Secret Snarry: FIC: The Boxing Day Dog of War Title: The Boxing Day Dog of War Author:dandru Gift Recipient:veridari Rating: PG Word count: 2,000 Warning(s): (highlight for spoilers) *Eh, angst with a happy end, a bit of fluff and mention of future mpreg.* Summary/Prompt: Doubts are fueled, special gifts are exchanged and intentions are misconstrued. A/N: A thank you to my wonderful beta A.P. without whom I would have lost even more of my hair to anxiety. :)
The Boxing Day Dog of War
Harry felt a mixture of nervous fear and anticipation fluttering around in his stomach as he listened to the slow ticking of the clock. So many evenings had passed like this one, sitting by the fire, reading books while sipping a glass of scotch.
They'd had two wonderful years together since he'd graduated Uni though it had taken him months to convince Severus to take a chance. After all the arguments about worth, age-difference, and stupid stubbornness were over, Severus still clung on to Harry's desire to have a family of his own.
Harry believed it was the only thing keeping them from bonding, but recently, he'd started having doubts about what Severus wanted. Sometimes he wondered if Severus' reservations were real or if he just used Harry's love for children to hide his own unwillingness to commit to forever.
Shaking off the thought, he made himself remember that this day should be special … It wasn't a time to ponder whether Severus was going to look over at him and say he'd had enough of presumptuous idiots and needed to live alone again.
The clock chimed and Harry sighed with relief; it was Boxing Day. They could finally exchange their gifts.
Much earlier in the evening he'd put Severus' present by his chair hoping that they could exchange early this year, but Severus had just smirked and then ignored it. Still, he was excited to see what Severus had found for him.
He turned so he could watch Severus reach behind their modest tree for his present. When he saw Severus pull out a large red box covered with sparkling gold ribbons, he knew he had to be grinning like a fool. The box, though lovely, was something Severus would call a garish, Gryffindor monstrosity.
Severus glared at him and growled, "Don't say a word." Harry didn't even try to hide his delight; this was exciting, if odd.
Severus moved stiffly toward him then pushed the box into his hands as he grumbled, "Perhaps this will satisfy your urges." Harry could have sworn he heard a whimpering squeak when he took the box, but that just wasn't possible.
Severus would never get him a pet. Only last month Severus had said that he wouldn't have another demanding beast underfoot that he was enough of a bother. Trying to keep Severus from seeing his hands shaking with anticipation, Harry carefully removed the ribbons and glanced up at Severus to see him watching intently.
That stare always made his heart race, but right now, it fueled his eagerness as well. He'd never got accustomed to getting gifts and still felt giddy every time. Tossing the ribbons onto the floor, he decided he might as well show his excitement; Severus knew anyway.
He closed his eyes giving in to hope as he lifted the lid. He risked one last look at Severus, hoping he'd somehow give him a hint but saw nothing other than a look of intense interest. Gripping the side of the box, he peered inside and gasped— it was hideous!
A scruffy, brown puppy was looking back at him; it had a matted eye, jagged torn ears, and what looked disturbingly like … mange. It whined to him, and for a moment, his breath caught as he felt his heart shatter.
All the times that he had fantasized about Severus agreeing to them having a pet, he'd never considered something like this. When he had daydreams about their life, there was always a cat or a dog in the arms of dark-haired child, sometimes a girl, sometimes a boy, but always theirs somehow.
Obviously, Severus didn't have similar hopes for the future if he thought this was what he wanted.
A gentle touch to his shoulder pulled him from his thoughts as Severus quietly asked, "Do you like it?" Glancing up to meet Severus' questioning gaze, he didn't know what to say.
Before he could try and answer Severus continued, "I contracted with your Weasley partners to create the perfect pet for you to mother. It is magical and robotic, but they assured me that this was precisely what you'd need and want."
Harry tried to hide the hurt, swallowing the sob that was trying to escape, and found he couldn't speak. He shook his head hard hoping that Severus would think that the tears welling in his eyes were from joy not heartbreak.
Severus seemed satisfied by his response, squeezing his shoulder and returning to his chair. Harry could do nothing more than stare at the abomination. He didn't want to touch it, and he didn't know how he was supposed to pretend to love it.
Severus' voice broke thorough his brooding. "I'd hoped this could be a test. We need to discover if you do need something to nurture, and whether I have the patience to tolerate another being whilst tolerating you."
Aching with hurt and blinking back tears, he heard himself whisper, "I suppose that's a good idea." His eyes never left the thing in the box even as Severus began unwrapping his present.
When he heard Severus gasp, he knew that his gift had been a success. Pages fluttered as Severus went on seeming content to chat absentmindedly. "I had intended a cat. However, your family felt you would be more emotionally responsive to a … something else."
Harry could hear him settling in, enjoying his own gift, and resentment started to fester. He'd tried so hard to find the perfect gift for Severus.
He'd dug up a first edition of Whitbury's Potions of the Heart … Sensuality Found in near mint condition, and while it had taken him the better part of six months to acquire it as well as too many Galleons, he'd believed the effort would be well worth a look of quiet satisfaction on Severus' face.
He really was an idiot! Shifting angrily, he thought about how Severus had grumbled about the series of potions that he'd never had the opportunity to brew.
