SNARRY-A-THON12: FIC: No Sex Please, We’re Wizards Title: No Sex Please, We’re Wizards Author:veracityrules Pairing: Mention of past SS/OMCs/OFCs & HP/OMCs/OFCs Rating: NC-17 Word Count: 4,700 Content/Warnings: (highlight for spoilers) *Oral sex, rimming, mutual masturbation, intercrural sex, safe sex theme, EWE, It’s a miracle - Severus survives.* Prompt: #136 - Everything But Anal: Neither Severus nor Harry will bottom so they have sex every other way they possibly can. Summary: Snape finally agrees to have dinner with Harry but when the time comes, Harry finds out that Severus is very particular about what goes where and where things do not go! A/N: My very first Snarry and first attempt at writing again for over 3 years. Sincere thanks to the Snarry-a-thon12 mods for your patience. Also, thank you to badgerlady for beta-ing this fic at the last minute.
No Sex Please, We’re Wizards
Harry whistled a random tune as he confidently strode his way to the headmaster’s office. It had taken him over five months to get Severus to finally agree to have dinner with him. He had been trying since the start of the academic year, having taken up his offer to return to Hogwarts and teach defence. Harry knew it irked Snape no end that he’d had to resort to offering the ‘boy who lived to annoy Severus Snape’ the Defence Against the Dark Arts post but the headmaster simply had no choice in the end, following a catastrophic run of incompetent idiots who’d applied for the job.
Admittedly, Harry had never really got over his teenaged crush on the Half-Blood Prince. He had resigned himself to his fate after a number of ill-fated encounters with both male and female partners that had left him cold. These experiences had forced him to examine his preferences in earnest. This had led him to the realisation that the strongest attraction that he’d ever had was to the irascible Professor Severus Snape, which had ultimately prompted him to accept the job.
He approached the staircase to the headmaster’s office and, after a quick check of his surroundings ensuring he was alone, he quietly spoke the password, cringing as he did so.
“Slytherin is the best.”
The old man would roll in his grave if he knew, he thought.
The majestic statue began to move, revealing the hidden staircase, and for the first time since leaving his quarters he began to feel nervous as he ascended. Did Severus know his intentions or did he believe this to be a platonic meeting between acquaintances or, worse, merely colleagues? Harry thought he’d made his attraction obvious. Hell, he’d virtually stripped him with his eyes every time he looked at the man. The rest of the faculty were also aware of Harry’s attraction to the headmaster but because it was Snape, they knew better than to openly gossip over it.
He looked down at the bottle of merlot in his hand wondering briefly if he should have brought flowers instead as a suitable gift for Severus for their date, thus leaving him in no doubt of his intentions. However, before he’d even had chance to process that thought, he admonished himself. Flowers, for Severus Snape? Shit, he’d be on his arse outside his quarters quicker than a niffler on gold.
Anyway, it was too late for second thoughts: as he reached the top of the stairs, Severus was already waiting for him at the door. On seeing the older man, Harry was left in no doubt regarding Severus’ intentions. Harry felt overwhelmed as a good portion of his blood flowed south to his groin.
He stood rigidly, staring lasciviously at him. He had never seen Snape like this and he’d gambled that few others had either. He’d forgone his customary staid teaching robes for a three-quarter length black frock coat, with matching dress trousers and a plain white dress shirt. His hair was also different. He wore it loose as usual but it had been brushed thoroughly so it fanned softly over his shoulders. Harry licked his lips unconsciously; the man looked good enough to eat.
“Would you like to come in, Potter, or are you planning on standing there gawping at me all night?” Snape asked waspishly.
Harry dragged himself from his reverie.
“Er, yeah. Sorry, it’s just you look...” Snape stared at him intimidatingly. “...what? Great okay, you look great.”
Severus looked uncomfortable. It was clear to Harry that he was not used to receiving compliments.
“Yes, well you look, erm... very nice, too, Potter.” Harry grinned inanely back at him. “I see you’ve brought refreshments.” Harry lifted the almost forgotten bottle up in offering.
“Harry.”
