Jasper Lucas (sinsoftheson) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2018-02-27 12:25:00 |
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Entry tags: | #october 2017, jasper, jasper x jules, jules |
Who: Jasper and Jules
When: Friday, Oct 6, night
Where: Dino's Pizza
Status: complete
It was probably weird -- okay definitely weird -- but Jasper felt like this date was actually going ... okay. The game had been fun too, and he usually didn’t enjoy that kind of shit. But Jasper had found some people there he was cool with, and they’d hung around and talked through most of the football, laughed at some of the psychotically-full-of-school-spirit people around them, and he’d snuck off in time to get a good spot to watch Jules get named homecoming queen. As stupid and bullshit as the whole tradition was, he had to admit she kind of glowed from where he was standing.
While everybody else in the popular crowd went off to Moxie’s or whatever it was they did, Jasper had taken Jules to The Orion to have their movie date. It was kind of strange, sitting next to her doing something so mundane, but it was nice in a weird way, even though they only made out a little. He owed her pizza after that, as promised. Having actual dates with girls wasn’t something he’d done a lot of. Going out with a chick mostly involved just hanging out wherever they could get some privacy and fucking. Running out for fast food. He knew pizza and a movie wasn’t exactly fancy, but it was still more effort than he was used to putting forward. He’d even put on a nice shirt and squirted himself with some cologne.
It also meant he wasn’t really sure of what he was doing. As they climbed back into his car after the movie, he looked over at Jules. “So uh ... you wanna go somewhere to sit and eat, or get pizza to go?” he asked as he started the engine.
Jules was definitely on board with the 'weird' description of the evening. She wasn't used to spending time with Jasper that left them fully clothed, though Jules couldn't say it was a bad thing, even if she thoroughly enjoyed the naked parts of their non-dates. She had decided that tonight was something of a 'test run', to see how they got along when they weren't fucking or being traumatized by creepy bullshit. Jules really had no idea if this 'date' meant anything. She knew she sort of cornered him into it in the first place, and it wasn't like either of them were very good at talking about feelings or whatever. There hadn't been any fighting yet, so that was a good thing. Jules was purposely ignoring the fact that they had been sitting in a movie theater for the past couple hours, so the possibility of a fight had been rather slim. Going out to eat was a totally different situation - it required actual talking and stuff.
"I don't mind if we go somewhere and sit to eat," Jules said after a moment of deliberation. Almost everyone would still be at Moxie's, or someone else's house. She wasn't that worried about being seen. And even if they were seen, well, fuck... let them have something new to talk about. "I like Dino's Pizza a lot, if you want to go there." It was located on the far end of the pier, a good distance from Moxie's and some of the other popular Friday night hang outs. They would at least have some privacy.
Jasper was also very aware of how awkward having a meal in a restaurant might end up being for them. They could stare at a movie without too much trouble, but when they actually had to talk to each other and didn’t have the option of making out instead? He wasn’t sure how that was going to go. It was more nerve-wracking than Jasper had expected, which was kind of unsettling just by itself. Since when did he give a shit? “Dino’s it is,” Jasper murmured as he put the car into gear.
He played music for the drive over to the marina, and with a pleasant little breeze through his cracked window, it was kind of soothing. Jasper felt a bit more together by the time he was parking again. There were plenty of other cars around, but the crowd seemed more of the family type variety, people having dinner after the game, and not really groups of teenagers, which was fine by Jasper. The last thing they needed was people staring at them when they already felt weird enough. Jasper waited for Jules to join him outside the car, then started walking alongside her toward Dino’s. He kind of wanted to take her hand, but was that too much? Would she laugh at him? Probably. Fuck. “It was a good game,” he offered after a moment, glancing over at her.
Jules was sure she would have quite a few texts waiting for her on her phone, asking where she was, but she deliberately ignored them, not wanting to get distracted by all the noise that came with her friends. Dino's looked a little busy, but that didn't really bother Jules. Adults and their kids weren't going to be looking at Jasper and Jules the way a restaurant full of their peers would have. Not that she wanted to be worrying about that right now either. She was enjoying herself so far, and she didn't want to derail the evening by overthinking things. "It was," Jules said with a small nod, glancing over at Jasper with a small smile. "Thanks for coming too. I know football isn't really your thing and you were probably super bored, but... I liked seeing you there anyway."
