Who: Steve and Tony (mcu) What: Reassurance. Where: House Stark When: July 11th Rating: There’s some make outs, I guess.
The last week hadn't been pretty. It had taken Steve days just to get used to being short, not reaching for things that were up too high or trying to lift things. Tony had gone through door after door that first day -- the last the doors had been open -- until he'd come back with medication for his asthma, so at least that was being handled, the coughing and wheezing and nearly suffocating was under control. At least he wasn't the only one, lots of them seemed to be suffering from the same affliction, the other Steve had shrunk down as well and no one had any powers to speak of. But that didn't make him feel better. Other people's powers didn't alter how they looked so dramatically and other people didn't have a significant other who liked how they looked.
Steve didn't think that Tony was shallow, he knew that Tony loved him and that hadn't changed. It was Steve who just couldn't handle looking the way that he did now, how it took him back to a different time. So while he'd forced himself not to literally run away, he went to bed fully clothed, he dressed in the bathroom, keeping this body under wraps because he couldn't stand the thought of Tony looking at him and maybe not liking it.
The fire in the grate was crackling merrily and he'd set himself up on the floor in front of it with his legs crossed and the sketchbook open in his lap. The double page in front of him was one of Steve's favourite, it was a character study of Tony, all the pieces he knew so well and incidentally what he always ended up drawing when he was a little pent up. Which was maybe why he was working on the outline of one of Tony's arms, the vein in his bicep.
---
There were probably plenty of people who had a significant other that liked how they looked, but it was true that Steve looked incredibly different. Not in all things, of course. His eyes were still the same blue, his nose was about the same even if it didn’t quite fit his face the way it used to, and his mouth still set in the same line whenever he got in a mood and wanted to bite back the words. Or when he smiled. Basically, it was exactly the same.
It wasn’t his concern right now, the way Steve looked. He’d been more worried about the breathing issues, and the fever that came and went as it pleased, apparently. But mostly things seemed in better order for Steve today, and Tony had decided to give him a little space from all the hovering he’d been doing and so spent a good amount of time upstairs making sure his spiders were okay before wandered out to see how everyone else around town was doing, too.
The answer was Not Great. But there wasn’t much Tony could do right now beyond what he already was -- showing some care and using all of his free moments to build something to do biometric scans in order to see if he could root out the problem the best way he knew how. With science.
He felt like the day had been too long by the time he got home, and Tony let himself rest against the wood of the closed door behind him and center himself and his expression a little before walking further into their house. None of his needed to see him out of sorts any more than they already had. “Art,” he said when he spotted Steve on the floor. “You must be feeling better, huh?”
----
He heard the door go and there were a few long moments before Tony appeared. Steve knew it was a lot of pressure on the unofficial leader of them all, people turned to him and at the moment there were no answers, just more questions. So he was trying not to make things worse by being overly moody, even if he really did want to, thank you very much. But Tony looked tired and Steve gave him a warm little smile as he shrugged.
"Just working on my favourite subject," Steve said as he turned the book to offer Tony a glimpse at the pages. It wasn't like Steve was secretive about drawing, he was just a bit shy about it and Tony didn't pry. Hopefully being objectified and adored in another medium might make Tony feel a little bit better, that would usually be something he'd like.
The house wasn't that warm and Steve stuck close to the fire in a way he hadn't needed to in a long time. But they'd got him some clothes to fit, warmth found in layers, but it just wasn't the same as his own body generating that heat.
---
Steve’s smile was nice, and Tony smiled back immediately and it was a real thing instead of something plastered on to appease others. Not many people got that out of him, but everyone under this roof managed. Steve managed.
“Oh?” He asked, settling himself down on the floor next to Steve to get a closer peek at the art in question. It was true, he didn’t pry too often even though he was always curious. Steve wasn’t like him though, he didn’t seem to want to show anything off in half finished stages.
But oh, Steve was good. Tony had known that but seeing was different than knowing. “I don’t think I’m nearly so ripped,” he said of the art, leaning in closer just because he could.
---
Tony sat beside him on the floor and Steve looked down, a little smile on his face. He loved that he did things like that, just dropped down onto the floor with him. People saw Tony Stark as this entity, rich beyond measure, powerful and egotistical and in some ways he was. But he was also the man who'd sit on the floor, eat chinese from the container and watch Star Trek in his pajamas.
