earthy_charm (earthy_charm) wrote in snark_n_bark, @ 2008-09-06 21:22:00 |
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Entry tags: | complete, luna, neville |
Every man wants to be a macho macho man
Characters: Luna, Neville, and Jonathan Chandler (NPC)
Summary: Neville visits his colleague with human shield in tow
When Neville received Jonathan's owl inviting him to visit one afternoon, he was first excited by the update on the orchids, and then struck with the guilt of having thought the worst of his colleague. The appointment with Healer Abramowitz to test the baby's paternity was soon, and Neville felt sure that it would confirm what Luna and he suspected about Hebert's magic. It made his momentary suspicion of Jonathan feel all that more stupid and disloyal and it took him a few days of miserable debating to decide what he should do. In the end, he decided that a confession would do more harm than good, and the best way to atone for his suspicion was to return some of the friendliness Jonathan had always treated him with.
With that aim in mind, he asked Luna if she would like to go with him, so that Jonathan could finally meet the blonde who had stolen Neville's heart. Luna agreed to go with him, and so, after lunch on the day Jonathan had suggested, Neville pulled on the old fashioned doorbell outside the cottage Jonathan lived in. The six-foot gate that guarded the entrance to the gardens was just to the side of the front door, and it was over this gate that Jonathan's head presently popped.
"Neville! Glad you came. Glad you brought the wife - I've just finished digging a hole to dispose of her in."
As Neville rolled his eyes, Jonathan winked at Luna and opened the gate. "Come through," he invited them.
Luna blinked at the man who appeared at the gate, and a faint blush tinged her cheeks. Neville had spoken of his friend Jonathan several times, especially to complain about some flirtation or another, but he'd never mentioned his friend's second job to her. She'd only seen the the man's picture once, on an interview years ago, but she was sure she recognized him. Perhaps with a former teacher and friend who was a bestselling author, Neville had considered a pulp romance writer less worthy of introduction, even if that writer's works were a bit more... personal to them. Well, if Neville was going to ignore the fact that his colleague Jonathan Chandler was also Chandler Arbutus, writer of the purple-prosed novels that got her through her teens and Neville's current favorite author, she wouldn't make too much of it either. Just a little bit of it.
"I'm not sure if pushing admirers of your work into holes is the best way to be successful, but I suppose that's your choice," she said calmly as she stepped into the garden after Neville. She didn't think Mr. Chandler was serious, if only because Neville wouldn't knowingly take her into a dangerous situation, but she noted several low-hanging vines that could be transfigured into escape routes if necessary. "I'm not so easy to get rid of, anyhow."
Jonathan laughed at her retort. "Apparently not," he agreed, appreciating her sense of humour.
He was also pleased with the reference to his other line of work. He wrote under a pseudonym to keep his writing and research separate, but it sadly meant that he rarely got to talk with fans. "Any admirer of mine is welcome," he told Luna. "Of course, I would prefer it if your husband admired me for more than my orchids, but I concede defeat on that score."
With a dramatic sigh he led them through to where the specimens were awaiting Neville's attention. Neville himself was so eager to see how the new plants were doing that he had only paid cursory attention to what Luna and Jonathan had been talking about. The orchids were magnificent, and definitely a new strain. He bent over the plants, carefully examining them for any signs of blight. It was be a tragedy to lose them.
"If only he would pay that much attention to me," Jonathan thought aloud. He grinned down at Luna. "I wonder... is he that focused in the bedroom?"
"Oh, definitely. If he sets his mind -- or his tongue -- to something, he can keep going for hours," Luna said. "You know how he is when he finds a new plant or behavior, wanting to learn all of the hows and whys? He's like that with sex, too. It took a little while before he was really confident enough to ask for whatever he'd like or to just try it, but ever since then he's been -- "
She broke off her bright spiel when she realized that Neville had turned to look at them with an outraged expression, his face crimson. Belatedly, she remembered that Neville didn't like her sharing details of their sex life with other people. She spread her hands, palms up. "I, er. Seeing as I have a monopoly, the only way others will know what they're missing is if I tell them?" she said weakly.
"You don't have to tell him anything," Neville protested, pointing at Jonathan. "His imagination is embarrassing enough without giving him extra ideas!"
Jonathan laughed, stepping behind Neville to wrap him in one of his all encompassing hugs. "Surely I deserve some succour in my defeat. Luna has you all to herself, it's not fair that she should keep the details to herself as well."
Neville struggled to free himself, appealing to Luna for help. "See!"
"Oh, Neville, I do believe you've lost weight," Jonathan suddenly commented, his hands now resting on Neville's abdomen. "Looking good, but don't overdo it. I like a man with a bit of meat on him."
Luna couldn't help but laugh at seeing Neville held fast as easily as, well, as easily as he could hold her. "I love him no matter how he looks, but if he ever decides to lose weight intentionally, I hope he chooses a healthier method than sicking up everything he eats for a few weeks. It was the morning sickness, you see," she said, then clapped her hand over her mouth.
