Snarry-a-Thon21: FIC: The Raven and the Headmaster Title: The Raven and the Headmaster Author:drwritermom Other pairings/threesome: Harry Potter/Severus Snape Rating: Teen Word count: ~2500 Content/Warning(s): Soulmates, familiars, mpreg, no smut (sorry) Prompt: No. 52 - Every student over 17 is expected to form a magical bond - something about trust, feelings, power... - with another witch or wizard. This tradition gives rise to much gossip, of course. Harry doubts everyone approaching him, therefore, he performs a magical thingy to find the best person to bond with... and ends up with Severus! Summary: Harry and George entered the Magical Emporium, looking for a Jarvey for George. A raven named Copernicus and a Jarvey named Hobbs scrambled that plan thoroughly. What this has to do with Harry finding the wizard who would ground his magic will be revealed. A/N: JKR and her corporate partners own the Potterverse. Any of her characters used herein will be returned in their original, upright position. My thanks to the prompter, our generous Thon hosts and Thon beta, badgerlady.
Harry Potter hadn’t the slightest inkling, when he and George Weasley entered the Magical Emporium, that he would exit with a familiar who would choose his fated soulmate.
George had been deeply affected by the loss of his twin, and Molly, the Weasley matriarch, had handed Harry a money bag, with the plea that he take George to the Emporium, to find a Jarvey familiar. She was more than willing to put up with the colorful language of a two-tailed magical polecat if it brought George out of his pit of despair. Harry could not refuse the only mother he’d ever known, and dragged the despondent surviving twin to the Wizarding equivalent of a pet store.
They barely entered the door when a huge, pitch-black raven took flight from a ceiling-mounted hanging perch, gliding gracefully upon Harry’s left shoulder.
“Looks like you found yourself a friend there, Harry” George chuckled, unexpectedly. “It looks like Snape in Animagus form--”
“Oh, shut it, you Ginger-head man,” a huge hob Jarvey chortled from an open top enclosure in the center of the store. This animal’s fur was as ginger as George’s, and said animal was presently standing on his hind legs, looking like an wildly oversized meerkat with a bad dye job. Clearly, he was sizing up this wizard’s suitability as a potential partner in crime.
“I think this cheeky little blighter has chosen you, George. Imagine the trouble you two will conjure up together!”
Wasting no time, the rambunctious hob hastily scampered out of his enclosure and up his ginger-head man, draping himself around George’s neck like an oversized, living fur muffler.
“The name’s Hobbs, ginger head! See, I’m a hob, and I still have me bits, so I thought, truth in advertising, mate!”
“So, you’re name is literally ‘male Jarvey.’”
“That’s Stud Jarvey to ye, mate, and don’t ye forget it!”
“Do I even get a choice in familiar here?” George groused.
“The Jarvey chooses the wizard, Mr. Weasley,” the shopkeeper called from his stool at the till.
“You wouldn’t be related to Ollivander, would you?” queried Harry, who at that point had a raven on his shoulder, which responded with, “So does the raven, young Harry Potter, and that is Garrick Ollivander the third.”
“Copernicus, must you swagger about, showing off your intellectual prowess, and scaring off my customers?” shouted the younger Ollivander.
“Shut it, young Garrick, I’m Mister Potter’s familiar, I’ve just been biding my time, waiting for his arrival!”
“A social climbing crow, that’s what ye are!” Hobbs chortled.
“And you are a testosterone-addled polecat with an uncouth vocabulary,” Copernicus snarked.
Harry and George were flabbergasted. It was one thing to go into the Emporium, and expect to peruse the beasties, looking for the perfect familiars. It was something else entirely, entering said establishment and having familiars claim the two wizards as their conquests.
“I see you young men have made your selections--”
“You mean, we’ve been selected, nay, hoodwinked by these suspiciously snarky beasts, and we have no choice other than to leave here with them in tow,” George snickered.
“We’ve been well and truly hoodwinked, George. I suspect, somehow, Fred has a hand in this.”
“He really cared about you, Harry. And I sometimes feel as if he’s with me. You may be right, this reeks of Fred, two opinionated familiars would be just the sort of prank he’d pull,” Fred whispered.
“Those two familiars are on the house, gentlemen. They’ve each refused everyone who went anywhere near them. My grandfather thought they were just waiting for their wizards: he was right,” Ollivander the younger stated.
“We can’t just take them from you. If you don’t want to charge us directly, can we donate the cost for those two to your favorite charity?” Harry questioned.
“The Wands for War Orphans charity always needs funds. I will accept the donation in lieu of payment.”
“We have a deal” George stated. The two purchased the needed supplies (they refused any suggestion of free supplies), shrank them down, and stowed them in the empty money bag. They then exited the shop, familiars in tow (ensconced around George’s neck and perched atop Harry’s shoulder), and set out for the original Ollivander establishment.