These sketches would never be finished and maybe that's why he kept them to himself. Or he was just shy. But if he couldn't show Tony who else could he show? Steve laughed as he rubbed a fingertip over the line until it softened some. "You look far better," he said with a little smile.
It wasn't just his body though, his face or eyes, his hair as well. But he placed the pencil back on the page, finishing up his elbow. When he was done there, he moved back to another unfinished sketch, this time the cut of Tony's hip. "I used to really worry you'd find some kind of doodle I'd done of you," Steve admitted quietly.
---
“I don’t know about that. Better might be pushing it.” Steve drew him with flattering lines, his biceps perfect and the cut of his hip -- well. Just better. Tony thought maybe it was less sharp in the art than it was in real life. Maybe. Maybe not. Steve did have a perfect memory, after all, and he’d certainly looked his fill.
He leaned in a little closer, until his shoulder pushed a little against Steve’s, close and fond. This wasn’t an easy week, but he wanted something familiar. “Really?” he asked, tickled over the very concept. “Been drawing me for very long, then?” When had those drawings and doodles started, he wondered?
---
Whatever way Tony was that was what Steve wanted. He'd been more built before space, before wasting away up there, but he didn't notice when it came to getting his hands on him. When Steve looked at him now, it was in quiet awe, that after so much looking he was allowed to do more. But not just that, he could whisper sweet things in his ear, hold his hand, be cared for- everything.
Tony leaned into him and Steve let out a soft sigh, it was nice, it made it easier to forget he wasn't himself. "Since I met you, sure," he said with a little shrug and maybe he was blushing. "I tend to draw what's on my mind, what I like to look at." And even when they'd been at odds Tony had always been both of those things.
---
Being able to touch and look without a feeling of longing or shame was pretty novel still, even Tony would admit that. This wasn’t something he’d ever really thought feasible, especially not after the last few years. But here they were. Even if they weren’t the same people they’d been before.
Well, no. They were the same people. They’d just changed. They’d both grown with time and experience, and even if things were off-kilter right now, Tony’s opinion hadn’t changed. He still felt kind of amazed that this was a thing.
He smiled, and it was one of those soft, private smiles that he didn’t offer to anyone but those he was the very closest to. “Thinking about me right now, huh, Steve?” It was cute, kind of. Enough to make him forget momentarily that he might very well have been the most stressed out person in town.
--
Looking like this again reminded Steve a lot of longing and shame, about before the war and a life spent a little lonely on the sidelines. How much he'd wanted exactly what he had now with Tony but never dreamed it could actually be real. What now? Would he lose it? Would he ever be back to the self people knew him by?
Tony still looked at him so fond and warm and it made a lump in Steve's throat form that was hard to swallow away. "Yeah," Steve said and he didn't shy away from it. "My favourite thing to think about," he said as he knocked his shoulder gently against Tony.
He set down his book before leaning back on his hands with a little sigh. "I miss being myself," Steve confessed. "I mean, I know this is technically me but it- well it was never much fun being like this."
----
Art or not, Tony was pretty aware that Steve was troubled -- and of course he was, why wouldn’t he be? It wasn’t like it was normal, him reverting back to how he’d started. That was scary, most definitely. And feeling bad most certainly wasn’t helping.
And Tony was trying to figure it all out, he really was. But he didn’t know where to start because everyone’s afflictions were so different. The only thing they had going for them was that all the non-powered people were fine. And that wasn’t much.
“Hey,” he said softly. “We’ll fix it, honey. You’ll be back to normal in no time. Until then, just -- I don’t know. Enjoy the time we have together where neither of us can reach stuff on the top shelf of the cabinets.”
---
It was scary sure and Steve didn't like not feeling well, hadn't had to even think about it for so long. But it was different for him than it was for the others. They might have lost an ability here or there, but they got to keep their own selves. Steve felt completely foreign in his skin and what really scared him was the idea that Tony might not ever learn to love this skin.
And could Steve blame him? Of course he couldn't. Anyone who'd signed on to be with him before would never think this was what they'd be saddled with. It was a whirlwind of bad feelings and Steve had a terrible track record of dealing with those. But he was there, he was there and he was trying to be open with him because he knew Tony needed the support and at least Steve could still be that.