“I’m sorry?” Severus said, perplexed.
“We’re on a date, Severus.” He said his name determinedly. “It’s not too much to expect for you to call me Harry and not Potter, alright?”
“Very well, I’m sure I can manage that, Harry,” he said for emphasis. He gestured for him to enter. “Do come in. This better not be any old cheap plonk either.” He reached out for the proffered bottle. Harry looked at him pointedly as Snape examined it.
“Hm, it’ll do, I suppose.” He conceded inwardly that the young man had made an excellent choice.
Severus guided him through the office area to his private quarters: a spacious living-cum-dining room that was tastefully decorated in the Hogwarts style.
Not Slytherin green, Harry mused.
Their meal had been laid out on a small round dining table, which looked to be infrequently used. Harry could sense the warming charm that the house elves had cast over the food. He wandered over, curious to see what Severus had chosen for them. It smelled delicious. Half of him had been expecting the Headmaster to serve up some disgusting fare just to revolt him and send him scurrying off back to his rooms in the defence tower. However, he guiltily acknowledged that he’d obviously made a real effort from what Harry could see.
“Drooling already, Potter?” Snape whispered into his right ear.
Harry nearly jumped out of his skin. He hadn’t noticed Severus stealthily creep up behind him as he perused their meal. He could feel the man’s body heat as he pressed against him. He shivered involuntarily as he thought about the hard planes of his lean physique touching him. It felt every bit as good as the fantasies he’d had over the years.
”Come,” Severus commanded.
“What!” Harry choked; his trousers were already tight from the proximity of the older man.
“Sit.” Severus had moved away and now chivalrously withdrew a chair for his guest.
He was going to have to get his mind out of his pants if he was going to survive the evening.
“I’m sorry, I was miles away Severus admiring all this wonderful food.” Good recovery, Potter. Just keep it up the manners and be respectful, he admonished himself silently.
Severus pushed in his chair as he sat down and moved to his own seat opposite. Having not been brought up with the best examples of culinary etiquette in the Dursley household, Harry decided to simply follow Severus’ lead. He waited to see what Severus did and copied him.
He watched as Snape carefully took the napkin from the table, unfolded it and elegantly draped it across his knee. He was glad he took this approach, as he would have uncouthly tucked the napkin into his collar. It was at that point a house elf appeared at the side of the table.
“You may serve the meal now Floppy.”
“As you be wishing, Headmaster Snape,” she said demurely.
Harry couldn’t recall having ever seen this elf. He knew most of the elves that worked in Hogwarts through his dealings with Dobby, Kreacher and Winky but this one was unfamiliar to him. Severus noted his curiosity.
“Floppy is the headmaster’s personal elf. She has been in post since Headmaster Dippet. Isn’t that so, Floppy?”
Floppy stopped serving the meal and turned towards Severus.
“Yes, Headmaster Snape. Floppy has been at Hogwarts since she was an elfling. Floppy was born to the last headmaster’s personal elf Mippy and comes from a long line of elves that serve the headmasters of Hogwarts, sir,” she stated proudly and carried on dishing up.
“Professor Potter is simply curious about you, Floppy. I don’t think he has met you before, even when you were serving Headmaster Du..Dumbledore.” Severus stuttered over the name infinitesimally but Harry noticed. The memory was still raw for both of them. Harry had forgiven Severus, having seen Albus’ Pensieve memories that he had left to exonerate him from his murder, but he wasn’t convinced that Severus had forgiven himself.
Harry decided to lift the mood that had descended by changing the thread of the conversation.
“Thank you, Floppy, for serving our meal,” he said respectfully.
“You is welcome, Professor Potter.”
The elf served the rest of their meal in silence. They talked amiably throughout the meal, mainly about school related topics, both consciously avoiding the subject of the war. Harry was surprised how comfortable he felt in the older man’s presence. He usually felt awkward when he was around Severus but he knew this was due to the sexual tension between them. It didn’t help matters that he was incapable of reading Snape. He appeared emotionless; his role as spy for the Order required him to be. The only time he showed any emotion was when he was berating Harry, which was probably the reason why he goaded him so.
