Jasper Lucas (sinsoftheson) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2017-12-04 21:06:00 |
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Entry tags: | #september 2017, gavin, gavin x jasper, jasper |
Who: Gavin and Jasper
When: Weds, Sept 20, later evening
Where: Back Porch Pub
Status: Complete
After school, Jasper had gone to work his short shift of the week, just during dinner rush at the Lobster Shack, already dreading what was coming after. He had told his dad that he would come by the bar to talk about shit, and he really didn’t want to. He hated explaining himself to anyone, especially his old man. The subject of his near-homelessness was so fraught with emotion in his head, he wasn’t sure he would be able to have a civil conversation about it. He was already predicting his dad would try to fix it, and he really couldn’t. Not easily, anyway.
Jasper was very tempted not to show up, especially after he’d clocked out and was sitting in his car, stewing over all of it. But he knew that not going would just bring more hassle down on him ... and it would be what Gavin expected. So he would keep his word at least partially out of spite. Even more of his motivation came from wanting to see what his dad had to say, but Jasper didn’t want to admit that even to himself. So he drove to the pub. Jasper walked in with the hood of his jacket up, glancing around before he headed toward where he spotted his dad tending the bar itself. He wasn’t technically even supposed to be in there, but his family owned the place, so he never gave it a second thought. He pushed his hood back as he approached and ran a hand through his hair.
Gavin honestly wasn't sure what that feeling was when he looked up and saw Jasper approaching. There was relief in the mix but there was so much other shit to untangle it wasn't even a good kind of relief. He licked his lips and felt something go tight in his throat and chest which he tried to quell with a deep breath. Jasper had been right, he hadn't expected him to show up. Old man Joseph had left uncharacteristically early today and a good thing too or there would have been even more tension and nobody needed that.
"Hey," Gavin said quietly, waving at Jasper to come join him. "Come 'round back. You want a soda? Did you eat already?" If he thought for a second this wouldn't be an awkward conversation he would have had it at a table up front but no, it was probably best to go in the back. They could smoke there too and talking to Jasper without a cigarette was a whole new level of hell Gavin wasn't ready to explore.
“Nah, I didn’t eat,” Jasper answered as he walked along the length of the bar toward the swinging doors that led to the back. He was pretty hungry, and he wasn’t above taking food from his dad. He still wasn’t sure where he was sleeping that night, so he might as well eat while he could. “Can I get a beer instead?” His lips quirked upward at the corners. Gavin had to know that he drank, but he wouldn’t be surprised if his dad refused to serve him alcohol, especially not from his place of business. But it was worth asking anyway just to give him a bit of grief.
"Nice try, kiddo," Gavin muttered and while he might have given him a beer back at the house, he wasn't about to it at his place of business. "You want some fries?" Cooking up something simple would give him a little time before they talked and a hungry kid was always harder to talk to. It was at times like these that he wished they served up proper food at the place but they didn't have the staff or the facilities for that so the choices were fries, onion rings, nuts or ordering something from elsewhere which Gavin was always loathe to do.
“Yeah, sure,” Jasper said agreeably enough. He pushed through the doors into the back, then headed for the little kitchen. He grabbed one of their plastic cups and went to the soda machine to help himself. As much as he didn’t want to draw this out any longer than it had to be, he also didn’t want to have this conversation on an empty stomach. That could only make it go worse. Jasper found a straw and stuck it in his soda.
It didn't take long to cook up some fries and maybe Gavin went a little extra with adding cheese because it was Jasper. They didn't talk while he cooked, hell they didn't talk until he brought the food over and had sat down as well, clasping his hands together on the table and clearing his throat. "We're gonna try to do a cookout on Sunday," he mumbled. "If the rain clears up like it's supposed to... Aaron's bringing some meat, he caught a buck."
Jasper had reached to pull a fry free almost the instant the plate touched the table, watching the cheese stretch before he glanced up at his father. “Okay,” he said. “I’ll look at my schedule.” He already knew he had the day off, he’d been checking earlier that night. Jasper just wasn’t sure if he wanted to commit to actually going yet. He knew it would make Amelia happy, but depending on how this conversation went, it might make him really unhappy, so he had to weigh his options.
Gavin had thought long and hard about what he wanted to say to Jasper and yet here he was, unable to think of any good way to say any of it. He watched him eat a couple of fries, fighting the urge to go get himself a drink. "You're eighteen now and-" he started, trailing off for a few seconds before continuing. "If you don't want to stay at your mom's... Well. There's a room at my place, we can- I can clear it out if you want it." Which Jasper probably didn't and just offering it felt futile and weird.
