want to branch out from my normal literary tastes..."
~&~
They were heading down a dangerous path of getting to know each other. Whatever this was with Remus, it wasn't supposed to be real. It was more bad decisions, more mistakes, and more poorly thought out impulsive stupidity. But as the weeks went on and Cho found herself in Remus' bed more often, she had to admit that there was something. Being curled up in his bed was more than a fling and she would be stupid to pretend otherwise.
"I think everyone is a moron," Cho pointed out. "But, shut up, you know how bloody smart you are." Even though Cho didn't think twice about getting into bed with most people, the ones who stuck with her all tended to be similar in one regard. Cho loved intelligent people. She loved people who challenged her, who could understand everything from the best strategy in a Quidditch match to the theory behind wandless magic. Remus was, without question, the smartest man she'd been involved with so far.
Closing her eyes, Cho let herself relax against Remus. "You're teasing," she said, but not an ounce of complaint could be heard in her voice. It felt nice to be teased again. "I... I like it."
~&~
"Well, that's fair, most people are rather dense," he mused. "And look, I'm only smart because I read a lot as a child. There was nothing better to do, you see, being hidden away--" he stopped and coughed. This was too... relaxing. He was slipping, bringing up his childhood like that. That kind of talk was for... not this. "Sorry," he covered quickly. "The point is, reading is good when one is bored. Actually I read a lot as part of the rebellion. Funny enough, there wasn't actually a lot to do when one was in hiding. Lots of time being spent indoors, hidden away.." Shit.
He sighed then, and kissed the top of her head. "Yes, I am teasing. Even though I have some melancholy moments, alright, perhaps many melancholy moments, I do actually have a sense of humor, believe it or not. It's not all doom and gloom up here."
~&~
Listening to Remus talk relaxed her in a way she didn't quite know how to put into words. He calmed her, made her forget that they were tucked away and doing this in secret. He made her feel normal, if only for a few moments. "I was an only child," she told him. "My parents came here from a small village in China, you know. Their English wasn't the best, so I read a lot to learn. And then when...." Cho trailed off, not sure why she was allowing herself to open up to Remus in this way. Her friends knew she had lost her parents, but it wasn't a topic she spent much time discussing. Cho didn't want anyone to know she had weakness, that she had something which could be exploited.
But Remus was so disarming and she felt all her walls come crumbling down. Cho ran her fingers slowly along the strong arm wrapped around her. "When they died I wanted to feel happy again and reading was the easiest way." Something had shifted, Cho realized in that moment. This had stopped feeling like a fling, but putting a name to it terrified Cho beyond all belief. "I like you being funny," she said. "We could use a bit more funny in the world."
~&~
He suddenly found himself nodding. "I was an only child too. Obviously, my parents couldn't have more children after I was attacked." He closed his eyes for a moment and just listened. Funny, her story was similar to his own. "I lost them both too, a long time ago. Not both at once, or anything," he added quickly. "But after what happened... well, it aged them, I think. It took a toll on their health, so... " He didn't mean for it to sound morbid, but he wasn't quite ready to go into details either.
"Though I'm sorry to hear that we have that in common. Losing a parent is hard. Both is... harder. Then again, we've all lost so many and... Well, you're right. Having a sense of humor is important." He shook his head then. "And I just fucked it up with all this talk. Even when I'm being hilarious, I tend to bring up all my shit," he said with an eyeroll at himself. "Sorry."
~&~
"No," Cho said quickly and turned so she could look at him. "You didn't fuck anything up." Maybe wading into substance wasn't a good idea, but since when had Cho made any good decisions. She felt a connection with Remus, one that made her feel happy and (dare she think it?) whole. "I like talking to you like this. I like coming here for the sex, but I can get sex anywhere," she reminded him. "You're..."
Cho trailed off, knowing she was getting too close to crossing a line. How could she tell Remus how she felt without telling him how she felt? Cho searched for her words, letting quiet fall around them. "You're more than sex," she finally settled on, her voice barely above a whisper. "I don't want you to not talk to me, you know? It's nice talking to someone, really talking to them instead of being a bitch to them."
Pulling his arm tighter around him, Cho sighed softly. "I'm so fucking tired of being a bitch to everyone," she admitted.
~&~
Danger, danger. All the warning flags went up, but since Remus was a master at denial, he ignored them. "I like talking like this too," he answered, stupidly honest. Merlin knew he needed to talk to someone. Even if it was a former student. And he understood her right now, more than she knew. "This feels good. I... yes." She was more than sex for him too, but he couldn't admit that out loud. Of course he very well knew that he should, but it was getting too real for him. He hoped she knew what he meant without him having to say the words.
He squeezed her a tiny bit and said softly, "You're not a bitch. It's armor. Sometimes we need armor. I know I've let my temper get the best of me before. I've said things I shouldn't have. It's just something people do. So don't be hard on yourself, yeah?"
~&~
More than sex. That was enough of a title, Cho decided. It didn't have to mean anything, but it could mean a great deal. And so long as she could live in that pocket of equal parts deniability and hope, Cho was happy. That happiness was added by the way Remus held her and the gentle words her spoke. "Careful," she said, letting another few bricks from her walls fall down. "You're dangerously close to tempting me into being nice again and we can't have that." Turning back to look at him, Cho smiled gently. If Cho came back, left Tinworth behind, they'd have to actually face up to what they were doing. And she'd have to live in a world where she had lied, hurt, and lashed out towards nearly everyone she knew. Tinworth, as terrifying as it could be sometimes, protected her from the consequences of her actions and poor behavior.
