ROAD NOT TAKEN: FIC: Asking the Right Questions Title: Asking the Right Questions Author:sheankelor Other pairings/threesome: Brief mention of Harry/OFCs Rating: PG Word count: 5700+ Content/Warning(s): (highlight for spoilers) *Pre-slash, non-magical AU* Summary: Sometimes you just need to right question so that you can come up with the right answer. Then a couple of good friends to see you through to the end. A/N: Thanks to Chi who installed a word program onto her laptop just so that she could beta this, and to Lara who made sure that she sent the right file as well as waiting for permission to read it.
Asking the Right Questions
"You know, I just let her go." Harry took another long sip from his drink. "I was graduating and she still had a year. She said she didn’t want me trapped by a commitment with someone who was so far away, but I could tell that she didn’t want it."
He slumped down until his elbows rested on the bar on either side of the drink curled in his left hand. He hadn’t looked up, his eyes fixated on the way the light glinted off the liquid in the glass. He could feel someone nearby and that triggered the confession. It wasn’t like it would be repeated by anyone else. They were all drunker than he was.
Another swallow of his drink burned a trail down his throat, scalding the barrier that had trapped all the words and set them free. "So, I let her go. We swore that we would always be friends." He quirked up the side of his mouth in an attempt to smile. He had been successful in smiling until he got here. "She taped a note on my door; I found it this afternoon when I got home. She’s found someone that she desperately loves. Ring and everything."
As he swirled his drink in the glass, the ice clinked against the side. "I want her to be happy. I really do. I’m glad she found someone who will take care of her. I just don’t know if I can face them together."
The listener seemed about to ask a question but opted not to, so Harry continued, hoping that he answered it. "No, I can’t avoid them. We’re friends, remember. It doesn’t help that her brother is my best mate and the entire family has basically adopted me. I have to go over there. I want to go there. I love them, I love the dynamics of their family."
Harry took another long drink, emptying the glass before he continued. "I’m glad she is in love, I just wish it had been me."
The listener finally spoke, his voice a rich, velvety baritone that wasn’t as inebriated as Harry thought it would be. "Do you wish it was you she loved, or do you wish it was you who was in love?"
Harry’s head shot up and found himself looking into a pair of dark questioning eyes. Letting his eyes roam, he took in the pale skin, black hair before moving lower. There he noticed the white button-up shirt and bow tie. When he reached the hands, which were quietly drying a rack of glasses, he realized that it was the bartender who had been listening to him. When his gaze made it back up to the bartender’s face, he could tell that the man had been patiently waiting for him to finish his perusal.
"Do you know which it is?"
The question made Harry pause for a moment. "I don’t know. I thought I wanted it to be me that she loved, but now that you ask, I’m not sure. I mean, she was the first person that I seriously dated, the only person that I seriously dated."
The bartender nodded to the glass in Harry’s hands, the ice slowly melting. "Want another?"
Harry shook his head. "This one will do. I have to walk home." He pushed the empty glass to the back edge of the bar. "I guess I should be heading on."
On the way back to his flat, Harry’s mind turned over the question that the man had posed to him. What did he want?
o-o-o-o
Harry heaved the heavy box up onto the shelf and turned for the next one.
"Harry! Are you checking everything off on the invoice?" George poked his head around the corner, trying to see what his silent partner was doing.
"I know, George! Fred made sure that it was drilled into my brain the first, and only, time I forgot." Grabbing the clipboard off the stack of boxes, he turned it so that George could see the tick marks.
George grinned. "Ah, my not so silent partner... good to see that you can learn." At Harry’s chuff and eye roll, he walked in the storeroom and closed the door. "As you are now un-muted, what happened? Why are you here today?"
George knew that Harry didn’t come into the shop unless there was something that he needed to think through. Fred and George had taken it upon themselves to help their black-headed in-all-but-name-brother figure things out. As Harry had answered his invoice question instead of ignoring him, it meant that they could now talk.
Harry glared at George. Yes, he knew that coming here, working in the back stockroom, would set him up for questioning, but he had honestly hoped that it wouldn’t happen. Not yet. The glare faded as George leaned against the door and crossed his arms, obviously planning to wait him out. "Ginny’s found someone."
