cocoa_cardigan (cocoa_cardigan) wrote in snark_n_bark, @ 2009-01-21 18:30:00 |
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Entry tags: | complete, regulus, remus, tybalt |
A Frank (maybe TOO frank) Discussion
Character: Regulus, Tybalt, Remus
Summary: Without their SOs, the boys have a talk about The Way Things Are, and it's not as comfortable as Remus might have hoped.
The Snape children were upstairs in the nursery with Nanny Stella, occupied with their daily lessons, which gave the grown-ups some quiet time downstairs. With the Snape brothers all at Azoth House, that left Regulus in the unusual position of being alone with both Tybalt and Remus, which was rare and a little unsettling. He had no trouble being alone with Tybalt, but he wasn't entirely certain how comfortable being around Remus - whom he still had trouble thinking of as "Remus" rather than "Lupin" - without one or more Snapes as a buffer. Despite the fact that Remus seemed to have accepted him, he couldn't quite forget the times they had clashed in the past, especially the times that had involved growling and threats of bodily harm.
But tea would help, and even if it didn't, at least preparing it would give him something to do, and so he went to the kitchen to fix tea and see if there was anything he could put together for them to nibble on when they convened around the kitchen table as they'd agreed to do. It had been Tybalt's idea, actually, perhaps an attempt at bringing togetherness to all parts of the ever-expanding Snape family, and while Regulus had planned to spend some time at the shop while Gaius was having bonding time with his brothers, he had agreed, not wanting to seem antisocial. It was, after all, important for all of them to get along.
"There should be lemon-ginger biscuits in the cupboard to the left of the sink," Remus said, entering the kitchen with a tray of dirty cups and plates from the children's snack up in the nursery. Lurch, for once, had a day off, and Remus hadn't wanted Nanny Stella's routine to be disturbed, so he'd offered to courier refreshments on the normal schedule. Regulus had offered to fix tea for the adults, while Tybalt, ever the outdoorsy type, had taken Wooster and Winslow for a walk.
He crossed to the sink and began to offload the crockery into it, before turning on the tap and adding a dollop of the dish soap Severus had made, one that wouldn't chap hands and dried the dishes instantly once they were rinsed. Glancing at Regulus sidelong, he smiled. "I don't bite, I promise," he said quietly. "And I do appreciate you coming over and joining us. I realize it must be odd for you with me around."
Regulus looked for the biscuits and found them where Remus had indicated, and he began plating them, glancing sidelong at Remus in return, surprised by the unexpected opening remark. "It is, yes," he replied, answering candor with candor. "As I recall, you did threaten to bite me once or twice. Something about ripping my throat out, if I remember rightly," he added, raising one eyebrow.
"Really? That doesn't sound like me. I'm such a mild mannered person," Remus replied, tongue firmly in his cheek. Then he sobered, sighing as he wiped at a plate with the dishcloth and held it under the running water. "I'm sorry for that, Regulus. It wasn't a reaction from my head, but my gut. And the wolf's gut. You were... a threat. To Severus, to Severus and me. Or at least that was my perception... and you have to admit, you weren't keeping the most desirable company at that point, nor had anyone had a chance to realize how much you had changed."
"I hadn't changed much at that point," Regulus said with a slight shrug. "It took me a while to realize that my hopes were futile, but I did realize it. I was never the one Severus wanted."
"And it took me a while to realize that you realized it," Remus replied. "As I said, I am sorry, and I hope that we can move past it. Not just for the sake of the family, either. I've had reason to regret a lot of my actions, or rather inactions, from my schooldays onward. Perhaps if I'd spoken up or done something, things between you and Sirius would have been better. I know I couldn't have fixed the mess that was caused by your parents, but I might have been able to mitigate it to an extent. Not just for Sirius' sake, but for yours as well. Seeing Severus and Serenus and Gaius together... it makes me realize what siblings should be to each other. I'm sorry you and Sirius never got to have that with each other."
Regulus went still for a moment, but then he shrugged again, one corner of his mouth lifting slightly. "After seeing them together, it makes me realize what things could have been like, too, but of all the things for you to regret, Sirius' relationship with me and how it did or did not pan out is not one of them. I think it's safe to say there is little to nothing you could have said or done that would have changed anything, especially not back then."