The shop door bell had scarcely stopped its tinkling when Ollivander appeared. “I see my grandson has matched these familiars,” Ollivander the elder remarked. “What did you promise in lieu of payment, I wonder?”
The days when Ollivander sent a chill down anyone’s spine were over. His demeanor was still shrewd, but there was an overriding kindness that punctuated all of his encounters.
George took the bait, smiling widely. “A sizable donation to ‘Wands for War Orphans’, which Harry is matching--”
“It’s the right thing to do. So many children had their inheritances seized, with no provisions for each child’s future expenses. I give back in other ways, but one’s wand is crucial to the identity of the wizard or witch it chooses,” Harry noted.
“Too true, young Harry, too true. And the Ministry have a stick up their collective backside regarding these children’s wand needs. Dark wizards are made, not born, and showing generosity and charity is the way to assure that we are not allowing the conditions that nurture further uprising.”
Becoming uncomfortable with the topic of conversation, Harry extracted his personal mokeskin bag and extracted a sizable sum. “I think you’ll find this to be the going rate for two incredibly outspoken animals--”
“Watch who you’re calling ‘animal,’ ape-descendant,” snapped Copernicus.
“Your insults make me stronger,” snickered George.
“When I’m insulting you, you’ll feel well and truly insulted, carrot top!”
“Carrot tops are green, ye bragging birdy,” sniped Hobbs.
“Let’s take this dog and pony show outside before we scare off paying customers,” Harry suggested, before he grabbed George’s arm and Apparated the four of them back to the Burrow.
George wore a pumpkin-pasty eating grin as he strolled into the Burrow. Hobbs shimmied down his human perch and sat on his haunches, surveying his surroundings, while George extracted his supplies, unshrinking them, and setting up his enclosure in a corner of the sitting room. Molly looked on unobserved from the kitchen with a smile on her face, and tears in her eyes, as she listened to George trade jabs with his new familiar. It would never be a replacement for Fred, but it would be a companion, and a source of bawdy humor.
Harry, knowing he was not needed at that moment, nodded to his Mum and Apparated a second time, to his small cottage in Godric’s Hollow.
“This is where we live, Copernicus. It’s cozy, it’s surrounded by beautiful countryside, and its wards are impenetrable.”
“Why are they impervious to all but you? Do you suffer from social anxiety? The Muggles have self-help books for that.”
“What would you know about Muggle self-help books? Can you read?”
“Oh young Potter, how little you know. Garrick the younger is a Squib, and he reads all manner of self-help books. And yes, I can read,” he huffed.
“I should rename you Snape,” Harry snarked.
“Even my beak isn’t that big,” he cackled.
“You sidetracked me. The wards are the only protection I have now that I am eighteen, Nick. May I call you Nick, with a knick-knack, paddy whack, give the dog a bone?”
“You may call me Nick, and if you follow that nickname with the rest of that verbal crime scene, I’ll peck your eyes out!”
“Okay, then, Nick it is, and nothing else. Now that I am eighteen, when I return to Hogwarts, I will be required to find the wizard that best complements my magic and my psyche.”
“No witch for my young wizard?”
“Merlin, no. I tried to be attracted to witches, and it all went pear-shaped. One used me as the substitute for her deceased boyfriend, the other outed me as gay, unintentionally. She’s a sister to me, and she is much happier with Draco. The problem is, this hasn’t stopped witches from throwing themselves at me. And don’t even get me started on the wizards. They look at me and see my vaults.”
Harry startled, when he realized he was having a deeply personal discussion with a bird.
It didn’t take long for Nick the raven to suss out the source of Harry’s discomfort.
“Young Master, we talking familiars were long ago gifted by Merlin, with the powers of intuition and of purposeful speech with our fated wizards. Jarveys are crass because they are meant to be familiars to those who need humor to lift their spirits. Ravens are seldom seen as familiars, as they are fated to go to those wizards with great power, who need a familiar that can balance dark magic exposure.”
Before Harry could utter the vile word “Horcrux,” Copernicus interrupted with “the senior Ollivander told me of your horrible experience with Voldemort’s soul shard. He knew I was meant or you, when he met me while recuperating at his grandson’s home.”
Harry stumbled to his kitchen table, taking a seat without conscious thought. His new raven perched atop the seat across from him, and commenced preening his feathers while his wizard composed himself. When Harry looked to be in control of his emotions, Copernicus spoke.
“Harry Potter, the boy who gives with his whole heart, I can assist you in your search for your soulmate. Before you protest, with all you have done, and all you have endured, only your fated soulmate will be the compatible match for your magic and your psyche. I possess the ability to detect your future bondmate. Trust me, I will find him, and fend off all others.”