George nodded once and continued to wait. Ron had warned him and Fred that Harry was pretending he was over Ginny, but that it was really Ginny that ended their relationship and had moved on.
Harry chewed at his bottom lip for a moment before turning about to check off another set of boxes. "I'm just not sure how I feel about it."
Harry's mind raced to what the bartender had said two nights ago. Was it because he wanted Ginny to love him, or was it because he wanted to be loved? But how could he find anyone to love? Not one girl had caught and held his interest. Not one after Ginny and only one before.
George moved so that he could see the myriad of emotions playing over Harry’s face. "Are you happy about it?"
Harry sighed and set the clipboard down. "Yes, I am. I just.... I just wish I could find someone as well." That was it. That was the answer to the question that had been bouncing around in his head since the night he was first asked it.
George took a deep breath and then squared his shoulders. He and Fred had talked about it until they were blue in the face, and then included Ron and Hermione until they were passed out from exhaustion on the sofas and the sun had long since crested the horizon. That was a year ago. Now it was time to talk to Harry. He just wished the other three were there, but knew that Harry wouldn’t give him another opening like this for at least another year. "Maybe you are looking at the wrong gender."
He waited for the explosion, the denial. All four of them knew it would happen. They had studied up on how to approach the topic, not finding much to help, but that one thing was constant. Everyone seemed to deny it at first.
Harry froze, his pen hovering above the invoice paper. Did George just ask if he was gay? He wanted to scream that it was absurd, that there was nothing further from the truth, but a small tiny part of his mind remembered fine dark eyes looking into his. Those eyes demanded exactly what they demanded the time he had seen them in person, to be honest with himself.
Turning about, he faced George and noticed the way the other man was braced. 'George is prepared for anything.' Taking a settling breath, he shrugged. "I’ve never given it a thought. I can’t think of any man that I am attracted to, either."
George felt a sigh of relief escape before he could stop it. Just as usual, Harry had to be abnormal. "Maybe someone older? You’ve always been more mature than the other people your age."
Harry rolled his eyes and turned back to the boxes. Old Soul, that was the nickname that the Twins had given him the first day that they had met. Ron took it up and Hermione had laughed at the idea. "I’ll think about it."
George grinned. "Okay, Old Soul. You think, plot and plan; we’ll be out front when you are done."
A chuckle of laughter followed him out the door.
Harry’s grin remained as the chuckle faded away. Maybe he should look into older women, and maybe men as well.
o-o-o-o
Severus poured two milliliters of vodka into the shaker before adding the rest of the ingredients. As he worked, he could feel the eyes on him. Some were watching him make the drinks because they thought it was a show, others because they were hoping it was theirs that he was working on, and a very small group because they were interested in him.
'I wonder if Green Eyes ever figured out the answer to my question?' It was not something he usually pondered. People came and people went, and most of them drank themselves silly. That is what stuck out about Green Eyes; he only had one drink and had walked home barely tipsy, if at all. Severus was positive that all Green Eyes needed was a nonjudgmental ear.
Looking over the crowd, he handed Johnny his order and waited for the next one to come in. He heard a commotion over near the door and almost groaned out loud. He was sure that the news was around campus by now that he worked here, but maybe the kids didn’t think he would recognize them if they weren’t in his Chemistry class. Sometime he detested his ability to memorize things like faces and names.
Carl, the door guard, shot him an inquiring look. Severus nodded yes. They had done this one too many times for either of them to confuse the question or the answer. He watched as the burly man stepped in front of the group of fifth years who were trying to get in. Blinking, he looked again. Surely, he had seen wrong—people like Green Eyes came in once in a blue moon—but there, standing behind the kids shaking his head, was the man that had been filling his thoughts.
Harry could not help but laugh as the leader of the group of what could be no more than sixth years, tried once again to get into the bar. "Honestly, this man is paid to know who is of age and who isn’t. You aren’t going to pull one over on him."
The leader spun about and glared at him. "I’m to be punished just because I have a baby face?"
Harry shook his head. "No, I’m a baby face," he pulled out his ID to show the door guard, "you are babies. See the difference. You aren’t being punished; you are being safeguarded. Now, off with you, I have an appointment with a pint and you are blocking me from making it."
Three in the back of the group slipped away, tugging a fourth with them. The leader folded his arms, huffed, and then stalked off with the last of his followers behind him.
