Comment pr0n - because Team Phoenix must
I don't do mpreg. You do all understand that, right?
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Harry stood in front of the mirror, holding his trousers open, one hand on his stomach. He twisted one way, then the other, then back again and again and...
"Stop." Severus dropped his hands on Harry's shoulders, preventing him from turning. "You're making me dizzy."
"I just don't get it."
"Perhaps if you tried to explain what it is that you don't understand?"
"This!" Harry slapped at his belly.
"What point are you failing to make?"
"I'm fat!" Harry wrenched himself out of Severus' grasp and turned sideways to the mirror.
He tugged on each side of his trousers' zipper. "Two months ago, these were too big. Then I spent weeks on end sicking up just about everything I ate after I caught whatever the hell it was that Teddy had. Now, instead of losing even more weight, apparently I'm gaining it."
"That's impossible..." Severus' voice trailed away. He walked around Harry, examining him closely.
"What?" Harry gritted out, hands fisting his trousers until the zipper teeth bit into his skin.
Severus dropped to his knees in front of Harry. Easing the fabric out of Harry's grip, he slid Harry's trousers and boxers down to his ankles. Palms flat, Severus caressed the soft skin, teased the line of hair that led from navel down to groin, rested his cheek against the slight swell of Harry's belly.
"I should have known," Severus snorted. "You are, after all, the Boy Who Lived to Defy All Expectations."
"Are. You. Going. To. Explain?"
Severus smirked. "Are you sure you want to know?"
"Yes, you git."
"You're not fat."
"Tell my trousers that."
"You're pregnant."
"Wanker." Harry burst out laughing. "You almost had me going there."
"Harry."
Severus' tone made Harry look down, actually see the way his stomach pushed out. He ran a hand over the curving line, checked it out in the mirror one more time. Then seized Severus' hair and yanked hard. "I'm going to kill you."