After they had finished their meal, Severus guided them to a battered old chesterfield sofa near the fire to drink their coffee. Gradually, the restrictions on their conversation caused it to wane and the discomfiture between the two men became apparent.
Never one to back away from a difficult situation, Harry broached the subject. “Severus, you do realise that I am attracted to you?” Harry ventured.
“Look, Pot..Harry,” he corrected. “I’m flattered, truly I am, but I am over twenty years older than you and old enough to be your father.”
“Please, don’t. You’re not my father and age matters little to wizards. Shit, the average wizard lives to 180 years old. No one will give a toss when I’m 100 and you’re 120 and our balls are hanging down to our knees!” he joked, hoping that a little humour might lighten the moment.
Severus couldn’t suppress a grin at Harry’s comment but it didn’t last. Harry could see Snape building up to deliver a lecture as he switched into Professor mode.
“Harry, it’s not just the age difference. You are the darling of the Wizarding world and I am nothing but an old washed up ex-Death Eater.” Severus could see that Harry was about to interrupt but he held his hand up to prevent him. “I don’t care what people think of me, Harry, I never have. I was lucky to even survive the war, never mind to be allowed to continue in the prestigious role of headmaster of Hogwarts. It is the one thing in which I find comfort in this miserable existence that is my life and I will not jeopardise it.”
“Severus,” Harry put his hand on Snape’s knee. “I don’t give a crap about how I am perceived by the Wizarding world and you have been the only person in my life who never bought into the whole ‘the boy who lived’ shit. I would never intentionally jeopardise your job but I don’t see how our being involved would do so. Fuck ‘em anyway, it’s none of their business what we do behind closed doors. Everyone is entitled to a private life, no matter who they are. You and I have sacrificed so much for Wizarding society and we deserve a little happiness.” His eyes flashed angrily.
“Now you’re being naive, Potter, if you think they would leave us alone if they were to discover our association.”
Harry smirked knowingly at Severus’ comment. “When was the last time you read anything more than inane comments about me in the Wizarding press?”
Severus opened his mouth to answer him but as he thought about it, he realised that he hadn’t. He couldn’t recall reading anything disparaging about the young man over the last year other than the odd report about his public appearances and such.
“Precisely, you haven’t, and that’s because I hired the best damned law wizard money can buy to deal with the papers. I have the entire contents of the Potter and Black family vaults at my disposal, not to mention a third share in the profits of Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes. So I can afford to pay Kettleburn, Wigworthy and Skrewton to keep my name out of the gutter press.” Harry could see that Severus was impressed.
“I was sick and tired of being linked with this witch and that wizard,” he continued. “When the Daily Prophet started suggesting that I was the next dark lord rising, they crossed the line. I hired Augustus Kettleburn to represent me and we met with the editors of all the offending publications one by one. He informed them that if they printed so much as one more libellous story about me, they would take great pleasure in suing their arses for everything they had and when it was all over, I would either be the proud owner of the grubby little rags or they would be out of business for what they would have to pay in compensation. One way or another, they would all be unemployed.”
Severus raised his eyebrows. “I’m impressed, Mr Po..I mean, Harry. We could have made a Slytherin out of you after all.”
Harry refrained from telling him about his argument with the Sorting Hat on his first day. Nonetheless, he was still in the dark as to whether Severus would be receptive to his advances after his counter argument. It wouldn’t do any harm to bring it home.
“So that aspect aside, Severus. Would you be willing to erm...entertain my company, so to speak? I can assure you that I am not inexperienced when it comes to liaisons with men and I will be discreet.”
“Harry, I’m flattered, truly, but it’s been a long time for me and I don’t think that we would be, shall we say, compatible in that area,” he declared. It was obvious that he was trying desperately to be tactful.
Potter paled. “Oh my God. I can’t believe I could be so stupid.” He stood up clumsily in his embarrassment. “I apologise, Severus. I must have made you feel so uncomfortable. My only excuse is in my infatuation; I unconsciousably forgot to ask if you were even gay. Stupid, really, of course you’re not gay. You were in love with my mum. Forgive me, you have been very thoughtful not to humiliate me. I won’t trouble you any further, Headmaster.” He started walking to the door.