Carl looked at the ID of the man who had helped him. "Thanks for you help, Mr. Potter. I’m sure your appointment waited for you, head on in."
Harry flashed the man a smile as he walked into the bar. He immediately looked over to see who was tending the bar and felt a small thrill rush through him when he saw the dark-eyed man quietly working. Finding his seat from last time, he noticed that it was right next to the dish station. That explained why the bartender had been drying glasses.
Severus noticed the moment that Green Eyes sat on the stool. He signaled to Micah that he would take this order.
Resting his hands on the bar, he looked down into bright green eyes that were no long clouded with hurt and sorrow. 'Off limits, Severus. He is here for a drink not a companion, no matter what he said last time. Besides, he is not interested in gentlemen.'
Harry searched the dark eyes for a moment before smiling up at the man. "Hi, my name is Harry Potter, and I would like to thank you." He continued when all he received was a raised eyebrow. "I didn’t think anyone was truly listening last time, but the question you asked – well, it got me thinking."
"Severus Snape." Severus then smirked slightly. "That is what questions are supposed to do."
Harry laughed. "Yes, but I know that it doesn’t always work for me. Any rate, I know that I am one of those people who like to know how things turned out, so I was hoping you were here. To answer your question, I want to be in love."
"Many people do, but I think my question asked about who you want to be in love with." Severus automatically started drying the glasses that were waiting in the bin as he talked.
Harry leaned forward, his eyes intent on the man before him. "That's the problem. See, I figured out that it wasn’t her – thanks for that – but now I have a dilemma. If you don’t want to listen to it and ask your wonderful questions that help me see the heart of the matter, then tell me now."
Severus paused, his eyes intent on the rest of the bar area as he thought. 'I already think too much about Harry, should I add more to it?' Even as he thought about it he knew his answer. This man had intrigued him. Looking back at Harry, Severus set a glass on the bar. "What would you like to drink?"
"A whiskey, please." Harry waited to see if Severus would agree or disagree while his drink was poured.
Pushing the glass towards his customer, Severus leaned against the bar, signaling Micah that he wasn’t moving anytime soon. Picking up another glass to dry, he looked at Harry. "What is your dilemma?"
Harry swirled the whiskey about in his glass as he thought about how to phrase what he needed to say. He had come straight from The Weasleys’ Wacky Wonders – the shop that George and Fred had started with his financial help – to here with George’s questions burning in his head. He had hoped that Severus could help him. But now that he was here he was trying to figure out just why he could talk to this man. Taking a sip for courage, he started.
"You know that I let Ginny go, the girl I was talking about last time, and that I want to be loved by someone and to love them back. My issue is that no one has ever caught and held my interest except Ginny and this girl named Cho. I dated Cho once and it ended with a kiss that was wet, very wet, since she was crying buckets at the time. She was still getting over her last boyfriend. He had died in a competition that he and I as well as two other students from other schools were in. We went out on a date the next year, but she was still bawling."
Harry dared to look up into the dark eyes, trying to see what Severus thought so far. It almost worried him that he cared what this man, one he had only met twice, thought. The eyes weren’t bored or blank, instead they seemed to be assessing what he had said.
"Any rate, after Cho, there was no one for a while and then Ginny happened. We just seemed to fall into each other. Her brother Ron and I are best mates, have been since the first day we met on the way to secondary school. She always seemed to like me more than most people, but I'd just let it go since she was so little. I was in and out of her family’s house for years. Then one day she kissed me and I was surprised by it. People put us together after that, and we seemed to just fall into their wishes. I thought I loved her, but since you asked the question, I realized I only loved the idea of being in love."
Severus tried to keep the surprise off his face. Two girls and that was it. One only went as far as a kiss, and he tried not to think of how far the other one had gone. It wasn’t hard to picture the dynamics that Harry was talking about; he saw them every day during the school year. He knew just how far Harry and Ginny could have gone. "You have yet to mention the dilemma."
Harry looked about the bar, noting that they were practically alone in their little corner. "I figured you were a detail person, so I would give you some of the back story first. Any rate, today while helping at Weasleys’ Wacky Wonders, George, that is Ron’s brother, asked me if I was interested in men instead of girls. When I said I didn’t know, he also pointed out I might be more attracted to someone older. So, my dilemma is how to figure out if a bloke is more attractive to me than a girl, and if I am more attracted to older people."
