Who: Mila and Aaron When: night, Wednesday, July 25 Where: home Warning: child abuse discussion Status: complete
It sucked to be back at work after taking time off to get married and have a miniature honeymoon, but Aaron knew it was necessary. His brothers might not ever come out and say it, but the bar needed him. Caden had done a half-assed job at putting inventory away, and there were always messes they didn’t want to deal with. It had been a long time since Aaron had to kick anybody out for being too rowdy ... Caden was more than capable of that part, and Gavin could usually shut people up with a look, but Aaron liked to be around for that so they didn’t have to. It made him feel like he had a place in things, even if he would’ve rather been lounging at home with his new wife.
He wasn’t closing that night, but he stayed until well past dinnertime anyway, making sure the place was clean before he left. Aaron pondered whether Gavin and Caden would be agreeable to him working earlier more consistently once the baby was born as he drove home, the radio up and the windows down. Aaron tried to be quiet as he let himself into the house, not sure if Mila was asleep yet or not, and took his boots off at the door.
Mila was awake and slightly sleepy, but she had wanted to see and talk to Aaron a bit before she actually went to bed. Plus, she was hungry and she had a feeling Aaron would be too. When he arrived home she was fixing them both a plate of the lasagna Adrian had prepared for her earlier. Setting them on the kitchen table, she wandered out into the other room to greet him. "Hey, how was work?" she asked, also hoping that Aaron could be home more in the evenings. Not only because she was sure she would need the help when the baby was born, but because she still felt out of sorts when she was alone after the sun went down. It was like all of the terrible things lurking in town were nocturnal or something.
The scent of food hit him at the same moment Mila appeared, and Aaron’s stomach rumbled. He’d eaten a bit earlier in the night, but it hadn’t been a substantial dinner, and working always made him hungry. “Hey,” he greeted with a smile, leaning in to give her a kiss. He was selfishly glad that she was awake. She and the baby needed rest, of course, but Aaron always missed her when she was already in bed when he got home. Once his hands were free of shoes, he gave her a gentle hug too and hummed a noncommittal sound. “It was work, y’know. It was okay. How are you? Whatever that is smells good.”
"I'm good," she said, nuzzling his nose a bit with her own before pulling back so they could walk to the kitchen together. "Adrian came by earlier and made lasagna. We figured you might be hungry when you got home, so he made enough for leftovers." She had some leftover salad on the table too, in case Aaron wanted more than just lasagna. She thought maybe it was too late in the evening to tell him about Adrian, but it was sort of sitting there in her chest and she doubted she could wait until morning. Adrian had said he didn't mind Aaron knowing, and Mila was hoping she had been right when she said Aaron wouldn't care about it in a way that Adrian feared others would. "Do you want any parmesan cheese?"
Aaron was immediately glad that Adrian had come by to have dinner with Mila, disappointed that he’d missed seeing his brother in law, but glad they’d had some alone time together. They needed that, probably even more than he needed to see his own sister, considering Adrian’s disappearance and all. He walked with Mila toward the kitchen, not passing up the chance to pat her butt on the way. “I’m starving, thanks. And hell yeah, the more cheese the better,” Aaron answered with a smile. The table was set and everything, so he plopped down in his usual spot and picked up a fork. “So did you guys have a good time?” he asked as he stabbed into the salad to start there.
"Yeah," Mila said, grabbing the cheese from the fridge before she sat down with Aaron. After placing the container near his place, she picked up her own fork. She probably shouldn't be eating as much as she was, but whatever, she was hungry and hunger pains were the worst. Thank god her brother could cook. "We just chatted for a while. He, uh, told me he was seeing someone." Mila thought about delaying the rest of that news by taking a bite of the lasagna, but instead kept her gaze on Aaron, a small smile playing at her lips. "A man, apparently."
