Who: Greg & Sebastian What: Chat Where: Greg's car When: Afternoon, Friday 10/13 Status: Complete Warning: GregRamblings
Greg had wanted to talk to Sebastian ever since he chatted with Ruby but they'd both been busy lately so that hadn't happened. Sebastian had his dorky little date, which was admittedly adorable, so Thursday night was out of the question. At school? Absolutely out of the question, they could shoot the shit about things that didn't matter but Greg wasn't about to risk being overheard talking about gay issues. That left a narrow window after school on Friday so he texted him and suggested they drive together to meet up for the game.
It wasn't like he needed to pick Sebastian up when they lived practically next door to each other but he still did, kind of, rolling his car down the street and stopping outside Sebastian's house, honking the horn a couple of times. If it bothered the neighbors the loud music blasting from the car stereo would probably bother them more.
While Sebastian really wanted to fill Greg in on everything that had gone on in the last 24 hours, he wouldn’t even risk putting it in a text. It was so easy to have your phone out and someone see the message pop up, plus there was the risk that Greg would send something in return. He could just imagine his phone sitting out on the kitchen counter and something coming through. It made him a little paranoid about keeping it on him, just in case something unexpected popped up.
So he was glad to ride to the bus with Greg, since it would give them a chance to catch up. He ran down the stairs as Greg laid on the horn, calling out a goodbye to his mother before flying out the door. They’d probably be in bed by the time he made it home. With his bag over his shoulder, he climbed into Greg’s car and flashed him a smile. “You’re early.”
"Yeah, we gotta talk, boo," Greg said seriously and turned down the music before reaching over to pat Sebastian's arm. "I'm not breaking up with you." He grinned a little and whirled the car around to drive them out of there. "Did you talk to Ruby at all?" He tacked on before Sebastian would get antsy about what they needed to talk about. This shit was important but that didn't mean it was serious.
Sebastian’s brows drew together in concern for just a brief moment before he laughed and rolled his eyes. “Thank god,” he smiled. “You had me scared for a second.” He assumed that Greg was joking completely until he mentioned Ruby and everything clicked. “Kind of,” he said. “She caught me as we were leaving today and said not to worry about anything. I’m assuming she meant last Sunday at the diner, but we weren’t really somewhere where we could talk. Why? Did she say something to you?” He’d thought she meant that she wouldn’t say anything, but if she’d brought it up to Greg, then he wasn’t all that sure he trusted her.
Greg caught on what he might be worrying about there and shook his head as he waved his hand dismissively. "Nah man, she didn't tell me, but we kinda sussed it out that we both knew and... that girl is smart, dude. I don't think you gotta worry about her at all. She said some shit that got me thinking though." He glanced over at Sebastian and then groaned a bit. Man he did not like heavy talks unless he was stoned and he wasn't going to be stoned until after football season was over.
“Okay,” Sebastian said slowly, feeling better, but still wondering where this was going. He wasn’t sure how much Ruby knew about his situation, which made it hard for her to offer advice, but then it sounded like they’d had a longer talk than she had with him. “So long as she’s not gonna tell anyone, because I really can’t handle any more people knowing. It already feels a little out of hand,” he sighed. “What’re you thinking about?” Something was clearly on Greg’s mind and he might as well find out now.
"Okay," Greg said with a huffed breath. "So!" It sounded like a complete sentence all on its own and he stopped to think it through before he picked up again. "I told you you should wait until after college and you know, that was totally a dick move. I mean, it's smart, but if you don't wanna wait? I just... You know, you gotta know that I've got your back. Like if you come out or your parents find out or whatever and if - if - everything blows up? You'll just move in with me and we'll figure it out, okay? You know that, right?"
Sebastian opened his mouth to reply, then shut it, needing a second to process. He hadn’t been happy with the suggestion, but he’d accepted it because Greg was right, there was a chance he could lose everything. And at the same time, it seemed impossible to wait that long. And horribly depressing to try. Almost painful, like trying to shove himself back in a box that was way too small and cramped. But then there had been Mak, who suggested things like college scholarships, something to fall back on if shit really did hit the fan. Greg’s advice mattered though. More than anyone else’s. He knew his family better than anyone else, other than him. “What made you change your mind?” he finally asked.
"I didn't change my mind," Greg said. "Not about the moving in thing, that was always on the table, you know that, right? But about college..." He shrugged. "Something Ruby said, about ripping the bandaid off, how it sucks more to not know. She should know how that feels." Her mom had gone missing and between losing someone to the unknown and losing them to death, Greg had to admit the unknown was a lot worse. All those 'what ifs'. "I mean if you want to wait then yeah, that's smart. One more year and you can go nuts in college all you want but... If you don't, I just wanted you to know, man. Like, you got people who got your back."
