Snarry-a-Thon21: FIC: In Mist He Was Standing Title: In Mist He Was Standing Author:ImpulseFunWritinAnon Other pairings/threesome: None Rating: T Word count: Around 2,500 Content/Warning(s): None. Prompt: Wild Card 1 Summary: Severus, a Catholic shepherd, starts to dream of a mysterious figure. He prays that the dreams go away. A/N: Thanks for reading! Some Latin translations in the end note.
It was a windy day, overcast and grey. There was a light drizzle starting as sheep grazed the pasture. Their bleats echoed. The fences started to slightly rattle at the start of a gale. A stone cabin sat upon the cliff’s edge, greyer than the dark clouds on the horizon. The sea below roared as waves and billows crashed onto the coast’s bed of barnacle-coated rocks. A dinghy boat hung roped to a small dock, swaying the wild movements of the sea.
A shepherd in a wool waistcoat, dun as the earth, got his stave and boots and stepped outside. The clean-shaven man signalled to Fidelis, his border collie, to round up the sheep back into the stable.
It was the calm before the storm. Severus Snape could feel the pressure in the air dropping, could feel it right down to his marrow. The rain was sure to fall hard before the end of the hour. After closing the stable, Severus whistled Fidelis back inside the house. He took off his boots and coat, hung the coat by the door, and went to prepare some tea. The end of April was proving to be a cruel mistress, the winter cold not giving up for a day. It was a brutal winter this year, and Severus wondered how his beloved herd could bear it any longer. It was like a curse, and no matter how much he prayed, spring was late to come. But surely the bad weather would soon reach its climax and lead into the greenery and blooms of spring.
Severus was a man of faith. He prayed every night. Knelt at his bedside, his rosary bunched in his hands, he prayed for good weather, for spring to come sooner, for his herd to stay safe and sound. He gave thanks for good food and good health. No matter how wretched or lonely he felt on any given day, Severus prayed. And it kept him satisfied with his life. And life was good.
One night, as he went through the motions, Severus knelt as he usually did in his greying nightgown. He signed the cross. "In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen." He continued onto the Apostle’s Creed, his head bowed as he prayed, his words coming in the quietest of whispers.
"—vitam æternam—"
The candle in his nightstand flickered. It was not unusual. Severus blinked away, however, the illusion of the flame turning a bright blue and dancing but for an instant. Going back to bend his head in reverence to his God, he finished the first part of his prayer with a whispery "Amen."
There was no way for Severus Snape to know as he prayed another night that his life would change forever.
o.O.o
Severus dreamt of verdant fields. Poppies and daffodils were scattered amidst the open pastures. Fidelis was bounding in that carefree way Severus loved. He could feel the grass underneath his bare feet. Everything, from the colours to the scent of the greenery, was shockingly vivid to the senses. Severus wondered what heralded the vividness of it all.
Then, Severus saw them.
Standing upon a small hill, clad in luminescent white robes, was the most dazzling person he had ever seen. He could not tell their gender from afar, but he could see free-flowing locks of wavy hair dancing in the wind. It caressed Severus’ cheeks, and it felt so tender and full of love that it brought Severus near tears.
As he woke up, Severus drowsily blinked away the dizziness he felt. He’d dreamt beautiful dreams before. But as far he could remember, they never held such an astonishing amount of clarity.
He decided to make some of the blackest tea he had to clear his head, and went about his day as normal.
o.O.o
He dreamt again.
Severus stood upon the edge of the cliff, his small patio highlighted by the sun’s rays. There was nary a cloud to be seen. His strawberries, tomatoes, cabbages, and carrots were growing splendidly, the produce ripe for the taking. He could smell just how good they were, could nearly taste the finished product.
And from above, he saw a figure, paddling on his small fishing boat.
The sea was still, not a single wave drawing close to the jagged rocks. The person was paddling out of shallow waters, trying to paddle away from Severus.
And Severus longed to go with them.
With no breeze to make that flow of hair wave wildly about, Severus thought the person a woman, splendid in her white robes.
Then, they turned.
And the young man smiled.
It filled Severus with something akin to terrror.
o.O.o
Severus decided to go to market the next day to get some medicine to help sleep better. That last dream did not sit well for him. He thought the figure in his dream a woman. He found more solace in female beauty rather than that of a man. It was heresy of the highest degree, next to cursing Christ’s name. Severus never looked at a man in that way. It terrified him that something stirred deep in his belly at his smile.
He was a Christian man! And no pretty face was going to get the best of him.
When the sleep medicine and chamomile tea did not work, Severus prayed harder.
And pray he did, feverishly chanting out the Pater Noster, praying internally for spiritual healing.
Severus Snape was no homosexual.
And the dreams continued for weeks, relentless in their striking clarity.
o.O.o
One night, the young man approached him.
But he was no longer at the familiar cliff that Severus loved. Instead, he stood in the middle of an unknown forest filled with contorted trees, a wind blowing hard from the east. He fought to stay upright, feeling as though he was in the middle of a hurricane.
Then a naked figure enrobed in a golden aura walked towards him.
It was him.
And he touched Severus’ cheek so gently with the back of his hand that it felt violating. Severus shuddered either from fright from how terribly real his hand felt, or from the sheer blasphemy of enjoying his touch. And he did not even know his name.
Then as if the lovely figure could read his thoughts, he whispered into his ear, "I’m Harry. And I shall continue to visit you as long as you yearn for more in your celibate, lonely life.
"You cannot escape me, unless you accept yourself for who you are."
Severus woke up in a sweat, feeling out of sorts.
He went to his kitchen cupboard and opened it.