One of Jasper’s eyebrows quirked, but otherwise his face stayed fairly neutral. He ate another fry, chewing slowly while he stared down at the plate in thought. The offer wasn’t a complete shock, that was something that had crossed his mind as possible, he just hadn’t really thought it would actually be on the table. He hadn’t known how to feel about it then, and he still didn’t at that very moment. He was reluctant to admit to himself that there was something appealing about it. “Why now?” he asked finally, blue eyes ticking up to Gavin’s face again.
There was a flicker of exasperation in Gavin's expression and that urge to get a beer, a cigarette, a triple vodka definitely made itself known again. His initial response was a wordless one, a drawn out grumble as he raised his hand, trying to communicate that it was pretty fucking obvious, and failing. "You're sleeping in your car," he muttered then. "I didn't know but... Now I do."
Jasper rolled his eyes and gave a dismissive huff as he sat back in the chair a bit. “It’s really not that often,” he said. “I’m not doing it every fucking night or anything. I’ve got friends.” Sure, he was probably sleeping in his car more than his dad would like, but Jasper wanted to downplay it if he could. He definitely didn’t want to move in with Gavin if the invitation was just because of some stupid guilt of his. Though Jasper supposed that was probably the only reason he would ever ask. It was foolish to hope otherwise.
A few responses went through Gavin's mind and they all sounded dismissive or possibly agitating to him so he held back. "I know I'm not... an easy person to live with," he muttered. "But I'm not home much and... It can't be worse than your mom's." Asking if Jasper's friends minded having him over all the time or telling him he needed stability - after all these years of not giving it to him - wouldn't do much and Gavin was still pretty sure Jasper would refuse which meant coming up with other ways to get him a place to live.
That point was the only reason Jasper hadn’t said no immediately. He didn’t even like having to go by his mom’s to shower or wash his clothes or whatever. If he could move all that stuff to his dad’s, and only go back to Olivia’s to see his sister ... But was that worth a constant state of awkwardness when his dad was around? Neither of them would be home much, though, and maybe Gavin would give him enough privacy. He was silent for a long few moments, nibbling on the inside of his cheek. “You’d have to promise not to treat me like a kid,” he said finally.
Jasper hadn't said yes but his answer still surprised Gavin and it showed. His brows rose and he took a beat before replying, shaking his head quickly. "No no, it'd... it'd be a mutual respect... Kind of thing." He paused again, holding his breath for a few seconds as his brows drew together and his lips pursed in an unspoken word. "You'll consider it?" he finally uttered and the idea of it actually happening had him both hopeful and terrified.
Jasper could tell it surprised him, and that gave him mixed feelings too. It probably would’ve been easier to blow it off, say no, tell him to go fuck himself. And part of him wanted to, that part that was always stewing in resentment. Gavin hadn’t given him the option of living with him full time since the separation, and offering now seemed like too fucking little too fucking late in a way. But on the other hand, winter was coming. Living with his mother was unbearable. He couldn’t afford his own apartment yet. The promise of a bed and a door and access to a hot shower through the next few months was tantalizing. He may have been stubborn but he wasn’t completely irrational. “Like more of a roommate thing?” he asked instead of answering right away.
Gavin nodded slowly because he supposed that was what it would be like. Like having a tenant who happened to be his difficult teenage son. "There'd be... rules, of course. No parties or-" he trailed off since he really hadn't thought that one through. Why would he think that far when he was certain Jasper was going to say no? "We'd figure that out." It suddenly occurred to him to tell his brothers not to offer Jasper a place to stay - at least not unless he outright refused Gavin's offer. The fact that Jasper would much rather live with his uncles wouldn't surprise him but it would still sting and he much preferred taking care of this himself somehow.
They’d figure that out. Jasper was watching his face, trying to suss out what he was feeling. If anything. He wasn’t entirely sure his father had normal human emotions, much less ones that could be observed and understood. His leg had started bouncing under the table, and Jasper leaned forward a bit again. “If I’m gonna live with you, we gotta be clear about something,” he said, his tone hardening up a bit more. “This isn’t some second chance to parent me or whatever. I’m gonna consider it ‘cause it’s convenient, and I fucking hate staying with mom. But I can take care of myself. If you start to hassle me about shit, I’m out. Got it?”
