What a charming, well-written story. I love Snape storming the Great Hall in all his naked glory, already convinced it's Harry's fault. The banter between them is priceless, and the number of ways you find to describe Snape's habitual glare amused me no end. I love the way he bristles like a wet cat, but can't quite keep his vulnerability out of sight.
I also applaud you for the ingenious device of turning Harry into a human portkey who's activated by snogging. Hah! Magical invention and fumbling kisses, what could be better? The entire scene in the Azkaban cell is wonderful. So are Snape's letters to Harry. In fact, the whole fic just bounces with quotable lines.
“Snape and I have to bleed all over each other?” Harry interrupted incredulously. “That’s not exactly going to be subtle.”
“No, no,” Hermione said, looking distressed. “Saliva will work just as well.”
Harry blinked. “We have to spit at each other?” he asked, stupidly.
Harry is delightful, even if he's not the sharpest knife in the drawer, and the yes-no-yes-no courtship of uncertainty between him and Snape is both witty and even a little touching. There's something poignant about Snape's predicament and his bad-tempered dignity and the way he can't help responding to Harry. The dynamic duo of Ron and Hermione is also a joy.
Thank you for something so comic and heartfelt and clever, spiced with just the right amount of awkward, endearing sex. It pleased me so much, I've read it twice in one day.