Excellent, Ginger! I really enjoyed this story. There was so much that made me snicker and laugh aloud :). The idea of Harry walking around with a giant phallic scorpion is hilarious to me. Snape's thoughts as a scorpion were appropriately in character and bitingly humorous.
"He was waylaid; they may have been female Weasleys, though the larger one sounded like a Hungarian Horntail whose nest had just been raided. I heard your name mentioned in rather unflattering terms." Best description of Molly Weasley that I've ever seen. I love how she's overbearing and plotting, and Arthur just agrees and moves on (or escapes). Ginny is shrewish, but then again, like mother, like daughter.
"I'll take all eight inches of you, Professor. Claws and sting and all." A perfect ending if I ever read one. Besides, I'm sure Harry will immensely enjoy the eight inches, and the claws, and the sting. *grins*