Remus didn't fault Sirius for not paying attention to the whisperings going on when they were getting out of school and trying to start their young adult lives. That was how it should have been. Even though they were out of school by then, they were still young and deserved the chance to enjoy themselves. Sirius, he believed, deserved it more than most. Remus would always believe that. Even though the war needed to happen because Voldemort needed to be stopped, it wasn't fair that things were the way they were to begin with. It never should've been that bad. But life wasn't fair, and they all got dumped on because of it.
He sucked in a shaky breath and exhaled slowly to try to make the tears stop. It was the first time he'd cried in a very long time, because he'd sort of settled into a state of numbness over the last few months and it'd taken talking through the events that took place to bring him back out of it and feel all that pain again. Getting the tears to stop was difficult, but he eventually managed it.
"I've missed you so much," he admitted, and he didn't feel like a traitor for coming to terms with that anymore. He'd been so confused, so tormented by thinking he was supposed to believe Sirius to be a villain but not wanting to and not truly thinking it. He was caught with conflict feeling he was betraying James and Lily by missing Sirius, but also not wanting to think Sirius was guilty. In other words; he was horribly distressed and all he wanted was to find some tiny shred of solace and comfort from his best friend -- the one person he couldn't get to.
The one person who was right in front of him, even if he wasn't from the same time.
"I'm sorry, it's selfish of me to say it but I.. I have."