"Somehow, despite everything that HYDRA did to me and everything the KGB did to her, we fell in love. We had to hide it, of course. Sneak around, cling to whatever moment we could find to spend together hidden away out of fear we'd get caught. But I was becoming more human than weapon everyday. I still didn't remember anything about who I was." He needed that to be clear. He needed Steve to know that. He needed him to understand that he hadn't remembered him or the life they had, there was no driving force there that made him want to flee to come back, to search for Steve to tell him he was alive.
"I did something stupid, let my emotions get the better of me when she was in danger, and they figured it out," he said. "I thought they'd put us both down right then and there, but of course they wouldn't do that. They could just reprogram me, right? So they dragged me away and underwent hours of electroshock damage control. They specifically targeted my brain, to wipe every memory I had of her away and replaced it with the desire to kill her should I ever see her again." He frowned deeply.
"It's why I shot her in the stomach in Odessa. It's why I went after her specifically in DC. It's why I stopped trying to get away and nearly choked her out after Zemo triggered the Winter Soldier. I didn't remember her, or what she and I had until after Shuri fixed my brain. And by then..." He shook his head. "She was always going off on missions with you, Sam, and Wanda. It's not something I could just casually bring up. And then Thanos happened and--" He stopped and took a breath. He needed a minute, and he was sure Steve did, too.