Had Jules ever thanked him for anything? Jasper wasn’t sure, and even though it sounded a little strange coming out of her in his direction, it made his chest kind of warm at the same time. He’d done a thing that had genuinely pleased her. “Nah, it wasn’t too bad,” he murmured with a half-smile as they reached the door. He hadn’t watched much of the game, but it had been worth the time to see Jules, even from afar. Which was probably fucking stupid as hell of him, but he couldn’t help it anymore. Maybe he ought to stop trying to help it. Jasper held the door to Dino’s open for Jules, then followed her in. When the hostess asked them if they wanted a booth or table, Jasper answered booth and added, “in the back.”
In the back was fine with Jules. She followed the hostess and slid into the booth, setting her purse down on the seat beside her, assuming Jasper would sit across from her. The booths had high backs, so she wasn't super worried about people eavesdropping or whatever. Not that there would be a ton to eavesdrop on, but still. They went through the motions when the waitress arrived shortly after they were seated, and Jules ordered an iced tea and a small pizza for she and Jasper to share. She knew she would probably have only one piece and be done, so it seemed pointless to get anything bigger. "There's only a few weeks left of football," Jules said, once the waitress had gone to put their order in. "Then I won't have cheer practice again until like, after Thanksgiving. So... a lot of my evenings will be free again." She had no idea what Jasper did with his time when he wasn't fucking Jules, and she had no idea if he was even still working. But it never hurt to put it out there. Cheer practice and games usually kept her pretty busy when she wasn't with friends, but maybe she was okay with making more time for Jasper too, if he wanted it.
Jasper ordered a Coke for himself, content to share a pizza with her. He wasn’t starving to death anyway, his stomach felt a little too nervous for that. Which was stupid, because they’d already been spending time together tonight and everything, but he was just full of stupidity lately, wasn’t he? Jasper settled back in his side of the booth, glad for at least the illusion of privacy their spot provided. “Yeah?” he murmured, quirking a little smile at her. “That’s cool. Maybe we can like, hang out more. Now that I’ve got a place with a bathroom and everything.” Jasper chuckled, fiddling with his own fingers in his lap. He wished he could smoke in there. He was still working, so he couldn’t give her every single night, but if she wasn’t busy and this kept going okay ... it was going okay, wasn’t it? Jasper hoped so. He kind of felt like a giant idiot, but he couldn’t even define why.
"Yeah, maybe," Jules said with a smile. "I mean, if you want to. Though, to be honest, I think I'm going to miss making out in your car. There wasn't a lot of space, but still..." His car was usually the only place they could fuck, and it had been easy enough, driving around to find privacy. Obviously Jasper's new room was pretty private too, but that sense of excitement at maybe getting caught by someone wasn't quite the same. Admittedly, there were a lot of memories made in that car over the summer. Not all of them good, but memories were memories, right? Maybe they would fight less now... maybe not. Jules really had no clue what to expect from any of this, or if she should be expecting anything at all. She settled back against the booth, her nails tapping idly on the top of the table. "By the way, I'm having a party after Homecoming at my house if you want to come... it's not like, a Homecoming only after party or anything."
Jasper thought the two of them making out in his car was definitely still an option. Probably even fucking in there, if they wanted to. His dad wasn’t going to be away from home all the time, and Jasper didn’t really want to do any of that stuff with Gavin in the house. He’d been about to assure Jules of that when she brought up Homecoming, and his stomach twisted again. He’d been obsessing on and off about the dance and who Jules might be going with, if she was going with anybody. Girls like her didn’t usually go stag to things, especially not since she was the fucking Homecoming Queen. But they’d said no dates. He’d been doing his best to bite his tongue on the question all night, not wanting to start a fight with her by accident, but now it seemed unavoidable. “Yeah? Cool, cool ... hey, uh ... are you going with anybody? To the dance, I mean,” he asked, sounding as casual as possible.