“Honestly? I don’t think I could make it through college. I mean, maybe if I could make it to college it would be easier to hide, but… even before meeting Hunter I was kind of thinking after football season,” Sebastian said. He’d so much rather be having this conversation after raiding his dad’s liquor cabinet. He was feeling a serious need to wind down instead of up. “But that was really just a thought, you know? Before it didn’t feel like I was… like I was missing out. Now it’s like waiting for the other shoe to drop. They’re gonna find out. I know they will. I just don’t know when. So I guess I’d rather be prepared for when it happens? Or maybe be the one to take that step? Not yet, but… when I’m ready.”
"I'm not saying tell them now," Greg said. "That's totally not what I'm saying. I mean, I'd wait... At least another month or something, I don't know. I'm just saying if you tell them or if they find out and it doesn't go well then, you're not on your own. You know my mom loves you, you're my brother and we'd figure it out together." He shook his head and groaned. "And now I sound corny as fuck, like an old country song. Brother. Look what you've done."
“I think you could write great country songs,” Sebastian said with a little smile. “But thanks. That really means a lot ‘cause we both know things could blow up. Maybe they won’t, but… what’d Mak say, hope for the best and prepare for the worst? I need to do some of that preparing. It’d make me feel better.” He really couldn’t live like this forever. It would drive him crazy. But two or three months seemed doable. “I’m not planning on now. Like I said, maybe after football season. Maybe after Christmas. I don’t know.”
"Christmas dinner," Greg said though he was very obviously joking. He could just picture Sebastian dropping a bomb at the dinner table and then they'd have to be good for the spirit of Christmas. That did remind him of the other thing Ruby said and he had to snicker. "Ruby said that if they react really badly then it'll just make them look bad in the community. Time's have changed, dude. People are more offended by bad parenting than by being gay.
“Oh, yeah, great time to drop that bomb,” Sebastian said with a snort of amusement. It wasn’t hard for him to imagine all hell breaking loose, the shouting, possible crying, though he wouldn’t even mentally commit to who was doing what. “That’s… that’s maybe true. Reputation’s everything to my mom, you know? She has to maintain her image.” And being homophobic definitely wasn’t in style. It was something he hadn’t thought of, but did make him feel like maybe things wouldn’t get quite so out of hand. Not that it was the same as acceptance, but maybe better than full on rejection? “I don’t know. I feel like I should be happy that there’s some reason they wouldn’t kick me out, but it seems kinda hollow, you know?”
Greg couldn't even imagine. He'd have to fuck up so incredibly badly for his mom to turn her back on him and fuck up in such a way that he had become a real life monster. Even then he wasn't so sure she'd totally give up, she was a pretty stubborn woman and she loved her sons. Sebastian's parents weren't really like that. They demanded so much from their kids it was exhausting just to think about those kinds of standards. Greg's competitive nature came from himself, not his mother, but he always had a feeling that Sebastian tried as hard as he did because he didn't have a choice. "But I mean, I don't wanna be fearmongering at you, bro. It might be okay, I'm just saying... if worst comes to worst you'll still have a home."
“No, I know, you were just being honest. And realistic. I wouldn’t want you to tell me everything was going to be just fine when we both know that chances are that won’t be the case,” Sebastian said. If it was? Fan-fucking-tastic. They could all celebrate together. But he didn’t want to lie to himself. He felt like approaching this with caution was the best approach. “So, just so you know, Jules knows now, too. She texted me the other night and I had to tell her.” Or lie to her. But lying didn’t really feel like the right option.
Greg pulled over when they were getting a little too close to school. He didn't want everyone to see them sitting in the car having a heart to heart, like they'd know something was up if Greg didn't immediately jump into the fray to psych himself up for the game. "Yeah?" He said with obvious curiosity. "So you texted her? Jesus... What did she say?" That would have freaked him out more than anything. It could be hard as fuck to decipher text messages even when they were just casual chit chat. Something like that? "Do you trust her?"
“No, she texted me and asked,” Sebastian said, and when Greg pulled over, he pulled up the text chain and handed him his phone. “I didn’t feel like I could ignore her. That’d be worse. And… I dunno. I didn’t feel like I could tell her I was straight.” He could lie to a lot of people, but he’d been getting close to Jules again. He felt like they were friends. He supposed this was a sign of trust on both their parts. “I do,” he said with a little nod. “She seemed sincere. A little upset, but more relieved. And she didn’t say it, but I think her being with someone else now helps. Like, if she’d still been single, it might not have gone as well.”
Greg skimmed the texts before handing the phone back. That made more sense, going over there and talking face to face. It wasn't like she lived far away from them. "I bet she'd be more pissed if you were seeing a girl," he said with a little smirk. "Like no girl can compete with her so you had to go with a guy." It made sense in a way, especially with a girl like Jules. "That's a lot of people who know now, you're not a little worried?" he asked before he could think it through. Way to go, making Sebastian nervous before the game.
