Bucky didn't expect her to leap into his arms and tell him she loved him too. He didn't expect her to tell him everything was going to be okay. He didn't expect anything. That was exactly why he wanted her to go first. He needed her to know that no matter what she had to say, that it wasn't going to change what he had to say to her. Because he knew, or at least, he had a very strong suspicion, that she was going to tell him more about how she felt about Clint and what had been going on between them. He needed her to realize that not only was he happy for her about that, but that it didn't change the fact that he still loved her. He still had those feelings for her regardless. Maybe it was selfish, because he certainly didn't want her to feel guilty for not returning those feelings. But part of him thought, maybe she did. They'd flirted a little, they'd kissed and that had made him feel a lot. But he he wasn't trying to compete with Clint. He'd never do that. He just needed to be honest. As he'd said, after everything with Steve, he couldn't go through that again.
Her drawing her hand away, it did make him wonder if maybe he'd just been selfish -- that he needed to talk to her about it but maybe she didn't want to hear it. Bucky wasn't the greatest at any of this. Neither of them were.
"Of course it was real," he said, because even if nothing came from his confession, she needed to know that was the truth. "It was more real than anything I've ever felt." And he could say that, because even though he had real feelings for Steve, they'd never come to fruition. "It still is, Natalia," he said. "I know it's been longer for you, I know you love someone else. I'm not.. I don't.. We can leave this conversation here and I won't bring it up again if you don't want me to. But for me, it's still real. What I feel for you, what I've always felt for you. It's real." This was taking a lot out of him. Like she'd said, Bucky was more of an 'actions speak louder' type of person, but he didn't think he could take action here. Not right now, anyway.
"And it's not -- I'm not just saying this because I can't be with Steve. That I need you to know is the absolute truth. I've been wanting to talk to you about it for a year, I've just made excuses that don't mean shit in the long run and I've been beating myself up over ever since you got here," he said. "And I don't expect anything, you don't even have to say anything about it if you don't want to. But I love you. I do, so much."