InsaneJournal

Choices and Changes
Characters: Gaius, Regulus
Summary: Two friends have a drink, catch up, and consider the perfect color for kittens.


Mid-February in London was hardly the warmest time of year, and Gaius was grateful for the warming charm he had thrown on his robes before leaving the cozy confines of Haven's Loft for a shopping trip to Diagon Alley. Cymbeline's birthday was fast approaching, and Gaius wanted to find his little niece the perfect gift, one that would distract her from her repeated questions about "Unca Gaius having kittens". It was, he thought, most unusual being around children who considered male pregnancy to be something quite unremarkable, and he now had sympathy for some of his female friends who had often complained about pressure from their families to produce offspring. Not only was the shoe on the other foot this time, it was actually on the other paw.

A kitten - a real one, not an Animagus - might be just the thing, though, and he paused outside the pet store, looking at the frolicking balls of fluff in the window. As he watched, a tiny little white kitten hissed and pounced on a much larger tabby, and he laughed at the ferocity. If that one had been black, it would have been perfect, but he wasn't certain if Cymbeline would be best pleased with a white one.

Leaning closer, he tapped on the glass, and the white kitten glanced up, blinking curious green eyes at him. "Hello, pretty girl," he murmured, smiling at the kitten. "Are you looking for a new home?"

"Looking for a bit of fluff on the side, are you?" Regulus' amused voice drifted from over Gaius' left shoulder, where he stood behind Gaius. He had come to Diagon Alley to get his wand checked to reassure himself that it wasn't the problem after his talk with Sirius about their mutual magical problems, and he happened to spot Gaius after leaving Ollivander's and decided to catch up with him and say hello.

Gaius straightened, turning with a smile to look at Regulus. The expression faded, however, as he took in the lines of strain on his friend's pale face. Obviously Regulus wasn't doing well, and Gaius' dark eyes were full of concern, even as he kept his tone light. "She's cute, but I'm not into females, no matter what the species," he replied softly. Reaching out, he touched Regulus lightly on the shoulder. "It's been a while since I've seen you. I'm sure we have a lot to catch up on. Do you have time for a drink?"

"As it happens, I do," Regulus replied. "But let's not go to the pub. I have better alcohol, and we can speak more freely at my flat."

"Sounds good to me," Gaius said, pleased by the invitation. "The only other alternative is the ice cream shop, and it's too cold." The white kitten pawed at the window and gave a soft "Mrrrow!" to get Gaius' attention, and he waved at her. "Sorry, sweet girl, but I have other business right now."

Regulus glanced at the kittens in the window, one corner of his mouth quirking up as he watched their antics; they were cute - there was no other word for it - and although he preferred elegant objects and surroundings, even he was not immune to the charm of a romping, boisterous kitten. "Were you just looking or intending to purchase?" he asked. "Although I would have thought between a dog, a cat, and a werewolf, your house had quite enough fur flying already."

Gaius nodded, glancing back at the kittens for a moment. "Actually I was thinking of buying one, but not for me - for Cymbeline. Her birthday is coming up in two weeks, and I thought she might like a kitten, since she, um, keeps asking me when I'm going to have one for her."

That coaxed a startled laugh out of Regulus, and he stared at Gaius in disbelief. "Well... I suppose it does make sense in a way. Both of her fathers and one of her uncles have all carried babies, so now it's your turn." His pale eyes were alight with mirth. "Although when you have a litter, do consider giving me one of your offspring as well," he teased.

Gaius scowled in a manner that was one hundred percent pure Snape, although his eyes flashed with amusement. "Bite your tongue!" he admonished his friend, then turned away from the pet shop, pointing down the street. "Come on, let's go before you make me ill with your horrible suggestion! I've no more desire to be a baby - or kitten! - incubator than I do to experience the charms of the opposite sex." He started to walk down the street. "So how have you been?" he asked. "It's been a long winter. I shall be more than happy when it's finally over."

Regulus fell silent as he walked beside Gaius, and he shoved his hands into his pockets, his expression pensive. "I will be glad when a great many things other than winter are over," he said tersely.

"Oh?" Gaius shot Regulus a sidelong glance, realizing that something serious indeed must be affecting him. He impulsively stepped closer, draping a companionable arm over Regulus' shoulder. "I shall ply you with liquor, and you can tell me all about it - and I'll help, in any way I can."