"Maybe not, but I should have tried." Remus placed a cup, now dry, in the dish rack, then turned to face Regulus fully. "You've heard of the butterfly effect, right? One small change, one difference, and it changes something else, which changes something else... Perhaps, if I'd been less passive, even if it didn't fix things, maybe it would have made enough of a difference to have kept you and Severus from joining the Death Eaters. No, I'm not trying to take responsibility for every bad thing that happened. I'm not a martyr, believe me. But I hope by admitting to you that I realize I made mistakes as well, you'll see I want to bridge the distance between us, to try to find a way for the two of us to not merely tolerate each other, but hopefully become friends. You're a part of this family, and so am I. The gulf between Severus and Sirius was just too much to bridge, and neither of them had the personalities to make an attempt. I'm hoping you and I are different. That perhaps we have more in common than simply loving Snape men."
Regulus turned to face Remus, regarding him with unvarnished surprise; the last thing he'd expected to hear was an overture of friendship, and he wasn't quite certain how to respond.
"Not being able to bring his partner home, so to speak, because of the rift between Severus and Sirius upset Gaius," he said slowly. "It made him more unhappy than he let on, I think, and he wants things to be different this time. He doesn't want to feel divided in the same way again, and I don't want to be the cause of him being torn between his family and his significant other again. For his sake, I would rather not be at odds with you, but friendship?" He shook his head, dubious about the prospect. "We'll have to see. Yes, we've both made mistakes," he conceded, knowing his mistakes were far greater than anything Remus had ever done or failed to do, "but I don't know that we have much more in common than our respective penchant for Snapes."
Tilting his head to one side, Remus lifted a brow. "We won't know if we don't talk," he said, giving a wry smile. "And yes, I know Gaius was upset, and I tried very hard to find some common ground, but it just wasn't meant to be. Severus not only didn't like being around Sirius, he didn't want our children around him, either. Eventually I gave it up as a hopeless case, but I like to think neither of us is as stubborn as those two. You've changed, I've changed... I think it's safe to say we are both very different men than the boys we used to be. Unless you resent me for Severus loving me instead of you; there isn't much of anything I can do about that, I'm afraid. And before you tell me you aren't stuck on Severus any more, I know that. But unfortunately, even if you don't feel the same way about him, it doesn't necessarily mean you have gotten over being angry at me for being the one he's with. I know a thing or two about Slytherins, having mated with one and given birth to another."
Regulus considered the idea seriously for a moment rather than blurting out a quick, unthinking denial. His past experiences had made candid discussions unheard of, but since moving in with Serenus and Tybalt, they had practically become a daily event, and he had grown more comfortable with honesty, even when it meant revealing his own thoughts and emotions - to an extent, at least.
"I did resent you," he said at last. "Perhaps I still do a little. I don't hate you, but I hadn't thought about liking you either. I suppose I thought cordial co-existence would do."
Remus chuckled. "Perhaps it will, and I suppose I'll settle for that, if it's the best we can do." He raked a hand through his hair. "I think we might do better, though, and I'd like to try." Lowering his hands to his sides, he gave a rather playful smile. "Has Gaius told you about the, um, closeness in the Snape family? I don't know if it will ever be suggested by anyone in regards to you and Gaius, but I can't say it won't be, either. It might make things awkward if you and I aren't on good terms."
Regulus' pale eyes widened slightly, but he managed to nod. "Gaius has told me about it, yes. I was surprised, but not appalled. I hardly have grounds for judging them when several branches of my own family tree are so tightly entwined," he said with a wry smile. Addressing the second part of Remus' remark made him shift awkwardly. "I... suppose it would be awkward, but at this point, I'm not certain it will be an issue. Gaius has indicated he has no desire to share. That may or may not change. I suppose we can cross that bridge if we come to it."
"All right," Remus agreed easily. "It's just something to keep in mind. I've not slept with Tybalt yet, either, but I suspect it's only a matter of time, particularly if Severus and Serenus wanted to watch us. But the closeness in the family is no illusion, Regulus; I have no problems with it when Severus wants to be with either Tybalt or Serenus, and he has no problems with Serenus and me. Perhaps you and I can't ever reach that level of closeness, but I'm not averse to making the effort."
Regulus glanced away, rubbing the back of his neck. Remus' words brought home the realization that even though he was part of the family, there was still a level of closeness and unity he wasn't a part of and perhaps never would be. He didn't begrudge Gaius the closeness he shared with his brothers, but he did envy it a little.
"If Gaius ever decides he wants to be with his brothers again, I won't stand in his way," he said quietly. "I know what they mean to him."
