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Tweak says, "I ain't wannabe, I'm gonnabe"

mr. bucket; buckets of fun (sgt_barnesjb) wrote in snapthread,
@ 2019-11-12 18:36:00

Entry tags:

bucky barnes (mcu), steve rogers (mcu)

WHO: Steve Rogers (MCU) & Bucky Barnes (MCU)
WHAT: Steve tells Bucky the BIG PLAN
WHERE: The gym
WHEN: After his talk with lil T
RATING: Low

Bucky was always up for going to spend some time with Steve. He was his best friend, after all. So when Steve had asked him to come meet him at his makeshift gym, Bucky of course agreed. It'd been a little bittersweet after the whole age-shift situation had passed. Being so young, those feelings he and Steve had shared for each other even as very young teens had come back a bit, even though they'd both still held onto their connections with Clint and Tony, despite not necessarily understanding the depth of them or what they meant. When they suddenly found themselves grown again, it brought with it a bit of nostalgia and while it didn't change anything at all, they'd been reminded of what had once been. Bucky didn't dwell on it, and he doubted Steve did either. It actually kind of.. reaffirmed that even though they'd kind of fucked up with each other they'd still wound up finding true love that they both were utterly head over heels for and learned to love each other as best friends again. It was good. Things were good.

He'd gotten a little caught up at home so he was running a little bit later than he'd intended. Tony the Goat had lost his glasses and fuck all if he hadn't been screaming at Bucky non-stop until he found them. Even the Bucky tried to plead with him that he'd look when he returned later or that he'd give him some extra leftover pizza if he could just go, the damn goat screamed even louder. It'd turned out that the Pokemon in the house were playing a joke and had hidden them in Bette Davis' electric wool. But that crisis was averted (after some serious static electricity shocks on Bucky's end) and the goat and his sunglasses were reunited. Fuck.

Bucky entered into the gym, having run over. It didn't leave him winded but his hair was a bit messed up from the jog. "Steve?" He called out, looking around for his best friend.

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captainhandsome
2019-11-13 07:55 pm UTC (link)

When you were as old as they were you could see life was a series of choices. It was mistakes made and things selected and life was what you made it. Their future had been in the 50's, it didn't belong here, because here there was Tony and Clint and sometimes just looking at Tony could knock the wind right out of Steve's lungs. That was his future and he'd missed out once, he wasn't going to miss out again. But being young again and running hand and hand with his best friend, it had been nice for a moment, to revisit the innocence of that. But he was glad they were back in the bodies and the ages that they belonged in.

He'd spoken with Tony, the little one, about his plan and then when that was in motion Steve knew he needed to talk to Bucky too. Not because he had to, to soften a blow or whatever, nothing like that. But because this was big and exciting and something he wanted to share with his oldest friend.

Steve had been out the back, hanging one of the new punching bags for a little change of location when he heard Bucky calling. "Out here, Buck," he called back toward the door that stood ajar. "Starting you think you stood me up."

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sgt_barnesjb
2019-11-15 12:00 am UTC (link)

The future, their future, was something that neither man could've ever predicted a century ago. They were on such a different path now that if someone would've told Bucky where he'd be in a hundred years he would've laughed and called that person a lunatic. It'd all happened, and now they were living in an alternate world of sorts, together, but not together and still the best of friends and happily in love with other people. It really was like having cake and getting to eat it, too. Sometimes Bucky still worried that there was some sort of impending doom lurking about just waiting to strike but ultimately he was just happy all the fucking time and goddammit they all fucking deserved it. Everyone in this weird town deserved it.

He heard Steve call back to him and smiled a bit as he walked toward the sound of his voice. "What? Never," he said, as he walked out back and through the door to find Steve. "I mean, I know I stood up a few dames way back when so the odds might've been semi-decent. But I'm not as much of a cad these days." He closed the gap to hug his best friend; a typical greeting. "Need any help back here?"

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captainhandsome
2019-11-17 10:21 pm UTC (link)

Seeing Bucky happy was one of Steve's greatest joys. He'd been through so much in his life, pain that they'd talked about and pain that they hadn't. When Bucky was with Clint he could just be happy, the two of them clicked and Steve wanted that for him, for the both of them. So he'd have been happy for him regardless of his own situation, but having his own sweetheart, well it made everything better. Not to mention both of their someone's were incredibly understanding of a complicated history and didn't go making things complicated. So really it was a small miracle.

