Who: Gavin and Mila When: Sunday, October 8th, Late evening Where: The bar Status: Complete
Mila’s morning - or all day - sickness had started to subside some in the past few days, for which she was grateful. Not only because she hated throwing up, but because she wasn’t sure she could lie to her mom during church if she had to run off during Mass to puke in the church toilets. Maria Moretti was nosy and suspicious of her daughter on a good day, and Mila was afraid pregnancy would be the first conclusion her mother would come to if Mila got sick in her presence.
She had some ‘quality time’ with her parents for most of Sunday until she had to leave to get ready for her shift at the bar. She wouldn’t be working with Aaron, which kind of sucked, but she was thankful that Gavin was closing up instead of Caden. Aaron had told her about the arguments he’d had with his brothers, but Mila figured Gavin was more likely to leave her be than Caden was, and Mila didn’t really want to spend the day, or night, bickering with Roxy’s boyfriend over stuff that wasn’t really his business.
Mila stayed busy throughout the night and Gavin seemed pretty chill when they had to interact, so she was in a pretty decent mood by the time the bar had emptied and she and Gavin were closing up. Mila was restocking the newly cleaned glasses behind the bar, counting down the minutes until she could go home, change into her pajamas and cuddle up with Aaron on the couch for awhile. Since finding out she was pregnant, Aaron had barely slept at home, usually spending nights at Mila’s, which was kind of nice. They weren’t exactly living together, but it was close and she found she didn’t mind it at all.
When she finished up, Mila walked into the back of the bar to find Gavin, hoping he wouldn’t need anything else from her. Her feet ached and she was starting to feel pretty damn hungry.
“Hey,” Mila said with a small smile once she found Gavin. “Glasses are restocked. Mind if I head out?”
Gavin was not chill, but he did look it outwardly as he went about business as usual, his thoughts churning in his head on how the hell he was going to talk to Mila. Every time he thought of a way he played it through and it ended up in a disaster. Of course that was pretty typical for his mind, pessimistic and damaged as he was. This time it seemed very realistic to expect that. Things hadn't exactly gone well with Aaron and his only hope in hell was that Mila was dying inside at the thought of actually having a kid.
That little hope was quickly fading as she seemed fine. Perky even. The perkier she got, the more depressed Gavin felt.
When she came to the back at the end of the shift he motioned her to come on closer. "Stick around a minute?" he asked, the tension in his eyebrows worse than usual. "Just wanted to uh... Check in. How are you doing? With all... this." He gestured vaguely to her body though he didn't look away from her face. It certainly didn't feel appropriate to stare at her stomach or even so much as look at it.
Gavin didn’t usually ask her to stick around once all her closing duties were finished, so Mila tried not to tense up, well aware of what he probably wanted to talk to her about. It was a little weird, but she supposed she ought to be appreciative that he was showing concern, at least. Mila raised a brow when he motioned toward her and Mila pushed her hair behind her ears, feeling a bit anxious all of the sudden, even though she knew that was silly. “I’m doing all right,” she said with a faint smile. “Still feel pretty crappy most days, but it’s getting a little better.” Mila paused for a brief moment before continuing, “It seems to be causing some problems with everyone else, though.”
Well she had a good point there and Gavin couldn't refute it. He smiled, a faint and pained smile, then leaned back in his seat and clasped his hands together on his stomach. "We're just concerned," he said quietly and it really was an understatement. He was near-panicking, Caden was freaking out and Aaron was too dumb to realize how much shit he was in for. "You didn't seem too happy when you first took that test." He'd been there and he'd seen her reaction. If she thought that was the extent of his worry for now that was okay with him.
"Well, I mean... it was a surprise," Mila said, feeling her face heat up at the memory of sobbing against Gavin's shirt. It was embarrassing to think about now. "It's just, you know... life changing. There's a lot to think about and consider. You have two kids, Gavin, you know what it's like." She supposed he could relate far better than someone like Caden. Granted, Gavin's situation was completely different from the one she and Aaron found themselves in, but he certainly knew what it was like to be taken by surprise.
"Yeah," Gavin huffed softly in not quite amusement, his little pained smile still there. "It's hell." He was sure it could be nice if there was a lot of money involved and planning but being poor and bringing a kid into the world was nothing but panicking and struggling in his experience. "Just... If you don't wanna do this..." He'd help her, Aaron would get over it, nobody could blame her, he'd even keep it a secret if she wanted to have an abortion and not tell anyone. Those were all things he could say but only if she reacted favorably.
It's hell. Well... that was encouraging, wasn't it? She knew his marriage hadn't worked out, and things had been rough for him, but that was different than she and Aaron. They weren't teenagers. Sure, they had only been dating a month or so, but... still. She felt an uncomfortable clench in her chest at Gavin's words and found herself at a loss for how to answer him. Mila said nothing at first, wondering what he thought she could to do exactly. She and Aaron had decided to have the baby and she got a little more excited about it with every day that passed. Aaron certainly seemed happy about it too. That was all that mattered, really. Right? "Why wouldn't I want to do this?" Mila asked, not at all defensive or sharp with her question. Just curious. "I know you and Caden don't think Aaron's capable of responsibility, or whatever else, but he is. He's been great about everything."