"That's very nice of you, but I doubt they would want to unless you were included," Remus replied. "This isn't about sex, or at least it isn't all about sex." He smiled reassuringly. "It's about closeness, and bonding, and trust. I'm not trying to make you feel left out or as though you don't fit in. Quite the opposite. I'm trying to reach out and invite you to find a way to be a part of it. I suppose what I'm saying is that I can honestly say I would have no worries about you and Severus having sex, if that was what you both wanted. I'd just like for you and I to have a relationship first that wouldn't make you feel awkward or uncomfortable with me, since chances are I'd be around, and I'd know. Maybe I've been a little forward in bringing all this up, but I know how things can get with Snapes, you see. We didn't plan it the first time Severus and Serenus and Tybalt and I ended up together, it just sort of happened. I'd rather be up front and honest about it with you, since you are part of the family."
Regulus could barely process the idea that Remus would have no problem with him having sex with Severus; he couldn't even begin process the idea of having sex with Severus. It was just too much, and if he let himself think about it, he thought it might break his brain for any one of a dozen reasons. Shunting that thought aside, he pushed his fingers through his hair as he tried to articulate a coherent response.
"Closeness, bonding, and trust are not my strong points," he said at last. "Especially not with someone with whom I've had a rocky past. All of this togetherness, this sense of family - it's new to me. I've had numerous adjustments to make in living with other people - lots of other people - and trying to maintain my first long-term relationship. I want to belong," he admitted quietly, "but it is difficult. I do feel awkward and uncomfortable with you, and I think it will take time for that to change." He shook his head, reaching up to rub his forehead. "I... appreciate your effort and honesty, but I cannot think about participating in something like that, even if Gaius would agree to it in the first place."
The truth he scarcely wanted to admit to himself, much less to Remus, was that the thought was daunting for more reasons than one. He had just rekindled his libido with Gaius, but he wasn't certain it was strong enough to carry over to other people. Tybalt had kissed him, and it had left him unmoved, which didn't bode well for his chances to muster interest in doing far more than kissing with Tybalt or anyone else but Gaius, and for all that he had extinguished the torch he'd carried for Severus, he thought any attempt at intimacy there, even if he could manage it, might do him more harm than good.
"I understand." Remus' voice was gentle, and he felt a twinge of conscience for unsettling Regulus, but he felt things were better aired now, in privacy, before Regulus walked into something he might find shocking. "I just wanted to let you know how things are and assure you that you aren't being somehow excluded, especially because of me. I know what it's like to feel like an outsider, and I know, from Severus, that with Slytherins, closeness is difficult, and so you might always feel like an outsider. But if you do, just be aware it's by your own choice. That's fine, because it is your choice to make, and no one is going to force you into anything. I just thought it was best to air all this now, before Serenus gets pregnant, because afterward... well, it's not entirely impossible you might happen upon something that you weren't expecting, like the twins shagging each other or the four of us together or something." He chuckled. "Trust me, this is probably as surreal for me in a way as it is for you, and I'm sorry for springing it on you suddenly, but the time just seemed opportune. The chaos has only grown since we linked the houses, and if Serenus manages to have another child, the chaos and overlap will only escalate."
Finishing up the last of the plates, Remus dried his hands on a towel. "For what it's worth, I'm glad you and Gaius found each other, and I'm glad you're in the family now. Any time you wish to talk to me, don't hesitate, and if you have a problem with me, it might be easier just to get it out than to bottle it up and let it fester. Now... how about that tea? I've run my mouth until I'm parched, and I know Tybalt will be frozen when he comes back with the mutts. Better double the amount of biscuits on that plate, too. Tybalt will probably think that's the serving just for him."
Regulus stared down at the plate of biscuits without really seeing it. He didn't make a habit of walking into areas of the house that had been designated as private, so he was at a loss as to how he could accidentally stumble across anyone shagging. Did they have plans for an orgy in the sun room, he wondered. Perhaps there should be a means of warning hapless intruders before they walked in on something they ought not walk in on in places where they didn't expect to be intruding. Or perhaps he and Gaius ought to consider getting their own place after all so there was no possibility of intruding. The others could do as they pleased, then.
He internally bristled a little at the entire responsibility of "choice" being thrust upon him, as if overcoming years of animosity and becoming bosom buddies with Remus Lupin was easily done, and now that Remus had apologized and extended an olive branch, it would be Regulus' fault if things didn't get better. Typical! He had to change and become something other than what he was. Hadn't he undergone enough major transformations for one lifetime? When was it going to be good enough?