Sebastian thought about explaining to Greg how Jules had worried that there was something wrong with her, but then thought better of it. It felt like something shared in confidence and, even if he knew Greg would keep it between them, he wasn’t sure it was his place to say. They weren’t as close and he didn’t think she’d want Greg to know. “Yeah, maybe,” he said instead with a little laugh, then sighed, slumping back in the seat. “Yeah, I’m worried. Like, seriously. The more people that know, the more likely it is to get out. But I feel like I couldn’t help it. Like, everyone that knows knows for a reason, except for Ruby, which was just me fucking up.”
Greg nodded but with who knew he didn't think there was a big risk there. Jules spreading rumors could be chalked up to 'crazy ex-girlfriend' shenanigans, Ruby spreading rumors didn't mean shit since she wasn't really close to them and didn't know them, that left Hunter and Greg sighed. "Okay so this is advice that maybe comes way too late, but just don't go breaking Hunter's heart until you're ready to come out. He may seem sweet now, but hurt feelings turn nice people into vindictive bitches." He gave Sebastian a knowing look and while he was partially joking, he very partially was not. "So if you gotta dump the guy, just be boring and get him to dump you."
“I have no plans to dump him,” Sebastian said, laughing a little. He understood what Greg was saying, but it was so far from his radar right now it was hard to imagine why he would ever want to break up with Hunter. They weren’t even officially together yet! “I’ll keep that in mind, but if things ever get bad and you think that’s the direction we’re heading, remind me, okay? Cause that’s really hard to imagine right now.” The last thing he wanted to do was break Hunter’s heart. He knew there was a risk in dating him, but Hunter was so worth it.
"Oh I will," Greg said with a little chuckle. "I'll be the bad news hawk hovering over you, watching for signs of ill omen." He said the last two words with a ridiculous voice and accent which he wasn't even sure where came from. Something, something old horror movie, probably. "I'm gonna have to get to know him though, like we need a double date or something... Only more like friends hangout since you can't really go on a public date yet and I'm not seeing anyone."
“It’s really like the last thing on my mind right now,” Sebastian smiled. He had a lot of concerns. Dumping Hunter was not one of them. It was so far out in left field he had a hard time even picturing it. “We could probably do that. And if you don’t want to play third wheel, he could probably ask Mak. She knows about us, but I trust her.” He was starting to understand that coming out really was a sacred thing among the queer kids. They all knew what it was like to be in the closet.
"You trust everyone," Greg scoffed jokingly but then he smiled again. "Yeah, Mak's cool and she's gay too so she probably gets it." He and Mak had a thing going after she tutored him one year, a secret handshake they'd come up with that was pretty cool but it was the extent of their 'friendship'. He liked her though, she was smart and he seriously doubted she was a gossiper. "I'm down to hang with them sometime if you want. I won't be wingman, more of a..." He trailed of, certain there had to be a cool word for it, maybe even one that rhymed but came up with nothing even as he started going through the alphabet in his mind.
“I really don’t,” Sebastian said, shaking his head. “But she’s Hunter’s best friend, and she’s also gay, and I couldn’t be mad at him for telling her. I mean, I wanted to tell you even. And, yeah, she gets it. Like, she said she’d help me work on college scholarships, just in case my parents really do flip out and disown me.” He’d never been close to Mak before, but after grabbing lunch with her she felt like a good friend. Closer than a lot of the people he hung out with, sans Greg. Sebastian waited for Greg to complete his thought and when nothing came, he smiled. “I don’t need a wingman. But I think it’d be really cool if I could hang out with my boyfriend and my best friend. Not that he’s my boyfriend yet, but I kinda hope he will be.”
"Ugh you're so disgustingly sappy and cute," Greg groaned with a hint of a smile. he'd gone through most of the alphabet and not found anything that fit and now he couldn't even think of another word for it so it was bust. "I've never seen you like this before. I can't believe I thought you were straight." To be fair he hadn't known his friend was a sap who blushed easily while talking about romantic shit so there was that. He'd just thought he was pretty cool-headed when it came to the ladies and in a way he'd been right, just not for the same reasons as he'd thought. "I don't wanna hang out with you if you're gonna be all PDA though, it's fucking boring, gay or not."
“I am not,” Sebastian laughed, but he had the feeling that the stupid grin on his face wasn’t proving his case at all. “What about me being sappy and cute makes me not straight?” he challenged. “Other than the fact that it’s over a boy. Cause that’s obvious. Like… am I suddenly acting more gay?” He was honestly curious. Had he changed? Or was Greg just noticing things that had always been there. “Okay, so if we’re out in public, there’s not gonna be any PDA. And if we’re not, then it’s just rude, unless you have someone, too, so we really just need to find you a girlfriend. Then we can all come over to your house, watch a movie, and not care ‘cause we’ve both got someone.” There was a part of him that wanted to be alone with Hunter, but there was also a knowledge that things wouldn’t get too far if Greg was there. He was a little like a safety net.
