Bearer of Bad Tidings Characters: Remus, Severus, Serenus Summary: Serenus has to explain. Follows this scene.
Although Serenus felt reasonably certain that Severus wouldn't say anything to make things worse for Gaius, he thought it might be a good idea to let Severus know how hard Gaius had taken Sirius' departure; it would do nothing to raise Severus' opinion of Sirius, but then again, nothing would, and if the knowledge helped Severus be a little more empathetic out of fraternal protectiveness, so much the better. Not to mention, Remus was likely upset about the loss of his old friend, and Serenus wanted to check on him too and see how he was doing. Thus he left the twins in Uncle Gaius' hands and took the Floo to the manor. No one was in the parlor when he arrived, but Lurch directed him upstairs, and he found Severus in the nursery with Gaia, changing her diaper.
"Sorry to interrupt," Serenus said, knocking on the door frame. "Have you got a minute?"
"Let me finish this," Severus said, deftly fastening the diaper and tugging down the folds of her dress. He scooped her up from the changing table and took her to her crib, but as soon as he placed her in it, she raised her arms and exclaimed, "Mama! Up!"
Serenus couldn't help but laugh, especially after seeing Severus' disgruntled look. "She calls you mama now?"
"Yes, she started during my transformation, and I haven't been able to convince her to revert to papa," Severus replied, reaching down to pick her up again and cradling her against his chest. She leaned against him, watching Serenus with a curious look that changed to happiness when he approached and bent to kiss her plump cheek.
"You're stubborn just like the rest of us, Miss Gaia," he said, grinning at her, and she grinned back, cooing happily at her uncle.
Severus gave a quiet little snort. "She will grow out of it. I hope." He raised a questioning eyebrow. "What did you want?"
Straightening, Serenus regarded him with a somber look. "I'm sure you've heard the news by now. I just wanted to let you know that Gaius is taking it rather hard. I know you wouldn't tell him 'I told you so', but he really does need a gentle hand right now."
Severus frowned, looking puzzled as if he couldn't make sense out of what Serenus was saying. "What news? What happened to Gaius?"
Serenus blinked, startled, and he floundered as he tried to think where to begin. "Didn't Remus get a letter from Sirius?" he asked at last. Surely Sirius had written; Remus was one of his oldest living friends, after all, and if he could spare a note for Serenus, surely Remus deserved an explanation too.
"I've no idea," Severus replied with a shrug. "I don't monitor his correspondence. He hasn't said anything to me about it if he did. What is this all about?"
Serenus raked his fingers through his hair, non-plussed and uncertain how to proceed. "It would have arrived in the morning post," he said slowly. "Is Remus home now? If he doesn't know, then I have a lot to explain, and I don't want to go through it all twice."
"Yes, he's downstairs." Severus held Gaia closer, feeling a sense of foreboding. Whatever news Serenus had to impart, it obviously wasn't good news if Gaius was upset and Remus would potentially be upset by it. He thought about returning Gaia to her crib and leaving her in the nursery, but Nanny Stella was still outside with Cymbeline and Lysander, letting them play on the grounds, and somehow, having Gaia to hold offered an odd form of comfort. "Come along. We'll probably find him in his study."
With that, he led Serenus out of the nursery and back downstairs in search of Remus.
Remus was indeed in his study, but he decided that what he really needed at the moment was a cup of tea. He'd heard footsteps on the stairs, first going up, and then two sets coming down, so he hurried out into the foyer to see who was visiting and if they might also like something to drink. Sure enough, he saw Serenus with Severus, and he grinned as he moved quickly to give Serenus a hug and kiss his cheek, and then he reached out to chuck Gaia under the chin and listen to her squeal happily.
"Perfect timing, you three. I'm parched! How about we go into the kitchen and..." Remus' voice trailed off as he noticed Severus' pensive expression, which was mirrored in a more pronounced fashion on Serenus' face. "Uh oh... you two look grim. Has something happened?"
"I'm afraid so." Serenus smiled ruefully. "I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, but I'd assumed you had received a letter from Sirius this morning. I came to make sure you were all right, not break the news."
"What?" Remus blinked in surprise, then reached into his back pocket to withdraw a folded piece of parchment. "I did get a letter from him. Some oddness about wishing me lazy afternoons and laughing children. I figured he was drunk or stoned. Seems since Lily and James came back, he's been reliving his misspent youth." He drew in a breath, steeling himself for the aforementioned bad tidings. "What's happened? Did he crash the bike?"