While she didn't mind sharing some parts of their life as much as Neville did, she honestly hadn't intended to be the one to tell anyone about his pregnancy. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her eyes wide with distress.
Jonathan blinked. "Morning sickness..." He looked down at where his hands held Neville. "You're joking!" With another bellow of laughter, he turned Neville around so he could get a proper look at the younger man. "Pregnant? Amazing!"
Neville blushed. His irritation at Luna spilling the beans quickly faded as Jonathan exclaimed over him. While he always found Jonathan's teasing attentions embarrassing, there was also a part of him that appreciated the care and kindness that under-laid those playful jibes. He felt annoyed at himself more than anything, for ever having doubted Jonathan's intentions.
As Jonathan stepped back, he reached out and took Luna's hand, squeezing it reassuringly. "Yes, pregnant," he confirmed. "It was the reason I was so run down the other week."
"Well, congratulations," Jonathan said. He shook his head in disbelief. "I'd heard that some male couples had managed to have children... Good on you, Luna, for making Neville do some of the work."
Luna squeezed Neville's hand back, relieved that he wasn't upset with her and that Mr. Chandler was taking the news so well. Her tranquility restored, she said, "I had told him that if he wanted another child any time soon, I would transfigure him into a seahorse so he could carry it, and unlike some people, I meant every word I said during labor. Neville missed most of that, so perhaps he should be doubly glad that he ended up carrying this one somehow. He doesn't have to be a seahorse and he doesn't have to find out what else I threatened to do to him, all in one go."
Not being a fan of women in general, Jonathan decided that Luna was his kind of girl, especially as her words had the effect of turning Neville an even deeper shade of red. He narrowed his eyes at Neville and put on a thoughtful pose, stroking his chin.
"You know, I think that a baby bump will suit him," he observed to his new friend. "I can just picture him lying on a sofa, swollen belly... You'll have to make sure he moisturises. That tattoo won't look so spectacular if it gets stretched out of shape."
"It will always look spectacular. It's on Neville." Luna stepped back from Neville and looked him up and down while chewing on on the inside of her cheek. It was strangely difficult for her to picture him several months along, but how much did that matter when it would be reality soon enough? "I'll remind you about moisturizing if you want though, Neville, since your tattoo is special and you probably don't want it any more stretched out than necessary. I suppose I'll have to get you some of that stretch cream from Alchemy and Ecstasy, since you're terrified of Mr. Snape."
Neville was beginning to think that letting Luna meet Jonathan had been as bad an idea when he had introduced her to Mrs Bramley - somehow these things always seemed to result in his embarrassment.
Looking down at himself, he wondered just how bad he would look when the baby really started to grow. He had never been happy that the softness around his middle wouldn't go, no matter how much muscle he had managed to pack on the rest of him. One of the nice side effects of the morning sickness had been the loss in weight. Unfortunately, that wouldn't last long and he grimaced at the thought of himself bigger than he had ever been.
"I don't think the results of this pregnancy are going to be as pretty as you two seem to think," he muttered. "As beautiful as Luna was, I think I'm just going to end up fat."
Luna raised her eyebrows. "Allow me to refresh your memory. I spent the first months looking like a skeleton with skin, then looking like a skeleton with skin and a quaffle stuck to my stomach, and then your memory of me had to be wiped and you didn't see me until those last few weeks. If the word 'beautiful' is involved in that, it's due to your biased opinion." She shrugged one shoulder, then stepped forward to give Neville a light kiss. "I thought you were gorgeous back in school, I think you're gorgeous now, and I'll think you're gorgeous when you're saggy and wrinkly and can't stand up straight anymore. Somehow I doubt that pregnancy will change my opinion any, even if you do end up podgy from it."
A smile crept over Neville's lips and he drew Luna back to him, so he could give her a kiss of thanks. A noise from Jonathan made him flush, but didn't make him pull away until he had been thoroughly grateful.
Jonathan sighed dramatically. "I can tell that it's going to be harder to get my kicks from Neville anymore. You're just too cute a couple. It seems all my digging has gone to waste."
Luna let her lips linger on Neville's a moment longer before turning to Mr. Chandler. "If you're so good at filling holes, I'm sure you'll think of something," she said, airily.
The grin that spread over Jonathan's face was something truly terrible and Neville clung to Luna. However, when Jonathan winked at him he couldn't help laughing. "Yes," he said. "I'm sure Jonathan is more than capable of coming up with something."
"I have my ways," Jonathan admitted, deliberately flexing the massive biceps which he always managed to show off to advantage via his predilection for colourful vests. "All right, then," he said after he had finished posing. "Playtime's over. Why don't you finish looking things over, Neville, while Luna and I get us some tea?" He planted a large hand on one of Luna's shoulders drawing her away from Neville with the gentleness with which he treated the plants he tended to.
Leaning down, he added for her ears only, "That way he won't interrupt when you tell me all about how he ended up pregnant."