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Steve Rogers ([info]captainhandsome) wrote in [info]snapthread,
@ 2019-08-07 08:51:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:steve rogers (mcu), tony stark (mcu)

Who: Superhusbands.
What: Some drama for a change.
Where: Their house.
When: Backdated to after Steve and Thor's Hammer Time.

Steve hadn't wanted to take the hammer with him, but he'd also felt like there was no getting out of it. He'd tried to reassure him, but Steve hadn't been able to get through to him and he hadn't actually wanted to cause an argument. Thor had reached out to him because he trusted him and while Steve didn't agree with his thinking, he wanted to support his choice to keep communication open so Thor wouldn't just shut down. So he'd taken the hammer. It wasn't far back to his house and he made it quick, he didn't exactly want to be out in the open with it. Once inside he took the hammer to his room and stood there with it, wondering where one might keep a God's Hammer.

Under the bed seemed so tacky.

He swung it by the strap a few times before he opened a cupboard and placed it on the shelf. It looked, well, out of place among the socks but Steve sat back on the bed to look at it. Which is when he noticed the photograph.

There was a long moment after he'd grabbed it from his pillow that he wasn't sure what he was looking at. But slowly his head caught up and the sinking feeling in his stomach kicked in. Tony in the photo looked happy, the real kind of happy, full of joy and warmth right into his eyes. Pepper looked happy too, his arm around her and then there was a little girl. Steve hadn't seen her before, but it was clear that it was their daughter. She had her dad's smile and he couldn't look away from it.


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[info]allaboutego
2019-08-07 02:32 am UTC (link)
It was never a good sign when Tony walked in on someone and they were sitting very still and looking at something. Which was what was going on here -- and Tony would go as far as to say that Steve looked sad going on a little heartbroken over whatever it was that he was looking at.

It was enough to make Tony stop in the doorway, uncertain if this was one of those moments where he should be intruding or leaving before he was noticed.

Well, that second one was never going to happen. Tony was entirely too nosy for that, and also, well, Steve was his business. He ought to be here. "Hey," he said, knuckles rapping against the woodwork of the doorway. "You okay?"

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[info]captainhandsome
2019-08-07 09:42 pm UTC (link)
Steve usually would have heard him coming, but he'd been so absorbed in what he was looking at. This was happening here, things turning up that were both terrible and wonderful and Steve knew this was for him. Because like the hammer to Thor, the photo made him feel utterly defeated and lacking in ways he couldn't even put into words. Tony knocked and Steve looked up and for a moment he did look heartbroken, he felt it too.

But that was utterly selfish and Steve wanted to look at this for what it could be and that was a gift. So he reached down deep and found that part of him that obviously was what helped him get through Tony loving, marrying and having a baby with Pepper, that part where seeing him happy was enough and Steve gave him a little smile.


"Yeah. Yeah," he said with a little nod of his head. "Here, this is for you," Steve said softly as he held the photo out to him. Sure he could have scrunched it up, never to be looked at or thought of again and no one would have been the wiser. But Steve wasn't that guy and he never would be. "She's beautiful, like her dad."

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[info]allaboutego
2019-08-07 10:17 pm UTC (link)
Yeah. Tony didn't like that look, the heartbreak was too obvious, even if Steve so clearly was trying to hide it. For Tony's sake, most probably, although he didn't know why until he stepped further into the room and took the paper that Steve handed to him.

He paused completely in place once he looked at it. Because there he was, smiling with a family that he'd heard plenty about. He'd seen pictures and videos of Morgan from various sources now, but that didn't mean it didn't sort of just take his breath away every time he looked again. It was so weird to think that somewhere out there he'd helped to create this darling, clever, sassy little girl. Well. Him and Pepper. They'd made that decision together, hadn't they? To just have each other because no one else was going to care about the other the way they did. Even if it was -- well, it wasn't like him and Steve.

But apparently Steve in his own time hadn't said anything. So Tony had this. Them.. He couldn't apologize for it, not really. But he could.. he didn't know.

He glanced up to look at him, uncertain. "Steve," he said, low and careful, almost questioning.

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[info]captainhandsome
2019-08-07 10:53 pm UTC (link)
Steve hadn't seen her little face before, because he hadn't been offered the chance and he certainly hadn't gone looking. But Steve knew now he could have picked her out of a lineup, she was just Tony all over. It was strange, that feeling of wishing her knew her but knowing what that would mean for him and the life he and Tony shared. Kind of like being torn apart inside, ripped down the middle and now that feeling had the cutest face he'd ever seen.

