It was best not to examine it too closely. He'd known, as soon as he opened his mouth, that there were a few things about his version of their lives that couldn't be. He'd also known that it wouldn't be a possibility. His life back home was over. So was Stan's. There was no going back to what either of them had had before. The two of them were stuck in Starklandia until they died or disappeared. Some days he was okay with that. He had Richie, Stan, and the hope that, one day, the other Losers would join them. Other days, however, he found the thought depressing. He'd never see California. Never get to properly divorce Myra. He'd never see another of Richie's comedy specials, read another one of Bill's books. There would be no calls from Mike to tell them about Florida and no wedding to attend for Ben and Bev. He still didn't know if he had ever wanted them but no children to adopt either. So, this ideal life, it was just something to smile and dream about but not to talk about too in depth or to actually examine.
"Tell me about it." He said softly because he understood. Growing up in Derry was difficult. Growing up with either of their families was difficult. It complicated things. It made that sort of thing hard to accept or, in Stan's case, to even think about. And, yes, Eddie knew. He knew he liked boys and that he liked Richie a lot more than he should've but he tried not to think about it. Tried not to consider it because it was impossible and he had been told so many times that it was wrong. He understood in the same way that Stan understood what had been going on in his mind.
What his mother and Derry had never really been able to stop was the love he had for all of his friends. The way these six other kids had become a part of him. How they all held a piece of his heart. He loved them and he knew that they all loved him. If they had been allowed to remember each other they would've found their way back to one another as soon as they could. He would've escaped his mother and never would've married Myra. Bev never would've married her husband and Bill... well, he didn't know how Bill felt about his own wife. Speaking of Bill, however, Eddie actually managed to smile and look up at Stan. "I think it's important that you know that Big Bill Denbrough is now shorter than me. Mike could pick the guy up and carry him around if he wanted to." He was a little proud to finally be taller than someone.
That little victory only seemed to last for a few moments before the conversation moved back to things that were a little more serious and weighty. Maybe it was in a good way though. Hearing that there was a chance to grow and change and deal with the trauma of the town they grew up in was a relief. They weren't young men. Those days were behind them and had been wasted living in fear. There was still time though and a second chance even if Eddie didn't know what to make of this place sometimes. "I'm glad you and Richie are here with me for it." He murmured because they all deserved this chance to heal and put the past behind them.
He didn't resist when he was tugged closer. He simply moved enough so he could rest his head against Stan and get an arm around him. It was maybe a testament to his love and trust of the other Losers. When he was feeling anxious or upset he fell back on old habits. He didn't enjoy touch like this. He'd made Bill feel horrible because of it earlier but it had nothing to do with the other man. He would've avoided being touched by almost anyone. With Stan, however, he wanted to curl up with him. To touch and be touched and take the comfort that came with it. He smiled as Stan spoke. He'd never thought that his friend was a coward or the weakest of them. He just handled fear differently. He didn't have that same anger within him. When Eddie spoke, however, he made no mention of his bravery or the fear the two of them seemed to carry with them at all times. "I love you, too, Stanley." He said because hearing all of that meant more than he had the words to say and, really, Stan should know he was loved. "I'm glad we have you back. I'm sorry the others aren't here to tell you the same." He stopped and thought. "Or maybe I'm not. I'd hate to have to physically fight them for your attention."