It had taken a lot of whisky and some adventurous exploration with his tongue, but he'd managed to get the information. Then he'd spent all that time finding the blasted thing.
A book of potions to be brewed only by lovers so intertwined that they could work seamlessly together. Neither of them was good with feelings but that damned book was supposed to be a pledge. He hated Potions!
Severus' voice buzzed in the background of his thoughts startling him as he realized that Severus was talking to him. "Aren't you going to hold it? You're always going on about how snuggling and cuddling are something everyone needs; no matter how often I assure that's absolutely untrue."
Stretching out his long legs, Severus sounded satisfied with himself as he quipped, "I'm shocked that you've not yet Transfigured it a set of custom dress robes."
A shiver of anger ran through Harry, the surly bastard had to know he was upset … master spy and all. He wanted to yell or rage, but he'd grown up a lot and it was only polite to play along.
What if Severus was really trying? He forced himself to reply calmly, "Umm … yes, I suppose I should … hold it, that is."
Harry's mind raced as he tried to think of a way to put it off, and he risked a glance towards Severus.
To his surprise, Severus was not looking at his book but at him. "What will you name it?" Severus questioned with an odd look in his eye.
"Oh, is it a boy or a girl?" Harry quizzed in a panic as he looked down and realized he couldn't tell. He hoped he wasn't supposed to look.
Severus snorted, snapping the book shut as he answered, "Does it matter? Surely, any name will do. I'm fond of Canine. Simple, easy to remember, and gender would hardly matter."
"I will not cons…" Harry started, and looked up to meet dark eyes again but this time feeling rankled. This thing was a monstrosity but it was his monstrosity, and Severus had best not be serious.
Reacting to hurt and insult Harry bristled as he responded, "I was thinking of naming it after its fathers. How does Weasley Snape sound? Of course, we would call it Weasley."
For the first time since the box opened, Harry saw a glimpse of irritation from Severus as his back stiffened and he growled, "I shall not live with a Weasley. You will simply have to strain your over-taxed brain into thinking of something else," gesturing towards the box he added, "and that thing will never be a Snape."
Harry flinched at Severus' tone and his anger faded back to hurt as he realized he'd likely never be a Snape either. Defeated, he pulled the tiny, unwanted thing out of the box and placed it on his lap, As it whimpered softly, he felt ashamed of his first reaction to the puppy.
Pulling the furry pup close, he noticed it smelled of lemon verbena just like Severus' hair. He couldn't help but wonder if Severus had held it too, but then scoffed at his own ridiculousness. Severus would never hold this pup.
He stared sadly into the fire, cradling his toy puppy feeling lost and more than a little sorry for himself. He was so engrossed in his disappointment and misery that he jumped when Severus roared, "For the love of Merlin, Harry! Did you really think that was your only gift?"
Just as he jumped, the puppy barked which startled him even more causing him to tip the puppy onto the floor. This only fueled his frustrations as he yelled back, "What was I supposed to think? Why would I think this wouldn't be enough?" Breathing heavily, he cringed as he realized he had given away his disappointment.
Severus seemed to be struggling to hold his tongue as he sighed impatiently and pinched his nose. Slowly he said, "Harry, look at the dog's collar."
Confused, he picked up the puppy, petting it apologetically, and rubbed his fingers under its throat so it would lift its head. That was when he saw it, a lovely silver-etched bonding ring, dangling where the tag should have been.
He could barely ask his questions around the lump in his throat. "Why now? Why would you give me this … Why on this toy?"
Severus blushed and shook his hair so that it covered his face. "Isn't it obvious? Take a good look at it, Harry. That's what you'll be getting if you bond with me."
Pulling the puppy close, he felt his heart break again but this time for Severus. Quickly he stood and crossed to Severus' chair falling to his knees. "You know that's not true. Even if you see yourself as much less than you are, I promise you that you're wrong."
Reaching up, he brushed the hair back so he could see Severus' eyes. "Did you have something you wanted to ask me?"
Failing to hide his surprise Severus' eyes widened before he blurted out, "You'd really want this? Me?"
Harry smiled and pulled him down for a gentle kiss before answering, "Yes, I want this." Despite his happiness, he knew he had to ask, "Severus, are you certain that you really want this?"
Severus rolled his eyes, not even trying to hide his irritation. "Don't be absurd. Of course, I want it. Otherwise, I would have bought you a real dog, and sent you away to live with it."
Shifting uncomfortably, he added, "Harry, I know I never talk about things, but that doesn't mean— that doesn’t mean that I don't think about them. If you bond with me, I cannot promise you all the things you want."
Harry looked into his eyes, searching, wondering if Severus would ever be willing to try to get a baby. His life wouldn't feel complete without a child to love, but he'd not lose Severus over it.
Seeming to sense what he was thinking Severus added, "Harry… I, I believe I would enjoy a child with you. I'm told adoption agencies give preference to couples who intend permanence, but I can't imagine one allowing a child to share a home with me. You must be realistic about that at least."
Pressing the whimpering puppy between them, Harry melted into Severus' embrace and smiled against his neck. Severus was obviously not privy to all the recipes in his new Potions book.
Finally feeling satisfied and content Harry whispered, "I wouldn't worry too much. I'm sure we'll cook something up to see us through."