He should have anticipated that, since Adrian had promised to come out to Mila after the wedding, but it still caught Aaron by surprise, and he choked a little on his bite of salad. Fuck, he had to pretend that was brand new information, didn’t he? He didn’t feel very prepared to lie to Mila, but he guessed he had to now. “Oh shit,” he said once he’d swallowed, his brows raised. Aaron reached for the parmesan so he didn’t have to look her in the eye. “Well that’s uh ... somethin’. I didn’t know he was into dudes too. Did you?” Aaron started shaking cheese on his lasagna.
Mila grimaced, realizing she probably should have waited to tell Aaron that news when his mouth wasn't full. But he recovered quickly so she didn't worry about him choking. At the same time, though, he seemed to be taking the news rather well, like they were discussing work or something. Mila lifted a brow, watching him cover his lasagna in cheese. "No, I didn't know," she said slowly, cutting off another piece of her own food with her fork. "It doesn't bother you, does it?"
Aaron made an incredulous face for a beat. That was at least genuine, because why would it bother him? Even though he thought he could guess why. His family wasn’t the most progressive or open minded -- on the surface, at least. Joseph had been a raging homophobe, and they’d been raised with nothing but dismissive insults aimed at queer people ... okay yeah he could see why she would ask him that. “Of course not,” Aaron said anyway, glancing briefly at his wife. “He’s still Adrian even if he’s ... well, is he like, all the way gay? Or into both? Hasn’t he dated girls before?” Had Adrian specified for him when they’d talked about it? Aaron couldn’t remember now. It didn’t matter, he seemed really into this one guy, but now he was curious what-all Adrian had told Mila.
Mila didn't really think Aaron would have a bad reaction to the news. He just seemed... underwhelmed? It was possible Mila was totally overthinking it and maybe Aaron honestly wasn't all that surprised. He was a guy too, so... maybe he saw something Mila didn't? Yes, she was definitely overthinking it. "I don't remember a lot of his dating life, to be honest. If he dated girls, he never really brought anyone around?" It seemed so long ago, and then he had disappeared for five years and so much of their childhood became a blur in her mind. "I think he's definitely gay though. Do you remember the guy who took me to the hospital after my car broke down off of Witcham? That's the guy Adrian is seeing. It's crazy." In a good way, of course. Mila felt like something of a matchmaker even if she hadn't intended for it to happen.
Adrian was a good looking and nice guy, so not ever bringing any girls home for his family to meet had been a pretty dumb move if he’d been trying to stay closeted, in Aaron’s opinion. But maybe he was biased, considering how many girls he’d dated back in the day himself. He hadn’t been big on bringing them home, of course ... but his family had been different than Mila’s. That was all water long under the bridge though, it wasn’t like Aaron could go back in time to give him advice. The news that Adrian had a boyfriend now should have been news to Aaron but it wasn’t, since he’d seen the guy twice now, once at their own wedding. How mad would Mila be to learn that? Aaron didn’t know, but he didn’t want to find out. He tried to look surprised, looking at her with raised brows. “No shit?” he asked. “That is crazy, yeah. I guess they met ... out there at your car? Man I barely even remember what that guy looked like.”
"Yeah, apparently he was there fixing my tire when Adrian went out there to get my car. That was really nice of him." The guy may have been kind of big and scary looking, but he had been kind and taken her to the hospital, so maybe he was someone she would like her brother to be with. "But I don't remember much of what he looked like either. I mean, I do? Just that impression of him. Tall, muscle-y? Dark hair. If I hadn't been having stomach pains I might have thought he was cute." She grinned and reached for her water glass. "But I told Adrian to bring him over for dinner soon so we can meet him properly. Obviously, I mean... don't mention any of it around mom or dad. Adrian's not ready for them to know yet. Or ever."