But he voiced none of his thoughts aloud; he'd had enough of talking for one day, and he focused on the task at hand instead, needing a distraction from the overwhelming information he'd received.
"Right," he murmured, and he piled more biscuits on the plate and set about preparing the tea, letting the simple task soothe his turbulent mind.
At that moment, the kitchen door opened, and a criffler, a crup, and an Auror all burst inside, swept in with a gust of wind that stirred the curtains. The canines were dancing on eager paws, then Winslow turned and rushed off toward his bed, burrowing under his blanket. Wooster whimpered, looking up at Tybalt, and Tybalt laughed. "Go on, Winslow won't mind. Just don't touch his shinies."
With that, Wooster headed toward Winslow's bed as well, joining the other four-leg under the blanket. Tybalt snorted in amusement, then looked at Remus and Regulus. His cheeks and nose were rosy with the cold, and he shook out his long hair, which was a tousled mess around his face. "We had a nice run, but it's cold out there!" he said, shrugging out of his fleece-lined jacket. "What are you two up to? If there's tea, I'll be the devoted slave of whomever gives me a cup!"
"There is tea," Regulus replied as he poured boiling water from the kettle into a tea pot and dropped the strainer of tea leaves in. "Give it a minute to steep, and it will be ready. In the meantime, have a biscuit," he added, pushing the plate along the counter toward Tybalt.
"Regulus wins!" Tybalt beamed at Regulus as though he were the savior of the world, picking up two biscuits off the place and popping one of them into his mouth whole. He leaned back against the counter, looking between the two of them with bright blue eyes that missed nothing. "So, what have you been discussing? Or should I keep my nose short?"
Regulus smiled and shrugged negligently. "I've been given a few things to think about," he said in a tone that sounded far lighter than he felt.
"Ah." Tybalt didn't have to be told twice that whatever the subject had been, it was now closed. He was curious, though, because he knew Regulus and Remus weren't at all close, but something about the atmosphere in the kitchen seemed to indicate they'd been discussing Things. It was none of his business, of course, but he couldn't help feeling a bit of interest.
Pushing away from the counter, he grabbed one of the kitchen chairs by its back, spinning it around and straddling it comfortably as he popped his second biscuit in his mouth. "Well, since I'm here now, we can change the subject. What do you think of a pool in the new sun-room? Ever since I saw Severus' little oasis, I've been dying to get one for Azoth House as well, but one that can be shared by the whole family."
"I think it's a good idea," Remus said, picking up the plate of biscuits and carrying them to the table. He returned to the cupboard, opening it and pulling down three cups for the tea. "I like the water, and I'm sure the children will be over the moon, if you'll pardon the expression." He flashed Tybalt a quick grin. "You don't have to even ask about Severus, you know. As long as he has someone to fetch him foofy drinks and heated towels, he'll be all for it."
Regulus carried the tea pot to the table and placed it in the middle where it could be easily reached, and he took a seat. "It sounds like an interesting idea," he said.
"I would have thought the hedonists of the family would adore it." Tybalt grinned, giving Regulus a good-natured wink. "Unlike most cats, Gaius seems to like the water. I don't know about you, though. Do you swim? Or even like to lounge?"
"I am not much of a water person," Regulus replied, shaking his head. "I have never needed to know how to swim, and living in the desert for twenty years does not give one much of an opportunity to practice anyway."
"Well, then, we'll have to put in a sauna for you," Tybalt replied easily. "I want a hot tub as part of it, of course, and perhaps you'd enjoy that." He lifted the tea pot, pouring out for all of them before lifting his own cup and taking a deep swallow, heedless of the heat. "Oh, that's good, I was frozen. It was a lot warmer in Malaga, even if it wasn't what you'd call tropical this time."
"Did you enjoy your trip?" Remus asked, sipping at his own tea. "I need to get Severus there sometime, the way you and Serenus seem to enjoy it."
"It was great!" Tybalt answered with a wicked smile. "And it wasn't so cold that it kept us from enjoying the beach. Serenus cooked seafood over a bonfire, and that was warm enough for us to not mind a little nip to the air on our bare skin."
"It sounds as if you had a good time," Regulus said as he sipped his tea and reached for a biscuit.
"Oh, yes," Tybalt nodded. "I'm thinking about writing a book about 'How to Spoil Your Snape'. I think it would be useful for the significant others of the next generation, don't you? Snapes should be spoilt as much as possible, you know. It makes them happy, and when they're happy, we're happy."
