sassy_cissa (sassy_cissa) wrote in slythindor100, @ 2006-03-04 10:47:00 |
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Entry tags: | challenge #20 |
The White Horse Remix
Original poster: faith1922
Title: A Spring in the Step (The White Horse Remix)
Words: 1179 (and yes, I can do that, cuz I’m the boss, dammit!)
A/N: What can I say? I’m a nutcase. For this to seem a little less nutty, read enchanted_jae’s drabble A Spring in the Step first. If this still doens’t make any sense afterwards, then, congratulations, you’re sane!
Warnings: Utter idiocy
I’m so so so very sorry for turning you lovely drabble into this! *hides from the wrath of enchanted_jae*. I didn’t mean to, but this just turned sillier and sillier everytime I rewrote it and I’M SORRY!!!!!
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It’s because Draco said goodbye to his virginity last night.
Thump.
Harry watched with a satisfied little smirk as Pansy and Millicent fell to the ground in a dead faint. Bending over the Slytherin table the Boy-who-lived cast an Ennervate on each of them. They woke spluttering and gasping and still decidedly unbelieving of his statement.
“So you’re saying”, Pansy growled, “That you and Draco did the nasty? With...?”
She stopped talking as a fourth year Slytherin started jumping up and down while pointing at her.
“What?”, she snapped.
“You can’t say that!”
“Can’t say what?”
“You can’t say ‘they did the nasty’, that’s American!”
Pansy scowled deeply as everyone around her nodded in agreement with the kid, “Well, da....bloody hell!”
Suddenly Potter poked her in the forehead and asked, “You were saying?”
“I was saying: So you’re saying that you and Draco, mortal enemies, blood enemies and the two best looking guys in all of Hogwarts, shagged? Each other?”
Harry nodded, smiling brilliantly at the somewhat dim witted witch for figuring it out all on her own.
Thump.
Millicent slumped over her breakfast, looking very, very pale and unconscious. At Harry’s questioning look, Theodore Nott leaned over the table to pet the girl’s head lovingly, “She’s been planning to seduce you since second year.”
Draco and Blaise chose that moment to arrive at the Slytherin table.
“What’s up?”, Blaise asked.
“Well, we just found out that the only two respectable catches in this rotten school are shagging not the female population of said school, but each other. Milli fainted twice now and Pansy once. We had a little slang- problem and then returned to the matter of Potter and Malfoy shagging each other. Luckily the news have not spread far enough for any desolate girls to attempt suicide at this turn of events.”
Blaise nodded, not seeming surprised at all. Pansy, realizing that, lunged over the table at the unsuspecting boy and yelled into his face, “WHAT DO YOU KNOW?”
Blaise freed himself from his friend’s clutches and proceeded to throw himself onto the bench, satisfied smirk on his face, “Well, you see, I’m the one Potter shagged while he worked on seducing Draco into his bed.”
Thump.
This time it was Draco who fainted at the news. Harry looked altogether much too happy with the situation, judging by his shit eating grin. Again the fourth year started jumping up and down until Nott nodded (hehe!) at him with a defeated little sigh.
“Potter’s out of character!”
Harry surged forward, grabbing the poor kid by the collar and lifting him up until they were at eye level with each other, “Listen you dim wit, I am not out of character! That Rowling woman has to fucking clue what she’s doing, is all! Truth is, I had a very hot affair with Blaise since fifth year, I smoke, I drink, I am friends with all Slytherins in my year and once I did Voldy in, I am going to take over the Wizarding World with the help of my very own army of followers.
“I also have a tattoo on my butt saying ‘Draco’s Toy’ in very bold very gothic letters! IS THAT CLEAR?”
The little fourth year nodded scared like, but still said in a small voice, “But wouldn’t it be wiser to keep your plans for world domination secret until the opportune moment?”
Suddenly the fourth year’s best friend, an ugly girl with red hair jumped up and down, pointing at her friend, “You can’t say that! That’s Captain Jack Sparrow’s line!”
Sadly, her desperate try to keep this drabble from getting completely out of hand was utterly ignored when Harry sighed in defeat and ordered everyone back to ‘Draco Faints’.
Thump.
Harry’s smile vanished as he knelt down beside his one and only love. He cradled his lover’s blonde head in his lap and started to cry, “Please Draco, don’t leave me! I just found you! You can’t leave me now!”
He was about to throw himself on top of Malfoy’s unmoving body when Hermione walked past the scene, eyes fixed on the book floating in front of her. Without stopping to read she slapped her best friend upside the head and hissed, “Ennervate, you git!”
Harry sobbed one last time before wiping away his tears and turning into the brave boy we all know. He brought his lover back to life with a swish of his wand, grinning broadly as Draco kissed him smack dab on the mouth.
The two of them engaged in a snog-fest until they head angry growls from all around them. Looking up they realized that the whole female population (except Hermione) of Hogwarts, was standing around them, looking very pissed off.
Harry, being the fast thinker that her was, whistled loudly and seconds later the biggest plot hole in history of H/D drabbling entered the Great Hall in form of a beautiful white horse.
The red headed fourth year could be heard mumbling something about some Lord of the Rings, but she was utterly ignored as Harry jumped onto the horse’s back before lifting Draco up, bridal style and fleeing the scene.
They fled the Great Hall and could be seen riding into the sunset only moments later (On the horse, Pervert!)
Stop.
What?
They just had breakfast, Faith, you half witted chicken!
So what?
They can’t ride into the sun set at eight thirty in the morning!
Well, they can just apparate to Australia first!
No, absolutely not!
Grrr, stupid Voice!
Yeah, yeah, now change it!
I hate you, bitch!
You realize that I’m part of you, don’t you?
...
That’s what I thought.
They fled the Great Hall and could be seen riding into Hogsmeade where they had an obscenely large breakfast with caviar and lots and lots of kinky sex on their table in the Three Broomsticks, because they couldn’t help it. The name was making them so hot!
They had kinky sex until sun set, into which they then rode very slowly, due to the soreness in their lower regions, never to be seen again.
At the same time Professor Snape decided that he could not live in a world where Potters and Malfoys get along and jumped off the Astronomy Tower, along with the whole female population of Hogwarts, except Hermione, who was also having kinky sex, but not with Ron, but with her books.
About two months later Lord Voldemort realized that war was very boring with no women to rape and no Potter to fight against, so he retired to Spain where he hooked up with Blaise, who had had to flee Britain once people realized that he was the one who had turned the Boy-who-lived into a Queer..
Harry and Draco got their Happily Ever After somewhere behind the sun set, where they had lots and lots of kinky sex and were very naughty, reigning the world in secret, due to Harry’s evil streak and Draco’s cunning. They did however never have kids, because Mpreg makes this author sick to the stomach.
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SORRY!!!!