At this point Aaron could picture Kane crystal clear in his mind, since he’d seen the guy three times now, but Mila didn’t need to know that. He was a rough-looking dude, but what mattered was Adrian was happy with him, and he really seemed to be. Aaron was relieved it was out in the open now, at least with Mila. He didn’t like feeling like he was hiding stuff from her. “Oh hey, yeah, dinner would be cool,” Aaron said with a nod. “I wanna get to know the guy too ... Adrian’s my brother now and we gotta make sure he’s not with some asshole.” He paused, then laughed a bit. “Never thought I’d have a gay brother. And of course, yeah, I’ll be careful around them. You don’t think he’ll ever tell ‘em?”
It felt good that Aaron wanted to look out for Adrian too. The two had become close and that meant a lot to her. Family was important, even when things were difficult. "Let me know if your asshole radar pings," Mila said teasingly. He grew up with Gavin, Caden and Joseph so Aaron would probably know better than most if someone was a jerk. She didn't want to point that out, though. He probably already knew. "But no, I don't know if Adrian will ever tell our parents. My dad might be okay with it. But my mom..." Mila pretended to shudder. "Do you know how many candles she lit for me at church when I told her I was pregnant? I can only imagine how she would react if she knew Adrian was gay. It's probably better that she doesn't know... at least for now."
Between his upbringing and working at a dive bar for so long, Aaron was definitely well-versed in assholes. He had no idea if Adrian would value his opinion on his boyfriend once they got to know him a little better, but he was going to scrutinize Kane just like he would have done with any of Kat’s boyfriends. He wondered briefly if he ought to tell her that his gay brother in law had a man when she didn’t ... no, not yet. This wasn’t something his own siblings needed to know immediately. It was a weird feeling to have a family outside of them now, but Aaron kind of liked it. He snorted a bit at Maria’s candle-lighting, sure she was desperately hoping God would reverse it all somehow, lest she have a half-Lucas grandchild, but here they were. “Yeah I’m sure she was praying for you not to marry me either,” he said with a roll of his eyes. “She’d get over it, just like us. But y’know ... whatever he wants to do. I’m just glad he told you finally. I told him to.” Aaron huffed and forked up some more lasagna.
If Mila hadn't been pregnant she was sure her mother would have been praying for Mila to "come to her senses" about Aaron. But since there was a baby involved, Mila knew there had been acceptance. Begrudgingly, of course, but acceptance nonetheless. But she thought Aaron had a point. Their mother would get over it eventually. They had thought they'd lost Adrian for over five years and that pain had been immeasurable. And now he was back and healthy and happy and wasn't that the most important thing? Mila nodded along to Aaron's words, taking another small bite of lasagna. It took a moment for her to understand what he said, though, and she chewed slowly, staring at him with her brows drawn together. After she swallowed her food, Mila lowered her fork to the plate, confused. "What do you mean you told him to tell me. You already knew?" That didn't make any sense, did it? Aaron nearly choked on his salad when she told him, and Adrian had seemed relieved when Mila offered to tell Aaron himself earlier. Neither of them had made any indication Mila was the odd one out here.
Aaron paused with his fork in his mouth, his eyes going comically wide as he registered what he’d said. Goddammit. That was supposed to have been a harmless little white lie, something that was already resolved, but then he’d gone and stopped thinking about what he was saying for two seconds. Aaron groaned and put his fork down, chewing quickly as he sat back, his own brow furrowing apologetically already. He swallowed as soon as he could. “Fuck, I’m sorry babe,” Aaron said. “Yeah I did, but I promised not to say anything -- but only after I made him promise to tell you like, soon. After the wedding, just in case you were upset. I found out totally by accident, he was real drunk at my bachelor party and he just kinda ... blurted it out to me.” And then Aaron had done some blurting of his own, but he was skillfully ignoring that particular shadow in the back of his mind. Hopefully Adrian would continue to ignore it too, after their conversation. “‘Cause his guy was coming to pick him up, so ... I knew about him too.” Aaron winced. “Are you mad? I’m sorry.”