"No..." Serenus breathed out a sharp sigh, trying to figure out how to say what needed to be said. "Maybe we could sit down first?" he suggested.
"A good idea." Severus shifted Gaia to hold her with one arm, and he rested his free hand at the small of Remus' back, steering him to the parlor. "We may need something stronger than tea, and the liquor cabinet is that way."
A curl of dread formed in Remus' stomach, and he pressed close to Severus' side as they entered the parlor. His mouth was dry, and he perched gingerly on the sofa, facing Serenus with wide, troubled eyes. "It's bad, isn't it? It's not Harry, I hope! But... that doesn't make any sense, Sirius sending me a letter like that if someone was hurt." He ran a hand through his hair. "What is it, then?"
Severus sat down beside Remus and settled Gaia on his lap, and she played with the buttons on his jacket while the grown-ups talked around her. Serenus took one of the chairs by the hearth and sat on the edge, too unsettled to relax.
"I can't believe he didn't explain," he said, shaking his head. "He did to me and Gaius, at least. I can't speak for anyone else." He blew out another sigh and braced himself. "Anyway. That note. It was a good-bye note." He gazed at Remus with sympathy in his eyes. "Last night, Sirius went back through the Veil. Apparently, there was still a leak, and he thought his return would help plug it up. According to Harry, he was right."
"WHAT?" Of all the things Remus thought Serenus might say had happened - from injury to imprisonment to attacks by Death Eaters - hearing that Sirius had done that certainly wasn't one of them. He reeled back, shaking his head in denial. "He wouldn't do something like that! It's mad! Leaving Harry, and Gaius, and..." He struggled for words, but even as his lips tried to deny the reality, somewhere in his heart, he knew that it was exactly what Sirius would do, and the dread turned to pain. "Oh, no. Sirius, how could you? Why? WHY?"
Although Severus wasn't devastated by the news by any means, he wasn't insensitive to how much the mutt's loss would affect others in his life, especially Remus and Gaius. He slid one arm around Remus and tugged him closer, offering silent support. He wouldn't be hypocritical and pretend he was upset, although he did feel a slight pang over knowing Black was gone for good. It was, he thought, rather like having an aching tooth pulled. It was a pain in the arse to deal with while it was in place, but one still felt the hole when it was gone. Black had been an influence on his life since he was eleven years old, and while he could hardly say it was a good influence, even he couldn't deny their lives had been entwined far more than either of them probably liked.
"He thought it was what he needed to do," Serenus said quietly. He fished the letter he'd received out of his pocket and offered it to Remus, unconcerned about either of them seeing the part about the kiss-that-wasn't; he didn't intend to hide that from anyone except perhaps Gaius, who didn't need to know about it when his own grief was so fresh. "Read this, if you like. I've spoken to Gaius, and he told me that Harry confirmed the Veil was sealed and intact now."
With shaking fingers, Remus reached out to take the letter, scanning it quickly and then passing it back as though it were toxic. He drew closer to Severus, reaching out to touch Gaia, comforted by the presence of those he loved even as the aching sadness caused his vision to blur. "Oh, Sirius... He always acted without thinking! Brave, yes, but... What a waste. What a terrible waste." He didn't just mean Sirius sacrificing his life as he had, but also the fact that Remus had always thought there would be time. Later, perhaps, when there weren't children to be seen to and work and the myriad things that comprised their busy lives. He'd not been close to Sirius in the last year or so, but there hadn't been any reason to think that they didn't have decades in front of them.
Severus held his tongue, practically biting it in half to keep himself from launching into a tirade about the stupidity and rashness of Gryffindors in general and Black in particular; instead, he gave Serenus a look of appeal that was meant to communicate, "Say something compassionate and sensitive, damn it, because I can't."
Serenus caught the look and gave Severus a brief nod, knowing what Severus could say but wasn't out of respect for Remus' feelings. "It does seem rash," he admitted. "Then again, perhaps there wouldn't have been another way even if he'd stayed and searched for one. We'll never know now, but at least it wasn't for nothing. It's cold comfort, but he did save us. Saved our magic, at least."
Remus nodded, but at the moment, it was hard to think that any reason was good enough to make this better. Still, he appreciated Serenus' comfort, and he gave him a small, pained smile. His throat was tight, but his feelings about what had happened were far more complex than mere grief, and he couldn't break down, not now. There would be time for that later, when he could be alone to sort everything out. "How are Harry and Gaius and Faelan?" he asked, scrubbing at his face with both hands. "I know they must all be terribly hurt and upset."
