|siriuslytrouble (siriuslytrouble) wrote in snark_n_bark,|
@ 2008-06-09 09:37:00
|Entry tags:||complete, sirius|
I don't know how to tell you all just how crazy this life (death) feels
Summary: Letters from Sirius
The following letter is found in the Department of Mysteries, on the floor in front of the Veil.
Harry's blocking job hasn't held. The hole is small -- about right for a mouse -- and next to the floor and would hardly show if it wasn't for the sparks given out by the magic as it's pulled beyond. I'm going to ignore the size difference and try to just walk through. If that works, I'll know that it really is me, like Stubby said -- or rather, the bond we created between us -- and that should end the problem. If it doesn't ... well, if it doesn't, you won't get this letter, because I'll go home and Floo you to help with research.
I'd ask you to take care of Harry, but there's no need -- you always do. Thank you for taking care of me, when I needed it -- both times. Have a wonderful life, and enjoy your little daughter and Ron's love. I'm sure you'll be happy together.
Your old stray, Sirius
Scribbled in a messier hand:
P.S.: Lily and James are with me, so if they vanish, let Harry know they're dead again. Lily says "and that we love him always", so that too. She thinks it matters less than he probably will -- the dead part I mean, not the love.
The following letters, found prepaid in the overnight box at the Diagon Alley post office, are sent out with the morning owls, standard delivery:
By the time you get this, I will be gone, back through the Veil to where I belong.
I'm sorry to have to leave you, but I have evidence that this failure of magic will keep happening if I don't, and between that and the world (for you and everyone else!) falling apart, it wasn't much of a choice. It seems my time was stolen after all. I don't regret any of it, but now that I know -- and I am sure -- I can't let the damage continue.
I enjoyed the time we had together more than I can possibly convey with mere ink -- perhaps in any way. I trust your resilience and your joy in life to bring you new love in time. Mourn me as long as you need to, but know that I begrudge you no joy in anything, now or ever.
I'll miss you, my sweet, sexy Cat.
P.S.: I left the shirt I was clearing brush in this afternoon in the basket by the fire. I thought Schatten might want to sleep there for a night or two.
I know we haven't been as close since you got over Ian, maybe because both of us stopped hanging out at the pub so much, but I am presuming upon your kindness to ask a favor. By the time you read this, I will be gone. I am fairly certain that if I walk through the Veil with adequate preparation, that I can seal the damage behind me as I go. Magic should stop draining from the world, and I expect the other dead will either vanish or slowly fade.
I would like you to look after Gaius and Harry and Faelan for me. I know you'd look after Gaius anyway, but the boys, especially, may have a hard time accepting my return to death. Harry may be three times bereaved, because of his parents, and he doesn't handle loss gracefully. Make him watch your kids, or something; that will keep him grounded.
I wish you all the best. If there is one thing that I regret from the last few years, it is not kissing you that night on the beach in Cornwall. Long term, I expect I would have made little difference to either your road or mine, but it could have been a worthwhile detour.
What would you do if our world was being harmed, and you could save it, but had to be willing to die in the process? For you, of all of us, I believe that is not a theoretical question. I doubt you expected to survive Voldemort.
Walking through the Veil will certainly be my death, but I am not certain that I shouldn't have died -- or stayed dead -- the first time. Stubby made it clear to me that the rift will reopen if I remain -- I've already seen the drain starting again. These last years have been stolen time. I don't regret them; I'll say I deserved them, even. One of my great joys has been watching you grow into a confident young man. I've seen you learn to cope with common day to day adversity, rather than just the epic sort. I've seen you became more expressive of your needs and your affections. I've seen you learn to bend, from time to time; a hard thing for either of us, which makes me appreciated it more as a skill. I hope you don't consider this abandonment. It's what I need to do, however much I love you. Because I love you -- and Gaius, and others -- there are so, so many people who matter in the world. You know that.
I'm sending this letter from London. By the time you get it, I'll be gone. I know that will hurt you, as will losing your mum and dad again, if they come with me or fade away afterwards, but remember the alternative, and please take care of yourself. Also, I have a favor to ask -- look after Regulus for me. We'd just got things settled between us, and I don't want to leave him feeling like he has nowhere to turn. He needs protection from Bellatrix, of course, but he also needs good company. Take him out, now and then; he likes flying. (Oh -- the bike is yours, now. She's parked in front of the Ministry, Muggleside entrance, and my will is in the left saddlebag. The charms should protect her from towing for a few days.)
Thank you for staying with me, and making an effort to learn all those scary things about people and civilized life. I know you'll find it well worth it; you already are. I think it was fortunate for both of us that I stumbled over you when you needed someone to care for you, and I needed someone to care for.
You're a wonderful artist and your magic is perfectly normal. Do what you love, and I'm certain you will have a happy and fulfilling life.
With love and pride,
I'm going back through the Veil. I think it's our best shot at fixing the damage I caused by coming back. I'm glad we got the chance to reconcile and to accept each other; I'm sorry we won't have more time to enjoy being brothers.
Demanding prat that I am, I'm going to ask a favor of you -- would you look after Harry and Gaius for me? They're both likely to take this hard -- Harry because he's lost so much, and Gaius because he feels things so intensely.
I hope you have a long and wonderful life.
Your brother, Sirius
Love ya, Moony.
May your life be filled with glorious romps, lazy afternoons, and laughing children.
All the best,