Tweak

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Tweak says, "Clean it again."

Are you fucking Sirius? (beingsirius) wrote in snapthread,
@ 2019-03-17 23:50:00

Entry tags:

remus lupin, sirius black

Who: Sirius and Remus
What: Night time talks
Where: Sirius’ place.
When: March 17, late night
Rating: Low, will change if necessary

It felt like a disservice to all of them for Sirius and Remus to not have gone out and hunted Lily down, but Starklandia was a weird place and even Sirius had taken to needing time alone to cope over what was and what would be and what would never be. It was a lot. Sometimes people just needed time. Maybe he was growing up, with mature thoughts like that? He was pretty positive there had been a time when he’d have just gone out without permission and did what he’d like. He was also pretty sure that had been maybe less than a few weeks ago. Maybe it was less growth and more traumatic. He didn’t really know.

What he did know was that he was sitting on his bed, back pressed up against the wall and a low burning lumos was keeping the room just bright enough to not call it dark. It made for a good ambiance, he supposed, although that wasn’t really what his mind was on.

Actually, he wasn’t sure what his mind was on. It’d been pretty scattered lately, even when he was trying to distract himself. Sirius didn’t think he’d ever really get over the bomb of information Remus had delivered him.

“Hey,” he said, stretching his leg out longer in order to poke at Remus with a toe. “Pay attention to me. I’m going to come out of my skin.”

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lonewolfen
2019-03-18 09:39 pm UTC (link)

Although much of his life had been revolving around the moon's phases since just shy of his fifth birthday, Remus found himself wanting to ignore it here. It was a problem -- his furry little problem; a bittersweet remembrance of how James liked to refer to it -- that he couldn't put off any longer however because he was about to reach a point where his health was going to start to decline as it always did. He needed a find a place where Moony could be contained or at least far enough away that Padfoot could distract him well enough to keep him from getting too close. Then again, they were also surrounded by people who seemed to have other worldly 'powers' and strengths that might be able to hold their own should something go wrong.

That said, he didn't want it to even be an issue. The thought led to other questions Remus had been sitting on for a few days. Maybe he ought to ask them aloud to Sirius to see what he thought.

After head scratches.

"I believe it's more along the lines of I gave in to it. But I'd be lying if I said it wasn't willingly, or enjoyably." He smirked a little and pressed the tips of his fingers more against Sirius' scalp, to add a little more to his touch.

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beingsirius
2019-03-18 10:28 pm UTC (link)

After head scratches. There was always time after that. After all, priorities were priorities and neither of them could do anything about that. Head scratches were practically law.

Sirius turned his head into the touch, practically head-butting Remus' hand to get more out of the experience. It wasn't difficult even now to be this kind of demanding because it reminded him of better things. Better times. Even though he hadn't been aware that his own times had stopped being good until so recently.

"No, you definitely started it," he said, forever contrary just for the sake of it. "There's no way I just sat down one day and said Touch My Hair Or Else." Mind, it was always a positive that Remus enjoyed it so. It was part of their -- their -- the thing. The thing they never really talked about.

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lonewolfen
2019-03-19 12:32 am UTC (link)

Head scratches were practically law. It was a very little known fact -- and by little known that meant Sirius was basically the only person on the planet who knew -- that Remus loved a good head scratch too. Just behind the ear was the best spot ever.

It was still very surreal to him that he was sitting in a room with Sirius Black, doing The Thing and not the other thing that involved fighting and verbally slinging The Thing at each other like a weapon. He'd never imagined he'd find himself smiling again. Now here he was, bantering with Sirius and petting his hair. It shouldn't have been possible, but it was.

"Really, there's no way?" He teased. "Because that sounds quite like you, if I'm honest."

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beingsirius
2019-03-19 02:32 am UTC (link)

Sirius didn't blame him for keeping that a secret, of course. Some things were just not for other people, and the power of the head-scratching was strong. It was best not to let it be used for evil. Or, well, Sirius liked having things that were just secrets between them. He'd seek out head scratches from just about anywhere, but Sirius very much did not care for the idea of Remus doing the same.

The Thing was very much better when it was being used for good, and even a few days later after Sirius had turned the concept of everything that had happened around in his head, he was a little ashamed of himself for that. For turning against Remus because of his own bitterness and inability to be the one person his friend trusted best. He wasn't proud, and it wasn't even something he'd technically done yet.

