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snarrymod (snarrymod) wrote in snarry_games,
@ 2008-05-15 08:06:00

Entry tags:

entry, team phoenix, vain

TEAM PHOENIX ENTRY: Vain "To Stay the Shadow"
Title: To Stay the Shadow
Author: Vain vain
Team: Phoenix
Genres: Angst
Prompt: Reckoning & Ashes of Youth
Rating/Warnings: R; *Book 6 & 7 S.P.O.I.L.E.R.S. Please note, this story is NOT Book 7 compliant; AU-ish; language; angst.*
Word Count: ~25,400
Summary: Once upon a time Severus Snape fell in love. And then everything went wrong.
A/N: All the definitions preceding the chapters are taken from "The Devil's Dictionary," by Ambrose Bierce, originally published in newspapers in a serialized version between 1881 and 1906 as "The Cynic's Word Book," and then bound and republished in 1911 under its current name.
Special Thanks once again to the mods for not killing me after email # 3, and especially to my invaluable betas venivincere, alisanne, & ziasudra for beating me with Spelling, Grammar, and Diction Sticks. They are now my personal heroes and made this story a thousand times better; all remaining errors are solely my own. Also, much love to the rest of Team Phoenix for all their help and support. This would never have been completed if not for you guys’ feedback and encouragement. ♥
Plagiarism is no one’s friend.

"To Stay the Shadow by Vain"
Don't forget to review!

Mod note: POLLS ARE NOW CLOSED. THANK YOU FOR PARTICIPATING IN THE SNARRY GAMES.

Mod note: If you rec this story, please link to this POST, not the story itself, or the author/team will not get their proper vote tally or feedback. Thank you.

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	leela_cat 2008-05-28 04:24 am UTC (link)
	This was so believable, which made it that much sadder. I can see Severus and Harry reacting this way. I think you broke me just a little, but in a very good way. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	vain 2008-05-28 01:56 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you. I had hoped to bring something both realistic and unique to the table with this. It was a bit heavy, I think, but the people who have braved it thus far seem to have enjoyed it. So yay! ^^ Thank you for reviewing. (Reply to this) (Parent)

aliciamasters
2008-05-28 04:39 am UTC (link)

Then, Harry went to a new optometrist, and discovered color contacts. He tried a pair in blue: Snape looked in his eyes that looked nothing like Lily's, realized he loved Harry more than life...the end. *g*

Okay, so my ending doesn't fit at all with the tenor of your story. The ending you used, in fact, was brilliant. Not every love is doomed to succeed, and not every past can be overcome. That is why JK felt she needed to kill Snape, I believe: she never thought he could atone for his sins. Maybe she's right.

Certainly, it doesn't seem as if he will learn this lesson, and he is not worthy of Harry quite yet. He doesn't yet understand his own advice to Harry, which makes it doubly sad. He cannot live for another; he needs to learn to live for himself, and begin to enrich his life, rather than continue to pauper himself trying to factor its costs.

This was wonderfully written, with a great flow, and a very natural, instinctive storytelling. As always, your description makes the setting come alive. Thanks for an excellent foray into relationships, especially because you took the less traveled road.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

vain
2008-05-28 03:32 pm UTC (link)

*GIGGLES* X3 I don't know . . . I think the one you wrote might have been a sight more upbeat . . .

Severus's death, I have to confess, was one of the few things I truly liked about Book 7. If he had lived, what would he have left? He almost had to die; there was nothing else for him. It seemed like, if there was any good in him at all, it was only for Lily's sake. That distillation of his motives still kind of irks me because it ultimately makes his character seem so small and stagnant, but I wanted to try and play with that view of him in this fic. In my mind, it's a little bit less about redemption and more about growth. Severus has redeemed himself twice over, but he can't move past the mistakes and thought & behavior patterns that lead to his ensnarement, first by Riddle, and then by Albus.