Regulus glanced sidelong at him, thinking about what Sirius had said about Gaius being a good source of comfort and wondering if it really was as simple as Sirius seemed to think it was to forget the past and all the various complications inherent in his relationships with nearly everyone he knew. It wasn't in his nature to be straightforward, but then again, he wasn't the same person he had been when he was Sorted into Slytherin; perhaps it was time for a little simplicity in his life, and it all started with trust.

"It isn't anything to discuss on the street," he said at last. "It's best to take the quickest means this time, I think."

Without waiting for agreement, he slid one arm around Gaius in return and Apparated them both to the corridor just outside the wards surrounding his front door; it took only a moment for him to unlock the door and let Gaius past the wards, and once they were both inside with the door securely locked and the wards in place behind them, he took off his cloak and headed straight for his liquor cabinet.

"Make yourself comfortable," he said, waving at the sofa. "I have wine, brandy, whiskey. Name it, and likely I have it. Do you have a preference or shall I surprise you?"

Gaius was slightly surprised when Regulus Apparated them, but he went with it, smiling as he entered the flat. He kicked off his shoes as he sank down on the sofa, tucking his legs up under him and relaxing back against the cushions. Regulus' style was as hedonistic as one would expect, Egyptian themed with a decadent number of pillows that invited one to lounge. He knew that Regulus was tense, and something unpleasant was bothering him, but he couldn't help but relax a bit, glad that Regulus had suggested this instead of the pub.

"Surprise me," he said. "I trust your taste."

"Very well, then." Regulus retrieved a couple of snifters and poured a generous amount of brandy for himself and for Gaius, and he carried the glasses over to the sofa, offering one to Gaius. "There you are. I would offer something to eat, but you might lose your appetite after you hear my news, so I will wait before bringing out anything edible."

"Thank you." Gaius accepted the snifter, then patted the seat next to him. "Well, then, you'd best sit and ruin my appetite now. I can take it." His voice was light, but his eyes were full of concern.

Pausing to remove his shoes, Regulus sank down onto the sofa a polite distance away from Gaius and took a deep swallow of brandy before launching into his explanation.

"I received an unpleasant gift from my cousin," he said at last. "Her own twisted version of a valentine to let me know she hadn't forgotten me." He gazed down into the depths of his brandy, remembering the grisly sight and shuddering; he had never been tempted to obliviate his own memory before, but he would do anything to erase those memories from his mind. He would not do it, however; he needed to remember what a monster she was, and Masud deserved better. "Do you remember meeting my friend Masud in Cairo?" he asked, glancing at Gaius. "He's dead thanks to her. She cut out his heart and sent it to me, still beating."

Gaius' eyes widened and his mouth fell open as horror washed over him. "Oh no, no..." he said, shaking his head in denial. "That's... horrible. Poor Masud! Poor you! Oh, Regulus, I'm so sorry. I knew she was depraved, but this is just inhuman." For all that he had suffered at her hands, Gaius found what she had done to Regulus to be far more horrific.

"She's mad," Regulus said flatly. "Utterly mad and evil. Still, I can't help but feel responsible. He was a good man, and he did nothing wrong; his only mistake was in being my friend and ex-lover. She found him somehow, and she killed him for no other reason than to let me know I'm not safe anywhere. He didn't deserve that, and if he hadn't known me..." He trailed off and shook his head. "What if she targets other people I care about? Masud's death is on my head as well as hers. I have enough regrets because of my own unfortunate past; I don't want more."

"No!" Gaius paused to put his brandy down on the table, then reached out to take one of Regulus' hands in his, holding it tightly. "This is not your fault, in no way! He didn't deserve it, you're right about that, but the blame in this situation is entirely on her, not you. She attacked me because I am Sirius' lover, but I don't blame him for that. I blame her completely. We all take chances in this world, and you had no way of knowing that she was capable of such depravity. There was nothing you could have done, nothing at all. You mustn't hold yourself responsible for something she did!"