"It sounds a little like me," he admitted. "A younger, more demanding version of me. But I'm not convinced."

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lonewolfen
2019-03-19 01:47 pm UTC (link)

Remus supposed he was going to have to come out with some sort of statement to the people of Starklandia sooner rather than later. He didn't want to. Saying the words, even writing the words 'I am a werewolf' would never be easy for him. It wasn't like owning up to being a super hero like so many people had been doing. It was a good thing to be someone who could help other people with the gifts they had. Being a werewolf wasn't exactly something to be proud of, and Remus definitely was not. If anything, he thought what he was probably resembled foes other people in this land had fought before.

That being said, it was exactly why he felt he needed to speak up. If something happened; if he and Sirius couldn't find a way to keep Moony contained, then the others around needed to know about it. If he broke free and started causing a problem, they might think him to be some sort of villainous creature sent by whoever or whatever brought them to the town to wreak havoc and end up killing him. Or worse, they might hurt Padfoot for trying to stop them. That was really his biggest concern.

He felt troubled, but The Thing had him calm for now. It'd been such a long time, which was crime in of itself. And though this was a younger Sirius, he still felt like his Sirius -- though he'd never quite been able to call him that. The Thing, indeed.

It never bothered him should Sirius seek out head scratches elsewhere. Remus knew he was best at it. That was why Sirius always came back. There was a comfort in that, too. He let his fingers sift through Sirius' hair slowly, then combed them back through and against his scalp. "It's all right," he assured him. "You just know what you want and aren't afraid to seek it. One might call it admirable." A little wolfish grin tugged at his lips.

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beingsirius
2019-03-20 02:04 am UTC (link)

"One might call it admirable," Sirius parroted, poking fun even as he lost the ability to spine properly and decided to give up on the idea altogether and draped himself out over the bed, head in Remus' lap. "Sorry then, did you mean you?"

Remus wasn't quite wrong though. Sirius was pretty good at getting what he wanted. Sort of. At least in small amounts that didn't require much in terms of big feelings. The Thing was like... well, it was The Thing. But also something of a stand-still to more. Which was weird, maybe, because usually Sirius was a glutton.

But he was also, he supposed, a bit afraid of ruining something that was already good. Or had been good until it wasn't, in Remus' case. Timelines were very confusing and Sirius hated them, so instead he focused on the head scratches, one eye open and slightly squinted up at Moony.

Well, he supposed he ought to say something. "I've been thinking."

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lonewolfen
2019-03-20 04:57 pm UTC (link)

The transition of Sirius moving to lay his head in Remus' lap was pretty fluid. Remus adapted accordingly and was able to use both his his hands to massage his scalp then. There was very little that Remus thought he might find more comforting for him than the rhythmic movements of his fingers running through Sirius' hair. Anything else that would elicit such feelings of comfort, amazingly enough, still revolved around Sirius. No surprise there. It just felt especially wonderful because it'd been such a long time.

The Thing was complicated even though it wasn't really all that complicated at all. They'd reached a point in their bond where they could either keep doing the dance they'd been engaged in for the better part of several years, or they could finally own up to what they both knew full well was going on and embrace it. The latter was of course what Remus wanted, but the former was safer, more logical, and a way to keep what they had without potentially damaging it. For Remus, he believed Sirius deserved far better. Far better than anything he could offer him. It was stupid; Sirius was the only one who could decide that, but that was how Remus was wired to think. Settling comfortably into The Thing was where they'd been staying, but sometimes, he wondered if they were depriving themselves. ...Of course they were.

"Have you?" He asked. "Will you share your thoughts with me?"

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beingsirius
2019-03-21 04:34 am UTC (link)

He could fall asleep like this. Even though he'd been a little wired and jittery with emotions, there was nothing that slowed him down faster than a tactile cuddling. Sirius was never great at sitting still or being particularly calm but Remus was better at most at getting him there.

Good enough that it had him closing his eyes completely and staring at the back of his eyelids instead of up at the ceiling. Or at Remus' chin. Although that wasn't an angle that he particularly disliked. Remus had, for all intents and purposes, a very nice chin. Bit of a cleft, but there was no one going to blame him for that. Remus had a mostly nice everything though. That was simply fact.

