Jade Bradford (dimmingsoul) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2017-09-18 08:33:00 |
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Entry tags: | #flashback, jade, jade x luke, luke |
Uneasy
Who: Jade and Luke
What: busted af
When: 2 a.m., late May 2017
Where: their house
Status: complete
It was the wee hours of a Saturday morning when Jade made his way back home. It would seem like he was being a typical rebellious teenage kid, slipping out the back door of their house after pretending to go to bed. Maybe he was, but it wasn’t for the purposes of getting drunk and partying. That usually wasn’t Jade’s scene. Where he’d actually been was Point Pleasant cemetery, sitting next to his parents’ graves and still trying to take in that last month, his dad had died and now they were both gone forever. It wasn’t the easiest thing to deal with, and he still hadn’t wrapped his brain around it.
The cemetery was fucking creepy at night. Well, make that anytime, but night was worse. Somehow Jade didn’t notice that as much when he was brooding like he’d been lately.
Silently, he propped his bike against the back of the house and shrugged off the vest that was striped with tape that glowed in the dark and draped it over the seat. Now to get back inside without being heard. Hopefully his brother was sound asleep, as late as it was. Jade hadn’t gone so far as to stuff pillows beneath his covers, but why would Luke look into his room anyway? The light was off as if he was in bed already. He put his key into the back door lock, turned it and began easing the door open.
Luke had figured out that Jade was gone about twenty three minutes before Jade arrived back home and climbed back off his bike to leave it resting up against the back of the house. Luke had gotten up to get a drink of water after a particularly nasty nightmare left him sweaty and unnerved, and with an uneasiness that led him down the hall, Luke had been unable to resist quietly opening Jade's door to check in on his brother. Seeing the bed empty had been an unpleasant shock, as had checking outside to see Jade's bike was gone.
Luke had grabbed his phone to call Jade, but after pulling up the number, he stopped himself, not wanting to tear into his brother for being seventeen and doing what all seventeen year old boys did from time to time. Luke had done it. More than once. And Jade had been through enough in the past couple of months. What if he was with some friends having a beer or smoking some weed? What if he was with a girl? Maybe that's what Jade needed to get through things. Maybe.
Luke set his phone down and splashed some cold water on his face from the kitchen sink. The disturbing images that had awoken him earlier had faded in his memory, but he knew he had been in the process of losing his brother. Jade, being dragged down underground by some unknown force, the earth closing up around him, screaming for help. Luke had been helpless to stop it, too far to reach Jade’s hand no matter how close to his brother it seemed. He was never close enough. Luke knew it was grief from losing their father. The uncertainty of the future and his own self doubt over whether or not he could actually do this, and raise his kid brother through the next couple of years until he went off on his own. Finding Jade's room empty had terrified him, but he knew Jade would be home soon. He'd be fine. Luke decided to give him until two thirty before he called. That didn't mean he was alright with Jade sneaking out. He wasn't. He wasn't their father, but there needed to be some ground rules set if this was going to work.
So he waited in the living room, leaving the lights off for the moment, and rested his head on the back of the couch as he waited, his phone by his side. The silence of the house, save for the dull hum of the refrigerator in the next room, was deafening. The quiet sound of the back door lock opening jolted Luke up and he waited for Jade to appear as relief and annoyance warred inside of him.
When Jade slipped inside, he didn’t hear a thing but the refrigerator running, and everything seemed dark and quiet. Good. He closed the door and locked it back as quietly as he could manage and then moved to the fridge to drink some grape juice, which was his favorite. After swallowing it down, he stood in the dark next to the sink, gazing idly out the window. He felt so strange lately, and he didn’t know what to do about it. It had started when his dad had gotten sick and only worsened after he’d died. It was a mix of lonely, sad and angry, and it didn’t feel that great to go through.
With a nearly silent sigh, he walked through the back hallway to get to the stairs, running a hand through his close-cropped hair.
“Jade,” Luke said, loud enough that Jade would be able to hear, but not so loud to sound angry or startling. “C’mere before you go upstairs, yeah?” He didn’t want to fight with his brother, or put any kind of rift between them, but Luke figured there were things that needed to be said, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep. Not that he was terribly sure he’d be able to, regardless, with his dreams still lingering like a shadow in the back of his mind. But at least this would be one less thing keeping him awake.
Jade froze like someone had fired a bullet in his direction and mouthed shit. Busted af. What the hell was Luke doing up this late? At least his brother didn’t sound like he was mad. He wiped his face clean of expression and made the turn into the living room. It was rather creepy that his brother was sitting in the dark, he thought as he stopped a few feet away, cramming both hands into his jeans pockets. “What,” he said, his intonation making it not quite a question.
