Secret Snarry Swap: FIC: Heart's Desire Title: Heart's Desire Author:nuclearpolymer Other pairings/threesome: Ginny/Luna Rating: PG Word count: 2300 Content/Warning(s): Implied mpreg Prompter/Prompt: No. 18 from goddess47: Established relationship; a Hogwarts house elf keeps coming into their apartment/home and [moving furniture, redecorating, cooking meals -- or something else you pick]. Harry and Severus need to find the elf and find out why he/she is doing what they are doing. Summary: Who’s been sneaking into Harry and Severus’s house to leave them liver casserole? Will a seed sown years ago lead to a heart’s desire? A/N: The quotation is from Mark Anthony, The Beautiful Truth. Thank you to G for the beta-read!
With the well-honed scent-detection skills of a master potioneer, Severus sniffed at the mysterious casserole to identify its primary ingredients. "Liver and onion, Harry? I thought you hated liver."
"I was just going to run out to that take-away curry shop down the street," Harry replied. "Where did that casserole come from? And what's that weird soup?"
Severus bent down to sniff the green liquid, plucking out a small red kernel for extra visual scrutiny. "I do believe it's cream of spinach with pomegranate seeds. All in all, a rather strange combination of dishes to just magically appear on our table."
Harry sighed and made a face. "It's probably another one of Ginny and Luna's test batches for their catering business. They must have run out of Weasley test subjects again. Can you do the review? I don't want to offend Luna, but liver....yuck."
Severus summoned parchment and a quill. As he ate his way carefully through a moderate helping of the unusual dinner, he scrupulously documented both the elements he enjoyed and some ideas for improvement. He wasted no time sending off his owl with his detailed culinary feedback. "I occasionally find myself missing those days when I could just write 'troll' or 'balderdash' at the top of an essay and be done with it. There's no doubt that the students learn more when we provide specific praise and constructive suggestions, but it's much more work for the professors."
He was always keeping an eye out for his students, even when we thought he was trying to kill us, thought Harry. I wish he wasn't so convinced that our having kids together would be a bad idea.
Harry cleared the table, kissing the top of Severus's head on the way to the kitchen and giving him a little smile. "Come on upstairs and I'll show you how much I appreciate you shielding me from that casserole..."
Luna's owl arrived as Harry was finishing his last cup of coffee with breakfast. After tossing the owl a couple of liver nuggets and vanishing the rest of the leftovers from dinner, Harry read the letter, swore, and immediately dashed down to Severus's lab in the basement. "Severus! Are you alright?! Have you noticed anything unusual?"
"For one thing, you don't typically shout so much over coffee. Perhaps I should ask if you're alright. Bad news at breakfast?"
"I've bollixed this up completely. I vanished the evidence right before I found out that our mystery dinner didn't come from Luna and Ginny. I shouldn't have assumed it was innocent. You still have enemies. Maybe someone knew I wouldn't eat liver, and sent it over to poison you!"
"Don't jump to any far-fetched conclusions, Harry. If you calm down, I'll let you help slice moon radishes for this batch of thestral flea potion that Granger needs up at Hogwarts."
Harry spent the rest of the morning keeping an eagle eye on Severus and making lists of who might have a grudge against his husband. Harry's list of possible suspects reached the very end of the scroll by noon. Severus argued that there were far more efficient and effective ways to poison someone than to leave them conspicuously bizarre food that any sane person who wasn't accustomed to testing Luna's culinary inventions would simply throw out. He also pointed out that as a former spy and preeminent potioneer, he would have detected over 95% of poisons before ingesting a fatal dose. They were still arguing about it on their way up to the kitchen for lunch.
"Shhh. I hear something upstairs," said Severus, grasping Harry's shoulder. "It sounds like...it couldn't be...why would there be ducks in our house?"
Harry had his wand out in a flash. "I'll go up first," he whispered. "Don't follow too closely and be ready for anything."
Neither of them was ready for what they found in their guest room. A pastoral scene wrapped around the entire room. The wall behind the bed showed a burbling waterfall, with occasional pinecones bobbing and tumbling over the edge. Downstream, a flock of baby ducks paddled happily, quacking out their joy. Several rabbits hopped along the grassy banks, and brightly colored song birds flitted between flowering cherry trees.