For a brief moment Gavin thought it might be worth the money problems to get Jasper his own place but at the same time... He was all but agreeing to moving in and it would be better to keep an eye on him which he could not do if Jasper lived on his own. "Got it," he muttered, that little worry line between his eyebrows not going anywhere. All he really wanted was for Jasper right now was to finish high school but it felt like a very bad time to even mention that since it probably qualified as 'parenting' and they were on very thin ice with this whole conversation. One wrong word or move and Jasper would say no and fuck off like he always did and then Gavin had no idea how to get him back. It was too easy to picture him dropping out, doing his shitty job full time and burning out fast and Gavin didn't want that to happen.
Jasper had expected more pushback than that, at least for his attitude, and his eyes narrowed suspiciously for a moment. He wasn’t naive enough to think that his dad actually respected him as an adult or anything. He’d just turned eighteen, after all. Maybe the man really was just that removed from him as a father. Could he deal with having the reminder of that around all the time? Or at least some of the time while he was ‘home’? Jasper didn’t know. But if it turned out to really suck, he could always leave, he supposed. Not much would really change. “I’ll think about it, then,” he muttered too, breaking his stare to reach for more fries.
Gavin didn't want to push but he had a lot of arrangements to make if they were doing this. Not to mention that Jasper was sleeping in his car and Gavin didn't want him doing that for even one more night. Still, asking Jasper to hurry the fuck up and decide was only going to push him away so he bit his tongue on that and nodded. "So how's school going?" he asked in an attempt to keep himself from messing this up. "I heard there's been a lot of turnover in teachers... That can't be easy."
He wasn’t used to second-guessing his decisions, but Jasper wasn’t even sure if he really should be considering moving in with his dad. It wasn’t a call he could make right then and there, he had to chew on it for at least a little while. So his reluctance to commit wasn’t just a power play, though that was part of it too. The transition was almost laughable, but Jasper didn’t feel much like laughing at the moment. He washed down his food with some more soda, shrugging a shoulder. “It’s pretty much all the same shit, no matter who it’s coming out of,” he said. “It’s going fine.” He almost told Gavin that he had shown up every single day that week so far, but he bit it back. That would just invite more questions about it, and how often he hadn’t been there.
Gavin couldn't argue with that. He hadn't liked school although dropping out hadn't exactly been his choice. Still, he thought of Charlie and tried not to get annoyed on her behalf. It was dumb that he wanted to ask Jasper about her, if she was a nice teacher or if he'd even met her. He didn't even know what that meant so he pushed it down like everything else. There were other things he thought to ask, if Jasper liked any subject at all, if he had any idea what he wanted to do after he finished school - one way or another - and a lot of things that rushed through his mind and were immediately rejected as good topics. "I didn't know things were... rough at home," he muttered and it was obvious he felt bad about that though he didn't have the words to explain it.
Out of all the possible subjects for them to talk about, that one was probably the worst. Bitterness rose like bile in Jasper’s throat and he scoffed without even trying to hold it back. “Of course you didn’t,” he said flatly. “Not like you ever fuckin’ ask.” Part of him knew that was at least a little unfair -- it wasn’t like he was very forthcoming with information, and he avoided talking to his dad as much as possible. But he couldn’t help that urge to want to hurt him. To give him a taste of what he’d done by abandoning Jasper with Olivia. Neither one of them had wanted him, of course, but Olivia was the crazier of the two. That was how he felt about it, anyway. He just couldn’t express that without the anger coloring it. “Did you know she’s got a boyfriend?”
Jasper's words had been doing a good job of sending Gavin down that spiral of guilt and self loathing because he knew it was true. He never asked, he never asked about anything and it was too fucking late now. He would have continued down that spiral if not for that last bit which for some inexplicable reason send a rush of anger through him. "She what now?" he asked and this time at least he managed to hide his emotions though there was a darkness in his eyes that hadn't been there before. It shouldn't matter, they were separated but... He was still taking care of her, they were still married and the mere thought of some other man in His house with His kids... He couldn't stomach that.
Jasper hadn’t planned to throw that in his dad’s face, he was going to let him find out via other means, but it felt immensely satisfying. “Amelia said she saw Mom kissing some douchebag that works at K-Mart,” he said, his own disgust more than obvious in his tone. “She was worried about him moving in. I told her you would make him choke on his own teeth first.” Jasper hadn’t quite phrased it like that to his little sister, but he didn’t mind taking a little poetic license in the moment. He knew it would go down that way too; when it came to his dad, Jasper could have faith in his temper, at least.