Picking up his drink, Harry totally missed the stunned look on Severus face.
'He just described... he just asked how he could tell if he was interested in older men.' Warmth flooded up Severus’ spine and tried to curl in his abdomen while another string was trying to take control of his mind. Jamming the attraction to the back of his mind, he tried to focus on what Harry wanted him to. "You might want to try an older lady first, as you have been attracted to them already."
'That's right, send him away. You don't need the complications. Life is going along just fine without an attractive young man.' Running the towel carefully over the rim of the glass, he continued, "If you find that they don't spark your interest, you could then attempt going out with an older male and see how you feel. Of course, you might want to meet with a few and see if they spark anything first, before declaring it a date."
Harry nodded slowly. What Severus suggested sounded like a good plan, one he could work on. "Thanks, that sounds like a workable plan. It will help me figure out just what I want."
Severus quirked a half smile. "It is typically best to test one variable at a time, therefore eliminating questions of the test's validity. Do you know someone you could run the first test with?"
Harry laughed hard, his drink almost splashing onto the bar. "A test? It is supposed to be a date. But to answer your question, I have someone in mind. Sarah has shown interest in me before, but I haven't ever reciprocated. Maybe I just need the right setting."
Taking a last sip from his drink, Harry set the half-full glass on the bar. "Thanks for listening, Severus. I'll come back and tell you how it went."
Severus watched as Green Eyes left. A good part of him was hoping that the test failed and that he might consider trying out older men with him.
o-o-o-o
Harry smiled as Sarah talked away about the meeting that she was attending tomorrow. The dynamics of her office was truly fascinating. The only problem was that it was more fascinating than Sarah herself. Not that she was ugly, dull or anything else, it was that he found more pleasure talking to her, figuring out the twists of her professional life, than he did at the thought of kissing her. After a week of trying different settings, he gave up on Sarah.
Harry found himself once again sitting at the bar, watching Severus mix drinks while he waited to have a word with him. The man eventually made it over to where he was sitting.
"Good evening, Mr. Potter. What can I serve you today?"
Harry was shocked at the number of risque images that popped up in his mind at that question. 'Maybe I am more interested in males than females?' Pushing those thoughts away, he smiled up at Severus, shaking his head. "I think we are past the point of Mr. Potter. Please, call me Harry." When Severus nodded, he continued, "I just want a pint, please. And an ear if you have a moment."
A pint was placed on the bar while Severus looked about, obviously judging how much time he had.
"I can spare a moment. What do you wish to talk about?"
"Sarah, she is the lady who I tested the going out with older women with, didn't work out. There just wasn't any spark," Harry said, almost losing himself in the black eyes that were contemplating his statement. Blinking, he realized that Severus was talking.
"Was she anything like either of the two young ladies that you were previously interested in?"
Harry frowned and shook his head no. "Not really, she was nice. I do like her as a friend, but ..."
Standing straight, Severus indicated to Amelia that he was coming. "You need to know your type, what looks you like, then find a lady that matches them."
Harry watched as Severus walked away, wondering just what his type was. Letting his eyes drift about the bar, he tried to determine just what attracted him. 'Dark eyes: both Cho and Ginny had darker eyes.' He tried not to think about the pair that had been stuck in his head for the last couple of weeks.
It took him a moment to realize that he was once again watching Severus work. He was drawn to the quick, efficient movements the man made while mixing drinks. 'I also like his dark hair, and his long fingers and...' Harry looked down into this drink, wondering how to tell Severus just what seemed to be his type. He didn't even know if the man was straight or not.
o-o-o-o
Harry didn't know how he ended up at Fred and George's place, but he did. During the conversation it came out about the tests. Over the next three weeks the Twins proceeded to find him many types of older, not ancient, ladies. Redheads, blondes, brunettes, fair, dark, serious, silly, and anything else that they could think of, was subtly paraded before him.
One after the other left him feeling intrigued mentally, but physically there was nothing. It was after that revelation that the Twins declared him truly a homosexual and then told him to find an older gentleman to give it a shot.
