The methods used to erase Bucky's memories were nothing short of barbaric and horrifying. Cruel and inhumane were a start in describing the things that had been done to him, and that didn't even begin to touch on the residual effects. For several years now, Bucky had been slowly regaining his memories; moments in time he'd suddenly recall. Sometimes it was when he'd breathe in a certain scent, or someone would say something that someone else had said to him long ago, or he'd hear a song, or see an image -- something, would bring back a memory. Other times, it was nothing at all. He'd just be struck by a recollection of something that happened. Whenever he could, he wrote those memories down. When he was hiding out in Bucharest, he had stacks of journals filled with those memories. There was no telling what had happened to those after he'd fled. Probably they were in evidence bags in a crime lab or something.
Sometimes, Bucky didn't know if the memories were real or not. He wasn't sure if they were just dreams, thoughts of things he wanted to be true, or nightmares that haunted him and made him double over in shame. Steve had been able to verify some things, once they'd gotten the chance to really talk. But the one part of his memory that had really struck him like lightning, was the memories he regained of Natalia Romanova.
There might've been some inkling of recognition on his end in the past; when he'd gotten particularly angry on the bridge that day when she'd shot and hit his mask -- he'd taken it pretty personally and let her know it by way or raining bullets in her direction, even struck her with one. And then, he'd not really thought much of it beyond the fact that he'd naturally been drawn to her weapons drawer on the Quinjet -- a gun he still carried to this day.
The memories hit him, however, after Shuri had finished removing all the damage Zola and other HYDRA scientists had done to him over the years. Specifically, they'd made sure to wipe every part of her from his memory, so much so that they'd put a pretty hefty emphasis on him to try to kill her if he ever saw her again. When Bucky remembered everything, it hit him hard. So hard he'd actually had to sit down and sit in silence for a long time. To suddenly remember he'd been in love, during a time when he wasn't meant to feel anything at all, was shocking, to say the least.
It was more than infatuation; it was love that ran so deep in his veins that he'd risked everything just for stolen moments with her. He admired her, he respected her. And it hit him -- her memories had been left intact. She'd been forced to watch them erase his, but she still knew. She knew when he'd gunned her down in DC, when he'd attacked her after Zemo triggered the Winter Soldier, when they stood on opposing sides at that airport. When she let him and Steve go. She'd known all along. He'd known while they were all in Wakanda, but it wasn't like that was something one could just bring up casually in passing -- hey, we used to risk our lives on the daily to try to be together, cool.
Her words on the net about not making it immediately set off a need to talk to her. When they'd both arrived, Bucky felt his features soften a little. His jaw didn't clench so much.
"If I knew which house you were in, I would've just come to your window, Natalia," he said, and he too smiled.