"You're not fucking wrong about that," Gavin grumbled before he could think it through, the anger coursing through him only getting stronger knowing Amelia had seen that. Stupid fucking Ollie, what the fuck was she thinking. Jasper was also right about his temper, he already wanted to go punch things, be it a wall or anyone who looked at him wrong tonight and he glared at Jasper's food for a beat before taking a deep breath to calm himself down. There were a lot of issues with his relationship with Ollie, there always had been. She rapidly darted from being a psychopathic bitch he wanted nothing to do with to being that sweet girl who knew everything there was to know about him and the only person he'd ever been able to really talk to. Right now he had a hard time picturing either of those personifications of her with some 'douchebag who worked at K-Mart'. It felt like betrayal and it also felt like she was being defiled. "Amelia saw that, huh?"
He and his dad may have had more problems than either of them probably fully understood, but Jasper could say he actually hated his mother. Watching Gavin’s reaction to the news felt good in a twisted sort of way, even knowing what it could lead to. He looked like he was ready to explode and hurt someone. Maybe this guy, maybe Olivia. They were both such fuckups as parents, he almost wanted them at each other’s throats. Maybe then they could at least fucking divorce and give some closure to this shit show. “Yeah, that’s what she told me,” he confirmed. “I asked her what he looked like, and she didn’t really know. Just had ‘lame’ hair and a blue vest, she said.”
Gavin would find out who that guy was and he would do something about it. Right now he wasn't sure what, he just felt betrayed and angry - angrier than he probably had any right to be. Lame hair actually made him smile a bit though, it sounded like something Amelia would say and in some petty way it made him feel a bit better to know his daughter didn't approve either. It was a wan smile though and brief at that. "Sounds like every asshole at K-Mart," he muttered though that probably wasn't true. Had Ollie really thought he wouldn't hear about this? He worked at a bar in a small town, people talked. They even talked to him when he didn't want them to and it was a small wonder he hadn't known about this before now. Maybe it was new. He hoped it was new or it would be so much worse and just thinking about Ollie fucking some punk behind his back and keeping it a secret made that monster inside him rear up again. He didn't know how Amelia had seen it but it seemed logical to him to assume that she'd been with her mom at the time which was even more of an insult. God damned Ollie. This week was just full of revelations of the bad sort.
Jasper had assumed that Amelia was in the car or something while their mom kissed some asshat in a blue vest. Picturing it made him feel at least a fraction of the same rage that was burning in Gavin. He knew he just ought to shrug it off and not give a shit, plenty of separated parents moved on with their lives. But it was just so stupid of her, Jasper thought maybe she deserved to get fucking hit for it. She had to know his dad would find out, and they were still fucking married, and she was still living off of him. It was insulting as hell. And what kind of moron was this guy? Anybody who knew who Olivia was married to should know better than to fuck with them. It made Jasper kind of want to find out who he was and do something about it, too. He didn’t say anything more, just pulled a few more fries off the plate to eat, even though his appetite was all but gone.
"Thanks for telling me," Gavin muttered after a long bout of silence. He wasn't sure it would have been any better to hear it from someone else and it was well possible that everyone knew but nobody had dared tell him. Everyone but Caden, that is, Caden would have told him mere seconds after finding out, only depending on how fast he could get to his phone. He knew Jasper hadn't exactly told him this as a favor but that didn't matter in the grand scheme of things. He had at least fucking told him. Gavin didn't really want to know how long Jasper had known, it was nicer to think he hadn't kept it to himself for too long.
He didn’t admit that he was going to let Gavin find out from someone else, since he was being thanked and all. The bitter part of Jasper thought it was kinda fucked up that his dad seemed to care more about his mom kissing on some guy than he cared about anything Jasper was doing, but it wasn’t really a surprise. He even kind of understood it -- sometimes all he could really feel was anger, too. “Sure,” he muttered. “Let me know if you wanna go curbstomp him, I’ll give you a hand.” He said it sardonically, not even sure himself if he meant it or not. Jasper finished off his soda, then stood and grabbed the plate to dump the last of the fries. “That all you wanna have a heart to heart about?”
That offer - joking or not - also put a little smile on Gavin's face, fucked up as that was. Nothing like a little bonding time between father and son, beating the crap out of some loser. His brow quirked upwards at Jasper's question which felt dismissive and told him Jasper was about to leave. Especially since he was done eating. "Anything you want to talk about?" he asked, getting up as well and fishing his pack of smokes out of his chest pocket. Maybe Jasper would smoke one with him, though in all likelihood he'd prefer smoking on his own in the car.
