Well, TBH, I was thinking that knowing you a bit, you were probably writing from the gruesome reality of experience. (Definitely: eep!) But it seemed strange to me thinking about it that either very few authors have actually ever had such a serious illness or semi-conscious experience, or else they haven't recollected it in that spare, stark way that (IMHO) gave your passage such realism. I tend to think it's the latter, actually. A lot of fiction writing seems to follow the lead of convention, even where an account that simply tries to describe real experience would seem more logical, as well as having more of a "ring of truth." In this respect, journalism often is more grippingly realistic than fiction writing, precisely because it worries less about being elegant.
Heh, I am now thinking of Hemingway. Not that I will make that comparison - unless you like the old chauvinist Ernie H. - but see, this is why I do like good fanfic writers like you: I always have lots to say about the *writing*, not just the story, and it leads me straight onto thinking about all kinds of literary topics, famous writers and styles. This is good, no? Of course, I'm also still here for the H/C, love and hot smex. :D :D :D