The confusion took a few moments to settle into clarity and Mila blamed that on being tired. Adrian had just been there hours earlier. He had told her he never told anyone. But she also remembered he had told her he would tell Aaron, and here she had just blabbed it herself without thinking. Of course, now she knew why Adrian said he would tell Aaron... because Aaron already knew and wouldn't have to pretend like he had tonight. Was she mad, though? Mila didn't feel angry yet. Just... hurt? Left out? Was she hurt that Adrian had told Aaron first, drunkenly or not? Or that Aaron hadn't told her? How could she be mad when they all had secrets. "No, I'm not mad," she murmured, standing to pick up her plate and take it over to the sink. "I feel a little stupid, but I'm not mad. So you met him already too, then?"
Hearing she felt bad at all made Aaron unhappy, and he watched her go to the sink with a fretful frown. He never liked upsetting her in any way, and he knew this was a touchy subject, family always was. Getting caught out in a lie about family was even worse. Aaron poked at his food a little more, but he suddenly wasn't very hungry anymore. "No you're not stupid, I just ... y'know, wanted to keep my word. He was so nervous to tell you, but it was something he had to do, you know? I don't think he would've told any of us anytime soon if he hadn't gotten too drunk.” He was nervous rambling, he knew, so he tried to stop. "I met him for like, a minute at most when he showed up. And he was definitely shocked Adrian told me too.” That was at least the impression Aaron had gotten, but he'd been far from sober himself that night. “I get it,” Mila said, sharper than she really meant to. Setting her plate in the sink, she brushed some of her hair back from her face and turned back to Aaron with a small sigh. “Drunk or not, he still felt comfortable telling you, but he worried how I would react and kept it from me. You both wanted to keep it a secret until after the wedding in case it upset me? Why would it upset me? Does that mean he thinks I’m more like our mother than I thought? And he could have just told me that you already knew. You could have told me that you knew. I mean, you did, but… you know what I mean. Instead, it feels like some kind of silly conspiracy.” She felt silly, like she was whining about something she had no business whining about, rambling on about it. Waving her hand dismissively, Mila shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. It’s fine. I don’t know why I’m upset about it. I think I’m just tired.” Aaron’s heart sank at her tone. He didn’t want her to feel bad about it, because he knew that neither him or Adrian had bad intentions. Adrian hadn’t meant to tell him, he probably would’ve stayed in the closet indefinitely if it hadn’t slipped out. And then he’d been cornered into coming out, since they both knew Aaron couldn’t keep it a secret from Mila for long. He didn’t feel like he was explaining all of that well, but Mila didn’t sound like she wanted any more explanations. Now she sounded mad, and irritation suddenly flashed through Aaron. Mila and Adrian had kept a big secret from him until recently, and had he been pissed at her for it? No. He knew it wasn’t a good idea to say anything about that at the moment, but it was hard not to think that maybe they were even now. “Yeah, okay,” Aaron muttered, his gaze on the table. He picked up his drink, wishing it was a beer.
Mila couldn't even say she was mad. Just a little confused and slightly hurt, but she knew it was something she would get over. Adrian clearly had his reasons for not telling her earlier and Aaron was right, it wasn't his news to tell. She just didn't understand why they felt they had to lie about Aaron knowing. Now she watched Aaron and wondered if he was mad at her for being upset? Was he upset? They didn't fight often, but she never liked it when they did. It made her feel guilty, even if there was nothing really to feel guilty about. "I'm going to go to bed," she murmured. Mila didn't really know what else to say about it, so she slipped out of the kitchen to head for the bedroom. She was tired and maybe by morning she will have gotten over it and things would be fine.
His new wife going to bed without giving him a kiss or even saying goodnight didn’t feel good, and Aaron did feel upset. It was hard to tell if he was upset with Mila or himself or Adrian for putting him in this position, but none of it was great. Maybe he should’ve told her immediately, but then he would’ve been betraying the confidence of his new brother. He’d suggested that Adrian wait until after the wedding because weddings made women crazy, and he didn’t honestly know exactly how Mila was going to react to the news, especially under the extra stress of planning a wedding and being pregnant. She wasn’t super religious anymore, and had never been a hateful person, so maybe that had been over-cautious and it had turned around to bite him. He was so good at doing the exact wrong thing, every time. And of course there was his looming secret, that he’d been so good at forgetting about until recently ...
