Gavin Lucas (viciouscircle) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2018-03-08 04:29:00 |
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Entry tags: | #october 2017, gavin, gavin x jasper, jasper |
Who: Gavin & Jasper
What: Daddy's not well
Where: The bar, the car, then home
When: Wee hours of October 9th
Status: Complete
Warning: Language
Gavin hardly ever stayed at the bar after closing unless it was to work but after his talk with Mila he needed a drink and he did not want to go home to get one. It was different now. His kid was fucking living with him which for the first time since Jasper moved in felt like a bad idea. It wasn't a problem when he was holding his shit together but he couldn't go fall apart in front of Jasper so hell with it, he didn't go home. It was closing in on two in the morning when he realized he was dozing off at his desk and remembered he had dogs that needed taking care of. "Fuck," he whispered, fumbling for his phone and accidentally pushing the bottle of rum off the desk. It shattered next to him and he cringed in on himself for a few seconds before cursing again. "Fuck you."
Jasper was home. Jasper could feed the dogs. Gavin was in no state to drive, or even walk right now. He just wanted to close his eyes and not exist for a while but he had just had to go ahead and get himself some dogs hadn't he. He relaxed his shoulders again and forgot about the broken bottle as he peered down at the phone and tried to find Jasper in there. Texting did not go as well as he'd hoped. His fingers felt five times too fat to hit the buttons right and autocorrect took over and from what little he could see through the blur it was not saying what he wanted it to say. "Fuck you," he mumbled again, tilted his head back and groaned. He hardly ever called his son but calling was at least marginally easier than texting was so it was worth a shot.
Jasper was home, and the dogs were fine, both of them piled in bed with him. He’d dozed off with the TV in his room on, the volume low, and his phone plugged in beside his head. Jasper was sleeping pretty soundly, it had been a damn good and active day, thanks to Jules. At least the first part of it. He hadn’t actually had to work, and after an intense party, sometimes just chilling around the house was what was needed, so that’s what he’d done before hitting the hay, intending to go to school the next day.
The ringtone so close to his ear jolted Jasper awake, and the dogs jumped too. A little disoriented, he wondered why they were in his bed and not Gavin’s, but once he fumbled his phone up to squint at the screen, Jasper got the answer to that question. He swiped to accept the call and cleared his throat. “H’lo? Dad?” he rasped, sitting up. It was late, later than the bar stayed open on a Sunday.
"Oh good," Gavin mumbled, closing his eyes and relaxing again. He'd been worried he might accidentally call someone else which he realized even in his state would have been a bad thing. A different kind of bad depending on who he called but definitely bad. "Jasper. The dogs." He'd meant to say more than that but that was all that came out. The dogs. Jasper had to understand what he meant by that, it was pretty obvious if he thought about it. Nevermind that he was slurring his words pretty badly, they were hard to pronounce and it felt like too much effort to add more.
Jasper squinted some more, even though he wasn’t looking at his phone screen anymore. The ... what? “The dogs?” he repeated questioningly. His brain was still half asleep and not catching up to current events too well just yet, he wasn’t sure why his father sounded like he had a mouthful of marbles. “Dogs’re fine, they’re right here. Are you still at the bar? Fuck, it’s like 2am. ... are you drunk?” Gavin still drank a good amount, but as far as Jasper had ever seen, he did it mostly at home, and he didn’t ever drive anywhere. So the fact that he was slurring at work wasn’t a good sign. “Or having a stroke or something?”
Gavin had half a mind to tell him it was none of his fucking business that he was drunk, that Jasper should just feed the dogs and shut the fuck up about it. "M'fine," he grumbled. "Jus' feed'em." It had been a while since he had this much to drink and he kind of remembered why that was now. How much had he had? He looked around for the bottle and remembered it was smashed only when he saw it on the floor. "Fuck."
Yeah, he was definitely drunk. Jasper knew all too well what that sounded like very well from childhood. And teenagehood. He pushed the blankets off of himself and got out of bed to find some pants and a shirt. He was pretty sure Gavin shouldn’t stay the night at the fucking bar, and he sure as shit shouldn’t drive, so Jasper would have to go get him. “I fed ‘em hours ago,” he told Gavin. “And they’ve been out, they’re fine. Just waiting on you to get home, so ... stay put, I’m gonna come pick you up.” He hunched one shoulder to hold his phone while he shook out some sweatpants and stepped into them.
