Dorian Pavus (allflashnoheat) wrote in shipsahoy, @ 2016-02-19 20:20:00 |
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Entry tags: | ! scene, !nsfw, !sex |
Who: Dorian Pavus & Sean Nast
What: Forced Sobriety and Happy Times
When: Friday Night after this
Where: Their Suite
Warnings: NSFW happy times! Discussion of NSFW not happy times.
Status: Closed/Completed
When Sean told them what happened in the stairway, Dorian had been horrified. It probably hadn’t been the best or brightest idea, but he needed to know just how bad it had gotten, so he had gone to the stairway in question and called up a spirit from the depths of the ocean to show him the nightmare that had occurred in here. And it was as bad as Sean has said, but it could have been worse, so much worse, and Dorian sat there on the steps, shaking as he tried to calm down from the visions.
Afterwards, the plan had been hatched, and now there wasn’t a drop of alcohol in either room, food would be brought in, and Sean wasn’t going to be leaving for the foreseeable future. Not until he had spent at least a full day sober. Dorian wanted to know if Sean wanted to salvage himself, and any chance they may have, and that couldn’t happen if the man couldn’t see straight because of the alcohol.
Of course, Dorian had never met a sober Sean, and had no idea what to expect. Would the man even like him or want to be in the same room with him? People had the tendency to be completely different once they were deep into their cup.
***
Sean was terrified. Willing to go along with it, but terrified nonetheless. Because he was mostly sober now and what if Dorian didn’t like him? Yes, there were more important things to worry about in the grand scheme of things, but that was the one that was easiest to focus on. And so he was going to worry about it with everything in him.
But it was easier to not worry when Dorian was pacing in and out of the room, keeping him company. Just meandering in and out. Not saying anything, just meandering and… almost waiting. But Sean, being Sean, wasn’t sure for what.
“Thank you, you know,” he said finally, and there was a strength to his voice that hadn’t been there since before his arrival. “For all of this.”
***
Dorian sat down finally and smiled, happy to hear that strength finally. He wasn’t sure what they would find one Sean’s eyes were clear, though he had been told that Sean was a truly wonderful person. He was delighted to finally meet him.
“You’re welcome, Sean, but I told you before I would do anything to help you.” And he meant it. “You don’t deserve to be abandoned, and I wouldn’t do that to you.”
He meant it at the bar, and meant it even more now.
***
“You’re possibly the best friend I’ve ever had.” And God, Sean wanted more. So, so much more.
Which led him to realize something.
“I feel as though I need to apologize for something,” he said. “Namely that whole thing where I tried to jump your bones when I was really, really drunk.” He forced himself not to look away, as much as he wanted to.
***
The smile faded as Sean’s words sank in, and Dorian shook his head. “You don’t have to apologize. You… weren’t exactly in the best frame of mind then.” Though, Dorian had been very, very tempted to take advantage, he did have his honor. It was one of the few things that his father and the Imperium hadn’t been able to take from him.
“I meant what everything I have said to you since we’ve met, Sean. You are my friend, and I care about you.” Probably far too much, but that was always the case with him.
***
“No, I do,” Sean insisted. “Because I’d backed you into a corner, Dorian. Literally.” He shook his head. “But I didn’t do anything that couldn’t be fixed… even if I didn’t come home for two days.”
He smiled shyly. “A secret? I didn’t go home with anyone. I wound up staying awake and drinking for two days.”
Drinking to chase away the memory of the look on Dorian’s face.
***
Dorian had no way to express how relieved he was to hear that, especially after what he already knew about what had already happened to Sean. What he wanted most was to just protect this beautiful man in front of him, and he didn’t have any right, because Sean wasn’t his. And in some ways, that was killing him.
“Sean, it’s not the first time a gorgeous man has backed me into a corner, but it is probably the first time I have turned him down because I didn’t want to hurt him.” Because that had been the most important part, was that he didn’t want to hurt Sean or lose him in any way.
***
Sean just looked at Dorian with absolute trust in his eyes. “You could never hurt me,” he said. “Never mind the actions. Look at the sentiments behind them. You could never hurt me.”
And that was the real Sean, for the first time. What a way for anyone to meet him.
***
Dorian blinked and then made a sudden decision, but a very important one. He moved over to where Sean was sitting and drew the younger man to him, something which, even when they were awake and sitting up, felt very normal by this point.