That was why he was once again sitting at the bar, hoping Severus was there that night. He had been keeping the bartender up to date with the Twins' efforts on his behalf and the results. Now he needed the man's level-headed advice once again.
It was Micah that spotted Harry as he came in. Flashing a smile at Severus, he pointed to the dish rack. "Go dry the glasses. I've got the orders for a bit. Your young man is here."
Severus raised an eyebrow. "My young man? He only comes to listen to my advice."
With a snort of disbelief, Micah shooed him off. Severus grabbed a pint on his way towards Harry's normal seat and then set it down on the bar and gently pushed it towards him.
"Good evening, Severus."
"Harry." Severus waited; there was a look about the young man that said he was there to talk.
Harry pushed a hand through his fringe. "None of the ladies worked. George and Fred decided that I need to move onto dating men. I just don't know where to meet guys that are interested in men instead of women. And what if I am not interested in them?"
'He wants to find a man to date. He wants … ' He forced himself to show a disinterested face. Then, setting the glass he was drying aside, Severus leaned a bit closer to Harry. "Now my question is, how will you know if you are more attracted to men than women?"
Harry was amazed at the frizzle of sparks that flew through him as Severus leaned in. He had imagined the feeling of the man’s breath ghosting over his cheek weeks ago, and it was better than he had imagined it to be. He couldn't get this man out of his head, not since he had met him. Blinking, he decided that his answer was right there, but had no idea how to tell him. He had no clue if Severus was married, interested in guys, or even liked younger people.
Severus caught the flash of desire in the green eyes and, after a quick scan of the area, he leaned close enough he could smell the scent coming off Harry. "I would be willing to test this with you if you need a little extra help."
Standing straight, Severus dried the last glass as Harry stared at him. His nerves were trying to push him away. He had just propositioned a boy who looked to be no more than a few years older than the children he taught.
Harry’s fingers tightened about the cup he was holding. 'Be honest with yourself. That is what George wants me to be. Well, if I was honest, I would say that I am attracted to Severus. I should answer his earlier question and then see if we can meet sometime when he isn’t at work.' He took a drink for false courage. "How will I know if I am more attracted? The moment I want to ask someone to go out with me, and not feel as if it is just friendship. The moment I start to wonder how it would feel to kiss them..."
Severus raised an eyebrow. If that is all he felt towards Ginny, no wonder she left him. There had to be a spark for a fire and it sounded as if there was not a hot enough spark between those two. He watched as Harry swallowed hard before continuing.
"If you are willing, I wouldn’t mind meeting you somewhere else. A date of sorts. At a coffee shop, or somewhere like that."
The warmth Severus felt each time he talked to Harry flamed up. He distinctly remembered that Harry mentioned kissing along with the asking someone to go out. Will power alone kept his voice even. "I work the rest of the week."
"Perhaps we could meet for lunch?" Harry leaned his elbows on the bar as he watched the expressions run quickly over Severus' face.
"Lunch would be fine. About noon tomorrow?" A quick glance showed Severus that he needed to get back to work soon; Micah was getting backed up.
Harry shrugged. "Noon sounds good. How about at The Wheel?"
"I'll be there. We can talk about how to handle this then. I need to get back." When Harry nodded, Severus headed off to help Micah.
o-o-o-o
Severus stared at himself in the mirror: dark trousers, green shirt with the top button undone, hair loose so that it framed his face, a worried expression. That is what he saw. Spinning away from the glass, he headed for the living room. The desk off to the side caught his attention. Lesson plans for the next school year were covering the surface, as was a note from Albus. The Headmaster wanted him to come in next week to work in the chemical stockroom. 'I wonder if Harry is any good at organizing things and reading labels? Albus wouldn't say anything if I brought someone in to help make sense of the chaos that room is in.'
Harry. That is where he was stuck at this moment. The boy was trying to learn what he wanted, what he was interested in, and he was a fool for agreeing to help. He knew he was precariously balanced on the edge of interest and love. He had never quite let himself fall off the edge before. No one seemed worth the effort, but it seemed as if Harry was. They had talked at least three nights a week – Micah swore that Harry was already dating him there at the bar – and Severus was now thinking of including him in the mundane things of his life. That scared him.