“Harry!” Harry didn’t respond, merely continued to leave. “For Merlin’s sake. Potter, don’t leave.” Harry stopped but didn’t turn around. “I swear it, boy, forget Slytherin, you missed your calling as a Hufflepuff!”
Harry turned and looked stricken at Severus’ words. Severus walked over to where he stood.
“Yes, Harry, I loved Lily - note past tense: loved. She was my first love, Harry, and I felt guilty at what I had done. I ruined our friendship out of temper by calling her a Mudblood. I then caused her and your father’s deaths by revealing the prophecy to the Dark Lord. My feelings got mixed up and twisted over the years, but please don’t think for one instant that I have been celibate for all these years. I’m a man, Harry, not a plaster saint. I have had my fair share of both women and men.”
“Well, if that’s the case, then what did you mean about us be not being compatible?” Potter asked, confused.
“Come back and sit down and I will try to explain. Come.” He beckoned. Harry returned to the sofa and sat down next to Severus, both men clearly nervous of each other.
“As I said, I have been with a number of partners during my adulthood. Some of them women, but men are mostly my preferred fare.”
“I don’t understand, then. What’s the problem if you like men? Is it just me, then? I thought you were through comparing me with my dad.”
“I have Harry, honestly. It’s just, well...shit, this is difficult. I’m erm...I’m very, shall we say, particular?” Severus stuttered uncharacteristically.
“Particular? I don’t follow.”
“I only, well...”
“Oh, I see. Well, that’s normal.”
“It is?”
“Yes. You see, I don’t mind either position to be honest. So you can top or bottom, whatever you prefer.”
“No, you misunderstand me,” shaking his head. “I don’t mean that at all. The fact is, Harry...”
“Yes?”
“The fact is, I don’t do either.”
“Huh? How can you not do either? You already said that you have had men and women, so how can you have done anything?”
“There are other acts besides penetrative sex, Potter.”
“So you don’t have sex. I mean up the arse. Not even topping, then?”
“No, Harry, not even topping.”
“What, never? Okay. May I ask why?”
“Well, yes, when I was younger and before I began to experiment with men, I had engaged in penetrative sex with women.” He saw Harry about to say something and anticipated what he was going to ask. “No, only vaginally.”
“Okay, carry on. I’m curious.”
“When I decided to experiment with men, it was the mid 1980s. The AIDS crisis was at its height. There were so many infections and diseases about. I got paranoid. There is still no cure for AIDS and wizards and witches can get it, too.”
“I practise safe sex, you know, Severus. I use wizard made condoms.” Severus shook his head.
“My anus is exit only, and it will remain that way! I practise safe sex rigorously. I use condoms and dental dams, also,” he huffed. “There, so now you know. So if you don’t like it, you may remove yourself from my presence and it shall not be mentioned again.”
Harry purposefully moved closer to the older man and slung his arm around his shoulders.
“So, what do you do, then, and are you willing to teach a young, very naive man these practices? I’m a quick learner, Severus Snape.” He grinned.
Severus hauled him over and devoured the young man’s mouth, leaving him breathless. He eventually withdrew, surveying the effect he’d had on him, very satisfied with the thoroughly ravished look on Potter’s face. He stood and heaved him up to standing and pulled him towards his bedroom.
Harry barely had time to survey his surroundings when he was thrust upon a vast four poster bed. He felt himself sink into the luxurious down mattress. He looked up to watch Severus as he began to strip. He undid the buttons on his dress shirt one by one. Slowly it revealed his slim built chest. The wiry muscles rippled as he slipped it from his shoulders. A fine trail of dark downy hair disappeared into the top of his trousers, which he began to remove. Harry licked his lips at what was being revealed. Severus did not wear underpants!