Regulus mulled over what Gaius had said, allowing himself the small comfort of his hand in Gaius'. "I suppose you are right. It is simply difficult to think about anyone being hurt or killed for no other reason than their connection to me." He paused and shook his head. "I find it all difficult to think about," he continued quietly. "Yet I can think of little else. She haunts me, waking and sleeping." He glanced at Gaius again. "I imagine you understand what that is like."

"I do." Gaius shivered, remembering his own ordeal at Bellatrix' hands. "There is no rhyme or reason to what she does. Random acts of violence and senseless slaughter. She is pure evil, and all we can do is protect ourselves and hope the authorities can bring her to justice. They are trying, you know. It's hard to wait, and I know how frustrating it is to live every day knowing that she is out there, and that you or someone you love could be the target. I live with that fear as well. But I refuse to let it master me; that's what she wants, you know. That's why she is doing what she is. Control. As long as she knows you will behave differently because of her, or that she can force a reaction from you, she feels as though you are under her thumb."

"That does seem to be a likely motivation," Regulus acknowledged with a wry half-smile. He gave Gaius' hand a squeeze and released it in favor of downing more of his brandy. "I have found it quite difficult to remove myself from her influence, however. A weakness I will have to make an effort to correct. I suppose..." He breathed deeply before confessing something he had never spoken aloud before. "I suppose her hold over me is the fear of what might happen should she capture me again. I could accept death, but she has a worse fate in store if I refuse her, and knowing what she will do if she doesn't get what she wants, I don't know if I can trust my own strength to resist her."

Gaius nodded. "I understand that as well," he said, picking up his own brandy and taking a deep swallow before biting his lip. "Let me tell you something, something that only Severus knows about. After what happened, I had Severus help me out with a bit of magic, something which might seem ridiculous to some, but... well, I can't even tell Sirius, because I know he wouldn't understand. I have a hollow tooth, full of a painless, fast acting poison of Severus' devising. It's magicked so that it can't be detected, and only I know the mechanism to release it. But if she or anyone else ever gets hold of me again, I won't have to suffer. I understand about fates worse than death, my friend. I believe in life, but I am not afraid to die. I am, however, afraid of being tortured. But it's never going to happen again, because I've taken the control away from her."

Shocked by that disclosure, Regulus stared at Gaius in silence for a moment, but he was merely surprised that Gaius, who seemed so carefree and cheerful, had been willing to resort to such measures, not appalled by the fact that Gaius was willing to commit suicide rather than endure Bellatrix's mad, merciless torture again. He was pragmatic, and he saw the sense in taking such measures quite clearly.

"I wonder if Severus would be willing to create such a thing for me," he said at last. "Perhaps I will ask him. It would relieve my mind to know I have another option should it seem rescue is not possible."

"I think you might find it helps put a different perspective on things." Gaius' smile was wry. "I truly hope I never have to use it, but I will if I must. I suspect Severus would be quite willing to help you as well. He's very practical, my brother. And of course, he saw much ugliness in the course of two wars, including the worst that Bellatrix is capable of. Odd to take comfort in knowing that my death is in my own hands, but it does help. I hope, for Masud's sake, that his death was as swift and painless as I know that mine will be."

"As do I," Regulus said. "I will try to convince myself that it was." He finished off his brandy and rose to refill his glass, bringing the bottle back with him and setting it on the low table in front of the sofa. "Murder aside, the most unsettling thing is that she has made it clear I am no longer safe at home anymore. That was my one comfort: I could return to Cairo and escape all this. Not so any longer," he said grimly.

Gaius refilled his own glass, the warmth of the brandy helping to alleviate the chill of their conversational subject. "That is unfortunate," he said, his voice full of sympathy. "I felt safe in Egypt with you as well. Her evil seems to know no bounds. I'm sorry you continue to suffer at her hands, but rest assured you are not alone. Sirius is there for you, you know, as am I. Anytime you need me, I will help you however I can. Even if it's just to lend an ear, you must feel free to call me, all right?"

It was not the first time Regulus had heard such sentiments in the last few days, and as difficult as the idea of asking for help or confiding in anyone was, he was beginning to believe perhaps his situation was not as bleak and isolated as he had thought it to be.

"Very well," he said. "I do appreciate the offer. I shall contact Severus soon as well. Any sort of control I can wrest back over my own life is welcome."

