InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Prepare for trouble!"

mr. bucket; buckets of fun (sgt_barnesjb) wrote in snapthread,
@ 2019-09-11 11:08:00

Entry tags:

bucky barnes (mcu), clint barton (616)

WHO: Clint Barton (616) & Bucky Barnes (MCU)
WHAT: A little worried, some reassurance, just being good husbands
WHERE: The Barneston Residence (aka Tony the Goat's house)
WHEN: Evening time
RATING: I mean

Getting married in Las Vegas was quite possibly (meaning most definitely) the best thing that had ever happened to Bucky Barnes. He and Clint had been continuously building and growing something very beautiful between them in the form of a healthy, loving relationship that just worked. For people who were kind of really in need of stability and constants, having that bond to really rely on had been so reassuring and just fucking amazing. They were in love, yes, absolutely, and it was a very emotionally deep investment that Bucky hadn't really even been thinking about making until it just sort of happened. He'd seen it coming, could tell he'd been falling, and he'd made the choice to be open and honest with Clint about it rather than hide it for decades and doom it before it could become something great. They'd both put themselves out there and the pay off was so unbelievably worth it.

And the best part? They were just so ridiculously happy. They laughed; god, they laughed so much at the stupidest shit. Those deep belly laughs that kind of made it feel like you couldn't breathe and were a bit light headed. It was just so easy to smile, and anyone who knew Bucky knew that sometimes it could be like pulling teeth just to get his mouth to even twitch. They had their own sort of way of communicating, where they didn't even have to use words. Sometimes they used Sign, but other times they'd just look at each other. They'd kiss, they'd cuddle, sometimes that would lead to a lot more of that with a lot less clothing and other times he'd lead to one of them getting up to get them both something to eat while they watched some shitty Sci Fi movie or Dog Cops or whatever else was within eyesight.

Wedded Bliss was definitely a thing.

But with the ups always came some downs. Both he and Clint had been in Starklandia for a good while. They'd both seen their share of people come and go. And every time it always brought with it the sort of gross, dreadful feeling that no one's time here could really be called permanent. It also brought with it the reminder that none of them were in control of their time here, and none of them knew what happened to a person when the left. Did they die? Did they go back to where they came from? If so, did they retain the memories of this place? The people, experiences, and relationships? Bucky was really good at avoiding things, but sometimes it was hard not to think about what could happen. After everything he'd been through, Bucky was more inclined to live in the moment, but he'd have been lying if he said it hadn't scared him to death when he heard about the loss of so many from town so abruptly, and that the very first thing he did was check to make sure Clint was still there, followed by Steve and even Stark. What would he do if he lost Clint? The thought was suffocating, devastating. And while he was good at compartmentalizing his emotions, sometimes it was just too hard.

Today, it was too hard. And even though Bucky knew Clint would be home from COFFEE soon he still felt anxious. So he set about to making them both a few sandwiches while he waited for his husband to return. To be within eyesight and hopefully within arm's reach the rest of the night.

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

sgt_barnesjb
2019-09-15 03:26 am UTC (link)

It was. It was the best. Bucky had felt very confident in their decision to get married. It was what he'd wanted, and what Clint wanted just as much. But even with that confidence, there was no way to know if it would actually work out once they did it. He knew Clint had been married before, but Bucky didn't think anything of it. It was his past, not his present. They were each other's present, and future. And if that meant standing in the kitchen giving kisses and little nuzzles then that was wonderful.

Neither of them were the biggest talkers when it came to the emotional stuff. They could banter back and forth, tease and flirt, spend hours talking about everything and nothing, but emotions -- yeah, that was a little bit trickier. Clint saying he missed him, Bucky knew, went deeper than surface level. They weren't the kind of people who just said that to be cutesy and to get in each other's good graces.

"I missed you too," he said, in a bit more of a serious tone. Not just saying it because Clint said it first. "It was.. It was hard being away from you today. Harder than usual." In fact, it had been getting harder for several days now.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

today_sucks
2019-09-15 03:42 am UTC (link)

It was true that having been married before wasn't like -- a basis of comparison or anything. Bucky was not Bobbi by any measure, nor was he anything like her. And really, he wasn't anything like he had been when he'd been with her. If nothing else, it'd been a learning experience. Building blocks, or whatever. This wasn't that. And he didn't want to discredit his last real relationship or anything, but this one was --

It didn't feel rushed, like that one had. It wasn't a marriage first on a whim and more later because of it sort of deal. So Clint felt good about that. When he let himself think about it.