Jules wasn’t really expecting that kind of question, especially from Jasper, and she blinked once in surprise before her expression calmed. Why was he asking her that? Was he going to ask her to go with him? No way. He wouldn’t be asking the day before the dance. Was he just curious? Jules felt a little uneasy all of the sudden and her answer was mercifully delayed by the waitress returning with their drinks. Jules took her time unwrapping her straw to plunk it into her iced tea. She then took a sip and considered lying. But that would be a bad idea because what if Jasper asked her to go with him then? What would she tell Sebastian? Even if that wasn’t Jasper’s intention, there would be pictures of the dance posted all over. Finally she settled back again, twirling her straw idly through the tea in her cup. “Sebastian asked me,” she said with a casual shrug. More like offered to take her but that made her sound like she had no possibilities at all and that was humiliating. “Are you going?” Jules asked, because she couldn’t imagine Jasper ever wanting to attend a school dance, let alone a formal one.
The wait for Jules to answer took an agonizingly long time, and Jasper mentally cursed their waitress for showing up to do her job. He wasn’t asking so he could ask Jules if they could go together, he knew that was out of the question. They were just now just barely stepping out in public together, showing up arm in arm for a formal dance would be nuts. He just felt like he had to know. It had been driving him crazy, trying to guess who it might be. His brow furrowed into a frown when she did finally answer. “Sebastian McCarthy?” he asked unnecessarily. There was only one Sebastian at their school that he knew of, so duh, but ... “Isn’t he your ex?” Jasper ignored her return question for the moment, more focused on the bad feeling in his stomach that came from thinking about Jules going with a guy she’d maybe fucked before.
Jules would have been surprised to know Jasper had been giving any thought to who she was going to the dance with. He hadn't really talked about it beyond asking her to send him pictures of her in between trying on potential dresses, which she had done. They had a deal not to fuck anyone else, and she had no plans on doing that, especially with Sebastian. Hell, he was part of the reason Jules had been so eager to fuck Jasper at that party during the summer. It had been nice that someone had wanted to fuck her, because Sebastian certainly hadn't. Jules shot Jasper a slightly exasperated look. "We went out for a few months. It didn't work out. But he didn't have a date, and neither did I, so we're going together. It's not a big deal."
A few months was a long time in high school, but Jules was trying to make it sound like nothing. The paranoid part of Jasper wondered if that was because she was trying to hide something from him, or if it really wasn’t a big deal. He was a little surprised to hear she hadn’t had a date lined up immediately, followed quickly by a bit of sullenness that she hadn’t brought it up to him. Jasper didn’t exactly want to go, he was just gradually feeling more and more possessive of Jules. But of course she hadn’t, because they still didn’t want to announce this thing to the whole school. “So it’s like, just as friends? You sure he’s not trying to get back with you?” Jasper knew how dudes were.
Jules could have had a date as soon as the dance was announced, and she had been asked by a few people, but she had put everything off because she hadn't been sure if she wanted to ask Jasper or not. By the time she figured it would be a bad idea, almost everyone had dates already... except for Sebastian. At least with Sebastian she wasn't worried about getting felt up or anything. They had dated, yes, but Jules was pretty confident that Sebastian didn't want her back. There had been hardly any chemistry between them before, and she didn't feel any sparks for him now. They were going as friends, and it worked for both of them. She could explain all of this to Jasper, of course, and she would... soon. For now, she sipped her tea some more and arched a delicate blonde brow, smiling around her straw before she settled back against her seat. "Why does it matter? Are you jealous?"
Jasper rolled his eyes at her, but his irritated expression probably gave him away. He was jealous, because Jules was getting all dolled up to go somewhere fancy with some other guy. Dances were romantic, Sebastian would probably be picking her up, there might be a corsage involved or some shit. Not that Jasper wanted to do all those things for her, but he didn’t really want anybody else doing them either. “Whatever, it doesn’t,” he muttered sourly, finally putting his own straw in his drink just to have something to do with his hands. “He just better keep his hands to himself.” Jasper didn’t know what the consequences would be if Sebastian didn’t -- besides whatever reaction Jules might have at the time. Could he fight one of the most popular football players in school for touching a girl that wasn’t even Jasper’s girlfriend? He could, but it probably wouldn’t be a great idea. Jasper rolled the straw paper between his fingers and wished again for a cigarette.