"Nononono," Gavin said softly, pushing at the floor with his foot to get away from the broken glass but even that seemed a little hard. "Sleep," he murmured and shushed Jasper a bit. "M'very comfort- fordable." The word seemed weird and he frowned as he thought about it. Comfort able? Able for comfort? No it made no sense.
Jasper didn’t even pause, just rolled his eyes and shook his head a bit. He grabbed a t-shirt and pulled the phone away from his face to tug it on. “You really want Uncle Caden to come in and find you passed out on the floor?” he posed, sounding a little amused. Gavin would never hear the end of that, he was sure. Maybe it would be motivating for him to cooperate when Jasper got there and tried to herd him into his car. He walked out to the living room to get his jacket and keys and sneakers. “I’ll be there in a few minutes, okay? Don’t go anywhere.”
Gavin almost laughed at that. He could travel pretty far in this chair thanks to the wheels but the trouble was getting the door open and then locked behind him. It was funny though, thinking about scooting around outside in an office chair. Scoot scoot. "M'not going any," he said. "And you." It was supposed to be 'and neither are you' but fuck, talking was hard. He just wanted to sleep now, it kinda sucked that they didn't have a bed in the bar.
Even with just partial words, Jasper got the jist of what he meant. His response was just a deadpan “uh huh” and hanging up the phone. He locked the house behind him and got in his car, shivering a little even though it wasn’t too cold out. It was just late and kind of misty out, and now that he wasn’t distracted with talking to Gavin, a jolt of nerves ran up his spine. The adrenaline woke him the rest of the way up, at least. Jasper hurriedly backed out of the driveway, part of him expecting a kid to knock at the window at any second.
The lights were still on at the Back Porch, so he felt a little better pulling into that parking lot and around to the back of the building, but Jasper still looked around him for a long moment before he got out of the car. He practically ran to the back door and tossed up some mute gratitude that it was unlocked. He slipped in and hurriedly shut it behind him, heart pounding in his throat. It turned into immediate irritation, and he hoped for his sake Gavin wasn’t going to be a pain in the ass about this. “Dad?” he called, walking further into the back to look for him.
Gavin had happily scooted back until his seat hit a wall and from there he hadn't gotten much further. He had sank down in the seat, phone clasped against his stomach under crossed arms as he dozed off. Jasper's voice jolted him back to consciousness - or some foggy variation thereof. He looked at the phone first, frowning as he tried to see if he had called him again or something but then he heard Jasper's footsteps outside his office. "You did not," he mumbled and while it sounded like he was annoyed Jasper was there he'd actually meant he didn't have to come.
That looked super uncomfortable from where Jasper was standing, but he was sure Gavin was feeling no pain. “I totally did,” he answered with a brief smirk, walking into the office. He tucked his keys into his jacket pocket and side-nodded toward the door. “Come on, let’s go.” Whether Gavin could stand or walk on his own remained to be seen, but Jasper wasn’t going to physically help him out unless he had to. His father still had a temper that had an even shorter fuse when he was drunk. “Dogs are waiting on you.”
If Gavin had a soft spot for anything it was his kids and his dogs. His soft spot for his dogs was somehow easier to admit to and he 'awwed' softly. "Gimme a minute," he said, or something that sounded enough like it. "Sit down, have a drink." God, words were hard. Why did he drink so much. He had every intention of cleaning up the broken glass before he left but he could barely even stand up from the chair he was sitting on so he guessed it would have to wait.
There didn’t seem to be any intact liquor in the room to drink from, even if Jasper had wanted a drink. He saw -- and smelled, it was impossible not to -- the broken bottle of rum on the floor. That was probably for the best, it looked like Gavin was flirting with being drunk enough to pass out, and Jasper needed him at least a little bit awake if they were going to get out of here. Still, he went to sit on the corner of the desk, watching his dad. He got one minute, and then Jasper was getting him on his feet. “Nah, pass,” he said. “You all right? You do this a lot and I just haven’t seen it?” Jasper knew he wouldn’t get a straight answer, but he doubted Gavin would remember this, so why not, right?
Gavin groaned because he was trying to not think about why he'd gotten this stupidly drunk in the first place. "S'all fucked," he grumbled, reaching up to rub at his eyes. Jasper didn't need to hear about it all and Gavin wasn't even sure he could talk about it even if he wanted to. "I think I can sleep here," he said instead and let his hand drop to his stomach again. It felt comfortable at the moment, probably because he was too drunk to feel the way his body was not sitting right.