"No you're not," Steve agreed as he returned the hug. He held on for a moment longer, a second harder than the usual greeting before they stepped back. "No, no, it's done really, I wanted to talk about something else," he said before he landed a gentle punch against the bag to watch it swing.

"I'm going to ask Tony to marry me," he said after a second, because why not come out and say it. It wasn't like he thought Bucky would be upset, or was trying to soften the blow or anything like that. It was because he was excited and nervous and he wanted Bucky to be one of the first to know.

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sgt_barnesjb
2019-11-18 11:08 pm UTC (link)

It was indeed a miracle that they'd managed to both find love, work through their shared pain and loss, and come out of it on the other side happier than they imagined they could be. It'd taken some hard conversations, time to sort through it all but what they had between them could withstand anything thrown at it. And yes, having partners who understood there was a complicated past that worked beautifully for the two of them and who just left it at that was really a blessing. Tony and Clint were pretty amazing about that.

It would've affected Bucky a lot differently had he and Steve not had their discussion long ago about their feelings, about Tony Stark in general and how they were going to move forward. But they had, and Bucky knew full well now how happy Steve was in the life he was building here with Tony. Hell, Tony was even growing on Bucky at this point. He'd named a goat after him, for fuck's sake. From what he could see, they worked. More than that, Steve was happy. That was what Bucky had always wanted for him ever since they were little kids. And especially now. Steve had been carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders for the majority of his life, and if he was honest, he could tell that Tony did too. They deserved happiness and if they could find it together, then Bucky was all about celebrating that.

"Steve," he said, smiling warmly at him and pulling him into another hug. "That's amazing." He clapped his hand against his back and drew back to be able to look at his best friend, smile still on his face. "When? Have you figured out how you're going to do it?" Because he had a feeling it was going to be way different than him and Clint impulsively deciding to go find Elvis.

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captainhandsome
2019-11-19 10:58 pm UTC (link)

Steve and Bucky were a strange package deal, you didn't spend a lifetime together like they had and handle separation easily. Tony and Clint had both taken it in their stride how they'd been as children and that just cemented it for Steve how wonderful they both were. Understanding and selfless in ways that Steve still sometimes felt unworthy of.

But here they were. Worthy or not Steve knew what he wanted and what he wanted was to marry Tony. He'd shied away from commitment and telling the truth all his life, but with Tony it came naturally because he was ready and he was the one. Bucky hugged him and Steve relaxed a little as he hugged him hard in return. "I've got little Tony working on a ring," Steve explained as they pulled back and he gave Bucky's shoulder one last squeeze.

"I don't know, I don't want it to be too cheesy," Steve said with a sigh. "I don't want it to be in front of everyone, I just want to ask him." But he still wanted it to be romantic. The right time. Perfect. Things that were far easier said than done. "Give him space to say no, if that's not what he wants," Steve explained.

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sgt_barnesjb
2019-11-20 04:22 pm UTC (link)

They were a package deal. Inseparable, despite being separated for decades. They were always going to have a connection, a bond. That didn't go away no matter what the context of that bond actually was. Their partners were good about it in that they could recognize it was something only Steve and Bucky really understood and so they didn't try -- they just accepted that it was there and let it be. Bucky was forever grateful to Clint for that -- and honestly? To Tony, too.

"I can't imagine he'd say no," Bucky said. But then, Stark was kind of unpredictable. Bucky could see him thinking he wasn't good enough or some other self-deprecating reason for not thinking he should be marrying Steve. Bucky understood that; he still got like that sometimes before he received a sounding thaw on the head from his husband to get his head out of his ass. Hopefully Tony wouldn't go down that path. They were practically living as a married couple with two kids already. The American Dream at its finest.

"I think it just being the two of you is a good plan. Something intimate, small. But it'll be special, for you two to remember. Is there anything you need besides the ring? Anything I can do to help? Besides keeping Tony the goat from screaming during the big question."

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captainhandsome
2019-11-21 10:44 am UTC (link)

They'd been away from one another, but they hadn't truly been separate, they never could be. Even if they never saw each other again Steve would still feel him there, they were joined and even if he'd fought it, which he'd never had reason to do, it would remain. It was less complicated these days and less confusing, issues worked through and laid to rest, feelings dulled with time and circumstance and it could just be simple. Bucky; best friend and family.