Brushing a kiss against his lips, Cho knew she should get going. They were rapidly approaching the point of no return and Cho wasn't ready. She wasn't ready for talks about what it meant, what she should do, if they were real. She wanted-- no. She needed them to be happy. Happy and gentle and sweet. Remus was her reprieve from reality and she wasn't going to tarnish that with talking. "You're sexy when you lose your temper," she teased him and kissed him again. "I should get going. Don't want to be missing for too long, people will start to wonder if I've turned against them." She was joking, but there was always a twinge of truth to Cho's words about Tinworth. It wasn't a safe place to live and there were people there who watched everyone closely.
Regretfully pulling away from him and slipping out of the bed, Cho quickly dressed, leaving his shirt on the back of a chair. She could feel his eyes following her as she moved around the bedroom, pulling her dress back over her head and slipping into her shoes. Turning back to look at him, Cho felt her heart break just a little. Merlin, she hated leaving him. Part of her wanted him to ask her to stay, to risk all the hate waiting for her on this side and seek redemption. But who was she kidding? Forcing a little smile on her face, Cho walked back to Remus and planted a kiss to his lips. "Next week, yeah? I'll bring you some bodice ripping romance novels you can hide under your mattress," she teased before giving him another, longer kiss.
~&~
"No, I suppose not," he mused, then sat back on the bed with his tea and watched her get up and start getting dressed with a nod. Definitely dangerous. They needed to keep it simple. Remus just couldn't doom another amazing person to life with him, and their eventual demise. He just couldn't do that. Stick to safe things. "I am not sexy when I lose my temper," he said with a laugh. There, that was safe.
And then she went and brought up the other side. Sure, it was meant to be flippant, he knew that. But the pang through his heart didn't know that. His laugh died on his lips and he grew quiet. When she came back to kiss him, he grabbed her write, fast, and he held her there before he realized he had grabbed her. "Wait..." he muttered. Now he was definitely in danger. "You shouldn't.. not there, not with them. It's wrong."
~&~
Sighing, Cho rested her forehead against his. Of course Tinworth was wrong. She knew that. She knew the people there were immoral and cruel. But there were still people there she cared about, people who mattered to her. People who would be arrested immediately and forced to live in prison for the rest of their lives if they came forward. Tinworth was protection, it was a safe haven for so many. "You seem to forget that I'm not wanted here either," Cho said gently before kissing his forehead.
"I've hurt every person I cared about. I have no friends left. I have no job, no home, no family. And if I come back, do you think I'll magically be forgiven? And even if the Ministry doesn't lock me away, what would Malfoy do? I made my decision and it was a bad decision, but it's done. I can't unmake it." Cho brought her hand to his cheek and smiled at him, loving the worry etched all over his face. Her heart felt... it... no. Cho wouldn't even entertain the idea. This wasn't anything of the sort. It couldn't be.
But what if it was? What if this was more than more than sex? What if she and Remus-- what if? Sitting back down on the bed, Cho closed her eyes and slumped her shoulders. "Maybe," she relented. "Maybe, okay? I'm not saying no, but I'm not saying yes. Rushing into decisions is never a good idea. But," she said and turned to look at the beautiful man who made her feel alive.. "But I'll think about leaving. That's all I can give you right now, ba-- love."
~&~
"That doesn't matter! You can't worry about friends when people are being killed!" He leaned his head back against the headboard and closed his eyes. Maybe he was being too much of a Gryffindor, or whatever, but there was a right and a wrong. Sure he was living very comfortably in the gray area at the moment, but there were some lines that had to be drawn. She was worrying about comforts, and he found that ridiculous. But he couldn't make her stay. Not when she was determined to stick to her decision.
He deflated. Physically and emotionally. This wasn't supposed to hurt. He looked back at her when she sat back down. That glimmer of hope wasn't much, but it could be something. Maybe he could reach her, even if it took time. And Remus could be patient. "Maybe? I suppose I'll take that. Just... be careful. Alright?"
~&~
Cho nodded and tried to give him another smile, but their happy, silly banter was lost. Now all she felt was tired. Remus, bless him, saw the world in right and wrong. No matter how much she tried, Cho couldn't do that. There were too many variables to consider for the answer to be one or the other. But this wasn't how she waned to end one of their visits. They were only supposed to be fun and silly and stupid.
"I will be, I promise. I can write you more, if you want. Even if just to check in every day." It seemed silly to her, but another part of her liked that Remus worried about her. "And you can keep trying to convince me to stay here with you if you want." Though she wasn't sure if Remus wanted her to stay with him or simply not be in Tinworth. She assumed the latter, of course.
~&~
He nodded, and silently cursed himself for destroying the mirth. "Yeah, I'd like that," he said quietly. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Their fling, this world after two wars, his life, none of it. This should be an uncomplicated fling, lovers who maybe started to feel something more for one another. That should be complicated enough. Adding a war, another war, on top of that was just cruel.
"And I will," he said with a half-smirk. "I will definitely keep trying to convince you to stay."