I really think you said it best with "He cannot live for another; he needs to learn to live for himself, and begin to enrich his life, rather than continue to pauper himself trying to factor its costs." =/ But the wall that I ran up against when working out the plot, and ultimately the tragedy of the story, is that he can't do that. And he doesn't have anyone to blame for it but himself.

Thank you for reviewing. I really glad you enjoyed the story. =^_^=

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	athenakt 2008-05-29 06:58 pm UTC (link)
	Good heavens; you killed me with this fic. It was wonderfully written, especially in that it stayed true to the characters and their emotions while giving them something good that lasted until it couldn't... and stayed true to the desolation that comes from the time after that. Totally killed me. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	vain 2008-06-02 03:31 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you. Being told that a story if true to the characters and is realistic is really the highest praise there is. Thank you for reviewing and I'm glad you enjoyed the fic. (Reply to this) (Parent)

accioslash
2008-05-29 07:45 pm UTC (link)

Ouch. Just....ouch. I've wanted to read a fic like this for a long time and now that I have, I doubt I'll be able to easily forget it. Sometimes something happens to you in life and you are never the same again. I don't think it's possible for these two to ever build a life together. Severus can't forget Lily and Harry can't be someone else even for Severus. It's unutterably sad, but very real. I found myself hoping something would change for one of them, but I think I would have felt cheated by a happy ending.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

vain
2008-06-02 02:15 pm UTC (link)

Thank you.

You're right, of course; Harry and Severus will never be able to have a happily-ever-after here, and--while it is because of their own shortcomings in some ways--one is hard pressed to say that it's really either of the faults. It is when it is, and sometimes things don't work out no matter how much we would wish to the contrary.

Thank you for your review and I'm glad that you enjoyed the fic.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

tsujton
2008-06-01 05:40 pm UTC (link)

Angsty goodness!

with many wonderful lines and concepts:
---
Severus looked back, his face as expressionless as the porcelain Death Eater's mask he used to wear.
---
That was his worst memory–not the prank, but hurting her, the one person who was always supposed to be safe and the one person he wanted to protect most of all.
---
Again, the circumstances contrived against him, forcing him ever deeper into Albus's machinations and the Dark Lord's scheming. He bowed beneath the madness of two different masters, each an absolutist in his own way. But if bowing meant sheltering Potter, then he would bow until he broke.
---
He could hear Albus breathing ever so faintly across the room. It sounded like leaves whispering down the streets in the autumn.
---
The Slytherin blinked, uncertain what to do in the face of this abruptly tea-less world
---

I especially loved your redeemed!Draco, but was (appropriately) heartbroken at his demise.

%$^$%^$#&#^% 'Ectus' >:(
But I loved this:
---
But in death, Draco had found both the peace and the respect he'd always craved in life. He was a hero of the highest caliber. He and Potter were both honored as saviors. And most of all, he'd seemed . . . ready when his ending came. Severus had been at his side at the time. He knew.
---

( a few type-o's to fix: He may not gain anything of value from the meeting, but at least he would get to see *sim* one last time. And, for reasons Severus did not really want to *indentify,* )

Wonderful fic!!!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	vain 2008-06-02 07:32 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you! Poor Draco; I rarely treat him kindly, but he's a fun character to work with. I always thought he deserved better than the write-off he got in Book 7. I'm glad that you liked the fic, though. And that you for the corrections. I'll be sure to incorporate them before I post to WTP. ^^ Thank you for reviewing. (Reply to this) (Parent)

aislinnsdair
2008-06-03 10:01 am UTC (link)

Oh, the angst in this is just perfect, and so very in character for both of them. For Harry, who has had to endure people constructing their own versions of The Boy Who Lived and never seeing him, a lover who also uses him this way is the ultimate betrayal. If he had decided to look past this betrayal and tried to stay in the relationship, it would have eaten away at his soul until he was nothing but a bitter shell. As painful as it was, I was glad your Harry was strong enough not to settle for something that would be so very unhealthy and antithetical to his own needs.