“No, I could never hurt you, dear one. I do not think there is anything you could in this world, or any world, that could force me to raise my hand against you.”
It would probably kill him to ever have to do that.
***
Sean settled against Dorian, making a content noise. He’d have to deal with tonight, with sleeping alone, but for now? He was happier than he could remember being in a long time. In ever, really.
And the idea of sleeping alone was the least appealing thing ever, but he wasn’t constantly drunk now. He didn’t have an excuse for crawling into Dorian’s bed now.
***
If Dorian had his way, Sean wouldn’t be drunk much at all, but he would have to deal with that day by day. “You scared me, though, Sean. When you told us what happened that day.” Scare was such a mild word for it. Terrified was more accurate.
“It was as if you had no care for what would have happened to you. And you have to know, that it would hurt me greatly if anything happened to you.”
Maybe that would help in keeping Sean accountable in what happened to him.
***
“I’ve been very broken for a very long time, Dorian,” Sean said after a moment of thought. “Because I was told once that basically, I do not get to be happy in life. And I guess I decided that if I don’t get to be happy, why care? Especially after I very quickly discovered that sleeping with people who knew who I was? Was a really bad idea. Anybody who knew my family background just wanted to fuck the boss’s grandson because they knew I’d have to keep quiet about it.”
He looked at Dorian. “So...no. I didn’t care what happened to me that day. But honestly, Dorian? I am so sorry I hurt you with my not caring.”
Because the idea of hurting Dorian was terrifying.
***
Dorian very much wanted to set Sean’s world on fire, moreso than his own. At least back in Thedas there were places he could go, to be happy. He had friends who cared about him, who truly wanted his happiness, even if he was foolishly choosing to trying to save his homeland. He was in Tevinter of his own choice, not because he had to be.
“You told me that I didn’t have to hide here, that I could be happy. I would say the same to you, Sean. No one here knows you, you are free to choose.”
And if Dorian foolishly hoped the man chose him, well, no one needed to know that.
***
Sean just shook his head. "Even here, the choice isn't in my hands. I desperately want to choose, but... I can't. It's not going to happen. I can't have him."
He wanted so badly to tell Dorian how he felt, but what good would it do? He already knew Dorian wasn't interested in him that way. Why should he torture himself about it all?
Oh right. Because any time with Dorian was at least something.
***
Oh, well. Any hope Dorian had went out the window and he sighed. He might not be the one in Sean’s heart but he could be there for his friend at least. He hugged the younger man made the decision not to let him go unless he had to for the day.
Sean may not be into self-torture, but Dorian was rather good at it. “Well, maybe whoever this fool is, he’ll open his eyes and see who he has standing in front of him.”
Or Dorian would just steal him away. “Now, since we’re staying in, movies, or reading?”
***
"Doesn't matter," Sean told him. "As long as you're holding me, that's all that matters."
Because when sober, Sean was at least aware of what he wanted. He just didn't always say anything.
"If that's... if that's okay." Uncertainty now.
***
“That is more than okay, amatus,” Dorian replied, trying not to wince at his slip. “We’ll just sit here and watch the shows on silent, and you can get some real rest for once.”
And if Dorian spent all day just petting Sean’s hair, no one needed to know but him. He could keep how truly pathetic he was to himself.
***
Sean just smiled and was content to be curled up against Dorian's side. Because this? Sobriety and snuggling? Felt more right than anything he could imagine.
Except apparently in his sleep he could, because he shifted against Dorian, making a move once more. The same move he'd made while drunk. Except now he was sober, just asleep.
And then he was waking up and stilling, realizing his hand was shoved down Dorian's pants and his fingers were wrapped lazily around the other man's cock.
***
At some point in the evening, Dorian had shifted them around so they were laying on the couch, and it was how he fell asleep. Truly asleep, for the first time in a long time, no dreams, no nightmares, curled around Sean and peaceful.
Only to be pleasantly awoken by a hand drifting down his torso, and then under the waistband of his sleep pants. It took a look at Sean’s face for him to realize the other man wasn’t awake yet, and he was about to pull his hand away when those beautiful eyes started to open and the motion stopped.
Dorian gave it a moment, then smiled. “Well, are you going to keep going? Or should I take over?”
As if he was going to let Sean get away now.
***
Sean hesitated for a moment before smiling slowly, lazily, his hand resuming its movements -- slow, deliberate strokes.