Harry continued to watch the show as the older man bent down to remove his trousers and he could finally see all of him when he stood up. Not classically handsome, but it was enough to make Harry Potter’s mouth water. His body bore too many scars, souvenirs from both wars but to Harry they were badges of honour and nothing at all to be ashamed of.
Harry crooked his finger at the older man, motioning him to come over and join him on the bed. Severus stalked over and climbed up onto the bed. He lay on his side next to Harry, propped up on his elbow.
“What have you got for me under all this?” he asked lasciviously, fingering the buttons on Harry’s own shirt.
“Why don’t you unwrap it and see, then?” he replied suggestively.
Snape reached over and snapped the buttons of his shirt open hastily, as if he couldn’t wait. Harry decided he liked this impatient side of Severus. When the shirt was opened, Severus dived down and took one of his nipples into his mouth, sucking on it. Harry could feel the uneven teeth grate against the sensitive tissue. He didn’t think it was possible, but his cock swelled even further.
Snape then moved over to the other nipple and laved it. Harry groaned in appreciation of the stimulus. Snape then began to move downwards, kissing and nibbling Harry’s abdomen. The taut muscles undulated underneath the tight nubile skin. He then pulled back and began making short work of the fastenings on Harry’s trousers. Unfortunately, Harry was wearing underwear, a decision he had begun to regret.
Severus nudged his hip, indicating for him to lift his hips so his trousers could be removed. He did so and, surprisingly, Severus gripped his pants as well, taking the two garments off together. Harry shivered as the cold air hit his swollen cock.
Snape threw the clothes off the end of the bed and returned his attention to Harry’s member. He gripped it firmly and gave it an experimental tug. Harry whimpered and whined as Severus expertly tossed him off.
“Suck it, Severus. Please, suck me,” Harry begged.
Snape turned away momentarily and Summoned something from his dresser. Harry cocked his head to see what he’d got. Severus returned his attention to Harry’s prick and expertly rolled on a charmed wizard condom. He then proceeded to suck the very life force from the younger man.
“Fuck, Severus, what are those?” he asked breathlessly.
“I thought you said you use wizard made condoms, Potter?” Severus asked, eyes narrowed.
“I do, but I don’t use them to blow someone with. And even if I did, they certainly wouldn’t feel like that!”
“Your Wizarding sexual education is seriously lacking, Mr Potter. These are specially charmed oral condoms. They are charmed to ensure the recipient party gets maximum oral pleasure and that the giver is both protected from any nasty pathogens present and is also able to enjoy giving pleasure to their partner. In short, they’re flavoured. This one is my particular flavour, Ogden’s Firewhisky.”
“I have got to get me some of those.”
“I’m sure I could be persuaded to tutor you in where to purchase the best products. You’ll have to make it worth my while, though.”
“Got any other flavours? I hate Firewhisky,” Harry asked, wrinkling his nose in distaste.
Severus summoned a handful of small packages from the same dresser and handed them to Harry. He quickly looked at the choice and chose a peach flavour condom, tossing the rest to the side.
“Care to allow me to try?” he asked, waving the little packet coyly.
“Was Merlin a Slytherin? Damn right I do,” Severus said eagerly and rolled onto his back.
He helped Harry correctly site the condom onto him and gently guided him in his actions, showing him what he liked. He was soon close, as his student was indeed a fast learner. The combination of Harry cleverly tonguing his bollocks, alternating between deep throating him and sucking his glans, had quickly brought him to the edge. He’d had to pull the younger man from him before he spent his load too early. Harry looked at him, eager and charged up.
“What next, Severus, what can you teach me next?”
“Ever rimmed?”
“Er, no. It always seemed dirty to me, you know.”
“My sentiments exactly. However, it is an extremely pleasurable thing to have done to you. The whole area, despite its uncleanliness, is quite sensitive, but there are ways and means to perform this act safely, though by using one of...” Severus turned again and Summoned an item from his dresser. “...these.” He held up a small square of what looked like rubber sheeting.
“It’s known as a dental dam. It’s a Muggle invention but it’s been adapted by wizards and improved like the condoms. Charmed and flavoured. Now let me demonstrate how it’s used. Roll over Harry, on your knees, get comfy and present your arse.”