The eye roll made Jules feel rather triumphant, because even if he wasn't going to say it, he was jealous. She wasn't pissy about it, because Jules could only imagine how she would feel if he went to a dance with some other girl. She wouldn't have reacted as calmly as Jasper was, that's for sure. But in this case, Jasper really had nothing to worry about. Actually, Jasper had nothing to worry about in any case. Jules could have gone to the dance with a multitude of guys and she wouldn't want any of them. "You're jealous," Jules pointed out, clearly pleased. "Which is cute and everything, but Sebastian isn't going to try and win me back, and even if he did try, I don't want him. So you don't have to worry about that. It's just a dance, Jasper."
It was more irritating to be called cute when he felt pissy, but Jasper refrained from grumbling at Jules about it. She was trying to reassure him, and he got a nice little flutter in his stomach at the emphasis on ‘him.’ It sounded like Jules was saying she didn’t want Sebastian McCarthy, because she wanted Jasper. Which was like ‘duh’ on one hand since they were sitting there having a date together, and seemed kind of impossible on the other hand. He nodded a bit, his gaze focused on his fiddling fingers, and was quiet for a moment. Then Jasper glanced up at her briefly. “If I did go -- and not sayin’ I am, but if -- would you dance with me?” he asked. A purely hypothetical question, of course, because he wasn’t going. He wasn’t at all tempted to show up just to keep an eye on things, because he wasn’t her boyfriend. Nope.
The question was something of a surprise, because she couldn't imagine Jasper coming to Homecoming for any reason, let alone to dance with her. She supposed she understood the intent behind it, but Jules was wondering what he would think if she said yes. Because if she was willing to dance with him, why wasn't she willing to ask him to be her date? It felt like a trap, even though logically she knew it probably wasn't meant to be one. Jules decided to be honest and she reached for her iced tea again. "If you showed up and wanted to dance with me, then I would dance with you." Jules paused briefly, her eyes watching the straw in her cup. "I thought about asking you, but it just didn't seem like something you would enjoy. I figured you'd laugh at me or something."
Jasper could see how she might see it as a loaded question, but it was an honest one in his head. He looked at her face while her eyes were downcast, and he could see that she wasn’t bullshitting him. Which meant that Jules was willing to let people know they were interested in each other. That felt pretty big. No matter how things were shifting between them, he was still a Lucas and she was still Jules Cooper, school queen. He supposed they’d been aimed in that direction anyway, considering they were out on a date and being spotted was always possible, but it still felt different. “I mean ... maybe, but I still woulda said yes,” he murmured, quirking a little smile over at her. “I dunno. I wouldn’t like, ordinarily go, but ...” Jasper shrugged. He would’ve gone for her. Hell, it was the last Homecoming he’d ever be able to go to, why not? “I’ll stay away if you want me to though,” he added, softer, hoping she got his meaning. He wouldn’t corner her into anything in public, with so many eyes on her.
Jules shot him a mild look before glancing around the restaurant. What she could see of it from where they sat anyway. She didn't know if she was annoyed or pleased that he would have said yes if she asked him to go, because then why couldn't he have asked her. It hadn't just been Jules wanting to keep this whole 'thing' a secret, was it? Not that it mattered now. She was going with Sebastian. She was well aware that things were sort of changing, and she was cautiously dipping her toe into the whole 'going public' thing with Jasper with this particular date. If Jasper actually showed up tomorrow and they actually danced, everyone would know. Then what did that mean? Her gaze ticked back to his face and while the smart thing would be to tell him to stay away, she really didn't want him to. "I think," she began slowly, "that if you want to go, you should go. You're a senior... you won't get that chance again."
Since Jasper wasn’t dying to go to the dance, he hadn’t thought to ask her, and besides that, up until very recently, she probably would’ve been the one laughing at him. He held her gaze while she answered, one corner of his mouth twitching upward a bit. “Maybe I will, then,” he murmured, fingers still twisting the straw paper into different shapes. If he did, he still couldn’t say right then whether he would actually approach her or not. Part of him was very into the defiance of the social order, and the idea of striding into Homecoming and pulling Jules onto the dance floor, and then kissing her under the lights ... but what if she freaked out and hated it and it ruined everything? Jules stood to lose more than Jasper did with this matchup. “I’ll come to the party for sure, though,” he added. “I wanna see you.”