"I've thought about this a lot, Dorian," he whispered. "A hell of a lot. I've fallen asleep to thoughts of you, you know. Of what I'd do to you if only I could. And after a lot of thought, and a lot of fantasizing?"
His hand stilled again. Sean leaned in, his lips near Dorian's ear and breath warm against it.
"You're going to beg."
***
Dorian groaned softly, then turned his head to kiss Sean, his hands going to the younger man’s hips, holding the man loosely. Sean wasn’t the only one who had been having fantasies and dreams about this happening. He had been starting to give up hope that Sean even wanted him after turning him away before.
“Only for you, Amatus,” he said, finally pulling back to breathe, gasping for air.
***
"You're... the first one I've taken this initiative with. This risk. It's why I had to be drunk to try that first time," Sean explained. "So in a way, you're my first. Better you than the first man who broke me."
He smiled bitterly now, even as he tried to distract Dorian with his hand.
***
That smile had no place on Sean’s face, not as far as Dorian was concerned. He shifted a bit, one hand deftly moving to undo Sean’s pants while he watched the man’s face. “You lead, I’ll follow. Show me what you want, love, and I’ll do whatever you want.”
Perhaps, by doing it this way, he could bring the light back, and the laughter to the man.
***
"I don't know what I like, Dorian," Sean whispered, ashamed. "I just know I want you. So if I make a mistake, if I do something wrong, if I hurt you... forgive me."
Because he would hate himself if he hurt the man he loved.
He hesitated slightly. "I do know I want you to touch me."
***
Dorian’s heart broke a little at that, because someone who had been so adamant that Dorian himself should have something good, and shouldn’t be alone, should at least know what he liked.
“Touch you, worship you, care for you,” Dorian whispered, brushing light touches over Sean’s skin. “I’m yours today, Amatus. To do with what you will. I won’t let you steer us wrong.”
And he’d forgive Sean anything right now.
***
That made Sean shiver. “I’ve never been worshipped before,” he said breathlessly. “I like the thought of that.”
Especially being worshipped by Dorian. Because he trusted the other man not to hurt him, and he hadn’t trusted anyone in a very, very long time. It was an almost heady feeling, almost a rush.
“So do me a favor, Dorian? Keep touching me and don’t stop.”
***
Now that he had permission, had been given the go ahead, Dorian may never stop touching. “I don’t think that will be a problem, Amatus.”
He caught Sean’s lower lip between his teeth and bit lightly for a second, then kissed him again. “I believe there was talk about making me beg, love. Show me, make me.”
***
Sean groaned softly. “Oh, yes. I’m going to make you beg. And I know exactly what I’m going to make you beg for.”
He kissed Dorian roughly, harshly, the kind of kiss designed to take your breath away. At the same time, his hand was working Dorian slowly. Almost too slowly.
“By the time I’m done with you, you’re going to be begging me to fuck you.” And unlike the times he’d had this done to him, unlike the times he’d been pushed to the brink and driven mad with desire, he would fuck Dorian. He would never, never hurt Dorian by pushing him that far and not giving him release.
If this ever happened again.
***
Dorian groaned, his head falling back on the couch as he arched up into Sean’s touch, speaking honestly. He couldn’t compare this with anything that had happened back in Tevinter. “Not fucking, not with you. I will be begging you to make love to me, Sean, because that is all I can think of when I think of you.”
He was suddenly desperate for the feel of naked skin against skin. Of Sean’s naked skin against his, and thought about burning their clothes off of them for a moment, except he really adored that shirt on Sean.
“Amatus, clothes, off, before I burn them off of us.” And he would. In a heartbeat.
***
Sean was happy to comply with that, undressing quickly. He’d dreamed about this, so many times, and yet the look on Dorian’s face was just so incredibly beyond anything he’d ever actually imagined. There were things he wanted to say, things he very nearly said right then and there, but no. He bit his tongue, literally, and instead focused on Dorian and his clothes.
“Oh yes,” he breathed as he tossed Dorian’s shirt aside, stopping for a moment to press a kiss to the other man’s shoulder. “Beautiful, Dorian. Beautiful.”
And then, rather than say anything stupid that he so desperately wanted to say, he just got Dorian out of his sleep pants.
***
Dorian did what he could to help with the disrobing, but left most of it to Sean, something in him telling him that it would be best to give as much control as possible to the younger man this time. To not just let him take the lead, but to let him take the control.