"Good." Gaius nodded, pleased that Regulus was willing to accept help, or at least acknowledge it, rather than brushing it off. Regulus was such a private man, and even though they were friends, Gaius sometimes felt as though he must be careful not to push too much intimacy on him. While not as prickly as Severus, Regulus seemed to share some of his reserve, although Gaius wasn't certain if it was a product of natural inclination or simply what both Regulus and Severus had suffered because of their affiliation with Slytherin and their respective histories in the wars. He did know that he liked Regulus and had felt a connection to him from the start; for that reason, even more than the fact that he was Sirius' brother, Gaius wanted to help Regulus in any way he could.

"You and Severus and I should go out to dinner again sometime," he continued. "I enjoyed that a great deal. I suppose it seems rather mundane to consider such things after what you just went through, but I am also a firm believer in life going on. It's another way to keep control in your own hands - continue doing what you would do and refuse to let her make you a prisoner, either in your own home or, even worse, in your own mind."

That, Regulus knew, was something he had done, but his mind had been more at ease since his visit with Sirius; clearing the air with his brother had helped, and while the demons were not entirely dispelled, they were quieter now, and he felt less alone.

"We should, yes," he said, lifting his glass slightly in Gaius' direction. "I should get in touch with Serenus and his partner soon as well. It has been too long." He paused, going quiet for a moment. "I confess, I have let various fears hinder me. Whether they were all real or imagined, I have yet to sort out, but perhaps it is time to do so."

Gaius beamed, glad to see that some of the strain on Regulus' face had eased. He raised his glass as well. "It is indeed time. You are a social creature at heart, just as I am, and you shouldn't lock yourself away because you won't thrive. I'm certain Serenus and Tybalt would love to hear from you. They've been very occupied with their twins, but fortunately, they have a doting uncle who is more than happy to babysit. You should see those boys. The eldest is Severus all over again, only with blue eyes. Cymbeline seems fascinated by him."

Regulus could do nothing but nod agreement; he was a social creature, or at least he had been prior to encountering Bellatrix, and while solitude was all very well and good in moderation, isolation did not truly suit his nature. It was but one way of many in which he and Severus were ill-matched, as much as he once might have wished otherwise; he doubted he could have drawn Severus out enough to suit him and he would have made Severus miserable in the process. Likely it was his self-imposed isolation that had caused him to dwell on his problems overly much and let fear dictate his behavior. He didn't know if Serenus had any real interest in socializing with him or if any overtures would be met without suspicion about his motives, but they had made peace, and there was nothing to be lost by trying.

"Then it sounds as if like does indeed attract like, because Cymbeline reminds me very much of Severus," he said at last. "Proud and strong and yet not without vulnerability. Then again, she wouldn't be a Snape if she weren't made up of fascinating contradictions."

Gaius flushed a little at that, not certain if his status as a Snape indicated that Regulus included him in that observation. "She is indeed her Papa's daughter. Changing the subject slightly and going back to what we were discussing before, if you felt like taking another trip, I would be game for accompanying you. Spring holidays are coming up, and Sirius is so often called away on jobs, I wouldn't be surprised if I ended up with several free days. You were wonderful company in Egypt. Have you a desire to travel anywhere else?"

Swirling the brandy in his glass, Regulus considered the question. "Nowhere in particular," he said. "Although getting out of London for a few days would be a welcome break. Is there anywhere you wish to go?"

"Hmmm..." Gaius shrugged a bit. "I was thinking Greece, perhaps. I've not been there. Or maybe Japan, which Severus and Remus have recommended highly. Have you a preference?"

"Greece, I think," Regulus replied. "We could visit the beaches and perhaps consult an oracle. I would not mind finding out whether I am destined for better days than these eventually."

"That's a wonderful idea!" Gaius beamed, pleased that Regulus was interested in that particular destination. "I could do with some warm weather about now. We could visit the Parthenon as well. I've always wanted to see it. I'll get some brochures, shall I? Then we can find a hotel and figure out what we'd like to do."

Regulus raised one eyebrow. "Do you plan to drag me to the fleshpots again and make me watch your debauchery while I sit by and fight to keep my virtue intact?" he asked with faux-innocence.