'I can keep a distance. I've done it so far. He doesn't know I teach. He doesn't know much about me. I just need to keep a proper line. That way when Harry does decide to move on to someone else, it won't hurt as much.' Even as he thought that, Severus knew that he was holding onto wishful thoughts.
A quick glance at the clock had him heading out the door. He needed to meet Harry for lunch.
o-o-o-o
Severus was surprised to be shown to a small table set so that it could see the entire dining room. Harry flashed him a smile.
Harry gestured to the other chair. "Sorry about the placement. I'm having a working lunch."
Settling into the chair, Severus looked about for the work. Not spotting anything, he raised an eyebrow. "I have nothing against a working lunch, it has to happen sometime, but what are you working on?"
"For all the talks we've had, it surprises me what we don't know about each other." Harry's eyes narrowed as he observed a waiter talking to one of the customers. After a moment he looked back at Severus. "I am an investor in a number of businesses in town. There are a few that I am invested enough to be considered a part owner and silent partner. The Weasley’s Wacky Wonders and this restaurant both are part of the last category."
Severus blinked before looking at his hands. This young man probably had more money at his fingertips than he would ever see. Setting aside the feeling of inadequacy that arose, he resolved to stick to this test. "You are watching this place fairly closely. Are you truly that silent a partner?"
Harry's laugh sounded just as wonderful here as it did at the bar.
"The owners know me quite well, and no, I am not that silent to them, but the customers and employees have no idea. I am a regular customer, though."
Severus felt a smile tug at the lips. "And you report all the issues you see to the other owners?"
Severus understood why Harry just nodded as the waiter came for their order. "Since you are a regular, and I have never been here, why don't you order for us both?"
"But I don't know what you like to eat."
Severus leaned forward, his gaze intent on Harry's face. "I will eat anything you choose. I am not that picky about food."
He wasn't either. Growing up, that had not been a luxury he could afford.
Harry turned to the waiter with a slight smile. "Two roast chicken breast meals with mash potatoes, grilled asparagus and water to drink."
After the man left, Harry grinned at Severus. "So, this is a learning-about-you-date, right?"
"I thought it was a date of sorts." Severus could feel hope building when he saw the slight disappointment in those green eyes.
Harry shrugged slightly. "The 'of sorts' since I wasn't sure if you would really want to date me. I figured out that you only would come if it was part of your test to find out my preferences.”
The green eyes looked down at the table top as Harry played with his napkin. Severus knew that if there was a drink at the table, the younger man would be fiddling with the cup, watching the light glint off the water.
"I still don't know if you are interested in men, me in particular. This could just be a kindness to a lonely kid that you think of as a son."
The words had flown out, but Severus was quite used to understanding rushed statements. It was one of the advantages of both of his jobs. Severus knew that he needed to put Harry's fears to rest. Grabbing his courage, he started. "I am interested in men. I have been for as long as I can remember. That was one of the reasons I continued to help you when you came back. It is hard to not know what you want, to be uncertain if it will be accepted."
He swallowed hard when those eyes looked up at him and he could see a glimmer of hope in them. He was now treading very dangerous ground. "I would have never agreed to a date of any kind if I was not interested. It is not worth my time. I would have sent you to a club, given you a number or two of people who I know are looking, but never suggested myself. I do not think of you as a son. I do not know why I do not. I do not even think of you as one of my students – which is strange, since you are not much older than most of them."
"Students? You teach?"
Severus almost laughed at the question. He waited to answer as their waters were delivered. "Yes, I teach Chemistry at the local secondary school. Bartending is my side job."
Harry leaned forward, his smile brighter than it had been. "So, those brats that were trying to get in the second time I came to the bar really didn't have a chance of not being noticed?"
Grateful for the change of topic, Severus smiled back. "Not a chance. Carl had already asked about them and I had told him that they weren't of age."
"Carl must be the door guard. Why do I have a feeling that you have an entire set of hand signals for this?"
"Head tilts, the hands can get busy mixing drinks."
Suddenly serious, Harry leaned forward, his entire focus on Severus. "So, we can call this an official date, and I am allowed to see how far this can go?"
Severus was caught off guard by the conversation's quick change. He searched the earnest face for any sign of trickery. Not seeing any, he answered, "We can, and you are."
The small smile that curled those pink lips warmed Severus' heart.