"I have," he agreed, "And I had been planning on it. Be kind of weird if I didn't, after declaring it." Although it also sounded a bit like something he'd do. Sirius was full of grand declarations followed by zero substance. Not this time though. "We could try the doors that go different places. Some of the places are empty. Or they're different times of day. I think maybe different days altogether."

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lonewolfen
2019-03-22 08:16 pm UTC (link)

"Weird, but not uncommon," Remus replied, though there was more fondness to his tone than dry wit. He loved that Sirius was the way he was, and had fully embraced his best mate as he was, flaws and all.

When Sirius went on to talk about those thoughts, Remus knew what he was referring to even though Sirius hadn't full on said it. The full moon was rapidly approaching and apparently it'd been on both of their minds. Remus had always felt so guilty that his friends had been made to sort of accustom themselves to the moon's cycle. They never made him feel guilty -- honestly they were usually pretty enthused about it. Remus just didn't like it; but then, he had a totally different perspective.

Remus dragged his fingers through Sirius' hair rhythmically, listening without interruption. He gave himself the time span of a few more strokes to think of a response. "If that's the case, perhaps we could avoid it all together," he said. "I've been thinking about what to do. I suppose going through a door might be the best option, but with how unpredictable it can be I worry what might be on the other side." He started to move the pads of his fingers in circular motions against Sirius' scalp.

"I have a back up solution, but it would only work this first time," he said. "I have one vial of wolfsbane left. If I drink it, I'll be me just in Moony's form." A brief pause, then he posed the question that he'd really been mulling over. "Do you think I ought to publicly state what I am to the others currently here?"

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beingsirius
2019-03-25 12:48 am UTC (link)

Alright, weird but not uncommon. That was fair, and Sirius only hummed slightly in response as if to say he agreed but wouldn't truly ever admit it. It wasn't his fault that he was a mile a minute, usually. It was just how it was, and sometimes he didn't end where he started. That was fine.

So they had two options and Sirius supposed he couldn't really be surprised -- Remus was always rather prepared and that wasn't a bad thing. He got that it wasn't just fun romping games for him like it was with Sirius -- who very much enjoyed running circles around Moony in his animagus form. Not that it was all fun and games, but it was just different for him. Of course it was.

"I was in there the other day," he admitted, thoughtful, and he tipped his head back further until the back of his neck was rested fully on the curve of Remus' thigh. It was comfortable and it felt right. "If you open and close the door a bunch, eventually you find -- well, not exactly what you're looking for. But you can maybe get an idea of it. We could go with enough time, you know? You like, check it out first. Maybe." He didn't want Remus to have to use his one vial of a potion that was incredibly difficult to come by. Here even more so.

The question was equally tricky, because it held a lot of variables that neither of them could really figure an answer to. "Do you think you should?" He countered, because he had an opinion but wanted to know Remus' first.

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lonewolfen
2019-03-25 05:51 pm UTC (link)

Remus had grown to trust that the full moon wasn't all fun and games to Sirius anymore, though he'd definitely accused him of that after the Whomping Willow Incident that almost really destroyed their friendship and definitely The Thing. But that was years ago. Lessons had been learned, and their bond had mended, healed, and grown exponentially stronger in the end. Could he count on anyone else taking it seriously? Not really. Remus didn't really know anyone else in town other than Sirius' younger brother. He'd chatted with some here and there but nothing to give him any real base knowledge of how anyone would take to the idea of there being a werewolf in town. Would they think down on him the way most did in their world? Would they even care? Given what he'd been observing in reading things on the network, it sounded like some of these people had gone up against things far more dangerous than Moony.

Hearing that Sirius had already sort of been exploring the whole mystery that was The Door wasn't a terrible shock to Remus. He looked down at him and played a little with the ends of his hair between his fingertips. Being as rooted in logic as he was, the whole concept of the Door, and any of this whole phenomenon was still quite impossible for Remus to understand, but he'd accepted that he just needed to 'go with it,' so to speak, and adapt accordingly. If they gave themselves enough time, perhaps then, they could find the 'right' sort of place for Moony to come out, or as Sirius suggested, even avoid it entirely. It might be worth a shot.