"It would be much more fun if you were enjoying some debauchery of your own," Gaius replied, reaching out to smack Regulus lightly on the arm with his free hand. "And yes, I fully understand about why you have withdrawn from intimacy, but you can't live the rest of your life without touching anyone else. If you're still worried about your appearance, perhaps Severus and I can help with that, too."

"I have already used some of Severus' salve, and it did indeed help, although it couldn't remove all of the scarring, only diminish it." Regulus absently reached up and touched his cheek. "But my appearance is not the problem. I simply no longer have much interest in sex." He shrugged and took a sip of brandy. "Perhaps that would change if I developed an attachment to someone, but casual sex has no appeal for me."

For a moment, he considered confessing to having slept with Harry, but Harry and Gaius lived together, and Gaius might not want that knowledge in his head when he looked at Harry, and besides, Regulus still didn't particularly want that information getting back to Sirius in case brotherly affection didn't stretch quite far enough to cover a "my brother had sex with my godson" scenario. He wasn't ashamed of what they had done, and he was glad he had been able to help Harry, but he wasn't ready to rock the boat quite so hard yet. If nothing else, however, his time with Harry had assured him that he wasn't harboring any crippling insecurities about his appearance that were keeping him from pursuing other interests.

"Understandable. Regrettable, perhaps, but understandable." Gaius looked at Regulus soberly. "Serenus went through something similar, actually, after his fiance - er, his previous fiance, not Tybalt - left him at the altar. It took poor Tybalt months to talk Serenus into just agreeing to date, and even after that... well, it's private, but let's just say Serenus seems to have gotten his mojo back at last. I suspect you will, too, when you find the right person. I just hope you don't resist the way Serenus did!"

"I would not say I'm resistant to the idea of finding someone," Regulus said, shrugging again. "But it isn't a priority either. I loved one person for a very long time, and while the torch has been extinguished at last, I am in no hurry to put my heart at risk again. I imagine it will be difficult to find someone to satisfy my exacting standards anyway. Severus is a rather hard act to follow."

"He is... unique," Gaius agreed quietly, then gave a lopsided smile and shook his head. "I don't mean to disparage your feelings for him, either, but you may have romanticized things a bit, don't you think? You were away from him for a long time, and you did have other lovers. I don't know, but... well, was it safer to cherish a love from youth to keep your heart safe, rather than looking for someone else in all those years?"

"No," Regulus said firmly, his tone brooking no argument. "When I knew him, Severus was an angry, bitter, irascible bastard who was prickly at best and icy at worst. I loved him anyway, and I convinced myself that he wouldn't find anyone else. I intended to return here when it was safe - return to him. It wasn't part of my plan to find him happily mated to Lupin. I thought I would find him as I left him with nothing changed, and the way would be open for us to be together at last." He drew in a deep breath and downed the rest of his brandy. "I was too late. Or rather, I could have been gone two weeks rather than nearly two decades, and it would not have mattered. He was meant for someone else, and it has taken me some time to make my own peace with a long-cherished dream being shattered. I have done so, but..." He shrugged and put his glass aside, not wanting to move from relaxed to tipsy. "But Snapes are rather difficult to forget."

"Severus is, at least," Gaius agreed. He'd had no idea that Regulus' feelings for his brother were quite so strong, and it went a long way to explain Remus' overt hostility to Regulus, which Gaius had always considered a bit extreme. No doubt Remus sensed Regulus as some sort of threat, and perhaps his acceptance of Regulus now was as much because of Regulus' feelings having at last changed as it was over the incident with Cymbeline. "Don't give up hope yet, though. I have no doubt there is someone out there meant for you as well. Not everyone finds their soul mate at a young age. Sometimes it takes many years and even a move to a different country."

"Like you and my brother." Regulus nodded, and then he smiled wryly and shrugged. "We shall see. Alas, I have missed my chance to have a Snape of my own, and I will have to adjust my expectations accordingly if I ever find myself wishing to leave my bachelor state aside."

"Yes," Gaius agreed softly. He opened his mouth as if to say something else, then closed it again, thinking better of making any observation about the Snape issue. He took another sip of his brandy, then stared down into the glass. "Well, even if casual sex has no appeal, you can at least enjoy yourself, right? Not all relationships have to end in sex, after all. Sometimes it's fine to enjoy someone's company for the mere pleasure of being with them, isn't it?"