His fury was unleashed.
Severus threw away his chamomile and his favorite teas and all those medicines, growling and yelling out his anger, the self-hatred burning like a fire deep inside him.
He was embarrassed, disgusted, and done with him.
He hoped to never see Harry again.
o.O.o
Severus saw him—Harry—standing at the edge of a moor, the clearing surrounded in mist. He wanted to fight the feelings that that figure standing enrobed in darkest, billowing silk evoked in Severus. He wanted to punch Harry, make him bleed.
Yet he was so far away.
And as soon as he walked a step, Harry was right in front of him.
Harry touched him.
Severus felt like screaming "No," yet he gave himself to Harry. And he embraced him.
o.O.o
Severus woke up, his forehead sweating, as if in a fever.
He drove his truck to church that same day, and went to the confession box.
The old bearded pastor said to him, "Temptation is not a sin. Acting upon it is."
It gave Severus hope to hear those words. So he thanked him, and left. He kept on with his prayers, full of optimism.
God did not hear his prayers that night as he prayed his Hail Mary’s. That in his works as a shepherd, his faith was made perfect.
Nor did his dreams stop.
No—they only got worse.
o.O.o
Harry wore the same luminescent robes that Severus first saw him in, resplendently white. They stood on the shallow waters of the cliff face, the dirty dock beside them. The sea was quiet and still and up to Severus’ knees. Harry came up to him and touched his shoulder gently, saying, "Summitte existentiae meo, Severus. Accepta tu ipse, vel nihil fugies me."
Severus did not submit to Harry. He knew that in man, the tongue no one can tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.
But he did touch Harry’s lips with the very tips of his fingers, tracing them curiously.
And he woke, no longer sweating.
Thank God.
o.O.o
Severus did not sleep for days.
o.O.o
He dreamt of Harry again on the seventh day.
He was in the moor again, shrouded in that mysterious fog. Severus looked around, the surroundings dim. His footfalls touched moist grass, his feet sinking into the earth. A shiver ran down his spine in anticipation. His rosary was bunched in his hands. Bringing it upon his lips, he whispered, "I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and the—"
He was interrupted by a splash behind him.
He whirled around, expecting to see Harry.
But no one was there.
His eyes looked around wildly, tightening his grip upon the rosary, furiously saying, "I believe in God, the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth; And in Jesus Christ his only Son, our Lord; who was conceived by the Holy Spirit—"
"Now, Severus, do you want me gone so badly?"
Severus turned around so quickly, he fell upon his knees on the fen's marshes.
He looked up.
Harry was naked again, a golden light emitting gloriously out of his body. It was like seeing the messiah reborn, and Severus wondered if he were meeting God. That in his daily devotions, he was the first witness of the coming of the Christ.
"I'm afraid not, my dear Severus," said Harry, brushing Severus' lank hair behind his ear. "You only see what you want to see: a messianic otherworldly person. I transform into whatever lies within your heart—your secret desires."
He smiled serenely, whispering upon Severus' ear softly, "I am an incubus."
"No—" blurted out Severus, feeling helpless on his knees.
"Yes," said Harry with a nod, "It is so. And try as you might, you keep seeing me. Have you not accepted your desires?"
"I have none," growled Severus, splashing around as he got up, standing upright in his wet nightgown. "You need to leave. I am not in love with a disgusting demon. You are intruding. I demand that you leave me and my dreams alone."
"I'm afraid I cannot do that, Severus," said Harry, smiling sadly. "You are mine as much as I am yours. You chose me. Have you seriously not realized how empty your life is? How your pursuit of God has made a hermit of you and made you less human?
"You want to live," Harry whispered temptingly, "don't you?"
Severus swallowed. And said, "No."
Harry backed away, his gorgeous body glowing with life. He gave a last sad smile and said, "Then I will see you tomorrow. Things will be different. And I will tell you what will happen should you not accept yourself tonight. I will lie on your peaceful mellow, both of us naked as the day we were born. You will approach me, and kiss me with all your being. Then, you will penetrate me and know me as the object of your desire; your God made flesh. You will spill your seed onto my belly and in completing this action, you shall be a man reborn. Then you will leave me, and begin life anew in pursuit of your desires.
"You are not a wicked man, Severus Snape," he said with a brush on Severus' cheek. "But you are lost. And in doing what we will tomorrow, you will have found religion in a way you could not have foreseen. Your shepherding days are coming to an end. As are your days of celibacy. And I will disappear back into the fold to help more lost men and women, for I am incubus. Misunderstood as my race is, we live to awaken the potential of the human spirit.
"And I chose you these last nights, because you have so much to give. Such a shame for a devout human being such as yourself to waste away near a cliff's edge, as if you're at the edge of the grave and yearn to live close to Death.
"I want you to choose life, Severus Snape. And after our communion tomorrow, you will see me no more.
"Do you accept?" said Harry at last, his head tilted curiously at Severus.
And with utmost sincerity, Severus uttered with finality and a wicked grin, "No."
Harry nodded gravely, a quirk at the corner of his lips. "Then you choose to see for a while longer. Don't you?"
"Yes," said Severus, his forehead touching Harry's. He exhaled, saying, "I will continue to live as I like. We've reached an impasse, and I choose not to move on with my life. I will invite you into my dreams." Severus then scowled, glaring at the incubus. "Just know that I am not submitting to you."
Harry grinned impishly, "Whatever you say, Severus Snape."
-The End-
Translations: Summitte existentiae meo, Severus. Accepta tu ipse, vel nihil fugies me. = Submit to my existence, Severus. Accept yourself, or you will never escape me.