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Not THAT Jean Grey (theotherjean) wrote in snapthread,

"I can relate," Jean replied. It didn't happen often, but her feelings ran parallel with Tony's down the river of his thoughts. They felt the same way and, in that rare moment as a telepath, it was like they were thinking one shared thought. Pressing her opposing thumb into her left palm, Jean reared out of that river before she got swept away deeper into Tony's mind, deeper than she wanted to go and certainly deeper than he would want her to be. It faded away and she found herself back in reality with her feet on the ground.

"When I got ripped out of my timeline and stranded in the future, I learned about what the older version of me had done. Really terrible, awful things, I..." She felt herself shudder because it was real to her. "Things I can't ever fathom. And she'd died horrible deaths, time and time again. And everyone knew her name. And they loved her and feared her and I wasn't--I'm not that person. But they treat me like I am. Or like it's inevitable."

Jean looked up at the sky and took a breath, feeling her lungs fill with air until the pressure felt like they could burst.

"And maybe it is because I have her memories. These things I haven't done, that I wouldn't even possibly do for another ten years, they're like past prologue to me now. I remember it all. I've felt it all. Everyone I murdered. Every time I've died. It's like I can't be my own person. Like the choice is being taken away from me until nothing about me remains and I just become...her." Become Phoenix.

"So I know what it's like," she swallowed hard and wet her dry lips, "to feel like your stuck in some impossible shadow. Like people don't see you."