"That is indeed what friends are for," Regulus agreed. "I think perhaps that might be an easier matter to manage than sex and love. Besides, after what happened with Masud, I am not quite certain it would be wise for me to take a lover at this point anyway."

Gaius winced slightly. "True, or at least to an extent," he said. "But I know that one day, you'll find the right person. Hopefully we'll have removed the Bellatrix problem before that happens. Then we'll all sleep easier. In the meantime, however, we must all go on living, despite her threats. Otherwise she's already won, and I have no desire to hand her a victory, no matter what risks I must take. You're no shrinking violet either, Regulus. You refused to live in fear of the Dark Lord, and I know you won't let her control you, either!"

Regulus inclined his head slightly and gave a one-sided smile. "We shall see. So - have you decided about that kitten yet?"

It was not the most subtle change of subject, but he was ready to move on from the topic of Bellatrix and his ability to remove himself from under her thumb when he wasn't entirely certain of the answer to that question himself.

Gaius took a sip from his glass, mulling over the change in subject, but deciding not to press. "No, not entirely. I am not certain Cymbeline would like a white kitten, although I must say that little fuzzball had a lot of personality, possibly even enough to make up for being snow colored. You've met my niece. What do you think? I don't want to have a scene on my hands if she decides the kitten is less than perfect."

Regulus considered the question, thinking about what he knew of Cymbeline, which was a fair bit at this point; he had met Severus for tea a few times over the last few months, and Severus had brought Cymbeline along two or three of those times. She had sat and had tea with them, displaying all the gravid dignity of visiting royalty, listening to their conversation somberly as if it were of utmost interest to her, and when they brought her into the discussion, she had been lively and entertaining to listen to - far more than he expected a child to be.

"I think she would be less exacting than you might expect," he said. "From what I can tell, she is very much like Severus, who is a perfectionist and has exacting standards about some things, but not where gifts are concerned. They seem to share a belief that any gift is a good gift, and I think she would be satisfied even though the kitten is white rather than black. A flaw, to be sure," he said dryly, "but not an inexcusable one."

"Perhaps you're right," Gaius replied, mulling over Regulus' observations. "Perhaps I am worrying too much over giving the perfect gift and not crediting Cymbeline with being as good a child as she really is." He grinned. "Yes, I think I'll get the kitten for her. Perhaps it can be a joint gift from you and me, since I might not have bought her if you hadn't given your opinion."

"No, you should receive full credit for that," Regulus replied. "With Cymbeline and her parents. I will stick to something safer, like a toy broom or a new doll - something less likely to make me end up back on Lupin's bad side."

"If you prefer, but Remus' opinion of you has definitely risen since you returned Cymbeline to them." Gaius gave a rueful smile. "It's almost a perverse sort of compliment in a way, that he considered you a threat. But I don't believe he does, not anymore. You proved yourself, so I think it would be safe enough."

"Perhaps," Regulus said, "but I would prefer not to take any chances." He raised one eyebrow, looking at Gaius with a hint of his old mischievousness. "If there are any repercussions from giving Cymbeline a young boisterous, and fur-shedding pet, they should fall upon the head of the mastermind, not be diffused to innocent bystanders."

"Drat - you have seen through my evil plan!" Gaius said, placing a hand over his heart and rolling his eyes dramatically, very pleased at the way Regulus seemed to be regaining his old sense of humor. "Very well, I suppose I'll just have to take my chances at having Severus kill me for my impertinence. I shall have to leave you something for your generosity in my will. Something old and ugly that you won't be able to get rid of because of your sense of guilt, but will annoy you immensely every time you have look at it."

Both of Regulus' eyebrows climbed at that, and he gazed at Gaius with admiration. "Very Slytherin of you. Congratulations. I must wonder if it is genetic or if Severus has rubbed off on you."

Gaius' eyes sparkled with wicked amusement. "The Snape brothers don't exactly have a completely fraternal relationship, do we? Although I will neither confirm nor deny if Severus has, um, 'rubbed off' on me. I don't kiss and tell. Or anything else and tell, for that matter."

"A good try, but I am not fooled." Regulus shook his head. "I know how Severus and Sirius feel about each other, and I doubt Sirius would be quite so accepting of Severus 'rubbing off' on you."