"It's got nothing to do with you being gay," Greg said with a shake of his head and a grin. "I just didn't know you were sappy and cute, you were always so chill with your girlfriends. Now I know why." It was cute, like Sebastian was more alive somehow, maybe in a way he was now, no longer hiding from everyone and actually crushing on someone for real. "Just so we're clear, the PDA is no more or less annoying just 'cause you're with a guy, okay?"
“I liked them. I really did. Just, not like this,” Sebastian said, biting his lip. He knew it was because he was actually attracted to Hunter, but he still felt like he needed to defend what he’d had with his girlfriends. Because he really had cared about them. But the butterflies? The nervousness? The desire? That was all new to him. It was like he finally understood what it meant to be crushing on someone. “Are you sure? You wouldn’t be weirded out?”
"No," Greg scoffed with a frown that said it was a stupid question. "I honestly don't give a shit. I mean I don't want to see anything more than kissing, but that goes for straight people too. If I'm not in on the action or watching a video, I don't need to see that shit, nu-uh. The only thing that weirds me out about it all is that I didn't know sooner, like... I legit thought you were straight and while it doesn't matter it's still like I was missing a big piece of the puzzle and shit." He checked the clock on the dashboard but they were still good for time because he'd been early. "That make sense?"
“Yeah,” Sebastian nodded. He was pretty sure that if he wanted more than kissing, he’d haul Hunter off to some place more private, but they weren’t even there, so it wasn’t really a concern. “I’m really sorry. I know it’s kind of… kind of an adjustment, I guess. But I wasn’t trying to keep it from you because of you. I mean, I wasn’t totally sure how you’d react, but it was more… me. You were the first person I told. The only person I told, really. Other than Hunter.” And those circumstances were different. Greg had to see that.
Greg arched a brow at him and then shook his head again. "Nah man, I gotcha," he murmured and it did matter that Sebastian had told him first. Or kinda first, did Hunter even count? Sebastian had probably been pinging his gaydar like crazy anyway. "I don't know, I might have been weird about it at like thirteen or something but even then, I mean, my mom raised me better than that, dude."
“I know,” Sebastian sighed. “Gut instinct said you’d be fine with it, but you read things about people freaking out and… and I really… I really didn’t know what I’d do if you did freak out.” Losing Greg would have been like losing his brother. Almost worse, even, because he was way closer to Greg than he’d ever been to Trip. “I should’ve told you sooner. I know that. I wish I had. It would’ve been really nice to talk to someone.”
"Yup," Greg said because he absolutely agreed that Sebastian should have told him sooner and that things would have sucked less if he had. "You should have." He wasn't going to coddle him and tell him it was cool, it would have been so much cooler to actually know but he wasn't going to drag it out either. "But hey, you told me in the end and I guess that's what matters. Another thing that matters? Game tonight. You gonna bring your A-game?" He brought his fist up and grinned at Sebastian.
Sebastian sighed, wishing he could make Greg understand that it wasn’t about him, that yes, he’d been worried about his reaction, but that a huge part of it had been that he wasn’t ready to tell anybody. Until suddenly he was. But he supposed this was better than Greg being really upset with him, or worse, actually having an issue with it. He just didn’t know how to make it up to him and it made him worry about that other secret, the one that Hunter also knew about. He didn’t want the same thing to happen again, but telling Greg he was a witch was far different than telling him he was gay. At least it was in Sebastian’s head. The game was a way easier topic to turn to. “Do I ever not bring my A-game?” he asked, hand to his chest, pretending to be offended, then grinned and returned the fist bump. “At least one of those touchdowns will be mine tonight, guaranteed.”
"You've never had this much shit on your mind before," Greg pointed out. "So I'm allowed to be worried." He then shook his head and wrinkled his nose as if to say he wasn't really worried. "But yeah you always bring your A-game. We need to kick those feathered butts tonight. Those hawks are going down. Let me see that touchdown!" He started the engine again, more than ready to put the heavy discussion behind them and get into some team spirit instead. "Ready to roll?"
“Don’t worry, I’ll get my head in the game,” Sebastian promised. Yes, he had a ton of shit on his mind, but he thought he’d be able to focus. It wasn’t like being gay came up on the field. At least, it shouldn’t. That would definitely throw him off. Greg’s enthusiasm was addictive though, and just what he needed to get himself in the right mindset. “Yeah, let’s go kick some ass,” he grinned, putting his worries behind him for the night.