Jade's tone itself had Luke starting to appreciate what his parents went through raising him. Because Luke knew for a fact he'd used that tone on them before, had been sullen and difficult. Obviously the circumstances now were different, and Luke could recognize that. That didn't make it any less frustrating, though. Rather than dive into where were you?!, Luke reached over to flip on the light so they could see each other better. Luke appeared more exasperated than anything, even though he was exhausted. "Man, come on... you know you can't sneak out like that. What if something had happened to you?"
Jade squinted, displeased at the sudden addition of light. He would have much preferred to have this conversation in the dark or maybe not have it at all. “I wasn’t doing anything,” he said, his gaze fixed on the floor. “Nothing’s gonna happen.” He’d been at the cemetery in the middle of the night, and logically he knew that something could very well happen to him there. Maybe he didn’t care at this point in his life. It felt like everything was being taken away from him, and while he still had his brother, how long would that last? There were car wrecks, there were random murders, there was cancer and other types of diseases. Or Luke could be gone like a speeding bullet the second Jade turned 18, just under a year from now. Then he’d be alone again.
He wasn't sure Jade wasn't doing anything, but as long as it wasn't like... hardcore drugs, Luke wasn't going to parent him about it. Jade was seventeen and he was going to do stupid shit. Hopefully it wasn't so stupid that it got him hurt. He gave Jade an incredulous look before resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands together loosely. "Nothing's gonna happen? How long have you lived in this town? You know there's always something that could happen. I'd like to think I've been pretty easy going with you, Jade. But I can't let you sneak out of here in the middle of the night without telling me what you're doin', or where you're going."
Clearly this wasn’t going to be a quick conversation. Jade planted his butt on the arm of the chair, as far from Luke as he could get and still be seated. “Dad never made me tell him where I was going,” he mumbled. Okay, small clarification on that: if his father had ever known Jade was going out long after dark, he sure as hell would have had something to say about it. Jade hadn’t done it that much until his dad had gotten really sick and was obviously not going to make it. Somehow he needed his ritual of moping by the graveside, dangerous though it might be. He crossed his arms over his stomach and concentrated on not crying, because that would suck.
It didn't seem like it was going to be an easy conversation to have either. "I'm not dad," Luke pointed out. "And if you've done this before, dad probably didn't know you were even gone to begin with." He sighed a little, wishing Jade didn't appear so defensive in that moment. Luke wasn't yelling, or trying to ground the kid. He just needed to make sure Jade knew to stay safe. And going out into town in the middle of the night was not safe. He fell silent for a moment, rubbing his hands together before he spoke again. "I don't want to assume that you were doin' something you shouldn't have been doing, but I know when I snuck out of the house after mom and dad went to bed, I was always doing something stupid. I'm still trying to figure this out, Jade. I just need you to help me out, okay? I need you to stay safe."
Their dad hadn’t known much of anything toward the end, and that had been what Jade wanted to get away from. Sometimes he worried that he hadn’t spent enough time by his father’s bedside, hadn’t been with him while he’d actually been alive, but dying of lung cancer in a hospital bed hadn’t been much of a life. Jade’s anxiety hadn’t allowed him to linger there for long. When Luke said he didn’t want to assume Jade had been doing something he shouldn’t have, Jade made a choked sound that was somewhere between a rueful laugh and a sob. There was no way his brother would believe that Jade couldn’t find much trouble to get into given his circumstances. He could hang with Mak or Sabrina but he had no interest in taking their clothes off, and no amount of fantasizing over Hunter Barrett or Cam Malone’s asses could get him in trouble unless he sprained something jerking off. There was so much nobody knew about him, and thinking about it was making his chest tight. “I know,” he said, still not looking up.
Yeah, definitely difficult. But Luke couldn’t blame Jade, or get annoyed with him. They hadn’t lost their father too long ago. And Luke was still dealing with his own grief, so he could only imagine how Jade was handling things. Luke studied him for a moment before speaking again. “Do you want to talk about it? Whatever it is… we could talk about anything, really.” He wasn’t optimistic that Jade would be on board with a discussion, but he wanted to make sure his brother knew he was there if Jade wanted to talk.
“Nothin’ to talk about,” Jade said, his voice close to a whisper. “I couldn’t sleep, so I went out. Wasn’t doing anything wrong.” A tear hit his bare forearm, but he wasn’t crying. Not really. He squeezed his eyes shut for a few seconds, hoping it would help. Luke would probably rip him a new one if he knew Jade had been at the cemetery this late. It was usually okay in the daytime, but not always. You could never be certain you were safe there, but the compulsion to be near where his parents’ bodies lay was too strong for him to resist sometimes. Maybe he felt like he deserved to be afraid as part of the crap lot life had dealt him, who knew?