It was probably pretty self absorbed of her, but Jules couldn't imagine why Jasper would come to Homecoming and not approach her, especially if she already said she would dance with him. She knew she had a lot more to lose, but at the same time, Jules was wondering why she was so afraid. Were her friends really going to ostracize her? She was Jules Fucking Cooper. She should be able to date whoever she wanted to. The thought didn't fully erase her nerves, but it helped her feel a little more comfortable at the thought of Jasper approaching her at the dance. "You should definitely do that," Jules said with a smile. "Because you've got to see my dress in person. It's pretty amazing." Which had her wondering if he would wear a shirt and tie if he showed up at the dance tomorrow. Or if he would rebel in his own way and show up wearing whatever he felt like. Jules arched a brow. "I'll leave my tiara on for you too."
“Hot,” Jasper said, flashing her a quick grin. That was all he had time for before the waitress came back with their pizza. There was a moment of moving things around and plates being put in front of them and assuring her they didn’t need anything else, and then they were alone again. Or as alone as one could get in a restaurant, anyway. Jasper pulled a piece onto his plate to let it cool down a bit, and sucked down some more soda. He felt better about it all already. Jules wanted to see him and if he wanted to see her too, who gave a shit what other people thought, right? If anybody gave them shit, Jasper could just break their faces for it. “So do you have any like ... queenly duties at the dance or anything? I’ve never paid attention to that bullshit before.”
Jules carefully pulled a piece of hot pizza onto her plate before licking some sauce off of her fingertip. She was relieved that the evening hadn't been totally derailed by talk of Homecoming. And Jasper might actually show up, which had her feeling nervous and... weirdly happy. They had kept this whole thing a secret for like, four months now. Maybe it shouldn't be a secret anymore. She wiped her fingers on a napkin and started to pull a small piece away from the pizza on her plate. His question prompted her to scowl at him for a moment. "It's not bullshit, Jas. There aren't a lot of duties, but I represent the senior class. It means I've kept my GPA up and participate in school activities. It looks good on a college application too." She popped a small piece of melted cheese into her mouth. "I get to help decide the theme for prom too, which isn't as important but it's still something."
In Jasper’s vocabulary, ‘bullshit’ and ‘stuff’ were pretty interchangeable, but he was kind of amused that Jules took offense to it. It was sort of bullshit to him, none of that stuff really mattered in the long run. But it was obviously a point of pride for Jules, and she had looked pretty damn good getting crowned and all. Whatever made her happy, he guessed. “You don’t have to like, sleep with the king and make a new dynasty or anything?” he teased, picking up his own pizza to take the first cautious bite. Jasper sucked air in through his lips to cool it further before he started chewing. “Glad you got it, though. You deserve it.” Really there was nobody else in school like Jules, so it only made sense to Jasper that she won.
"Well, you better hope I don't have to sleep with the king, since that's Sebastian," Jules pointed out, sounding a bit haughty. She knew Jasper probably hadn't meant anything by it, but some things were important to her, and homecoming queen was one of those things. So was winter formal, and prom. She planned on getting all three crowns and if Jasper wanted to date her publicly, he would have to get used to being with her for those things. The fact that he felt like she deserved to win helped dissipate some of her irritation, and it showed as her expression calmed and she gave him a small smile. He was obviously biased, but that was okay. She took a small bite of her pizza, careful not to drip any sauce on her clothes. "We'll get announced at the dance tomorrow. I don't know when, though," she said after wiping her mouth with her napkin. "Just in case, you know, you want to show up."
It was all kind of vapid and pointless to Jasper, but he wasn’t stupid enough to say so out loud. It was important to Jules, since she was getting touchy about it, so whatever. He could play along. She probably thought how much work he put into his car was stupid. He felt a flicker of irritation about Sebastian being Homecoming king -- he’d forgotten already, that was how unimportant it all was to him -- but Jasper tried to squash it. Even though they might be parading around as a royal couple, Jules had assured him that there was nothing to it, so ... whatever. “We’ll see, I guess,” he said once he’d swallowed the bite of pizza he was working on. He did want to show up, which was probably dumb, but the desire was there. Dressing up for it and getting caught up in the whole spirit of the thing? That, he wasn’t sure about yet. Maybe he ought to go shopping for at least a nice shirt. Jasper ate some more while he thought about it.
