spfestmod (spfestmod) wrote in snape_potter, @ 2018-12-06 12:02:00 |
|
|||
Greetings, Lady Malfoy.
I could not help but hear of Harry Potter’s latest scrape with that foul Animagus, Miss Skeeter. Two hundred and forty copies of the Daily Prophet, all screeching in unison during breakfast in the Great Hall, is a nightmare I hope that I never have to relive.
About our beleaguered Mister Potter. I must confess, I have grown quite fond of him, and I believe he has developed a similar fondness for me. He is, however, rather clueless, as he is still convinced I carry a torch for his mother. You know personally that I harbor no attraction towards witches; he does not. There is no easy way to “out” myself to him, I know, I have tried. He really is oblivious.
Draco has notified me that there will be a banquet for Harry, his family, close friends, and a number of eligible female suitors. I must inform you, Narcissa, that Mister Potter mostly prefers his own gender. He confessed this when I interviewed him for the soon to be vacated mediwitch/wizard position. He feared that his preference would make him ineligible for the job. I did manage to allay his fears, and I offered him the post.
I am most interested in courting Harry, although I would have hired him had his feelings towards me been purely platonic. I realize that I must adhere to the rules of the banquet, which require dresses for all suitors. Therefore, I will attend, dressed the part of a female suitor, but only after safely delivering him to the Three Broomsticks in my ceremonial Headmaster robes. I trust it will be a most memorable evening!
Please tell me this meets with your approval.
Sincerely,
Severus Snape
Dear Severus and Harry,
I trust you have been too preoccupied to read this morning’s Prophet.
Rita Skeeter mistook the multiple participants of last night’s Cher-themed pub crawl for you, Severus. She proclaimed you were out to corrupt the Hogwarts student body. The participants of said crawl, as well as the newly minted Mrs. Malfoy, exacted sweet revenge upon her, with the blessing of the MLE.
Ms. Skeeter’s Animagus form is now a banana slug. Any attempt to spy on the unsuspecting will result in her meeting the business end of a ginormous salt shaker - you can thank Ginevra Malfoy for the salt shaker. She really is quite the spitfire!
Enjoy the rest of your holiday, boys, and thank you, Severus, for the most entertaining night of my life.
Oh, and Harry, I would greatly appreciate if you and Severus would make me a grandmother. Please do so quickly, I’m not getting any younger!
Wishing a most productive honeymoon -
Minerva