spfestmod (spfestmod) wrote in snape_potter, @ 2017-12-21 11:59:00 |
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Entry tags: | fic, rating: r, secret snarry swap17 |
Secret Snarry Swap: FIC: Memory Lane
Title: Memory Lane
Author: agneskamilla
Other pairings/threesome: None
Rating: R
Word count: 8415
Content/Warning(s): minor character death
Prompter/Prompt: Prompt 52 from goddess47: Harry wants to quit his job as an Auror but doesn't want to disappoint anyone, especially Severus.
Summary: After years away Severus asks Harry to make him a custom-made Pensieve.
A/N: Happy holidays, dear Giftee! Thank you, fabulous ladies of snape_potter for all your help!
Read on AO3
Dear Severus,
You are a fucking git and I really want to hate you.
I think I never told you how things went down in the end with Edwin. My therapist thinks I should talk about the things which are bothering me and he also thinks I should talk to you, so two birds, one stone and whatnot. I think it’s a real shame that the only time Edwin and I were totally, brutally honest with each other was the last night he spent on earth. My therapist also suggests that I should learn from past experiences, thus I promise if I ever decide to speak to you in this life again, I will endeavour to be honest with you, and myself as well. Anyway, Edwin and I spent the night talking, and I might have been crying a lot. It was the closest I had ever felt myself to Edwin as a friend. I fell asleep at the table, and by morning he was gone. It was fucking unfair, how I couldn’t hug him good-bye. I think he caressed my hair in farewell, because my skin was chilled for days after, and I was never so grateful for anything in my life; in those first few days without him the chill reminded me I was still alive.
I miss you so fucking much, but I’m still horribly angry with you. Bastard! You noble, self-sacrificing prick. And you’re selfish too. Even if I understand why you left me, twice no less, I still hate you a little for that too. I get it, how you didn’t want to stay after the war, I also see the unfairness of the situation where you have to wait until I grow up. Not to mention the matter of committing yourself twice to the same set of green eyes. Maybe we are over that now, but we sure weren’t then.
Still, I think it’s at least partially your own fucking fault that I couldn’t let poor Edwin move on. I was so unbelievably unwilling to face a life where I lost him too, and I have to move on. Where I must face the reality of being madly in love with you, where I have to do something about that, even if it means I can be rejected, or worse, I can love you and lose you once again. It would have been even worse than losing Edwin, because… Because. You don’t need that spelled out, you undeserving prick.
Anyway, I still hate you. I never stopped loving you. I promise, that someday I will pull my shit together.
Until then yours,
Harry