The last thing Steve wanted was apologies, Tony had nothing to be sorry for. He'd found himself a piece of happiness and Steve wanted that for him, he always did. Of course he wanted to know that happiness was with him but Steve knew in life you rarely got what you wanted.

He swallowed around the boulder in his throat before he looked up at him. "Tony," Steve said with a little shrug. Because it was okay, it just- it was. Usually he didn't think about it, didn't worry about Pepper turning up here with their child. Didn't think about Tony vanishing on him like so many others. But then something like this happened and it reminded him how fleeting it might be.

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[info]allaboutego
2019-08-07 11:05 pm UTC (link)
Tony sort of hated that little shrug. No. Not even sort of. He did hate it. Because it was just... so resigned. So defeated.

And he supposed, in a way, that was true. There was nothing either of them could ever say or do that would change that future. It was already done once, somewhere. There was photographic proof right here in their hands.

"It makes you sad," he said after a moment, and it wasn't really a question, just a statement of fact; one that
Tony wasn't sure there was anything he could do to change. He glanced down at that photo again, uncertain. "We've already altered the courses of our own futures by being here," he said, and it wasn't exactly to offer Steve any kind of false hope, it just was. "I think I'll always love her, even if I don't get to meet her. But it doesn't -- you aren't less, Steve."

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[info]captainhandsome
2019-08-08 01:12 am UTC (link)
Steve had been so good at avoiding this, not bringing it up and maybe only thinking about it when he was throwing punches at a bag. Because like so many things it was easier to separate himself, just put it away and let it be. But it kept surfacing and here it was, a picture worth a thousand words.

"Not in the way you think," he said as he shook his head slowly. "I want you to meet her, I want to meet her. It just tears me up thinking that I didn't make it right, for all that time, that I never told you what you meant to me." And it wasn't Morgan who would have prevented that, because Tony had gone and died on him, saving the world.

"Call me delusional, but I can't help but feel like in a world where there's a you and there's a me that I'd get you in the end," Steve said as he reached out to hook his thumb through one of Tony's belt loops.

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[info]allaboutego
2019-08-08 01:26 am UTC (link)
Tony smiled at that -- not really a pleased smile, but one that spoke of something bittersweet, one that warned that if he opened his mouth now, his heart might just fall out with his words.

But he allowed himself to be pulled forward, moved in close until he was standing between Steve's knees -- and he set the picture down on the bed (careful, so careful, because it mattered to him) before he let his fingers drag through his hair.

"You have me now," he said after a long moment. "So there's one. And we know there's --multiple. Dozens? Hundreds? I don't know. There are worlds out there with a me and a you and some of them must have been smart enough to get it right."

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[info]captainhandsome
2019-08-08 05:07 am UTC (link)
Steve let the picture sit on the bed and closed his eyes as Tony's fingers stroked through his hair. There was so much fondness in the gesture that he could hardly stand it, hardly stand how stupid he'd been not to see all this love waiting here for him. Or what he'd nearly lost trying to protect himself.

His chest ached when he thought about a world without Tony Stark. A world where he loved Pepper and his daughter? That he could live with. But a world without him? That was the real tragedy. But of course he understood, Steve knew why he'd done it, why he'd do it again tomorrow if he needed to. But that didn't make it any easier, nothing made any of it easier. Some things were just Hard and always would be, no matter if you talked or ignored them. They just were.

"I have you now," Steve agreed softly. There might come a time when they were going to have to choose the reality they'd come from and the one they were in now, a snapback as it were and Steve didn't know what would become of them. But he had Tony then and he wasn't going to waste that time what ifing it away. "And I love you," he said as his eyes slid open and he looked up at him again.

"And hey, I'm the Captain of Thunder now, so, I'm kind of a big deal," he said as he gestured toward the cupboard.

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[info]allaboutego
2019-08-08 04:03 pm UTC (link)
He got that. Tony at least somewhat understood what it was that was making Steve sad, because if it was just a matter of his future family, he would have said that Steve ought to go for it if someday he wound up going back home. Because there'd have been space for him. Pepper would understand, like she always did. They could probably make it work.