"I think if we can't find a place to keep me contained, then I need to tell the truth before the full moon and take the potion," he said. "There are too many dangers and unknowns to keeping it a secret in a place like this. But if we can find some place reliable, then perhaps it might be best to keep it to ourselves until after the full moon so I can say we've found a place to keep me contained until the danger passes."

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beingsirius
2019-03-28 01:21 am UTC (link)

Back then it had been all fun and games, and Sirius had admittedly gone a little out of hand with that whole incident. Especially now, in retrospect, it was awful. Because he didn't want to be the reason for anyone's death. And moreso, he didn't want Remus to be made that reason either. The guilt would have buried them both, and it would have been all Sirius' fault. He did have regret for that. They had moved past it. If only because Remus was a loving and benevolent sort.

The Doors made absolutely no sense at all, but frankly they were both rooted to worlds of magic - time travel was not so out of the question, so why would traveling through different spaces be so different? Sure, he couldn't quite get his head around the specifics, but he could say it worked. And sometimes? That was enough for Sirius. At least, for now. Later, maybe, he'd try dissecting it into something that could be sorted.

The problem with the Door situation was that whatever was behind those opened doors was forever changing. They could find something sufficient this time, perhaps, but Sirius wasn't completely positive the odds would always be with him. They could hope, of course. "Yeah," he said, clearly still mulling it over. "That might be best. Maybe -- I don't know. Maybe it would be smart, y'know. To pull one of those blokes who are practically mayor aside and tell them the skinny of it?" It'd be like having back up, but it wasn't an open letter that'd invite everyone into their business.

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lonewolfen
2019-03-29 06:49 pm UTC (link)

Telling others about his Furry Little Problem was a big step, and Remus wasn't sure if it was in the right direction. He'd not made a whole lot of contact around town. Not really one to socialize on the regular anyway, much less after everything that happened back home, he was far more introverted and preferred the company of Sirius and not really many others just yet. Not many knew him so to put himself out there and say he was a werewolf was kind of a lot. Telling someone what he was could lead to them seeing that as only what he was, and that wasn't what he wanted. On the other hand, by not telling, he could end up hurting someone or vice versa. They could think he was a threat and possibly kill him. In that perspective, the former seemed to be the lesser of two evils.

"Maybe," he agreed. "It's a risk. I don't know if their worlds have werewolves or what. From what I've quietly observed it sounds like many of them have gone up against pretty dangerous foes so they might not think it's a big deal. I just think it would be unwise not to say anything and risk something terrible happening later." One hand came to rest on Sirius' shoulder, which he gently brushed with his thumb. His other hand continued to run slowly through his hair. "Who do you think? That fellow who the town is named for?"

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beingsirius
2019-03-30 09:35 pm UTC (link)

Even though Sirius was a wild extrovert most of the time, he'd stuck pretty close to Remus since he'd arrived -- even if he'd made a few friends along the way, too. Jan was a delight, and a good person to have as a partner in crime, and the folks who ran the coffee shop seemed nice enough.

He hadn't, however, ever really gone up and talked to the Starklandia guy. Maybe just because he wasn't really sure what he was on about most of the time, with all his technology. Or maybe because he didn't want to be told to be more useful and to get a job. The reason didn't really matter, he figured. Now was about a good a time as any to meet. It was for a good reason, in any case.

"Tony, I think," Sirius agreed, rolling over in a bit of a fit until his chin was rested on Remus' thigh and his arms were stretched out long in front of him. "He seems a proper adult. A bit boring, but mostly responsible. And a bit on the unfazed side when people talk about magic powers and things. Probably the best bet." The thing was, and he knew Remus was aware so he didn't really need to say it -- was that it was a risk either way. Telling or not telling could have the same results. It was a terrible problem to have.

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lonewolfen
2019-03-31 07:25 am UTC (link)

It had always been very difficult for Remus to open up and meet people. It'd been instilled in him long ago that being a werewolf was bad and that he shouldn't let people get too close to him or else he'd end up hurt, or might hurt the other person. it'd made him into a very shy person who didn't let many get near to him. That said, in meeting James, Sirius, and Peter he'd sort of fallen head first into friendship. Other than them and Lily, Remus did not have much of a social circle. He'd obviously been able to engage in conversation with just about anyone about most things due to how knowledgable he was, but he didn't have many other people in the world he could call his friend; not even others from the Order. Branching out wasn't in his nature, but he had a feeling for the sake of his sanity and being able to navigate this place, he needed to do it.