"Yeah," Clint agreed, frowning a little. Because this wasn't a missing that was just about being away from each other so much as being worried that might be a permanent thing. And that was just a bad feeling. "Same, actually." He scratched at the back of his head, contemplating. "I know it's not like -- I dunno. I hate it. That feeling. Not being able to do anything about it."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

sgt_barnesjb
2019-09-15 04:12 am UTC (link)

Under normal, ordinary, everyday circumstances, talking to Clint was the absolute easiest thing in the world. Whether it was with audible words, Sign, kisses, leaning on each other, or whatever felt right at the time, all of it came as easily as breathing. But this? This was hard to talk about because there was no real way to resolve it or make it easier to cope with. They'd both gone through quite a bit of hell in their lifetimes, but this was different. There was no coming out on the other side. They needed to stay on the side they were on, permanently.

It'd been relatively easy to ignore it at first, and they probably could've continued to ignore it now. But when things like the max exodus of people happened, it brought all that to the forefront. He and Clint were married now. It wasn't that they hadn't been fully committed before and if something were to happen where one of them left it would be just as devastating, but there was an added layer to it now. The ring on his finger told him so.

He nodded in agreement. "I try not to think about it but it just.. creeps up. It hits harder than a fist and when it does, all I can think about is getting to you, finding you and touching you so I know you're there."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

today_sucks
2019-09-17 03:13 am UTC (link)

"I know," Clint said, and he only pulled away enough again so he could move across the kitchen, dragging Bucky with them by one hand -- their rings knocking together as they moved and it was such a good feeling, it should have been enough to lighten the mood completely.

He lifted himself onto the counter, sitting on a clean spot, no coffee maker or anything, and then pulled Bucky in closer, so they could still be face to face.

"It's like--" he frowned, paused, trying to find the right words and clearly not doing his best. "I know I shouldn't worry. Not as much I've been--" Feels bad, he signed then.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

sgt_barnesjb
2019-09-17 10:52 pm UTC (link)

Under normal circumstances, the familiar bumping of their rings brushing together would definitely have lifted his spirits. Bucky wasn't in a funk, really, it was just.. This whole uncertainty thing was weighing heavier than usual right now and it sounded like Clint was feeling similarly. It was a hardship, but thank fucking goodness they had each other.

He followed Clint to the counter and once he was sitting on it Bucky moved to stand between his legs, face to face with his husband -- yeah, that though made him feel a little better but it didn't make the heavy go away.

Bucky nodded. "I know what you mean." His hands had come to rest on Clint's knees and thighs but he lifted them to divulge a little further. Scares me. I can't lose you. "Ever." Ever, he repeated it. He leaned his head in to touch their foreheads together.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

today_sucks
2019-09-18 01:49 am UTC (link)

No, it wasn't really a funk. It wasn't a problem the two of them were having with each other, or anything like that. Which was kinda what made it worse? Because Clint didn't feel like he should be so stressed out when he should be happy. Frankly, they were still in their honeymoon phase and they ought to be having nothing but a good time.

That never quite worked out for the Avengers though, so really he shouldn't have been too shocked, even here.

"You won't," Clint decided. Like he could just decide stuff like that and have it be so. Which was the whole point here; no one could. At least, it didn't seem like it. Although... if he was being honest it never seemed like people who really loved it here seemed to go. I'm here he went on, jaw set firmly. "But-- maybe--" Stay close. For a while.

That wasn't asking too much, was it?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

sgt_barnesjb
2019-09-18 10:13 am UTC (link)

It did make him smile a little bit to hear Clint say it so matter-of-fact that he wouldn't lose him. Bucky wanted to believe that with all of his heart. He wanted to think that there was no possible way they could lose each other, ever. Sometimes he felt selfish for so adamantly not wanting to go back. He and Steve had talked about it a little bit, how they felt guilty but didn't regret wanting to stay where they were. Bucky didn't want to go back at all. Not just because he was fated to die by Thanos' snap, but because there would be no way for him to even see Clint. Not his Clint. The other Clint he didn't really know would be there. It'd.. really make for a miserable existence. Which wasn't exactly a new concept but now that he had happiness and was doing so much better with his mental and emotional health he didn't think he could handle it.