Harry and Severus looked at each other in confusion and lowered their wands.
"I love this!" said Harry. "It's amazing! But who...how? It wasn't you, was it?"
"Harry, I'd rather wake up with you than to a perfectly brewed cup of tea in the mornings, but I'm afraid I can't claim any credit. I'd never have guessed that you had a secret longing for our interior decor to regress towards infancy," said Severus. "I will say that this is not nearly as horrifying as I might have imagined. If it pleases you, we can keep it. After all, pictures of ducks and rabbits are much less mess than actual animals."
Harry smiled, knowing that Severus was also charmed by the wallpaper. "This evidence wins you the poisoning argument. Probably the same person arranged today and yesterday's surprise. Even Moody couldn't have made a case for any sinister motives for this wallpaper. But I still don't like the idea of someone easily sneaking in and out of our house." He snapped his fingers. "Hermione's spent the summer taking a break from Headmistress duties. Her latest invention was a modified magical nanny cam. I'll see if she'd let me try it out. Maybe we can catch our eccentric benefactor and send them a proper thank-you note."
This wallpaper would be perfect for a child's room, thought Severus. Could this be Harry's way of hinting? But he'd seemed so quick to agree that neither of them had the right temperament for parenting.
Harry peered at the mirror which showed a blurry image of Severus reading in a rocking chair. "So I can see anyone in that room, but they can't see me?"
"They can't see you, Harry, but if you speak directly into the mirror, they'll hear you," explained Hermione. "The audio isn't very high fidelity yet, but you can give it a try."
"Hi Severus! Hermione's latest invention works great! Hi Sunny, hi Cookie, how's the water today?"
Severus closed his book and waved. "Hermione, we appreciate your assistance and discretion. Thank you for setting up this rather absurd stake-out." He walked over to where the ducks were frolicking. "And Harry, do try to remember that if you talk to the wallpaper animals too much, you'll scare off our friendly intruder."
Over the next week, Harry kept half an eye on Hermione's mirror at all times. Twice, he spotted a house elf wearing the Hogwarts tea towel, but couldn't get to the room fast enough to catch them. The third time, he ran headlong into a wall---a wall that had never been there before---and nearly knocked himself senseless. His shocked shout brought Severus, who was just as puzzled by the way all the rooms upstairs had been rearranged.
"Harry, surely you've heard that insanity is continuing to do the same thing and expecting a different result," said Severus, as they lay in bed that night. "You're not going to catch a house elf who doesn't want to be caught; not when they can rearrange rooms and hallways. Why don't you leave this me before you do yourself an injury. I'll go to Hogwarts and have a word with Granger in the morning."
"It's not my fault I assumed our walls would stay put," said Harry. "It's going to be a bit awkward having the guest room attached to our bedroom instead of the hallway. This latest surprise makes about as much sense as spinach and pomegranate soup."
"Life sometimes makes even less sense than soup, Harry. Do keep in mind that we're dealing with house elf logic."
"Are you sure Hermione's the right person to help figure that out?" asked Harry. "I know it's been a long time since we were fourth years, but she wasn't exactly on the same wavelength the Hogwarts house elves..."
"Granger's grown up just as much as you have, Harry. Maybe more, as I don't hear her talking to the wallpaper. As Hogwarts Headmistress, the elves will answer to her."
Harry snuggled a little closer to Severus, glad that he had worked hard to appreciate Harry's friends. His husband liked to pretend to be cranky, but he'd seen Severus talking to the wallpaper rabbits twice this week. Back at Hogwarts, he'd never imagined that his life could turn out so well.
Having a nursery attached to their bedroom might be perfect, thought Harry. But what if telling Severus how much I'd like to have kids makes him think I'm not satisfied with him?
"We've asked all the Hogwarts house elves here for dinner tomorrow," Hermione said. "But since house elves would be uncomfortable being served dinner, the invitation was couched as a plea for help. I've told them that loads of your friends are coming for a party, but that your caterer cancelled at the last minute. I’m sure one of them will let something slip during dinner preparations; we simply need to get my nanny cam set up in the kitchen before they arrive."