Jules didn't doubt that Jasper was completely uninterested in Homecoming, and everything that came with it. She was willing to bet tonight's football game was the first one he'd ever actually attended in high school. She didn't really care if he was bored by it all as long as he didn't belittle it, because it was important to Jules. His response was pretty non-committal, which was fine. If he didn't come, he didn't come. Jules was determined not to spend all night looking for him. She was going to have fun whether Jasper wanted to show up or not. "I guess we will," Jules replied, focusing on her piece of pizza now. She wouldn't beg him to come or anything. She had already invited him to the game tonight, and her party tomorrow... Jules was the one making steps to be seen in public with him, instead of the other way around. She wondered if he realized that, or even cared. "What do you want to do after this?" Jules asked, determined not to get petulant over something she had no control over. She didn't want to ruin the night by fighting.
Jasper did realize, and he did care. He also felt that was more her responsibility than his, at least in these early steps, because he was the embarrassing one in this dynamic. In the high school hierarchy, he was close to the bottom -- a near-dropout who had repeated a grade and had an attitude and a shitty reputation that spanned back a couple of generations. Jules was the top of the food chain, she was slumming with him, no matter how she actually felt about it. But it meant more than he could express that she seemed to want him at Homecoming. In her world. That she would touch him in front of their peers. He knew deep down he couldn’t pass that up, intimidating as it might be once he was there. He just had to maintain a ‘fuck everybody but Jules’ outlook. He arched a brow at the question, since he hadn’t really thought beyond dinner. “Oh, uh ... I dunno,” he said, his tone light. Jasper gave her a little smile. “My dad’s at the bar, so my house is empty. If you wanna hang out some more. Or I could like, take you home and walk you up to the door for a kiss on the cheek goodnight like a gentleman.” That was laughable.
Jules laughed and shook her head. "You are so not a gentleman." Which she liked, actually. That had always been part of Jasper's appeal, that he didn't go out of his way to kiss her ass. She didn't always want him to be jerk, but she liked the balance between the two. That was probably fucked up of her, but oh well. "I wouldn't mind hanging out at your place for a bit," Jules said, since she knew 'hanging out' meant fucking, which is kind of what they did... a lot. Jules didn't think they'd ever hung out without sex of some kind. It was too difficult for Jules to keep her hands off of him when they were alone. "Then if you still want to drive me home and kiss me on the cheek goodnight, that would be okay too. But I'd rather you fuck my brains out first. Is that okay?"
Jasper had no real desire to be a gentleman, so he was glad that Jules seemed to like it. Or at least be amused by it. He grinned across the table at her. She wasn’t much of a lady either, at least not with him, and he loved that. It was so much simpler when a girl could just tell you what she wanted, and Jasper was more than capable of fucking her brains out upon request. That was territory he was much more comfortable and experienced in. Which was probably why Jules was still having anything to do with him, honestly. Jasper was good with that. “That is way more than okay,” he assured her. “You need a victory fuck anyway, Queen.” Jasper picked up his soda and clunked it lightly against Jules’s tea glass in a toast.
Amused, Jules lifted her cup and saluted him with it before taking a sip. "I like the sound of that," she admitted, setting her cup back on the table. "The victory fuck and being called Queen." She also liked the idea of spending more time at Jasper's. She could take him back to her house, but there were more people living there and a bigger chance of someone coming home at an inopportune time. If Jasper's dad was working, it would just be them... and those dogs, but she was determined not to be afraid of them. Or let them sniff her long enough that they got to know her and wouldn't growl whenever she came around. Jules found she was excited for Homecoming, but more so at the thought of seeing Jasper, even if he ditched the dance and showed up at her house after. It was probably stupid of her, but oh well. She could enjoy this while it lasted, right? Jules took a small bite of her pizza crust and lifted a brow at Jasper. "When's the last time you took a girl out on a date?" she asked, once she'd swallowed her food. "Like this kind of date."
Every accomplishment deserved a victory fuck, right? That was Jasper’s philosophy, anyway. Not that he needed much of a philosophy or anything to fuck Jules more often, but it was always nice to have. He ate some more, already having downed two slices to Jules’s one, and reached for a third piece as his brows quirked upward at her question. “This kind of date?” he echoed. “Like, never.” It was a bit embarrassing, but at least maybe she would understand why he sucked at all this. It was all pretty new to him. “I mean, I’ve been to movies and shit with girls before, but it wasn’t like a ‘pick them up, take them home, eat together’ kind of thing. Dates are usually just ... hang out somewhere, fuck, go home.” Jasper shrugged, glancing at her again to judge her reaction.