"Gaius is shaken and very upset," Serenus replied. "He's at our house, actually. I left the twins with him when I came here. He doesn't want to go back to Haven's Loft just yet, and I don't blame him." He breathed deeply and let it out slowly. "I haven't spoken to Harry or Faelan yet, but I intend to." He paused, debating for a moment, and then he decided to say what was on his mind. "I don't know if you feel the same way I do, but if it's any consolation, I have regrets. I let our friendship slip away because I had work and my family, and it was easy to let other things go. It isn't entirely my fault, I know, but I do wish I'd made more of an effort now." He smiled wryly. "Life is short, even for us. This is a good lesson in not putting things off for me."
"I was just thinking something similar," Remus replied softly. He rested his head on Severus' shoulder and drew in a shuddery breath. "There was a time when Sirius was my best friend, then... well, we went through a crisis of trust which lead to him in Azkaban and me wandering the earth for a dozen years. Then he escaped, but... it was different. Azkaban changed him, but in some ways, he stayed the same, too, you know? Like he was still that restless young man looking for something he couldn't find, a restless soul trapped by circumstance and the war. Then..." he swallowed hard. "Then he was dead. Dead the first time, that is... and I thought I'd never get the chance to find the man who had once been my friend ever again. But he came back - and it wasn't the same. Not just because by then I was with Severus, either... sometimes it felt like he was stuck in time, just like before the Veil. Almost as though... he never got to grow up. He was a man, and yet I don't know if, deep down, he ever really got over everything that happened to him. Or maybe he was afraid... I guess now I'll never know." Remus gave a watery chuckle. "I'm rambling, aren't I? Sorry - I guess I'm still in shock."
"I think we all are," Serenus said quietly. "None of us were expecting this. We had no inkling, no warning, no time to prepare. It's going to take some time just to process that it's real, I imagine."
"Ramble if you like," Severus said, pressing a kiss to the top of Remus' head and rubbing his back soothingly. "It's better than keeping what you feel bottled up."
"Thanks... to both of you," Remus said, smiling at Serenus mistily and nuzzling against Severus' throat. "I should go to Harry... Oh, heavens, I didn't think... Are James and Lily gone, too?" His eyes widened. He'd not had much to do with the James and Lily who had come back; frankly, they felt indescribably wrong to him in a way he couldn't quite fathom, but to Harry, they would be the only bits of his parents he might ever know. "I have to see Harry, and Gaius too, of course. This is going to be worse on them than anyone."
"I believe they are gone too," Serenus replied. "And yes, I agree Harry and Gaius will have it worse than any of us. Faelan too, I suppose, although I don't know him as well or how close he was to Sirius. Fairly close, I assume. At any rate, this is definitely a time for us all to support each other as much as possible."
"Definitely." Remus sighed, not quite willing to move yet. Severus' warmth and life beside him were too much of a comfort, one he couldn't leave just yet. He lifted a hand, beckoning to Serenus. "Come here, you... if you don't mind. I think you could use some support, too, and Severus has strong shoulders. Don't you, love?"
"I do, yes," Severus replied, tightening his arm around Remus. In his lap, Gaia was dozing off, and he held her securely with his other arm, not surprised that Remus had immediately turned to thoughts of cuddling in his time of need.
"I don't mind," Serenus said quickly. He rose to his feet, but rather than settle beside Severus, he curled up beside Remus, wrapping one arm around Remus as well and snuggling close. "Much better," he said with a quiet sigh. He hadn't realized how much he needed this himself until Remus offered, and now it felt like a relief to his own spirit to have someone to lean on. He needed to return home soon to make sure Gaius was all right, and he was anxious to see Tybalt, but for now... For now, he wanted to be right where he was.
Remus murmured in pleasure as Serenus settled beside him, and he turned enough to be able to get an arm around Serenus as well. The three of them - plus the sleeping Gaia against Severus' chest - made a comfortable pile, and Remus sighed, letting the closeness of his loved ones ease the ache of the loss of his oldest friend. Soon he would go to comfort others, but for now, he gathered his strength and took comfort himself. As sad as the situation was and as much pain and soul searching as he would no doubt do in the coming days, for now, Remus was soothed by the thought that they still had each other and the love of family get them through.