"Won't they think it's strange that Severus and I will be the only people here, if they’ve been asked to cater a party?" asked Harry.
"Harry! Of course not. I've invited dozens of our friends, and I expect nearly 30 people for dinner. It’ll be the party of the year."
"Does Severus know we're having a party tomorrow?"
"Do I look like the sort of person that surprises Severus Snape with a crowd of unexpected dinner guests and all the Hogwarts house elves on the same night?"
"Err, only if you also think it's cute when he can't decide whether to glower or be polite?"
After hearing about the liver casserole, Luna was intrigued. She’d inherited her father’s taste for the unorthodox and was always eager to invent or learn new recipes for her catering service. So when Hermione asked Luna to spend most of the party in a quiet closet, spying on the house elves as they cooked, she was happy to oblige. Hermione sweetened the deal by agreeing to let Luna borrow the device to stalk the elusive crumple-horned snorkack.
"Thank you all for helping us celebrate our 20th anniversary a month early," said Severus. "And please join me in a toast to the house elves of Hogwarts, who took over the catering at short notice."
The Gryffindor and Slytherin alums vied with each other, making toast after toast to Harry and Severus, bringing up every embarrassing story they could remember. Exaggerated tales of Quidditch exploits, kitchen raids, and potions lab mishaps reminded everyone of the good times. As the joshing started to get heated, Hermione headed off a food fight by using her best Headmistress voice. “One last toast, to those whom we lost but will never forget. Please join me in a moment of silence in their honor.”
Anyone who’d picked up some marshmallows, peanuts, or olives to throw at their old rivals sobered up, looked serious, and tried to act nonchalant about having a fistful of snack foods. The room fell quiet.
Luna burst in, her announcement clearly audible in the silence. “Harry! Did you know Dobby had a daughter? Her name is Mimi, and she’s been sneaking into your house to help you and Severus get ready for the baby!”
After a moment of confusion, everyone congratulated Harry and Severus on their impending parenthood. Their dazed expressions made them look rather tired, cueing Ginny to start shooing everyone out the door so that the two could get some rest.
"So uhh, is there something I should know?" Harry asked Severus once the last guest had been ushered out.
"I was going to ask you the same question!" said Severus. “I’m certainly not pregnant!”
“So it’s just all a big misunderstanding? We’re not having a baby?” Harry’s voice got louder and higher.
“Harry, come and sit down with me,” said Severus quietly, not answering the questions.
Harry and Severus squeezed into an upholstered chair together. Severus followed Harry's wistful gaze to a Christmas card from Ron and Hermione. Ron was hanging their toddler upside down by the ankles, and Hermione was holding their new baby.
"Do you trust me enough to tell me what you're thinking right now?" asked Severus.
Harry put his head on Severus's shoulder. "I wish that could be us. I've never been happier than when I'm with you, and that makes me think we could raise kids in a happy home together."
Severus picked up the Christmas card. "If that's what you want, we do already have the perfect nursery. Which it would seem is now well stocked with knitted baby blankets and small hats, courtesy of the Hogwarts house elves."
"It's not just about what I want, though," said Harry. "And house elves don't always know best."
"I read a quote from Mark Anthony that seems relevant. 'And one day she discovered that she was fierce, and strong, and full of fire, and that not even she could hold herself back because her passion burned brighter than her fears.' " said Severus. "The idea of having a child terrifies me, because we both know just how impossible it is to protect a child you love from unspeakable horrors. But now, I’ve discovered that my fears no longer outweigh our desires."
"I still don't understand the casserole," said Harry.
"When a wizard and a wizard love each other very much..." began Severus.
"Oh no, are you telling me that I need to eat liver for us to have a baby?"
"Liver and spinach, for strength of blood. Pomegranate seeds to spark life. Cream for nourishment and onions for growth in darkness. But you need not trouble yourself with casseroles; Mimi must have been merely hinting. I'll brew us the necessary potion in the morning."