Aaron didn’t stop Mila from leaving, bringing his hands up to cover his hot face once she was gone. Why did he want to cry? It was so stupid. He was so stupid. If he’d just kept up his end of the secret it would’ve been fine. But Aaron was tired too, and he was a dumbass and he was probably going to wreck his whole marriage before it even got off the ground. If anybody should be upset it was Mila, not him, so he didn’t need to be having this reaction. The whole topic was just so closely tied to his own bullshit because of how it came out ... Aaron folded his arms on the table and put his head down on them for a few minutes, his knee bouncing under him with agitated energy. He tried to take some deep breaths but it didn’t really help, so he got up to clear the table and load the dishwasher. With that done, he took a few shots of the bourbon he kept in the liquor cabinet to steady himself before he shuffled to the bedroom as well, flicking lights off on the way.
Mila wasn't entirely worried about her marriage. They had just gotten married and had been through a lot even before that. Relationships were hard, especially when trauma was involved. As Mila got ready for bed, she realized it wasn't entirely fair of her to be upset, considering the secret she had kept from Aaron about their daughter, but had told Adrian about. God, she was just so tired of secrets. And Aaron was her husband now. She wanted him to be someone she could talk to and share anything with, and vice versa. Mila climbed into bed and rubbed her hands over her face before exhaling slowly to calm down her nerves. It wasn't really that big a deal, was it? Adrian did tell her after all. Why was she being such a baby about it? Mila was considering climbing back out of bed to go apologize to Aaron when she heard him coming down the hallway. So she waited until he entered the bedroom before she offered him a small, apologetic smile. "I'm really sorry.... I overreacted. Adrian told you something in confidence and you honored that and I shouldn't be upset. You did the right thing."
Aaron definitely hadn’t expected an apology when he walked back into the room, and the surprise froze him for a second or two. He wasn’t used to hearing he’d done the right thing, especially from someone who’d just been upset with him for something. He didn’t reply right away while he chewed on that, stripping down to his boxers and tossing his clothes in the hamper. Aaron walked over to sit on the edge of the bed next to Mila’s legs, and reached for her hand. “You should be whatever you feel,” he murmured. “Even if that’s upset. I’m sorry it made you feel bad, neither of us meant to do that.” He felt comfortable speaking for Adrian on that point -- if there was one thing Aaron knew about both of them, it was that they loved Mila to pieces. “And it was dumb to keep pretending like I didn’t know, I just ... I dunno, I wanted you to be happy that you knew first, since he told me by accident when I kept bugging him about girls. If he’d been planning it out, he would’ve told you first, I’m sure of it. He kinda got cornered into it, ‘cause we all know about my big mouth.” He huffed softly and glanced up at her, his thumb stroking her hand.
She twisted her fingers fretfully as Aaron undressed, but some of her anxiety ebbed as soon as he sat near her and took her hand. "I know neither of you were trying to keep things from me on purpose. He trusted you with something and you didn't betray that trust and I appreciate that, even if I didn't react the way I should have. Things aren't always black and white. I'm glad he finally told me. I just... I'm tired of secrets," she said with a soft sigh. "I want us to be able to talk to each other. I don't want the three of us to keep playing this revolving door of secrets. I'm guilty of that too, obviously." Curling her fingers around his, she brought his hand up to her lips to kiss them. "I love you."