Steve huffed out a little laugh, but he wasn't really amused, it was more because he knew Tony was trying to look on the bright side. "And what if we don't?" He asked quietly. "What if I'm stuck like this?"
-----
Yeah, Tony was pretty well aware that Steve didn’t think his joke was all that amusing, but laughed anyway. That was Steve in a nutshell - he could be having the worst day ever and he was still going to try and make sure Tony was alright first.
It was as stupid as it was endearing, it really was.
But what wasn’t endearing was this -- whatever it was that was going on constantly in Steve’s head that he wasn’t talking about. Or hadn’t been, right up until he’d asked that question. And Tony looked at him, all squinty and thoughtful. “Then you’re stuck like this,” he said. And maybe it wasn’t that simple, but it wasn’t like anything ever was for them. “And we deal with it.”
--
Tony made it sound so simple, that they'd deal with it and that should have made him feel better but it didn't. Steve looked as miserable as he felt, small and vulnerable and utterly out of sorts. How could Steve expect Tony, beautiful and work of art Tony to deal with him? Because Steve knew he'd try, of course he would and that almost made it worse.
"Tony, come on," he said quietly. "This isn't what you signed up for, do you think I'd expect you to settle for this?" Steve asked as he gestured to himself. He was no fool, Steve had lived life before the serum and after it and the different way people had treated him. Being conventionally attractive made you visible in a way that had taken a lot of getting used to.
Even squinty Tony was gorgeous and Steve huffed as he shook his head. "I don't even like looking at myself like this."
---
Okay. That was -- maybe a bit harsher than Tony had expected Steve to go -- both on himself and (not intentionally, probably) on Tony, too. It took a few seconds for him to really even swallow it all down, for the words to really sink in.
He got it, okay? He got that Steve wasn’t feeling good, and that his self esteem was in bad shape. Maybe worse shape than what Tony had originally imagined -- because, well, Tony didn’t think Steve looked bad like this at all. He was sharp and small and very different in looks than before but that didn’t mean he was unattractive by any measure.
“You’re what I signed up for,” he countered, a little annoyed that Steve was even trying to speak for him on this matter. “I said that, didn’t I? That this was it. And -- are you trying to break up with me?”
---
Steve didn't mean it to be harsh, he was actually surprised how bad it sounded when he said it out loud. It had just been so long since he'd felt like this, changing into Captain America had brought its own new and different problems, so all of this was a not so welcome reminder. He hadn't thought about it though, about if he and Tony had met before if the chemistry would still exist? Now they were living it and Steve was terrified.
"What? No," Steve said quick and firm as he grasped Tony's forearm. There would be no way, not after everything he'd put Tony through that he'd dream of putting him through that too. Which was maybe what it sounded like, like he was trying to end it for him and that- Steve shook his head. "I'm sorry- that wasn't fair and I know, I know there's no version of you I wouldn't love and I'm making you out to be some shallow jerk and you're not I just-" Steve made a frustrated sound as he ran his fingers through his hair.
"I want to be the man you want, not just the man you love," he said quietly.
---
Well, that was something at least. Tony didn’t have it in him to have to deal with all this on top of heartbreak, too. He really didn’t. He exhaled, tilted his head back and just stared at the ceiling for a moment. “It wasn’t fair,” he agreed in repetition. Even though, okay, it wasn’t like Steve didn’t have a point, exactly. Couples most certainly did better when they were attracted to each other.
But that wasn’t really the problem here. And he supposed, really, it hadn’t even occurred to him that it might have been because he’d never once thought this version of Steve unattractive. Tony’s first reaction was to be glib and to demand if Steve was fucking around with him, except it was pretty obvious he wasn’t. So he willed himself to relax a little, to find the words he wanted without any of his usual sarcasm.
“Steve,” he said, matching his tone, “You’re still stupidly good looking. Ten out of ten, would sleep with.” Okay, so maybe there was a little sarcasm, but it was a good heartfelt kind.
----
Steve wasn't full of confidence on the best of days and this was most certainly the worst. It wasn't that he feared Tony would wrinkle up his face in disgust, of course not and while the heat wasn't what really mattered in their relationship he still enjoyed it. When Tony looked at him all dark eyes and wanting? You'd have to be made of stone not to love it.