Severus, who had hope and a future standing right in front of him, telling him what to do to reach for happiness, chooses instead to hang onto his past because it is how he has defined his entire being. To let go of Lily would be to let go of himself, and as he said, he would be nothing, have nothing, since that is all he has allowed himself to be. My heart bleeds for this man who is so unable to see the futility of defining one's self by past mistakes and lost opportunities. This is exactly what would happen with the Harry and Severus of canon - well done!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

vain
2008-06-03 03:28 pm UTC (link)

Thank you!

It really is an impossible situation for both of them, and I have to agree with you: Harry's the only one of the pair who shows growth, even if that growth is only in leaving Severus. I imagine that someday he'll look back on this with wistfulness and bittersweet regret, but for now he just needs to get away from it. There's nothing good in this situation for him, and sometimes love is really not enough. Especially when Severus's reciprocation is always with reservations.

Thank you for reviewing and I'm really glad you liked the story.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

venturous
2008-06-03 06:18 pm UTC (link)

god, my heart aches too much to cry right now, but what an awesome fic you have here. I've read all manor of fabulous, fantastic tales, but this one, this Severus, this Harry, they are so REAL, so human, so flawed, and they can't get out from under it. This is exactly my experience with great love, and with family struggles and expectations and disappointments. It is so very tragic how Severus can actually make some progress toward expressing himself and it's not enough to change their trajectory.
I guess you opened my veins when you wrote: "love is not enough." Because after 25 years and many breakups and reunions, that is what my great love and I finally concluded.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	venturous 2008-06-03 06:21 pm UTC (link)
	BTW, I loved the subtle AU changes, particularly Draco's role, and Arthur as Minister of Magic. (and god forgive me, dead!Ginny) (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

(no subject) -

vain, 2008-06-05 08:09 pm UTC

seres_mimosa
2008-06-04 12:48 pm UTC (link)

I feel raw, wounded, bleeding and completely gutted. I'm desperately trying to rationalize some avenue of hope, of denial - but you are too good. You have covered all bases, presented a beautiful, gut-wrenching treatise and convinced utterly and entirely, with devastating finality. When HBP was released I was squicked by the implications for my favourite ship. I read to convince my self otherwise. I have never read a fic that has dealt with the issues as masterfully as you have.Harry accuses Snape of making him fall in love with him, I look back at the sly sweetness of those early times and I feel like crying. I cannot yell at Severus, I cannot blame him anymore (for destroying my happy ending as well as his own) because it's beyond him. I can only feel for him as strongly as I feel for Harry, if not more - because if any man ever deserved, nay, NEEDED a measure of peace, of happiness more it would be him. You broke my heart. (And made me give you full marks despite it :)

(Reply to this) (Thread)

vain
2008-06-06 10:33 pm UTC (link)

Thank you.

To be honest, I felt the same way at the end of Book 7, and sadly, it has led to a die-off in my interest in Snarry. A lot of times people ignore Severus's relationship with Lily or gloss over it or try to reinterpret or explain it conveniently away, but I think it's too important a part of his character to toss aside like that. I don't think that the relationship is impossible or anything, I just think this is a more likely ending.

XD;; Though, I should also confess to my hypocrisy by mentioning that I love a good, angsty Snarry with a happy ending. I guess if we stayed married to canon, we'd all be writing an easy pairing like Ron/Hermione or Draco/Pansy. Snarry is a pairing that you have to put some elbow grease into, but maybe that's why we gravitate to it.

Thank you for your review and I'm glad you liked the story.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	angelbabecj 2008-06-08 12:13 am UTC (link)
	This was a great angsty story. I loved seeing what such an important part of Snape's life as his love of Lily could do to a relationship with Harry, even though it was painful. I enjoyed the way you looped around too, starting somewhere near the end before going back to tell the whole story. Fab work :) (Reply to this) (Thread)

	vain 2008-06-08 04:23 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you. The Severus/Lily aspect of Severus's character gets glossed over a bit, I think, so I wanted to bring something that was (hopefully) unique to the Games this year. Thank you for reviewing and I'm glad you likes the story. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	sentrille 2008-06-08 01:16 pm UTC (link)
	Painful. My eyes teared up near the end when I realized that it really wasn't going to work out between the two of them. I'm not very fond of reading angst fics but I really loved this one. (Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) -

vain, 2008-06-08 04:24 pm UTC

loupgarou1750
2008-07-11 11:53 pm UTC (link)

You

Never

Fucking

Fail

To

Destroy

Me

Completely.