"Mm," he murmured. His fingers switched from stroking Sirius' hair to tracing little patterns on his back. "I'll speak to him. Probably through my communication device rather than in person at first. See where things lead. I just.. don't want to cause any unnecessary problems for anyone." Namely for Sirius, because him telling anyone about it affected him, too. His fingers were a little shakier as they ran across Sirius' back. He took a few seconds to try to pull himself together but it really was a worrisome situation. In their world, werewolves were looked down upon severely. He had no idea what anyone in this town would think, let alone what they'd do. Granted, they might not even care, but if they did, it opened up a whole new set of problems.

"I'm scared," he confessed softly.

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beingsirius
2019-03-31 01:46 pm UTC (link)

Remus was wise, probably, to be worried and a little scared -- he'd been traversing their own world for a long time now while being a werewolf and even though it was a known thing there, people were against it to the point of -- well. Werewolves were not looked upon kindly. They knew that. So it was frightening to introduce the idea to people who may or may not have ever seen or heard of it in their own lands.

Not a good feeling.

But Sirius had never been one for dwelling on negative emotions if he could help it, and so he shifted again, pulling himself away from Remus' lap in order to sit up properly and look his friend in the eye. "Hey," he said, and his expression was easy, practically carefree. Confident. "It'll be okay. Promise." Sirius didn't know if he actually could promise things like that, but he was going to do it. Remus might have worried for making problems for him, but Sirius never saw it like that, not once. And it definitely wasn't on his list of concerns. If there was trouble, there was trouble, but it'd be for the two of them to handle. Like they did.

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lonewolfen
2019-04-01 04:32 pm UTC (link)

Remus had always actually sympathized with those who thought poorly of him. He loathed what he was and always had. It was only because of how his dearest friends treated him that made him realize it wasn't such a terrible thing -- or rather, it didn't have to define who he was as a person. There was more to him than the wolf; he was a good person, who was capable of having friends and of so much more than what his affliction had caused for him. But he didn't blame anyone else for not being able to see that, too. There were werewolves out there who were the monsters they were made out to be. Remus had run with them, much to his dismay, and seen first hand how dangerous they were. People were right to be afraid. He just wished that it was easier to make others understand that not all those afflicted were like that. Maybe here, he could have that chance. Maybe. He wasn't exactly keen to taking up for the cause; he'd rather just live quietly with Sirius in this flat.

It took him a moment to lift his gaze and meet Sirius' eyes. Those damn eyes; he'd never seen in anyone else's what he'd seen in Sirius'. It'd been so long since those eyes had looked upon him with such fondness. There was no anger there, no desperation, no fear, no sadness. The last time their eyes met like that, Remus had seen how distraught, how desperate Sirius had been and he'd wanted so badly to just say to hell with everything and cling to him, tell him how much he-- Remus stopped that train of thought before it went too far into a tunnel he wouldn't be able to get out of unless he actually did see it through to the other side.

He smiled a little and nodded. "I believe you," he said, and laced the fingers of their hands.

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beingsirius
2019-04-01 11:31 pm UTC (link)

Mind, living quietly in a flat with Sirius would be living not all that quietly at all -- but it would be quite a lot different than becoming the poster boy for all things Not Bad Werewolf. Sirius didn't really want that sort of attention on Remus either, if only because he knew Remus wouldn't like it for a second.

And here, maybe, he wouldn't have to make a big thing of it. Maybe it'd just be fine and they'd find a decent fix or stopgap or whatever the bloody word was for that one night a month. Maybe everyone would be decent about it, and there'd only be a few questions and absolutely no blazing pitchforks or -- whatever it was that muggles did when they were scared of something. It wouldn't be worse than what wizards would do, that Sirius was positive about.

Didn't matter though, not right now. Not with Remus' hand tangled up in his. That was what mattered. And maybe the prolonged amount of eye contact that was overly fond and spoke very loudly of The Thing going on between them.

"Good," he said, and it didn't even come off as lofty. Just quietly pleased. "Now you should probably just pet my hair some more, huh?"

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