So for Clint to say that he wasn't going to lose him, well, Bucky was going to believe that because the alternative wasn't something he wanted to think could happen. The point that those who loved it there didn't seem to go anywhere was kind of a valid one, though not one he'd really thought much on just yet. Bucky nodded again. Close. That seemed reasonable. "I was thinking about spending more time at COFFEE. I hear that hot Avenger, Hawkeye, works there. I've got a few of his shirts. Maybe he'll notice me."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

today_sucks
2019-09-19 02:16 am UTC (link)

It spoke of their better nature that they felt guilty and selfish for not wanting to go back to where they'd come from, really. But Clint had saved the world a dozen times over and he hadn't asked for much if anything at all in repayment. But this? He wanted this, and he was keeping this, and a little bit of residual guilt wasn't going to change that for a second. And neither was a little (lot?) bit of worry.

He was keeping it. He was keeping Bucky. That's all there was to it.

Clint didn't really think that Bucky was going to deny him the proximity that he was asking for, particularly when they were both on the same page about it, but he liked hearing it away. Was glad that if nothing else, what he was going through here wasn't one-sided. "I dunno. If I was that guy, I'd probably notice you more if you lost the shirts. Nothing says pay attention to me like a shirtless guy in a coffee shop."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

sgt_barnesjb
2019-09-19 09:25 pm UTC (link)

There were a number of things Bucky hoped for in his life. Redemption, forgiveness, peace. They were things he'd wrestled around with, not believing he deserved them or that they were even possible. Time and therapy had helped him sort of get closer to achieving all of that. Being in Starklandia had gotten him even closer. But it was his relationship with Clint that made him realize he really could be in love, express it, enjoy the hell out of it, and not have to worry about losing it. Well -- the worry, that was there. That was why they'd had this discussion. The love itself wouldn't go anywhere. But being able to express it to Clint always -- that was the uncertainty because they just didn't have a fucking clue if their time was limited or infinite.

They had to just keep moving, keep enjoying it, keep doing what they were doing everyday and not let the worries defeat them. They were always going to flare up now and again, but they didn't have to become all consuming and defeat them. That, he wouldn't let happen.

Bucky laughed a little. "What about a shirtless guy in a kitchen?" He asked, before he brushed their lips together flirtatiously. "Probably a health code violation but I wouldn't exactly call us rule followers."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

today_sucks
2019-09-22 02:39 pm UTC (link)

This place was pretty healing in a way. Maybe it was the lack of real responsibility - that they could set the things that stressed them out the most aside and not need to worry about it for a while. Vegas had been an outlier in a lot of ways, but the random alien fight wasn't what Clint had been focused on. He hadn't had to save the world in -- months and months now.

It felt pretty good. Even if he had to get his works outs in in other ways. It was kind of nice though -- figuring out what normal people felt like on a day to day.

Well. Mostly normal. This place was never going to be a go to the mall, grocery store, SUV, pay taxes kind of place. But they were certainly playing house just fine. More than playing. They were doing it. They even had about a billion pets between the two of them -- even if Lucky, Nock and KH came and went as they pleased, most of the time. And Tony was.... Tony.

"There are no health codes here," Clint said with a laugh, offering another peck on the lips. "Oh my god, we're all going to die of food poisoning."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

sgt_barnesjb
2019-09-23 01:46 pm UTC (link)

One of the hardest things to adapt to in town was learning how to really just relax. He was finally in a living space where no one after him. The relaxation hadn't really fully come into effect until he and Tony Stark had jointly been able to move forward so there wasn't really any concern for a skirmish there. But it was hard to go from having lived in constant worry of being hunted down by authorities and either killed on sight or taken to prison, to just walking around doing whatever he wanted everyday without being on edge. Even in Wakanda, where he was pretty much protected and even had earned some respect of the people, Bucky still had fears that it could all come to an abrupt end. And with Thanos on the way, it was going to. But here? Not here.

Once he'd started spending the night regularly with Clint, it grew easier. He wasn't always waking up startled, fidgeting at the slightest sound. Bucky let himself just be in the moment, and it was the best. Like right now. This was one of those best moments. Flirting with his husband and getting a little amorous in the kitchen. That wasn't something he ever saw for himself. Now he had it and it was the best.

"It'd be worth it, probably," he teased. His hands slid up Clint's thighs to rest on his hips. "I'm game." His lips found a particularly nice place on Clint's neck to settle on for a moment. "But the bed sounds comfier."

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(Read comments) -