"Alas, you're a wise man," Gaius said with a sigh. "I must say, it's been difficult walking a line between my brother and Sirius at times. Not that either of them has intentionally made it difficult for me, mind you, but there are times where I would like to bring Sirius along on a family outing, and I know that it's impossible to keep him and Severus from bickering. Sometimes I wish to smack both of them, but there's no point, really. I'll never be able to change either of their minds, so I simply have resigned myself to having what amounts to two separate families."

"It is unfortunate," Regulus agreed. "And I do understand. Severus is not best pleased at having lost an ally in me, and it is odd being in the position of brother to one and friend to the other. But you are right in thinking you will never be able to get them to reconcile, much less co-exist amicably. It would take a miracle or an Obliviate spell to manage it, but it can't be easy for you to be caught in the middle, I'm sure."

Gaius shrugged. "No, it's not easy, and while I wish it was different, I know it never will be." He smiled. "Well, what cannot be cured must be endured, right? Although it does make for a busier round of holidays than I could wish for. I regret missing your appearance at Christmas dinner. I would have liked very much to have been there, and if I'd known Sirius was going to invite you, I would have made arrangements to stay."

"If it is any consolation, I don't think Sirius knew he was going to invite me," Regulus replied wryly. "It was a drunken impulse, I think, but I appreciate the gesture nonetheless. I would have spent Christmas alone otherwise."

"I should have thought to invite you myself," Gaius said, his tone full of regret. "I'm afraid I was a bit too caught up in trying to find a balance between Sirius and Severus and who would accept what portion of my time. But I promise I'll not forget you again. You're part of my family too - and more than that, you're my friend."

Hearing himself described as part of the family was pleasantly surprising, and Regulus appreciated Gaius' inclusion of him as both family and friend. "You are hardly responsible for making certain everyone is accounted for," he said mock-sternly. "It sounds as if you had enough on your plate over the holidays. Besides, I think it will be different next year. Sirius and I had an unexpected discussion recently with positive results."

"Did you?" Gaius raised a brow, curious. "Anything you care to share with me, or is it private?"

"It isn't private." Regulus leaned back against the cushions and stretched out his legs in front of him. "In a nutshell, I confessed some of the reservations that have been troubling me, and he told me to get over it. Oddly enough, that helped. It's a relief to know I needn't worry that my actions and motivations are being scrutinized and found wanting."

"I can imagine," Gaius replied, nodding in understanding. "I'm sure you've felt judged by your past actions ever since you returned, right? But I think most people really do believe in redemption. I know Severus certainly does. He's mentioned there were times, after the war, when he felt judged as well. But now he's found acceptance from almost everyone, with Sirius as a notable exception. But the bad blood there has nothing to do with the war, of course, so that's a different thing, I think."

"There have been times I have wondered if I would be able to put my past behind me and move on," Regulus admitted. "I think..." He turned his gaze down to his hands, a little uncomfortable with exposing his vulnerabilities. "I think I needed absolution from Sirius more than anyone else. I needed acceptance from the person I had pushed away most - ironic, but true."

"I don't think it's ironic, I think it's very human," Gaius said. He reached out to touch Regulus' hands. "But if you've received what you needed, then it's definitely time to put the past behind you. What's done is done, and you can't change it, but neither can anyone else change the things they've done which have hurt you. It's definitely time for forgiveness, all the way around." He grinned again. "Call me lazy, but harboring ill will is terribly draining. I'd rather just be fond of everyone I'm around and be done with it."

Regulus gave a little snort at that. "Clearly you are an idealist," he said. "However, at this point in my life, I am inclined to agree. I have had enough of strife and discord, and a little peace would be most welcome."

"To peace, then," Gaius said, and pointed to the bottle of brandy. "Let's drink to it, shall we? I've had enough of war. I'd rather be worshipped and adored for the delightful creature I am than hold silly grudges. You're a hedonist too, and we have to stick together. Otherwise, all those terribly grim and sober people will drag us down, and it will interfere with our pleasure."

Snagging the bottle and his glass, Regulus poured another drink for Gaius and himself. "To peace and hedonism, then."

Raising his glass, Gaius grinned. "To peace and hedonism. If we can ever get them to try it, they'll never want to go back again."