“But you’re not gonna,” Jasper said, sliding his ass off of the desk to stand again. “You’ll fuck up your back like that. Come on.” He approached Gavin and nudged him in one arm, then offered his hand out to help him up. In spite of the hex bag now sewn into the inside of his jacket, Jasper still had that creepy feeling between his shoulder blades. He wanted to get Gavin out of there and home as soon as possible.
He was right and it was annoying that he was right because Gavin was really comfortable right then and didn't want to move. He groaned and grumbled wordlessly as he took Jasper's hand and pulled feebly on it. Nothing else happened there. His body was not ready to leave this chair. "You go'ome," he muttered. "Jus' need a nap."
“No,” Jasper repeated. He braced himself a bit and tugged harder on Gavin’s arm, but his dad didn’t move save for the chair swiveling a bit. He sighed. “You’re gonna have to help me, here,” he muttered. Jasper stepped in closer and ducked under Gavin’s arm, pulling his dad forward a bit so he could get his own arm around his back. “We’re getting up on three, okay? One ... two ... three.” As promised, Jasper did his best to haul him to his feet on three.
Gavin didn't do much to help but at least he wasn't a deadweight and once he was actually up he stayed up, albeit swaying. He dropped his phone though but he didn't care, his focus on actually moving and on Jasper who was being weirdly patient with him. "When'd you get so fucking big?" he grumbled, patting Jasper's cheek with his now free hand.
He shot Gavin an exasperated look at the cheek-pat, but kind of liked how it felt, stupidly. It was almost affection, and it wasn’t like they did that ever. Jasper didn’t want him to step on his phone, so he let go of Gavin to do a quick-crouch and grab it. He was back to supporting him less than a second later, pocketing his dad’s phone for him. “Around puberty, probably,” he answered unnecessarily. “You’re lucky I’m bigger than you now, or you would totally be sleeping in that shitty-ass chair all night.” Moving carefully -- this was not his first time handling a drunk -- Jasper started to guide his dad toward the door. The mess could wait.
Gavin was pretty sure that even if Jasper hadn't gotten this fucking tall he'd still be strong. He was his son, after all, and the Lucas boys might be a lot of things but weak was not one of them. He certainly felt that quality in Jasper now as he leaned heavily against him, the one thing that seemed solid and constant as everything else was spinning too fast around him. "You're a good kid," he muttered as a fierce jolt of love and shame went through him. The way he'd talked to Mila you'd think he didn't love his kids. He did, maybe too much sometimes, but that didn't mean having them had been good. It wasn't Jasper's fault he was born too early on, that his mom was a vindictive bitch who didn't care about anyone but herself. Gavin had failed him completely and now he was here, getting him home safe. Gavin might have said all of that but talking was hard and there was a bit of a lump in his throat that made it even harder.
The words might have been just the tip of the iceberg of what Gavin was thinking, but they still caught Jasper off-guard. He wasn’t so oblivious that he thought that was true; he wasn’t a good kid, not really. He was an angry, bitter kid about a lot of things, and he didn’t make life easy for anybody around him, he knew that. Not even Jules, not all the time. Definitely not for Gavin. He glanced over at his dad’s profile while they shuffled out of the office. “Thanks,” he muttered, not sure what else to say to that. Gavin was in no shape for arguing, even if Jasper denied it. He tried not to overthink it, it was just drunk-talk, and he needed to get Gavin through the rest of the back of the bar and out into the car.
It was the Lucas way to pack an encyclopedia's worth of words into just a couple of them so that one word from Jasper felt like more than just a thanks. Not that Gavin had any idea what he was thinking but he wasn't arguing and that was something. He hummed softly but at this point he was too focused on moving to really try to talk more. His thoughts became more centered on how the hell he was going to get in the car and why the hell he'd had so much to drink but mostly it was just one foot in front of the other and then repeat, but not with the same foot. It was very slow going and once they got outside he was itching for a cigarette. He might have insisted on having one too but he was too busy clinging to Jasper and he wasn't all that sure he even had his cigarettes on him.
Walking back outside made Jasper feel edgy all over again, but he tried not to rush his dad. He’d been that drunk before himself, and just walking was such a chore. He just hoped nothing decided they were easy prey. Luckily nothing tried to eat them as he got Gavin bundled into the passenger seat of his car. Jasper patted his shoulder once he was settled enough. “I’m gonna go lock the door, okay? Be right back,” he told him. After a second’s pause to make sure Gavin understood him, Jasper straightened up, shut the car door, and lightly ran back to the bar’s rear entrance. He ducked back inside to do a quick scan of the office for Gavin’s keys, his heart pounding hard the whole time. He found them finally and hurried through locking up behind him, not even bothering to hit all the lights, before he ran back to the car.