That was hard to believe. But she had never paid much attention to Jasper Lucas before this year, so she had no idea if he'd had girlfriends in the past or not. It was just hard to imagine that he hadn't. She ate some more her pizza, realizing that those kind of 'dates' were exactly what she and Jasper had been doing all summer. Mostly just go somewhere, fuck and go home. They hadn't really even hung out much until recently. She wiped her mouth with her napkin and reached for her drink again, just to give her hands something to do. "So you've never had like, a real girlfriend or anything like that? That's kind of hard to believe..."
“I’ve had a real girlfriend,” Jasper said immediately, frowning a bit. It was hard not to feel a little defensive about it, like she thought he was stunted or something because he hadn’t taken a bunch of girls out to boring dinners. “I just didn’t have a car ‘til I was seventeen, I didn’t have a job until after that. My mom sure as fuck wasn’t gonna give me money for dates, and I was trying to save for a car with the money Dad would give me.” He shrugged again. “The kinda girls I’ve dated weren’t into shit like this. They just wanted to hang out and get high, pretty much. But I’ve had girlfriends.” Maybe they didn’t qualify as girlfriends to Jules, but that was what he’d called them and he had only cheated on a couple of them, so ... they counted.
She picked up on his tone and immediately felt defensive herself, though she tried to quell some of it as not to fight over something so trivial. She was trying not to get too annoyed, because she felt like he was implying shit like this was boring, or not his thing, which... it probably wasn't, if he'd never done this before. Kind of like homecoming being bullshit, although she supposed that could just be how Jasper described everything that wasn't getting laid or smoking weed. Jules sipped her tea, trying to smooth over the irritation she felt because she knew it was silly and pointless. She wasn't really jealous of those girls, because they were all faceless to her and they didn't matter. He wasn't screwing any of them now anyway. "Have you ever loved any of them?" Jules asked pointedly, aware that it was kind of a personal question but not really caring.
Jesus, was she trying to ruin the evening? They’d been doing pretty okay, too. At least Jasper had thought so, but what the hell did he know about this kind of thing? Nothing, obviously, since he’d never really been this kind of boyfriend for anybody before. It wasn’t that he was hating the date, it just wasn’t what he would’ve chosen to do if Jules’s preferences weren’t a factor. But they were, and he wanted to please her for whatever stupid reason, so there he was, and he would show up to Homecoming with a nice shirt tucked in. Life was weird. “No,” he said, a derisive little scoff in the beginning of the word like he couldn’t even imagine that. Jasper couldn’t, not really. From everything he’d seen of love in his life, he didn’t really want to, either. “Have you? Any of the dudes you’ve dated?”
Jules really didn't know how to handle the conversation, mostly because she didn't even know if Jasper was her boyfriend. It wasn't like they talked about that kind of stuff, ever. And she wasn't a 'hang out and smoke weed' kind of girlfriend. She liked going out, and seeing movies and going to parties and being seen. That didn't mean she didn't enjoy spending time with Jasper in his car, or his house and doing whatever, but that wasn't all she wanted. It was just hard to say so when she had no idea what any of this really was. She wanted him to come to Homecoming, and she wanted to dance with him and be monogamous and all that crap... she just didn't know how to say it. Jasper wasn't like her other boyfriends. Jules raised a brow at the scoff, wondering if he was scoffing at the idea of loving one of his past girlfriends, or loving someone in general. "I don't know, maybe," Jules retorted, because she knew he'd ask her. "There's nothing wrong with being in love with someone."
Talking about love in any capacity only made him think of his parents and how fucked up their whole marriage had been. All the fighting, all the hysterics from his mother, all the times Gavin shut her up with his fists. Jasper was sure he didn’t even know the half of it. He thought about his uncle Caden and Roxy, how she was bruised sometimes, how they sniped at one another. About Aaron and his ever-rotating list of girlfriends. If that was love, Jasper wasn’t sure he wanted any part of it. His temper was already a problem for him sometimes, maybe he didn’t need to truly be emotionally involved with anyone. It seemed safer not to, for everybody. He saw plenty wrong with being in love with someone, but how could he explain that to a girl like Jules? “How do you not know if you’ve ever been in love?” he countered instead. “Wouldn’t you just know?”