Why yes, I am still slowly making my way through Games fics. Good fucking Christ, woman! This was perfect in the way that (for me) Snape's death in DH was perfect. If it could happen at all this is how it would happen and how it would end. I love the, uh, I don't know what it's called, the repetition thing and how the same words mean two different things. As always, exquisitely done. As always, you own me heart and soul.

(Reply to this)

	szefi 2008-07-26 11:21 am UTC (link)
	You broke my heart, again, but well done:) (Reply to this) (Thread)

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vain, 2008-07-30 10:38 pm UTC

(Anonymous)
2008-08-02 11:20 am UTC (link)

Great, my mascara is smeared all over my face now.^.~
This story took forever for me to read, not because it was difficult or tiring or very long, but because I always read a few lines and then had to stop, put the laptop down, pace through my room and think about the possiblities for the rest of the story. I racked my mind about how you could make them both understand that Severus does see Lily in Harry, but not only, and how they could be together in the end.
And then I read the end and I just cried and cried. It's so unfair! They both hurt because of their breakup, but just don't do the right thing and get back together. I mean, honestly, Severus can't have seen Lily in Harry all the time. The way the whelp^^ wormed his way into Severus's life is just so ´Harry´... Severus, the old idiot, says it himself: The last years there were Harry's clothes in his wardrobe, Harry's shoes under his bed, there was... just Potter.^^
He does have feelings for Harry, so why the heck are those two dunderheads too stupid to talk and split up?!? Argh!
Sad endings always make me so... sad. And angry, because mostly it's their own fault that they don't end up happily ever after... I want a happy ending! *whines*
Well... anyway. The story is great. You made me think and rage and cry. Good job!^^
Bye, Sarah:-*
PS: I'm sorry for my bad English; I come from Germany and my school English didn't really prepair me for expressing myself...>_>"

(Reply to this)

iesika
2008-08-19 06:55 pm UTC (link)

I missed this somehow when it was initially posted, and am very glad I stumbled on it now. This is one of the best stories I've read in quite some time. I've reviewed it in my ij (which is really more a reference for me and a few friends than an actual rec site, but it's the thought that counts, right?). Forgive me the long comment, but I'm pasting the central body of the review here, because I want you to know just how much I liked this.

I'm always frustrated by the way fanfiction seems to always wrap up so nicely at the end. Stories of unrequited love are very, very rare in fandom. That makes this gem all the more special. I missed it, somehow, in the flurry of posting during the Snarry Games, and I only just stumbled upon it about an hour ago. This story is exactly what I've been hunting for some time now - It's dense and well written, with a lot of emotional impact, not plotty, exactly, but approaching it. The chain of events it depicts are presented non-linearly, and it unfolds rather strangely (in a good way, mind) from the middle, not the beginning or the end. It's an interesting device and it works really well here, drawing the reader into and odd kind of suspense, waiting to see how things got to that point and where the story will go from there.

What makes it a real treasure to me, though, is that it's story of unrequited love (which I am a sucker for) done just right. But it's more complicated than that. This is not a simple "boy meets boy, boy wants boy, boy can't have boy," (which would have been enough to make me happy). This is...something much better. Much better. Because it's much worse. Everyone's miserable at the end, just how I like them.

(Reply to this)

	unomesowell 2008-08-27 04:33 pm UTC (link)
	This was wonderfully tragic (Reply to this)

	(Anonymous) 2009-02-17 09:15 pm UTC (link)
	hi I know it's really late but where can I find more of stuff? I need to read more of your fics. (Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) -

vain, 2009-02-18 12:34 pm UTC

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