But what was the point? Further heartbreak? Tony wasn't going to make it. That was a fixed event, one he wouldn't change for anything because it had to happen. It was inevitable. Steve didn't deserve that, and Tony was sorry, sure. For Steve and for himself and what wouldn't be, what he would never get to have or see or do. But he wasn't sorry that it was going to happen. Not if it meant Steve, Pepper, Morgan, all the rest got to live.

"You do. Right here and now. I love you. What's better than the present?" He leaned over just enough to press a kiss to Steve's forehead.

And then -- "What?" Whiplash, really. Tony twisted to look at the hammer in the cupboard. "Is that Thor's?"

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[info]captainhandsome
2019-08-08 09:18 pm UTC (link)
That was exactly it. Steve knew that even if he'd gone with Pepper, even if he had a beautiful child. Maybe one day when they were older, maybe they'd have their time and that would be enough. He wondered if he'd felt like that watching him get married and have a baby, if he'd told himself he was doing the right thing as he carried that torch. But there was no getting Tony back from where he'd gone.

So sue him if he didn't want to go back, if selfishly he wanted to stay there with his friends and his family and the love of his life. Where he was alive and there and Steve's. "Nothing, nothing at all," Steve promised him, going for more certain than sad.

Change of subject, very much needed and Steve nodded. "He's convinced he can't lift it anymore, that he's not worthy. Not that he tried mind you, but you can't force him," Steve said with a sigh. "I'm looking after it for him."

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[info]allaboutego
2019-08-08 09:36 pm UTC (link)
It was what it was, and there was probably no real point in discussing it even if they were both thinking about it -- probably thought about it too much. It wasn't the sort of thing someone just got over or walked off or... whatever. There'd be no closure. Not for Steve. Of that, Tony was aware. That wasn't how Steve dealt with things, it never had been.

"Exactly," Tony agreed, relaxing a little over Steve's promise. None of these bad feelings were going to go away and that picture -- that Tony loved no matter how sad it made him, and that he'd probably frame and keep somewhere in his workshop -- would never not bring up something bad for Steve. But they could bury it all enough where it felt less sharp every time, maybe.

Tony untangled himself from Steve, walking over to the cupboard to try and push the hammer a little to one side -- and, of course, it did not move. God, he hated magic sometimes. "I have very real questions," he said, pointedly.

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[info]captainhandsome
2019-08-09 12:19 am UTC (link)
Of course there was no closure. The future for them held no happily ever after, to go home was to lose what they had. Steve couldn't ask Tony not to do it, not to leave him. But he could hope that God would take them both together, rather than leaving Steve alone once more. But those were thoughts for later, things to turn over in his head and never say out loud because it would only cause more hurt.

And maybe, maybe they could just stay in the present.

Steve leaned back on his hands as he watched Tony go toward the hammer, reaching for it and honestly he was surprised it didn't shift. He'd been surprised he couldn't lift it last time he'd tried too. "Ask away," Steve said said with a little shrug.

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[info]allaboutego
2019-08-09 12:49 am UTC (link)
Tony wanted to be in the present -- for as much as he planned ahead, he'd found lately his plans had sort of warped. When he'd gotten here (after the initial first few weeks of doing nothing but sleeping and watching Steve coddle him) his main goal had been figuring this place out, trying to find a way out of it. But now? Now his plans mostly involved making sure it was livable -- health and safety first. He wanted people to be comfortable and well fed and entertained. He wanted Gwen to be happy, and Pete.

He wanted to stay. With Steve. He did. If it came down to it, he'd do what he had to do. But he wasn't rushing it.

And no. He couldn't move the hammer. Tony didn't know what worthy entailed, but he did know he didn't have it. It wasn't really something that bothered him because -- well. Why would he be worthy? Steve -- now that made sense. "You can lift it?" He asked, because this was the first he'd heard of it. "How'd he know? Is he okay?"

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[info]captainhandsome
2019-08-09 08:48 pm UTC (link)
Both of them were the kind to keep busy and to make their own busy. Steve was quick to want to take care of people, find ways to make life easier and Tony was the same, they each did that in their own way. Then as the day came to an end Steve got to come home to Tony and that would be really, really hard to give up. If he had to, well he would, but for the first time in his life he'd taken something for himself.

Honestly Steve thought the Hammer and its rules were a bit bullshit. How a Hammer knew anything at all was beyond him and how Tony could ever be unworthy of anything seemed highly suspect. "I didn't think Thor would much like me lifting his hammer, so I maybe just pretended I couldn't," Steve said with a little shrug.

