I very much promise we're not all great at coping with things in a healthy manner. There's not....you know, a tiara anyone is going to get around here declaring them Princess Well-Adjusted. Certainly not me, certainly not anyone I'm close with. It's not a matter of being healthy about it, it's a matter of how long you've lived with it, and learning what it takes to set you off and where your soft places are. For you, it's pretty fresh. You can't have perspective on something until you have distance from it and righ tnow, you don't have distance.
Sometimes a thing fucks with you loudly, and if it never stops fucking with you, sometimes it learns to fuck with you more quietly. It does eventually quiet.
I had a conversation with Clint the other day where we talked about this, and the thing is - none of us have any standard to measure "normalcy" by. You know? I don't have a calibration for what constitutes a normal life for myself, but if I hear about something fucked up that happened to someone I love, I can immediately go "that's not fucking okay."
As far as the universe being decimated goes: that was not on you. And it was put right, eventually. I believe that. I have to believe that.
And maybe we disagree on that last part, because I don't think it's ultimately the same person, no. You are allowed to empathize with her. You are allowed to understand her thought process - in a way, she's you. There are similarities and throughlines. But you are not responsible for actions that you didn't commit. I don't know how much weight my feelings will have with you, you have to weigh it out for yourself, but if they have any weight at all, I do, at least, have something to back it up with:
In the world you and I come from, Loki is a person who did the one thing I could never forgive someone for doing. I do not take fights personally very often; I take him extremely personally. I don't think anger is an incredibly useful thing, a lot of the time, not for me at least; I hate him in a way I will never put down and will never surrender. If he were to show up here tomorrow, I would go to Tony, or I would go to Thor, and I would tell them to take my weapons away from me, and I would tell them to keep him away from me.
The Loki who's here is not that person. I was cold to him at first. And then I offered him a space working with me on the library, because he asked, and because Thor loves him, and because I cannot hold him responsible for something that he hasn't done. Something he hasn't even tried to do. I'm allowing myself to like him.
I don't know if that helps. But it's all I've got to show you I believe it.