"I've cared about some boyfriends more than others," Jules said, wondering why she felt like she had to defend an emotion she wasn't entirely sure she'd ever felt before. Maybe it was just his reaction to her question, like love was, among other things, bullshit. She didn't want to believe that, even if she'd never felt it before. She wanted to, someday. "Maybe it was love, but I don't know. It was something, at least. I think everybody feels things differently and I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I just never..." Jules shrugged and started fiddling with the straw in her cup. "I don't know. I've never, like, seen what being in love is supposed to be like. So I don't have a whole lot to compare my feelings to. So maybe I've been in love before, maybe not. I don't fucking know. But I don't think it's something to, like, scoff at. It's not a bad thing."
Jasper was staring at her while she talked, his brow furrowed in consternation. At least until she got to the part about what love was supposed to look like, because that sounded pretty goddamn familiar. Surprise flickered through his face, but he did his best to blank his whole expression out. This conversation had somehow taken a turn into territory that made him massively uncomfortable, and he wasn’t sure how to get out of it without hurting Jules’s feelings or something. Declaring that he never wanted to be in love sounded psychotic. Maybe there was some magically different version of love that was all rainbows and unicorn farts, but he’d never seen it except in movies. And Jasper was old enough now to be cynical about those. He’d stopped eating, and fuck he wanted a cigarette. “It can be,” he muttered. “I’ve never seen it do anybody any good in real life.”
Jules knew she should shut up. This was a weird conversation and not one they really needed to be having. She wasn’t even sure what possessed her to ask him those questions in the first place. Should she really care about Jasper’s feelings on love? Did it matter? A part of her said yes, because... well, she didn’t really know why. “If it’s not doing anyone any good, is it really love?” Jules asked instead, but she knew Jasper didn’t have the answer to that. She didn’t really have the answer to it either. Shaking her head, Jules waved her hand dismissively. “Never mind. It’s not important.” She wanted to say more, but it didn’t feel like the right place or time to have this kind of discussion. If there was ever a right place or time. She wasn’t in love and he wasn’t in love and talking about it didn’t make a whole lot of sense other than to make them both uncomfortable. Jules didn’t really want to know how he felt about it because she kind of knew she wouldn’t like the answer. She picked at a piece of pepperoni, trying to will her appetite back. “Do you want to go now?”
It was probably important, all of it, maybe even important between the two of them, but Jasper didn’t know how to talk about it. He knew jack shit about real love, whatever that meant, and the ‘love’ that he did know about had always looked like something to be avoided from his perspective. He didn’t want to turn into his father, and the deck was already stacked against him in that regard. It probably wasn’t the kind of talk they should be having at Dino’s though, and Jasper felt a little bad that Jules looked like she’d been dragged down now, out of a good mood. Maybe he could fuck it back into her. Hopefully. “Yeah, if you’re ready,” he said. He caught sight of their waitress and gave her a little wave, then asked for the check once she got close enough.
Jules wasn't sure what kind of mood she was in, she only knew she didn't want to talk about love anymore. It seemed like a dangerous topic anyway, and she had only asked Jasper to get a rise out of him for some reason. Sometimes those questions, and the answers, only reminded her how different they were. Jules nodded when he asked if she was ready, and she found she was definitely ready to just go somewhere private and not have to think at all. After the check had been paid, Jules gathered her jacket and bag and scooted out of the booth, offering Jasper a small smile before she reached for his hand, feeling like maybe it was something of a peace offering to get them back on track. "Your house?"
Jasper’s back felt tense between his shoulder blades as they got up to leave the booth. He sucked at this already, even putting a toe into the boyfriend pool, didn’t he? It was one date, and maybe shit like this got easier with practice or something, but it was hard to think about that when he felt like he’d fucked it all up somehow. He still didn’t understand why he cared so much, but the caring was undeniably there. He half-expected Jules to say she just wanted to go home once they got into the car, but he hoped that wouldn’t be the case. Back on his own turf with a chance to take a hit or two off of a bowl, and Jasper would be ready to get back to doing what they did best. Jules taking his hand was a little shock of surprise, but Jasper’s fingers curled around hers without hesitation. He smiled back at her and nodded. “My house.” He made sure to hold the door for her on their way out.