That seemed to be the popular opinion and while he appreciated it, it was still hard to accept. He shrugged as he brought his hands up to rub over his face and then through his hair. They lived together as partners and lovers here, but back home his Tony had been married to someone else. So it worried him, that deep down, maybe Tony would want his old life back again.

"I don't think so, although thanks for the goat taming," he said with a little smile. Steve was nervous and excited and scared to be honest and he knew Bucky would know all that just from looking at him.

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sgt_barnesjb
2019-11-21 04:00 pm UTC (link)

Not even seventy years of brain washing had been able to take Steve Rogers completely out of Bucky Barnes' heart. That wasn't something that could just go away. They loved each other and thankfully the love they shared was strong enough to undergo change and evolve into what it was now. There was no other option. They weren't going to let each other go, but they'd been able to adapt what they had into that familial sort of love; a friendship that would never die, no matter what was thrown at it.

"You're nervous," he said with a little smile. It was something not just anyone would likely be able to pick out of the usual put together Steve Rogers, Captain America persona that was so well known back home and even around town. The Star Spangled Man with a Plan. The guy who was in the Smithsonian. But Bucky knew Steve. "You really love him a lot. And.. he loves you. Love has a way of making shit work, Stevie." They both knew that all too well.

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captainhandsome
2019-11-29 06:40 pm UTC (link)

They weren't who they'd been as kids, or younger men. They'd come to find a whole different world, that related more closely to both of their values. At the time it had sometimes felt like they were the only ones and here, well there was more here for them. Steve knew they'd done right by each other, by the memory of them and the future of them and as long as they could still stand shoulder to shoulder, that was really all that mattered.

"Yeah, yeah I am," Steve said with a flash of a smile. "I really love him and watching him marry Pepper, have a family with her, it was hard but he was happy, you know?" He said quietly as he leaned against the wall. "What if we don't stay here? What if we go back? What if he doesn't want me anymore?" That was something he could only say out loud to Bucky, maybe to Natasha as well, but the real truth, the feelings of inadequacy that came from growing up small and alone, never feeling like there was a place for him.

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sgt_barnesjb
2019-11-29 07:08 pm UTC (link)

Both he and Steve had changed in many ways, but at their cores, a lot was still the same. Who they were to each other was still the same, too. No matter what happened, Steve Rogers was someone Bucky would always stand beside. Whatever the situation, 'til the end of the line. The trick to that was, as far as Bucky was concerned, there was no end.

Hearing the paranoia and worry in Steve's voice, Bucky smiled. This was the side of Steve most people didn't see. He didn't have a plan, he didn't have a tactical way of thinking through those worries. This was where he needed a best friend, someone to have his back. Bucky could do that; he'd always do that. "I get it," he said. "There are times when I start to panic about that. If we go back, what then?" Clint was from a different world. "But you're getting ahead of yourself. We're here, right now. We're in a place where you two can be together, no questions asked. You can enjoy the hell out of your relationship and it doesn't have to be complicated. If we go back, maybe things can change from what was going to happen. But all we can do is make the most of what we've got right now. He's here, you're here. You finally kicked yourselves in the ass to be honest with each other and it's the best thing you could've done. Embrace the hell out of that, Steve."

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captainhandsome
2019-11-29 07:20 pm UTC (link)

Steve wanted to be the Man With A Plan, to have answers for all his questions. But there was none, he had none. Bucky's advice was sound, but of course he could just focus on that and Steve had to look fourty steps down the road. He sighed as he knocked their shoulders together, a little tussle. "I am embracing it, we are. But I want to marry him, to know wherever we are he's my husband and it'd kill me if he was someone else's instead," Steve said as he shouldered him again. "Just because you're so used to being adored doesn't mean we all are," he teased. It was far from the truth, it had been a long long time since Bucky had been with anyone, Steve didn't think he'd ever trusted someone enough for that until now.

For every fear there was five more, but Steve had made up his mind about this already, he was just talking it out now. "Even if he doesn't want to, I want him to know that he's the one for me, you know?" Steve said after a moment of silence. "That with all this unknown and everything that's happened I choose him, I choose loving him."