“I love you too,” Aaron murmured, watching her with a worry line between his brows. It should have been a relief, he should have been able to relax now and cuddle up to his wife to go to sleep ... but it wasn’t. He didn’t like the revolving door of secrets either, and maybe it was hypocritical of him to still be keeping any. He hadn’t really meant to tell Adrian what he’d told him either, and if Adrian hadn’t come out to him, it all probably would’ve stayed buried deep inside for years longer. But it was back on the surface now, and his brother-in-law’s reaction to it had made Aaron start questioning whether it was a big deal, and not the Nothing he’d been viewing it as for most of his life. His heart had picked up speed and his hands were starting to get cold and clammy, but he didn’t want to let go of her. “And I want that too -- us to talk to each other ... so I guess ... there’s somethin’ else I should tell you,” he said very quietly, his gaze aimed more at her shoulder than her face now.
Mila was more than ready to pull Aaron into bed with her and snuggle him to sleep, but he looked like he still had something on his mind. And then he spoke and she felt her spine tensing in preparation for bad news. What else could there be? Adrian's news hadn't been bad, just a secret. But Aaron wasn't looking at her, so she kept her hand in his, squeezing gently to try and reassure him. "Okay," she said slowly, her gaze on his face. There was an attempt to keep the worry out of her voice. "What is it?"
Aaron licked his lips. They had never really discussed their sexual pasts, how they lost their virginity or anything like that, so he’d never had to lie to her about it. Mila already knew too much about what a slut he’d been throughout his life, and Aaron honestly didn’t really want to know how many guys she’d been with. It took him another minute or so to push the words out, the struggle visible on his face, and without the shots of bourbon he’d had he wasn’t sure he would’ve been able to do it at all. “You’re gonna be upset, but ... I’m sorry,” he murmured. Mila was tired already, and Aaron regretted the timing but he couldn’t back out now. “Um ... when I was a kid, one of our babysitters ... she liked me a lot. And she ... we had sex. A bunch of times. Starting when I was like, eight.” He glanced quickly at her face and then away again.
It was impossible not to hold her breath, especially when he prefaced his words with you're gonna be upset. Had it been anyone else, she might have feared he had cheated on her, but Mila knew him better than that. Thankfully he didn't keep her waiting long, though a part of her wished he had. All she could do was stare at him as the information sunk in, pushing past the certainty that she had heard him wrong. But she hadn't. He might have worded it as they'd had sex, but all Mila heard was that he had been molested as a child. Because that's what he had been. A child. Eight? Her lungs had begun to burn and Mila realized she was still holding her breath. Exhaling sharply, Mila gripped his hand. "I don't know what to say, Aaron. That's... horrific. How... what... did you ever tell anyone?" Yes, she was upset, but she wasn't upset with him. Who was this woman? Where did she live? Was she still in Point Pleasant? Mila wanted to find her immediately. To do what, she didn't know, but it wasn't good.
Despite Adrian’s insistence that he wasn’t to blame in any form or fashion, guilt and shame still churned in Aaron’s gut. He was okay, he hadn’t turned into a serial killer or a child molester himself or anything, so why did he need to talk about it now? It was all ancient history, wasn’t it? He didn’t want Mila to know that he’d wanted it after a while, he’d invited it and actively participated and even fantasized about it in his early days of puberty hormones. He gave a shrug and shook his head a little. “Not back then, no,” he murmured. “I was scared Dad would just be pissed at me, and Mom just ... wouldn’t have done anything. Plus, at the time, I ... I didn’t really know it was wrong, and it felt good. I didn’t want it to stop. But it came up again, ‘cause at the bachelor party, I told Adrian. I was really drunk too, and it was like ... a secret for a secret, I guess. It made sense at the time. M’sorry. He’s the only one.”
Mila wasn't a psychiatrist or anything, but it made sense to her that Aaron didn't realize what had been happening was wrong. Whoever the woman had been, she had taken advantage of him in every way imaginable. "Regardless of how you felt at the time... she raped you, Aaron. She took advantage of your age and your home life. Even if you enjoyed it at the time, it was wrong of her." She inhaled deeply to try and calm the conflicting emotions of anger and hurt on his behalf. Mila wished she could call Aaron's mother and give her a piece of her mind. Even if Bridget hadn't known, she was still responsible for the kind of household Aaron grew up in, fearing his dad's wrath and accepting his mother's neglect. Mila had her issues with her own mother, but she had never not felt safe or loved growing up. She didn't even care that he had told Adrian. At least he had told someone, had gotten it out there enough that obviously he felt like she ought to know too. "You understand now how wrong it was, don't you? Even if it felt good at the time."