Harry did as he was told. He felt his cheeks being parted and the cold air whispering against his puckered ring.
“Now, Harry, I will place this flat against your hole; it protects against germs and offensive smells and tastes of this area. As I said, it’s charmed, so you will feel all the sensations as if it were done without the use of the dam, and more, thanks to the charm. I will now introduce you to the joys of rimming.”
Severus began to eat him out with all the skill of a Knockturn Alley rentboy. Harry keened and pushed back to gain more contact. He could hear the slurping sounds as Severus licked and thoroughly tongue-fucked him. Harry tried desperately to get some friction against his knob but it was in vain. Every time his hand would gravitate underneath him to grasp his cock, Severus would bat it away, telling him that it was up to him when he could come. Harry moaned sorrowfully.
Snape eventually took pity on Harry and stopped his ministrations. He lifted his head to look at Potter and took in his prone form on his bed, quivering from orgasm denial. Severus realised he couldn’t hold off his own pleasure for much longer. The sight of Harry begging so prettily to come was beginning to get too much for the older man. He decided to complete their session.
“Right, Harry, that’s it for now. Roll over onto your side.” Harry did so without question.
“We shall finish off with intercrural sex.” Severus reached over to his bedside table and opened the drawer, pulling out a jar of lubricant. “Intercrural sex is a form of non-penetrative sex, using folds or gaps on the body. Tonight, we will use your lovely Quidditch-toned thighs.”
Snape stuck his hand in the jar and scooped out a generous amount of lube. He then liberally coated his still-condom-covered prick. He then lifted Harry’s left leg up slightly and smeared the remaining lubricant between the tops of his thighs and behind his bollocks.
“Put your leg back down, Harry, and keep them together. I’m going to slide in behind you and fuck you between your thighs. I want you to keep them closed, not so tight that you can’t enjoy it too, okay?” Severus planted a quick kiss onto his left shoulder for encouragement and continued.
Snape slid his prick home, feeling the tightness of the enclosed space grip his uncircumcised cock with just right amount of friction. He groaned at the sensation. Not forgetting Harry’s pleasure, he reached around and grasped his dick firmly and masturbated him in time with his own thrusts. The feeling of the young man’s muscular thighs soon had him teetering on the brink of orgasm but he was determined stave off his own pleasure in order to demonstrate to the gorgeous young man in his arms that he was a considerate lover, as it might just encourage Harry to seek him out for further interludes in his bed.
“Severus, I’m so close,” Harry whimpered. “Please, make me come.” Who was Severus to deny his sprite anything? With a firmer grip and a slightly faster rhythm, he soon had Harry spurting fitfully in his hand and into the condom. The young man’s erratic tremors ignited his own release and soon he, too, was comming.
Both men lay panting, post-coital exhaustion setting in. They turned to face one another after they caught their breath, then simultaneously laughed at the sight of each other and themselves. Severus carefully removed his condom, prompting Harry to follow suit. He reached over to retrieve his wand and banished them with a with a flick of his wrist.
“See, Harry, another benefit of safe wizard sex: less mess and very little clean up afterwards.”
“You know, I think that I could get used to this.” Harry fidgeted nervously. “Do you want me to leave or may I stay the night?” he enquired tentatively.
“Do you want to stay? Please don’t feel obligated just because we had sex.”
“Of course I want to stay, I wouldn’t have asked otherwise. I just thought you might not want me to stay over; you know, propriety and all that.” Harry lifted himself up and slid under the covers. “And for the record, it wasn’t just sex, Severus, at least it wasn’t for me.”
Snape cupped Harry’s cheek tenderly and brushed his thumb gently over his cheek. “It wasn’t just sex to me, either, Harry.” He then slipped into bed next to him. “Besides, I’ve got so much I could teach you. This is just the tip of the iceberg.”
“Sounds great, and I promise to be a model pupil, Headmaster.”
“Of that I have no doubt, Harry.” He kissed him goodnight and waved his wand. “Nox.”