Seeing as how Jasper hadn’t wanted to talk about any of this at all, that answer was ‘no,’ but he managed not to say it in the tone he wanted to. “Nah,” he said instead, giving a shrug. Watching Gavin tuck a cigarette into his mouth made him want one too, so he pulled his own pack out of his pocket and shook one free. He brought his phone out to look at the time too, then glanced sideways at his dad’s face. It was getting late, and he still hadn’t worked out a place to stay yet. He didn’t really want to go home, especially not after this conversation, but asking Gavin if he could take the couch stuck in his throat. He decided to ask his uncle Aaron if he could crash at his place on his way out. That was better. “I’ll let you know about Sunday,” he added in a mutter.
"Come smoke with me," Gavin said quietly and gestured to the service entrance before heading that way, unsure if Jasper would actually follow him. He never knew with that kid and worse yet, he deserved every brush-off he got. He lit up when he got there and was a little surprised to feel Jasper's presence behind him. He offered him a light, stepping back to give him space. He wasn't entirely sure why he wanted him to stay longer considering he had nothing to say to him - or at least nothing he could say to him so he just gave him a little smile and tried to sort through those thoughts.
If Jasper was going to say yes to living with his father, they needed to be able to tolerate each other’s presence better. He already had the cigarette between his lips, the back door was right there, so why not. Maybe they could make plans to kick some idiot’s ass and bond over it or something. Plus, there was something plaintive about the way Gavin asked ... So he followed his dad outside and accepted the light. He took a deep drag from the cigarette and blew the smoke upward, glancing from the rainy dark around them to his father’s face and then back. He didn’t try to make conversation himself, aware that it was a pain in the ass for both of them, and maybe Gavin just wanted to smoke in silence.
With how rocky their relationship had been over the years, this was progress. Just standing in silence and smoking together. It took a few minutes before Gavin actually said something, breaking the silence. "You got somewhere to go tonight?" he muttered. "I won't be home 'til after closing 'cept to feed the dogs." He licked his lips and took another drag of his cigarette, huddling his shoulders against some cold that didn't actually affect him much at the moment.
Quiet was better than arguing, that was for sure. Though Jasper supposed they didn’t really argue much. He said mean-but-true shit to try and get a rise out of his dad, and Gavin just clammed up, most of the time. It was painfully awkward a lot, but not loud. Living with him would be a step up from living with Olivia, at least. Jasper hoped, anyway. “Yeah, I’m good,” he answered as he flicked some ash away from himself. If Aaron said no, Jasper would just ... do something else. He didn’t want to look desperate for a roof. He glanced briefly at Gavin. “You want me to go by and feed ‘em though?”
"Yeah?" Gavin said with just a hint of surprise. "That'd be good. If you have time." He didn't really need to stay at the bar all night but Jasper didn't often offer to do anything so it felt almost necessary to accept when he did and appreciate the hell out of it. When he did it usually had something to do with Amelia or the dogs, those three Gavin could at least be certain Jasper cared about.
Jasper shrugged. There wouldn’t be anybody at Aaron’s, so he wasn’t in a hurry to get there or anything. He loved Max and Rude, so why not? He could grab a sandwich or something while he was there too -- Aaron didn’t usually have much good food at his place. Eat, wrestle with the big puppies a bit, it might be nice. He needed to get more comfortable and at-home feeling there anyway. “Sure, no problem,” he said, taking another drag off of his smoke.
"Thanks," Gavin said and meant it. Despite all his apprehension and anxiety about the whole thing he kind of felt good about it too. Sure, it was more likely to blow up in his face but maybe it could be a good thing. "There's some leftovers in the fridge," he muttered. "And I'm sure they could use some company. If you're not in a hurry." That felt like pushing it but it wasn't like he was asking Jasper to stick around for a while.
It was kind of embarrassing to have his mind read like that, and Jasper shifted his weight and shrugged again. He always ended up doing that a lot with his dad. “We’ll see,” he said. He puffed the last couple of hits off of his cigarette, then flicked it out into the rain. “I’ll talk to you later,” he said, turning back toward the door to go inside. He wanted to grab Aaron quick before he left, and he just hoped his dad wasn’t going to walk in right behind him.
"Later," Gavin muttered and he didn't follow Jasper inside. There wasn't much left of his cigarette but there was enough for one puff before it started burning the filter and he took that puff, mostly to avoid stalking in right behind his son. It was so much easier to love girls, he thought. They hugged you whether you wanted them to or not, they cried when they were upset and yelled when they were angry. The guys in his life were about as expressive as he was, the one language they seemed fluent in being violence. Things would have been easier if he'd just had girls.