Gavin scratched his head slowly, not liking the tone in her voice and not particularly wanting to keep having this conversation but it was on him now to try to fix this mess. "It's easy to be great about everything when you've only known for a week," he muttered. "Mila... I don't know how long he'll last. Maybe a month, maybe even the whole nine months but... You know him." He spoke gently because it was a hard truth to swallow and he didn't want to be an ass about it. Mila was going to get hurt either way, whether it was by his words or Aaron's actions.
She did know Aaron. She had known him since she was a kid, and she felt like she knew him better now. Mila wasn't entirely sure what Gavin was getting at, but then she realized what he meant. Aaron's reputation. It was obviously something that lingered in the back of her mind, but Mila tended to ignore it completely whenever they were together. Aaron had never made her feel like his mind, or dick, was distracted by someone else. Not yet, anyway. Sighing, Mila lifted a hand to her head where she pushed back her hair again. She was too tired for this and she didn't want to get emotional in front of Gavin again. "So you think I shouldn't have this baby because you think Aaron's going to fuck around on me?"
"That is not what I said," Gavin said and his patience was wearing a little thin though he did an okay job of keeping his temper in check. The words came out a little stiff though and he couldn't help the frustrated huff escaping his nose. Aaron could fuck around on Mila all he wanted and still be a good dad, that wasn't really the issue, but Gavin didn't know how to tell her he wasn't going to do a good job of being there. Aaron was a good kid but Gavin could all too easily picture him bolting when things got too heavy. "I think you shouldn't have this baby because you'll end up on your own with it."
For some reason, hearing Gavin tell her that Aaron would abandon his kid, or at least be a shitty father, pissed her off more than the thought that Aaron would cheat on her. She was honestly so tired of everyone dumping on him, when really, he was better than all of the Lucas's combined. "I think," Mila began slowly, her tone a bit colder than it had been moments before, "that you should have a little more faith in your brother." She was angry now, and she hated it, and hated that Gavin, of all people, had drawn it out of her. Why couldn't everyone just mind their own business? "And you know, even if he did bail, I can handle this on my own. I wouldn't burden you or your family with it, if that's what you're worried about, Gavin."
Gavin shook his head and the only reason he remained sitting down was that he knew it was harder to keep his temper from flaring if he got up and started pacing like he wanted to. "See, you say that now," he said coldly. "I wish I could lend you a kid for a month, see how you guys cope with it." He knew Aaron couldn't and how the hell was Mila going to handle it on her own? She was a waitress, things would get hard and Gavin would be forced to help. It was like a law of nature, she could argue until she was blue in the face but like gravity it was still real.
Mila had to admit she was taken back by the direction of their conversation and the mere thought that Gavin looked at her and believed she couldn't take care of a kid, even on her own. She had a full time job, she had a home and she paid her goddamn bills on time. She wasn't irresponsible or frivolous. She didn't have any idealistic view of how motherhood would be. She knew it wasn't just cute baby clothes and adorable pictures. But Mila felt like she wanted all of it, even the hard parts. "I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but it's not going to be impossible either. And I have to be honest, it's a little insulting that you seem to think I can't do this, with or without Aaron. I'm not an idiot."
"How much money do you have left at the end of the month," Gavin asked and it was the same question he'd asked Aaron. He had to wonder if they even knew how expensive the first year alone would be. "Enough for daycare? You okay with never seeing your kid because you're working too hard? Because you're alone." He found that part hard to believe and sure, other people did it all the time but this was Mila and Gavin knew that whether she stubbornly refused it or not, a lot of the cost was coming out of his pocket in the end. Roxy would babysit for her, no doubt but she wouldn't be able to do that all the time without quitting her job. Everyone was going to be cranky, tired and stressed and they were already feeling shitty enough, all of them. "How much free time do you have these days?"
Mila released a breath of exasperation and she shoved her fingers into the back pockets of her jeans, only because she didn't want to start curling them into fists from her frustration. "I have some savings," Mila said. She was doing her very best not to snap at him, because she wanted to believe that this was coming from a place of concern, even if he was really shit at showing it. "Even if I were alone, Gavin, I have a family, remember? My parents would help me if I needed it badly enough." Not every family was as dysfunctional as the Lucas's were, though she bit her tongue from saying so. "You don't need to worry about how much free time I have. Or how much I'll have after the baby is born, if any. Honestly, I'm wondering why you're so worried about this. I'm not asking you for anything. Aaron isn't asking you for anything. Why can't you just be happy for your brother?"
