Bucky's own anger had flared more than he could even believe it had. He'd been so careful, to keep his emotions in check, to stay stoic because it was safe. But when Steve Rogers was involved, emotions were always going to run high. Bucky had, in the past, devoted his entire life to Steve. Yes, he took out women and put on a great show of being untamed and carefree. But that couldn't have been further from the truth. If Steve had ever said he didn't want him to go, then Bucky would've stayed home. If Steve had ever said he wanted more, Bucky would've given him everything and then some. Even if they only could ever show it behind the closed door of their apartment, he would've given Steve every bit of himself.
The signs were there, and he knew it. Surely Steve knew it too. It wasn't like it was stereotypical heterosexual behavior for two men to get under blankets together way too close on a tiny sofa. None of the other Howlies shared a tent out in the field. But for as present as the signs were, it wasn't enough to make Bucky jump the way he should've. Steve hadn't either. What if they had?
"I didn't even know what I was doing, or feeling! How was I supposed to explain it, to answer any questions you had when I'd only just remembered it myself. I'm not exactly a fucking expert at expressing myself these days." He would've said more, but Steve's next statement was even more of a shock to his system. And not the good kind.
"Wow," he said. "Well that makes me feel amazing, Steve. I guess I should just be so grateful you found it in you to leave with me that day." He couldn't believe Steve just said that. "I guess that's why you're with him all the time now, and I never see you. I'm so sick of being alone. I was alone in Romania, I was alone in Wakanda, I'm alone here. The second I try to get close to someone else you swoop in acting like I've done you some horrible wrong, like I've wounded you because I didn't clear it with you first. Well I could say the same to you about your roommate. Guess you don't have to run any of that by me." Bucky felt his resolve slipping away. His heart was hurting so badly and all he wanted was to rely upon the bond that he cherished so dear, the bond that had saved his life when nothing else could.
"What happened, Stevie? Why are we here? Why are we screaming at each other? Why does it hurt so bad?"