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sgt_barnesjb
2019-11-29 07:49 pm UTC (link)

"Adored or that I'm a cad? I think it would've depended on who you asked." The idea of being forced to go back where they came from was something that Bucky tried to block out, but sometimes those thoughts just kind of crept up on him and it was a terrible feeling. He'd gained so much by being here. He and Steve had worked through a great deal of self-discovery in their relationship, put to rest a number of unknowns, and were closer than ever. Beyond that, they'd gotten the chance to open their hearts to others and fallen in love. Bucky was married, for god's sake. If someone would've told him that in the 1930's, he would've laughed to the point of making himself sick. He also would've been ecstatic, especially finding out it was to a man. Though, admittedly, he probably would've thought that man to be Steve at the time. My, how times had changed.

"You have to speak your truth, Steve," Bucky said. "I think it's going to go a lot better than what's plaguing you now." Even though he could see Tony going through some self-loathing-I'm-not-good-enough-for-Mr.-Wonderful freak outs because man, he got that. But even so, he had a feeling the mayor was going to gain a husband sooner rather than later. He bumped their shoulders in a similar fashion. "I think him knowing that, what you just told me, is gonna go a long way. But I also don't think he'll need a lot of convincing. I think I better get started on a best man speech." He let their shoulders come to rest together. "Just know I'm here, however it goes. Here, back where we came from. I'm there for you. You know, all that end of the line stuff."

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captainhandsome
2019-11-29 08:06 pm UTC (link)

"Absolutely it would depend, Lauren Sullivan would say you're the Devil himself from what I remember," Steve said with a snort. They all shared that terrible feeling, in varying degrees. Worrying about Tony not wanting to marry him was far easier than coming to terms with going back to where he was from and knowing he was dead there. It sat in his chest like a stone. There were people here who didn't want to be, who wanted to go back, but they weren't those people. Steve wanted to stay, he wanted his people to stay. Here he had everything and going home meant giving up the love and family he'd never had the chance to truly have before. Things had changed but Steve felt for here and now, everything was as it should be.

Bucky knocked against him and Steve sighed, letting go a little of the tension and anxiety he'd been carrying around in his chest. He was right, he needed to just say what he felt and from there Tony could make his own choice. Steve turned and wrapped his arms around the other man's shoulders as he pulled him into a hug. "Just when I think we've got there, that end just gets a little further down the road," Steve said quietly into his hair.

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sgt_barnesjb
2019-11-30 03:09 pm UTC (link)

"Wow, I haven't thought about her in eighty years. That's probably why she things that way," Bucky said. He'd be the first to admit he was not the greatest when it came to his dating life back then, though there were plenty of reasons for that. None of them justified him kind of being a dick about dating any women long term though in his defense he'd never really given any false pretenses of settling down either. There'd just been a lot of dames who thought they could tame the cad of Brooklyn. Really, there'd only been one person who could've done that back then. Times, they had changed. There was one man in Starklandia who'd done it and his name was Clinton Francis Barton.

Bucky wanted to stay. He wanted to stay where he was, live his quiet (but also chaotic in the best way) life with Clint while knowing his best friend was close, happy and thriving nearby. He didn't want any of that to change or go away. Bucky understood that worry down to his core. The slightest change and all of this would go to hell with devastating consequences. This place was their only shot. Bucky was going to hold onto it as tightly as he could, for as long as he could.

His arms slid easily around Steve's narrow waist and he held on. No matter the context of their relationship, Steve would always feel like home, like a grounding force that kept him centered. He exhaled slowly. "It's never gonna end for us," he said back, just as quietly, into Steve's shoulder. "Whatever happens."

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captainhandsome
2019-12-04 10:47 pm UTC (link)

Steve had spent a lot of time going over it, over how stupid they'd been back then. Too proud and scared and settled for taking what they could get without risking too much. But he didn't anymore, because that chapter had closed, nearly labeled 'Past' and set aside as just the way things were. There was always going to be something, a connection there that couldn't be broken, something that tied them that was more than just history but devotion. But it didn't hurt anymore, it had settled into the background as a comfort, Bucky his friend. But Steve would still burn the world down again for him if he had to.

It would have been hard to see Bucky unhappy here, because of how much Steve wanted to stay. Even then he wouldn't have been able to bring himself to want to go back. So it was good they were on the same page, that he could watch Bucky finally get some peace and not have to take a plane trip to do so.

Whatever happens. Steve kissed Bucky's temple, letting out a slow breath. They were lucky, not only to have each other but to have two fellas who maybe didn't get it, or like it all the time, but accepted what they had together. "Whatever happens," Steve agreed as he gave Bucky's cheek a gentle playful slap and cracked a smile. "You better not bring that goat to my wedding."

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