Gavin didn't often get in Jasper's car and it felt a little weird to be there now. He was supposed to take care of Jasper but now Jasper was taking care of him. He'd bundled him into his car like they'd switched roles for the night and Gavin had no idea how to feel about it. It made him feel old in a way he wasn't used to and sad in a way he didn't much care for. Jasper's car was nice though and it was easy to let his eyes drift close and stop thinking about father and son nonsense - or any other nonsense. He jerked awake again when the car door slammed and Jasper was there next to him, breathing too fast and looking a little disheveled. Blurrily so. "You okay?" Gavin murmured, one eye closed and the other squinting as he looked at his son before giving into the urge to close both eyes again.
Jasper really wasn’t okay. He used to be a nightowl, hanging out wherever he could in town without any sort of fear, comfortable with the dark and isolation and his safety. Not anymore, apparently. Was this what being traumatized was like? It fucking sucked. Jasper sure as fuck didn’t want to live in fear for the rest of his life. “Yeah,” he breathed in response, not about to get into it all with his wasted dad. He took a few deeper, slower breaths and reached into the inside of his jacket to touch the lump of the hex bag there. There was no way to know for sure if it was working, but Jasper hoped to fuck it was. He started up the car and pulled away from the building, ready to get home and get the hell inside again. “Don’t puke in my car,” he added, glancing over at Gavin.
Gavin huffed and almost pointed out that he hadn't been so drunk that it got him puking since he was thirteen but he apparently still could get so drunk that talking was a pain in the ass. "Won't puke," he muttered, his long speech cut down into two concise words. He remembered picking Jasper up one time when he was so drunk he could barely walk. He'd been a lot younger, way too young to drink, but Gavin didn't get on his case about it. That would be hypocritical of him, really, considering how early he'd started drinking and smoking pot. Their roles being reversed was a little humbling and he cracked one eye open to peek at his son. So fucking grown up, it was surreal to think he'd actually made this guy. Or helped make him, it wasn't like he'd put in a lot of work.
That was as good as he was going to get, Jasper supposed, and just grunted an acknowledgement. If Gavin did retch in his car, he was going to be paying to have it detailed, that was for damn sure. Jasper glanced over briefly once or twice, and his dad’s eyes looked closed to him, so he figured he was going to pass out soon, if he wasn’t out already. He slouched a bit more in the driver’s seat, relaxing now that they were really moving. Jasper drove a little carefully so as not to jostle Gavin around too much, he knew his whole world was probably spinning. He didn’t try to talk to him either, aware of how futile that would probably be.
It was tempting to fall asleep in the car. Jasper was being so quiet and the roar of the engine had a soothing effect along with the way the street lights went by in a gentle rhythm of light-waves. He didn't need to open his eyes to know when they were home. The car slowed down and then Jasper killed the engine and Gavin forced his eyes to open. He drew a deep breath through his nose as he straightened up a little, looking around blearily. Home. Yeah, it was far better to sleep at home and he suddenly felt intensely grateful again. "You didn't hav'to," he muttered. "Come get me." It was honestly surprising that Jasper had bothered.
Jasper had been looking around them again, his paranoia rising once more. It felt a little less intense now though, because they were home. Home always felt safer, even if that was stupid. The black eyed kids had come to Ruby’s house, why not theirs? Just the thought gave him the creeps, and he looked over at his dad with his hand on the door handle. “Yeah I did,” he said, like that should’ve been obvious. “You can’t sleep at the bar, that’s shitty. Stay there, I’m coming around.” He opened his door and got out as efficiently as he could, trying not to look like he was rushing. Jasper trotted around to the passenger side, his head still swiveling, and opened the door to start helping Gavin out.
There were plenty of times where Gavin knew Jasper thought he deserved shitty but he didn't have the capacity to put that into words and that was probably for the best. He leaned heavily against Jasper again, glad he was strong and capable of actually holding him upright. "You're good at this," he muttered and wondered if Jasper had practice with friends. He certainly hadn't had to drag Gavin home before and Gavin tried to make a mental note of not letting that happen again.