He gave a little laugh, more genuine this time as he looked up at him. Things had been tough before the serum for a number of reasons, his health the main one, but Steve had been lonely back then. Bucky had been the best friend anyone could have asked for, but he'd longed to have that connection with someone and no one had ever looked twice at him.
"If 5'4" and 95 pounds does it for you," he said as he reached out to rest his hand on Tony's chest.
---
“You do it for me,” Tony said honestly. “And not just in an -- emotional way, okay? Even though that’s pretty important, too, I’d say,” and oh boy, explaining himself was weird and he was bad at it, apparently. “You’re still hot Steve. I saw you frowning at something earlier today and it nearly did me in. You do stern in a way that makes me wanna drop the rest of my plans for the day. It’s stupid, okay?”
It wasn’t like 95 pounds and short people normally did it for him, but normally those people weren’t Steve. He looked right back when Steve looked at him, all honesty and serious expression, and covered the hand on his chest with his own.
---
"It is important," Steve said as he pressed his fingertips more firmly against his chest. He was unsure even as Tony said it, but he blushed because of course he did, how could he not with Tony saying those things about him? Maybe he should have doubted him, but Tony always told the truth to a fault and Steve wanted to believe him, needed to right then.
He was feeling better, the symptoms were mostly gone and it was just the biggest symptom that remained and with feeling better came how much he missed being close to Tony. "You do it for me," Steve agreed as he pushed up to kiss him. Instead of manhandling him like he usually could Steve had to work with what he had and scrambled into his lap.
---
Steve should have believed him. Because it was true, Tony was honest to a fault - he’d never seen any point in lying about important stuff (omitting or failing to mention something, sure, he was only human).
And he definitely had never lied about sex or who he was attracted to. If he said he wanted Steve, he meant it.
It was different, sure, but Tony couldn’t say that Steve’s weight in his lap was a bad thing, not at all. He settled his hands on too-narrow hips and had to smile about how Steve always ended up a little taller than him anyway before leaning in and kissing him back. Maybe he could put everything he was unable to properly express in words into that instead.
--
The inhalers had helped a lot with Steve's asthma, they were much better than what he'd had back in the 1940's and he breathed in deeply through his nose as Tony kissed him. Steve had missed him, sure they'd been next to each other and he'd been trying not to pull away, but it had been lacking some of that intimacy Steve had been reveling in since that first kiss.
Kissing Tony was familiar but still new and he pulled up the side of his shirt to get his hand underneath just wanting to touch the heat of his skin. Maybe he was small, but he was still himself and Tony was still everything that he wanted and he never wanted to lose that.
"How am I supposed to be a good patient when you're around?" Steve asked against his lips.
---
Yeah, knowing that Steve was going to be able to breathe okay while being kissed felt pretty damned important to Tony, honestly. Not that he hadn’t wanted to kiss him before, but after getting that inhaler the first day -- well. It was worth the wait. It’d been a struggle watching him at that point, so he really hadn’t been thinking about intimacy of any kind.
But here they were now, Steve on his lap and looking pleased for the first time in -- well. Since this all started. And that felt important. Tony rubbed his thumbs over the just of Steve’s hipbones, well aware that this was something that Steve usually did. “You’re absolutely right,” he said. “I’m a very bad influence. Just the worst. What should we do about it?”
--
Steve hadn't been thinking about intimacy while he'd been unwell, it was enough to just have Tony in his space and to feel reassured by that. But he felt well now, even if what lingered was this damn body. So he was starting to feel restless, because Tony was gorgeous and sweet and his and Steve wanted him all the time, especially because it had been a while since they'd had the chance.
He inhaled through his nose, looking down at Tony's hands on his hips and it was almost easier to stand what he saw because his hands were there as well. Steve laughed, something small and genuine because it felt so good to have this little piece of normalcy. "Just the worst," he agreed. "Why don't we go somewhere I can get you out of all these clothes and get a good look at you? You know. For art."