"No, he's not okay," he said after a pause as he glanced at the hammer which looked ridiculous sitting there in the cupboard. "He won't even touch it, because he thinks he'd not worthy now, that it's his fault. I knew he wasn't doing great but I didn't know the extent of it."

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[info]allaboutego
2019-08-09 11:55 pm UTC (link)
"Right. Of course. Just pretend not to lift the magical hammer that only one other person seems able to wield," Tony said, and frankly he wasn't even surprised or bothered by it so much as he was bemused. Of course Steve would have avoided rocking the boat simply out of politeness.

He turned his back on the hammer, because what good was it to him anyway, beyond being a thing sitting on one of his socks --a forever lost article of clothing now useless Steve felt inclined to pick the dumb thing up again.

"That bad, huh." He wasn't really all that surprised by that either. They all had stuff that'd gone down that they regretted -- Tony still didn't know the exact details of everything, but he'd gotten a decent enough run down from Natasha before she'd up and poofed, and then Nebula. There were a lot of gaps. There always would be with stories like theirs.

They all felt guilty in some way, he knew. Some more than others depending just when they were from. "I don't think there's a person here who's qualified to speak to this," he admitted.

He also didn't think there was a person here who would take the help being offered even if there was.

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[info]captainhandsome
2019-08-11 09:25 pm UTC (link)
Thor could be the sensitive type and Steve hadn't wanted to upset him. It was his hammer and he'd been sure, convinced that none of them would lift it. He'd seen the worry on his face when he'd thought Steve might and he'd wanted to just avoid it all. No one needed to know, although Thor had seemed to figure it out in the end.

He sighed as he gave a little nod. It was hard because The Avengers were all the stubborn sort. Steve could tell him over and over that it wasn't his fault, that things happened but Thor wasn't going to hear him. He knew because he wouldn't have heard it either. Steve didn't want to know, Natasha had told them some and the more he knew the more he wished that he didn't.

"I didn't want to take it, but he didn't give me a choice," Steve explained. It would take a little longer than just one conversation when the hammer's appearance was still fresh.

Steve let out a sigh, using the hold he had on Tony'd belt loop to bring him in so he could press his face into his stomach. "Enough surprises," Steve said quietly although it sounded like 'enruffsurfrises' muffled against him.

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[info]allaboutego
2019-08-12 10:05 pm UTC (link)
No, Tony supposed that Steve probably hadn't had much of a choice -- not if he'd wanted to do right by Thor in the moment. There was no arguing with that, even if Tony had wanted to. Which he didn't, not currently.

He allowed himself to be pulled back into Steve's orbit, settled his hands on his back and in his hair and let out a sigh of his own, frustratingly shallow, but he was still getting used to his own recent surprise.

"No," he agreed, glancing down at the photo next to Steve on the bed. "No more surprises. That'd be nice, wouldn't it. What will you do? With the hammer?"

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[info]captainhandsome
2019-08-13 12:10 am UTC (link)
Steve was still getting used to the light in Tony's chest, the blue that lit their bedroom at night. But he'd liked it from the moment it had come back and Steve still liked it. At night he'd lay there, tracing the scars, mouthing at where skin met metal and while it wasn't comfortable for him and Steve hated that, it was part of him and thus Steve was into it.

He wrapped his arms around his middle, hanging loosely as he just breathed. They had right now, Tony was his and in this time that they shared for however long they had, Steve would have him. That was enough.

"Nothing," Steve said as he pulled back to look up at him. "Just leave it there until he's ready to take it back. I mean if something happens and we can use the firepower then," he shrugged as he glanced at it. "Maybe I'll try to use it. But not unless I absolutely have to."

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[info]allaboutego
2019-08-13 02:31 am UTC (link)
Tony liked that Steve liked it, if nothing else. It was something that he'd always been fairly wary about showing off when he'd first gotten it. It'd been a design he didn't want anyone else to get their hands on, for one thing -- and after Stane had forcibly taken it from him, it left him incredibly wary. The best way to avoid being vulnerable had been to avoid getting into situations that would make that possible. And he'd thought the scarring unsightly for a long time.

But Steve didn't. And Steve was safe. So. It was a pretty good feeling.

Steve's plan made sense, sure. It was the easy option. Tony wasn't sure if it was the best one, but he didn't know what was so he couldn't speak to that. Using it didn't seem like anything they needed to worry about just now, so he'd let that one alone, too. "Well. Maybe not right in the cupboard," he said after a moment.

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