He was too occupied with getting his dad from Point A to Point B, Jasper wasn’t thinking at all about what he did or didn’t deserve. He hadn’t even given much thought to going out to get Gavin in the first place. It had just seemed like the thing to do, so he’d done it. Gavin had fetched him before when he’d been drunk and needed a ride, maybe this was just Jasper paying it back. “Yeah, I’ve got a lotta drunk friends,” he muttered as they mounted the porch steps. Jasper really didn’t relax until he managed to get the front door open and both of them inside it. The dogs were there to greet them, all wagging tails and nervous whines.
"Hey hey hey," Gavin murmured at the dogs who weren't really doing wonders for his sense of balance but he loved them anyway. "Bedroom," he told them and while they usually obeyed him, this time they didn't, their fretting stronger than the urge to obey. Or maybe he just wasn't saying it clearly enough. "Idiots," he mumbled affectionately and leaned heavily against the wall so that Jasper could lock the door and do whatever needed to be done when entering a house. Gavin was vaguely aware he had boots on and that was going to be a bitch to deal with but he could just keep them on he supposed. That would probably be easier.
Jasper left his dad there while he locked up and stripped his jacket off. He hung it up and nudged the dogs away from Gavin’s legs with his knees. “Back up,” he told them, then added a firm, “Bedroom.” Max and Rude backed away, but they didn’t actually turn and go to the bedroom, too worried about their master against the wall. Jasper guessed that was good enough, and he got his shoulders under Gavin’s arm again. “Bedroom for you too,” he muttered as he started escorting his dad toward his bed.
Gavin thought about that weird role reversal again only this time he pictured his own dad and the countless times Gavin had had to do this exact same thing with him. Joseph never made it easy, even blackout drunk he'd still bitch and talk shit about anything and everything so Gavin supposed he wasn't quite as bad but it was still a startling comparison. He stumbled along with Jasper and by the time they got to the bedroom he turned a little to awkwardly wrap his injured arm around him - or as good as. "M'sorry," he muttered though he didn't have the wherewithal to really specify what he was sorry for. Everything, this, being a shit dad, being like his own dad. There was plenty of shit to be sorry for.
The hug was unexpected, and for a second Jasper thought Gavin was losing his balance and clutched onto him a bit harder. His grip loosened in surprise when his dad hugged him, then he gradually returned the pressure. Jasper frowned over Gavin’s shoulder, an uncomfortable tightness starting up in his stomach. God, this wasn’t going to turn into emotional rambling, was it? “For what?” he muttered back, giving Gavin’s back an awkward pat. Jasper kind of wanted to peel him off and push him into bed, but ... how often did they hug? Hardly ever, anymore. Sometimes at holidays.
Gavin thought it was hard enough to say he was sorry without going into details of what he was sorry for. He groaned softly and shook his head as he pulled back again, straining to keep his balance in check without having to rely too much on Jasper. "All of it," he muttered somewhat dismissively and peered down at Rude's worried little face. "I think... I need to sleep."
Jasper kept a hand on Gavin’s arm, because he didn’t look too steady, and got him closer to the bed so he could get on it. His mind was grinding over ‘all of it,’ but he could tell he wasn’t going to get any more specifics out of his dad tonight. Maybe he didn’t want them, because if Gavin was apologizing for everything ... Jasper had feelings about that which were probably better left unexpressed tonight. Once Gavin had gotten horizontal on the bed, Jasper moved down to the foot of it to start unlacing his boots. He wasn’t going to undress his dad any further than that, but he could take his shoes off at least.
Shame and gratitude swirled around in Gavin's feeling space again but it was muted this time as he was barely staying awake. He grunted softly when Jasper started with the boots, almost telling him he didn't need to do that but... It was nice and he'd sleep better without that weight on his feet. "Thanks Jasper," he said, or tried to say, it came out very quiet under his breath and then his eyes refused to open again and he felt like he was sinking into darkness.
“No problem,” Jasper muttered as he dropped one boot to the floor. By the time he got the other one off, Gavin looked out cold. Max and Rude had jumped up on the bed and they circled into their spots, glancing between Jasper and Gavin and still looking concerned. Jasper was sure they would pile onto Gavin as soon as he was out of the way. Hopefully they would help him sleep soundly too. Jasper didn’t leave the room right away, moving up toward the head of the bed again and just staring at Gavin’s slack face for a moment. Sorry for all of it. He leaned over to grab the edge of the blanket and pulled it over his father’s arms and chest so he wouldn’t get chilled. After one more long look, he clicked the bedside lamp off and turned to head out of the room. It was going go take him a while to get back to sleep, he was pretty sure.