----
“For art?” Tony teased with a laugh. “Well, who am I to say no to that? Paint me like one of your French girls, sweetheart.” As if either of them ever needed to come up with a reason to get the other one naked. And jesus, Tony hoped that would never be the case. Even now, Tony wanted to look. Was maybe a little extra interested just because - well. How could he not be curious? Steve was gorgeous normally, muscular and filled out just right, but that didn’t mean Tony wasn’t just as interested in sharp angles.
“Lemme up,” he said, leaning in to kiss at Steve’s jaw, pressing his nose against the skin there, practically nuzzling. “Bedroom.” Definitely.
---
Sure Steve didn't know what Tony was talking about or why French Girls were relevant but he did hear him say sweetheart and that did things to him. Even like this he was Tony's sweetheart and it wasn't that he'd been doubting that, he'd just been doubting himself. What he needed wasn't just Tony to want him, but maybe to experience feeling good in this body.
They weren't the only people who lived there and Steve was happy to let him up to get somewhere with the desired privacy. He reached down to help Tony to his feet, offering him both hands. "You are gorgeous," Steve said with a sigh as he took him in. "Listen to me, you take my breath away, even if that's easy to do these days," he added with a little smile. It was cheesy sure, but the thing was Steve was crazy about him and cheesy came with the territory.
---
Of course Steve was his sweetheart. Once Tony really, really got to a comfortable point in their relationship, it was likely Steve would have doubts about what his own name was anymore, Tony tended to lay it on so thick. Right now was just the tip of the iceberg (Titanic reference number two, you’re welcome) while he tested out the waters of what he did and did not like.
Tony was a little tickled that Steve reached down to help him up, but he took both the hands offered and the help anyway, even though -- well. It certainly wasn’t necessary. He smiled a little over the compliment and the cheesy joke both. “That’s terrible,” he said, but leaned in for a kiss anyway - just a quick thing before he dragged Steve in the direction of the bedroom. “If you’re going to be breathless, we should at least have a better reason for it.”
--
Steve liked it thick and he eagerly awaited Tony's every pet name, every sweet word. Both of them had experienced a lack of that in their lives and were making up for it then now that they were together. Back in the 1940's he'd never dreamed of having a sweetheart like this, not openly and proudly with a man like Tony. Looking the way that he did now took him back there and rather than hating it, he was starting to want to make the most of it.
Especially with Tony dragging him back to their room. Steve shut the door behind him, his arms up around the other man's neck the moment it was closed as he leaned up to kiss him. It was strange to lean up like that, when he was used to ducking down, but he wasn't going to let it bother him.
Of course as soon as he'd started feeling better this had been on his mind, that need for touch and desire to feel Tony's body against his own. They were in love and it was still so new and Steve pushed up on his toes, tugging Tony's bottom lip with his teeth.
---
Frankly, being able to lean down for once was a pretty novel thing for Tony, who unless he was in his Suit so rarely amounted to being taller than anyone. Even Pepper in the right heels could dwarf him. So this was -- different. Practically fun, not having to lift himself up on his toes for once.
And of course Steve went and nibbled at his bottom lip and Tony huffed out a breath that hovered between interested and amused and pressed Steve against the door, fingers already trailing down to pull Steve’s shirt off. He was all about foreplay but today didn’t seem like a day for stretching things out forever.
--
Tony wasn't short, it was just that the rest of them tended to be tall. He was the perfect height really, Steve didn't get a crick in his neck kissing him but he liked leaning down, being over him, crowding him back against things. Although he'd had a few thoughts about Tony done up like a pinup, shoes included, not that he was about to go getting into that. It was different though, being so much shorter now.
It took his mind off of it to have Tony push him back, his hands already on his skin. Steve was already turned on, because it was Tony and he'd been sleeping beside him and not touching him for days. He lifted his arms above his head obediently, trying not to get self conscious now, not when Tony had told him he wanted him.
---
There was no point in getting self conscious. Not with Tony. Not about this. He tugged Steve’s shirt off, and then his own for the sake of equality. “Look at you,” he said, and it sounded nothing but reverent. He’d seen Steve -- this version, even - shirtless before, but it was a lot different when he was fighting for breath as opposed to this. Much different.
And frankly, it wasn’t like Steve’s size was going to stop him crowding Tony into things if he really wanted to do it.
“C’mon,” he said, gesturing to the bed with a wicked smile.