"Because I know my brother and he's not going to stay happy," Gavin said abrasively. "You two have painted this magical image in your heads but it's not going to be like that. You're both going to be miserable and you're both too stupid to see it now but you will." The more he thought about it the worse it became in his mind and he wished he could show them what he was seeing. He pointed sharply at her before she had a chance to retort. "You've got something good right now but if anyone knows what it's like to go from loving someone to hating them, it's me. Bring kids into the mix? It's gonna be worse, Mila. A lot worse."
"Do not compare my relationship with Aaron to whatever you think you had with Ollie," Mila snapped, unable to help herself now. God, she was feeling nauseous all over again, but she knew it had more to do with nerves and emotion than the pregnancy. Her frustration boiled over to the point where her mouth ran away with her before her brain could catch up and Mila felt nothing but defensive anger and an intense pounding in her chest. "You're projecting your miserable marriage onto us and that's not fair. You can't doom something before it's even had a chance to thrive, Gavin. You two were young and stupid, thinking you were in love when it was probably just teenage hormones and unprotected sex and some misplaced obligation that you had to stick it out when it went to shit. Aaron is kind and sweet and open and even if it doesn't work out between us, he's never going to abandon his kid. You think you know him, but you clearly don't know a goddamn thing. About Aaron, or me."
If he was being fair Gavin might admit he was never in love with Ollie. He'd liked fucking her and they'd had a good time but she had trapped him into a relationship he didn't really want to be in to begin with. He wasn't being fair however so Mila's arguing only pissed him off. "You're making a mistake," he muttered darkly and his muscles felt stiff in the way they always did when Ollie had started getting under his skin. "You're ruining your life and his." And mine. God he could see that coming, like his life needed any more wrecking.
It was just unbelievable how Gavin didn't see what Mila could see. How could he possibly think that every pregnancy was a mistake? Or maybe just Mila's, because it had affected Gavin's brother. But Jesus, they weren't fifteen years old, and Gavin wasn't Aaron's dad. Didn't Gavin love his kids? Even if his life had gone off the rails, or didn't turn out like he'd hoped, he still had Jasper and Amelia, and wasn't that worth it? Mila brought her hands up to cover her face for a brief moment as she breathed and tried to get her calm, rational thinking back. But goddamn, he was so frustrating. Mila was wishing he'd just go back to grunting short answers at her about work. It felt wrong to even be having this conversation. Mila dropped her hands helplessly to her sides. "No, Gavin, you made a mistake and ruined your life. That has nothing to do with us. Just because you're miserable doesn't mean Aaron has to be, and I'm really fucking pissed off that that you think so."
There was so much to unpack there, Gavin didn't know where he'd start. He hadn't ruined his life, Ollie had and now Mila was about to ruin Aaron's life and in conjunction, Gavin's. What was left of it to ruin. Things had finally started settling down but the universe couldn't leave well enough alone, could it. He felt exhausted just thinking about it and he glared at a spot on the wall behind Mila because it was better than glaring at her. "Have you told your parents?" he muttered and while he was still keeping calm, rage was rising up in his throat like bile.
Mila let out a short laugh, completely devoid of humor as she looked up at the ceiling and brought her arms up in exasperation before she flopped them against her sides again. She shook her head and found she couldn't even glare at him. She was just too tired to glare. What was even happening right now? "Jesus Christ, really?" Mila had put off telling her parents and would probably do so for a few more days. Another week, at the most. It felt like she needed the 'right place, right time' kind of thing to try and lessen the dramatics that Maria Moretti would display. Not that she wanted to admit any of that right now. Mila sighed and rubbed her eye. "That's really none of your business, Gavin. None of this is. Aaron's an adult, okay? So let him be one. I think he's going to surprise you, actually, and I hope when he does, you feel really shitty for ever doubting him in the first place."
That was the ideal scenario, wasn't it. Gavin finally glanced up at her, trying to think of a way to get through to her even if he knew they were beyond that. "Let's fucking hope so," he finally muttered bitterly because he couldn't see that happening. There would be another little fucked up Lucas running around in town a few years from now and the cycle would just keep going, on and on, a multi-generational fuckup that never seemed to stop.
Mila walked toward the lockers to get her purse, more than ready to go home now. She was still furious and feeling sick to her stomach and more than anything, disappointed. She hated fighting with anyone, let alone Aaron's family, people she had grown up next door to and considered to be family of her own, in a way. And she absolutely hated how little faith Aaron's brothers seemed to have in him. Mila grabbed her purse from the small locker and shoved her apron in before closing it sharply. She untangled the strap and headed for the back door. She sort of wished Aaron was picking her up, her hands were shaking so bad. "You know I always figured Caden was the asshole in the family," she said over her shoulder, "but I think you've probably got him beat."
That stung more than Gavin was ready to admit, even to himself. Caden was the asshole of the family, Gavin held it all together, that was how it had always been. He huffed a derisive laugh and got up slowly, walking to the bar and tuning her out. It had been a long time since he had an outright panic attack but right now it felt like the walls were closing in and he needed a drink or ten to deal with it.