“I didn’t say you were doing anything wrong,” Luke pointed out gently. He knew Jade was upset, and he could guess why, but it was so difficult for Luke to reach out and be comforting, like their mother had been. Luke had been raised by Bill Bradford, after all. He’d been in the Marines. Dealing with emotions had been difficult for Luke. It was a struggle, but Luke wanted to make sure Jade knew he cared. “If you can’t sleep… wake me up. We’ll get a drink, talk… or just drink and leave the talking for another night. I have trouble sleeping too…” Luke trailed off, feeling like he was failing at this, but not entirely sure what else to do that wouldn’t make Jade feel weird.
Their mom had been the best at comfort and reassurance. Unfortunately Jade had been cut off from that when he’d been only 10. He’d been able to lean on Luke for comfort when she’d died, but it had seemed easier because he’d been such a little kid. Now it was harder. Who wanted a nearly grown teenager sobbing all over them? It was doubtful that Jade would wake his brother up unless there was some kind of emergency, but he didn’t want to say that. Luke was making an effort, at least. He sneaked a look at Luke when he said he had trouble sleeping. “I guess so, if you’re up this late.” Jade knew he hadn’t made any sounds that would have awakened Luke as he was leaving or as he was returning.
"Happens a lot," Luke admitted after a moment. He had night terrors since leaving the Marines. It just felt like they had gotten more frequent, and worse, since returning to Point Pleasant. His prescription meds to help him sleep hadn't helped much either. Sighing, Luke stood up and walked over to Jade. He clasped a hand on his brother's shoulder gently. "It's been a tough couple of months," Luke murmured. "And I don't want to tell you how to cope with what happened. But just... please don't sneak outta here without telling me, okay? If something happened to you, I don't think I'd be able to handle it. At least tell me when you're leaving." That didn't mean Luke wouldn't try to stealthily follow, if Jade wanted to go somewhere at some obscene hour, but at least he wouldn't wake up to an empty house and panic.
“So you’re telling me I can’t be a normal teenager,” Jade said, but there was no bite in his voice. Somehow his brother’s touch mitigated any annoyance, that and the fact that he’d said he didn’t want anything to happen to him. Not that Jade didn’t know that anyway, but it was always nice to have someone show concern. He didn’t guess he was really a normal teenager anyway, given the whole almost-certainly-gay thing. “I’ll try, okay?” he said finally, meeting his brother’s eyes.
There's no such thing as normal in this town, Luke wanted to say, but he bit back on the words, aware of how ominous they sounded. Instead, he squeezed Jade's shoulder gently. "I just want you to be safe," Luke said again. "I sound like an old man saying this, but when I was your age, I did a lot of stupid shit, including sneaking out in the middle of the night. Looking back on it now, I realize how lucky I was to come home, when a lot of kids I knew were going missing, or losing their siblings, or parents." He released Jade's shoulder. "I guess all I can hope for is that you'll try." His lips twitched into a brief smile. "And I'll try not to put bells above the doors and windows."
“I know,” Jade said when his brother told him he wanted him to be safe. This had to suck for Luke, having to move back here to deal with his dad dying and now to look after him. He smirked at the possibility of bells on the doors. “I guess I better start looking before I try to go anywhere.” He bit back a yawn, realizing that he was completely exhausted and chilly to boot. He thought he’d be able to sleep now. He reached for Luke’s arm to pull himself off the arm of the chair, since Luke was so close to him, and then impulsively rested against him for a few moments, cheek to his brother’s shoulder. Kind of like a hug.
Luke was more than accepting of a 'kind of hug'. It was the only kind of 'hug' they had grown up with after their mother died. And it was better than nothing. Then he patted Jade's shoulder again. "Get some sleep," Luke suggested. He couldn't say things would feel better in the morning, because he didn't know that to be true. With any luck he could get in touch with a couple of friends and get their thoughts on this whole thing. Luke was doing the best he could, but he couldn't help but think he could do better. He needed to do better.
“You too,” Jade said. It was foolish to actually feel better after being busted for sneaking out, but Luke had been cool about it. “‘Night.” He resumed his original path, back into the foyer and up the stairs. In his room, which was dark and had the window open about an inch for fresh air, he dropped his shoes and clothes and left them where they lay, climbing under the covers and settling in. In a matter of three or four minutes, he was sound asleep.