"Isn't that the truth!" Remus laughed, amused by Tybalt's nonsense. He could see that Regulus was withdrawn, and he gave an internal sigh, wondering if he'd been a little toocandid. He'd simply gotten so used to speaking his mind with the family that he might have overdone it a bit, and he hoped he hadn't done more harm than good. "I like spoiling Severus, too. He deserves it after all he went through. Of course, Serenus keeps accusing me of having created a monster, but I've no regrets."
"He is very different from how I remember him as a young man," Regulus said. "But the changes seem to be for the better."
"I think he's more content," Tybalt said, taking another sip of his tea. "Not as angry all the time. Of course, I know he hated teaching, and having been his student for seven years, I only got to see that side of him. It was still sexy, though." He smirked at Remus. "He honestly had no idea what an object of lust he was among the students. Good thing, I guess, else he might have been even harder on us!"
"No doubt!" Remus shook his head with a smile, then turned to look at Regulus. "Your Snape was apparently quite a hit with the students, too. I seem to recall Gaius saying that he had several pairs of underpants, both male and female, left on his desk over the years."
Regulus listened quietly and focused on his tea and biscuits; he'd had his fill of discussing sex for one day, and he didn't particularly want to discuss how sexy Severus was for obvious reasons, but it seemed sex was one of the most popular topics in the Snape family.
"I'm not surprised," he said, mustering a smile. "I have no doubt Gaius was the object of many crushes."
"No doubt," Remus replied easily. He thought that Regulus' smile looked strained, but he wasn't certain if it was the subject of Gaius or the thought of someone having a crush on Gaius that bothered him. "So, are you and Gaius planning any trips anytime soon? It seems that the entire family enjoys traveling. I wouldn't mind some recommendations of the places you've been that you particularly like, Regulus. It's fun to have surprise trips to new and exotic places."
"No, we have no travel plans," Regulus replied. "As for recommendations, Gaius seemed to enjoy Luxor quite a lot, and it is a pleasant change from Cairo. I traveled extensively on the African continent in search of new merchandise while I lived there, and there are a few places I liked more than others. Madagascar, Morocco, and Ghana, for example."
"Africa would definitely be new!" Tybalt said, leaning forward across the table. "So, did you ever have any adventures while exploring the Dark Continent? Maybe I've watched too many Muggle films, but I could so see you dashing about like Allan Quartermaine in King Solomon's Mines. Although you're much better looking than Richard Chamberlain."
"Hardly," Regulus said, shaking his head and smiling. "I was never the adventuring type. My 'adventures' in the first war were quite enough. I stayed safely in the market places."
"Didn't you even go out on a safari?" Remus asked, obviously interested. "The exotic animals and such... or visit the small villages? I bet there are all kinds of interesting magics among the wizards there!"
"I'm sure there are." Regulus shrugged and sipped his tea. "It wasn't something that interested me, however. I'm a businessman, not a scholar."
"What's the most interesting thing you bought in Africa?" Tybalt asked. "Any shrunken heads or weird cursed diamonds?"
"Shrunken heads don't sell very well," Regulus said. "As for cursed diamonds, I hope not, but then again, perhaps that might explain a few things. Really, it was not all that exciting. Nothing like a Muggle film at all."
"Too bad," Tybalt said, obviously disappointed, and Remus reached over to tug a lock of his hair playfully.
"As if you don't have enough adventure, Mr. Big, Bad Auror," Remus teased him. "If you want some real adventure, let's go up and get the children and take them outside. I'm sure the twins would appreciate being tossed into a pile of snow!"
"I bet they would," Tybalt said, grinning. He drained the rest of his tea and rose to his feet. "So, Regulus, care to join us? Or have you had all the family togetherness you can handle for one day?"
Regulus smiled slightly, feeling like that was a loaded question in light of the previous conversation. "I will pass," he said. "I need to check on the shop. I'm expecting a large shipment any time now." It was true, but it was also a convenient excuse; it figured he would be barraged with questions when he was least inclined to talk, and he needed a break, time to clear his head and restore his equilibrium before facing the rest of the Snape family again.
"Ah, yes. Duty calls," Remus replied, rising to his feet as well. "Well, I hope things at work go smoothly for you. We'll see you later!" He gave Regulus a friendly smile, then turned and took Tybalt's arm as they walked out of the room. "We'll have to bundle them up well. I don't want Nanny Stella cranky because they all came down with colds."