“If I’m beautiful, Sean, then you are a vision from the gods,” Dorian said in all seriousness, pulling the man back onto his lap. “Consider me your sacrifice,” he said playfully, laying back and stretching his arms over his head, not the least bit bashful about his nudity. “I am yours to command.”
***
“I don’t know about commanding,” Sean said, in unsteadier waters now. “But I know that I’ve thought a good deal about being with you. About taking you against something, about bending you over something, and just… taking you. Not so much with the consideration, not so much with the worrying about what you want.”
He shook his head, shifted position and moved so that he could wrap elegant fingers around Dorian again.
“But not after what Chris did to me. What he did to me is too close to the way I sometimes think of taking you.”
And he couldn’t see how it was so, so very different.
***
Dorian very much wanted to set that man on fire again, but he had to force that from his mind and focus on Sean instead. “Sean, love, have you never once in your life imagined soft beds, candlelight, sweet words, gentle touches?”
He would have to apologize to both Sean and Jaime later, but if Sean said no, he would most likely find a way back to their world to set the whole bloody thing on fire and lay it to waste.
“Because that is what this is about, the two of us, giving everything we have ever wanted and wished we had been given, to each other.”
***
“I stopped trying to imagine much of anything after a while,” Sean admitted quietly. “Because it only hurt when I couldn’t have it.”
He looked away and then looked back at Dorian. “I don’t know if I can do this, Dorian. Fumble my way through this. I know I have you, and that’s the most important part of this. Forget the other details, that’s all we really need. But I don’t know if I can get us through to the end, to the part where I’m buried in you and you’re keening my name.”
And that was what Sean wanted more than anything. To be what someone so desperately wanted, needed. Craved. To be what made someone’s world perfect and whole.
***
“Then I will show you, Amatus, and I will give you everything.” He would give Sean the world, his soul, whatever he needed to make Sean realize that what he had been given and show before was not how it was supposed to be.
It was difficult to wait there, but he wouldn’t make a move without Sean’s say so. Until the younger man gave him leave, he wouldn’t take the decision from him.
“If you trust me to do so.”
***
Sean looked at Dorian. “You are the first person I have ever completely trusted,” he said, his voice shaking but his expression trusting. “Show me, Dorian. Show me everything.”
He would follow Dorian everywhere, do anything for him. Believed without a doubt that he wouldn’t lead him into harm’s way. And that if harm somehow did come to Sean, Dorian would be there to take care of him.
***
Sean’s trust in him was breathtaking, and Dorian pulled the man down for a kiss, using the distraction to change their positions. Once he had Sean stretched out below him, he pulled back just enough to look him in the eyes, smiling softly.
“Sean, Amatus, beloved, I am going to make this glorious for you,” he whispered, a hand glowing bright with mage fire tracing the side of Sean’s torso.
***
“I know you are,” Sean said confidently, smiling breathlessly up at Dorian. “I know you are.” He was terrified at the idea of trusting Dorian so much, because Dorian could shatter him worse than Chris had at the moment, effortlessly and with no consideration. But he wouldn’t do that.
He shivered at Dorian’s touch, instinctively shifting towards it. “Oh God, I love you,” he gasped, not even realizing the words had slipped out but meaning them completely nonetheless.
***
There was a slight pause when Dorian heard those words, while he sighed, smiling softly, placing a kiss over Sean’s heart. “Ma aureum, bese ma mortis,” he said, quietly. He looked up at Sean, the small smile on his face turning into a wicked little smirk as he started kissing his way down the man’s torso.
“I am going to make you beg, I am going to make you whimper,” he told Sean, between each kiss, “and only when you can take no more will I make you scream with pleasure.” He stopped long enough to bite a bit of skin at the hollow of Sean’s hip, sucking lightly to bruise the skin and leave his mark. When he was satisfied with the result, he dragged a fingernail over it, a possessive glint in his eyes. “And then, I’ll start all over again.”
***
There was a brief shudder of fear that ran through Sean, because him begging had never, ever ended up going well. But he trusted Dorian. Trusted Dorian to drive him to that brink, yes, but more importantly? He trusted Dorian to pull him back from it safely, to not abandon him there and let him suffer.
“I look forward to it,” he said breathlessly. “Because it’s you. From the moment we met, it’s been you.”
He’d never had someone care about satisfying him before, about making him feel good. And even before anything much was happening, he felt so very beyond good. And he couldn’t wait to see what Dorian did next.
***