“How can one raven hold back the witches and wizards that have been relentlessly pursuing me?”
“Have you heard of Alfred Hitchcock’s classic, The Birds’?”
Harry gulped. He’d seen bits of the movie in his cupboard, which he had suppressed until now. “I’ll take your word for it.”
The rest of the summer flew by (gratuitous bird reference) peacefully, until September first found Harry Potter boarding the Hogwarts Express, trunk in hand, wand up his sleeve, and Copernicus perched menacingly upon his shoulder. No one outside his close circle of friends dared to approach him. It was his best ever Hogwarts arrival.
The returning eighth year students were not expected at the Welcoming Feast. It was decided that these students would not be living in the Hogwarts House dorms, nor would they be seated at the House tables, for they were adults and were to be treated as such.
Headmaster Snape had arranged for a more informal feast to be held in the eighth year common room. After their feast, he planned to introduce the eighth year to their new rights and responsibilities, their magical bondmate selection process, the new curriculum, and then to show them to their individual rooms. He was also looking forward to showing his fellow former comrades in wands his true personality, a more patient and compassionate version of their Potions professor. The snark factor would never be tamed, but it would be tempered. He was especially looking forward to seeing the students without the ever-present threat of war.
It was with the same hopeful expectation that the students entered their new common room, which was tastefully set up for a sublime feast. There was a collective gasp as they entered. Harry took in the scene, and so absorbed was he that he failed to notice that Copernicus had taken flight and perched atop the Headmaster’s chair. Severus did not miss this and waited to see what the raven would do, which was absolutely nothing but sit and observe him. Severus proceeded with the evening’s schedule, waiting until he began showing the students to their rooms to return Copernicus to his wizard. “I shall show you to your room first, Mister Potter, but I request that you await my return, after the other students have been shown to their rooms.”
Harry was too mesmerized to even contemplate the headmaster’s return. “When did Professor Snape become so hot?” Harry muttered to no one in particular.
“Did you say something, Master?” his raven chuckled, for he knew precisely what Harry had said, and knew that Harry needed to see Snape alone for their soulmate status to reveal itself. He was going to feign ignorance, for his own amusement, as well as to prevent anxiety in his wizard.
Harry was so lost in his thoughts that Snape had to use Alohomora to open his door, after three separate knocks were unanswered.
“Mister Potter, have you been avoiding me? Three times I knocked, and each time, my knock went unanswered--”
“Severus Snape, Hogwarts Headmaster, do you not know the significance of another wizard’s Raven familiar landing either on your person, or your chair?” chimed Copernicus.
The headmaster was dumbfounded. He was so preoccupied with the evening’s events that he missed the importance of the familiar’s actions.
“We are soulmates. Mister Potter and I were chosen by the Fates to be bonded soulmates.”
“I think you’ll find that the bond itself formed as Harry took your memories and you looked into each other’s souls before you lost consciousness,” Copernicus suggested.
“How would you know that, Nick?” Harry finally asked.
“Dumbledore,” the raven and the headmaster answered simultaneously.
“Damn that meddling coot, his portraits are everywhere!” Severus swore.
Harry almost bolted from the room before Copernicus loudly cawed and Severus gently grabbed Harry’s shoulders.
Compatible waves of magical energy raced over both wizards, leaving both speechless. Before the energy settled, Copernicus disappeared, rapidly reappearing with a scroll bound by silver and gold ribbons.
“I bear your bonding scroll, Harry and Severus Potter-Snape. Remember to use your contraceptive spells, gentlewizards, your magic is strong! I’m going to visit the Weasleys: Mister Weasley’s familiar, Hobbs, has a refreshing sense of humor. I shall see you both in a fortnight!”
With that parting shot, Copernicus Apparated to Prank Central, George’s room at the Burrow, which was in the process of a move to Hogsmeade. Copernicus improved Hobbs’ vocabulary, while Hobbs added comedic content and timing to the raven’s lexicon.
One fortnight later:
“Harry, Severus, I know you used the strongest contraceptive charms and potions, but they were no match for your combined magic. Congratulations, you are going to be parents--”
“It’s only been two weeks, why am I feeling like I’ve been trampled by a herd of Hippogriffs?” Harry moaned.
“You didn’t let me finish, Harry dear. You are going to be parents to twins!” she stated, sympathetically.
“I wonder how well Copernicus can corral the twins?” Snape mused.
“I wonder how many naughty words he’ll teach them.” Harry groaned.
“Holy Merlin, it’s only the fact that you brought Harry to me that you are not destined to be baked into a pie,” Severus growled at the just-returned raven, with a newly fortified vocabulary.
“You’d have to catch me first,” Newly Cussing Nick chortled as he popped back to the safety of George Weasley’s cottage. He’d return when the shock wore off.