Hearing the word ‘raped’ applied to him was jarring, and Aaron winced and blinked a little, his brow furrowing further. He’d never thought of it that way -- hell, he’d barely accepted it as a molestation. He’d just been rolling along in his life, viewing those times as just his first sexual experiences. Maybe a little too early, but ... so what? It hadn’t screwed him up ... or had it? Aaron had started fooling around with girls his age by twelve, having full blown regular sex at thirteen or fourteen, and maybe it hadn’t been very good for him. He’d been extremely lucky that he hadn’t knocked anyone up like Gavin had. Everyone around Aaron, including himself, had assumed he was just a naturally horny boy, but now he was starting to wonder if it was all tied in with what had been done to him. The babysitter had given him what he’d thought was love and attention, and he’d been seeking more of that his whole life, hadn’t he? “Yes,” Aaron said slowly, like it was just now sinking in. “I guess so. I just ... I didn’t think about it a lot after a while. And I felt like ... I dunno, like I participated, it was my fault too.”
Mila shook her head. "It wasn't your fault at all, Aaron. You were too young to know it was wrong." She honestly had no idea if what happened to him tied into his views on sex and experiences later, but it was likely. It was honestly a shock that Aaron hadn't turned to more destructive vices, but then, if he hadn't realized just how fucked up it had been, why would he? Especially if he thought it was his fault, or dismissed it because he had enjoyed it. Mila felt sick to her stomach and she wished she could pick up the phone and call the police right now to report this woman. If only things were that easy. Mila brought his hand up to her cheek to nuzzle for a moment, trying to keep her voice even as she spoke. "She took advantage of you, of your age, both physically and emotionally. None of this is your fault. Imagine if it were our daughter in your shoes, having this conversation with you now. What would you think?" It was a sickening thought, but something to try and put things into perspective for him.
Aaron had entertained the same what if it was your daughter thoughts, and every one of them had filled him with murderous rage toward a hypothetical abuser, but it felt so different when he thought about himself. He was a boy, for one, and their daughter wasn’t even born yet, so she seemed like the most vulnerable person possible. Had he been that vulnerable at eight years old? It was hard to think of himself that way, looking back. “I think I would kill anyone who touched her with my bare hands,” Aaron muttered, brushing his thumb against Mila’s cheek. He got a flash of immature hurt in his chest -- why hadn’t he been so well protected? But he knew the answer to that when it came to his dad, and he couldn’t blame his brothers for any of this, they’d been kids themselves and already dealing with so much, and Aaron hadn’t told anyone it was happening at the time. “I dunno, I’ve just been trying not to think about it for a long time, it’s ... it’s kinda confusing,” he added quietly, not sure what else to say.
Mila wished she could rewind time and help him somehow, but what was done was done. Now there was the aftermath to deal with, and she hoped Aaron would do just that, instead of burying it again. "I know," she murmured, pressing her lips to his fingers before she lowered their hands to her lap. "I'm not going to force you into doing anything you're not ready to do, but... maybe you should talk to someone about it. Someone who can help you process it and work through whatever... emotions you might have about it." It was probably comical on some level, Mila wanting Aaron to talk to a therapist when she'd been avoiding her own trauma for months. But she knew talking to someone about abuse was far more realistic than some evil tunnel and the entity that lived inside of it.
His first thought was that he was already talking to someone about it, but then Aaron realized Mila meant a therapist or a counselor or something. His family had never believed in that kind of thing -- if anything, they all understood very young that talking to anyone about their home life was off the table, Joseph would make them regret it. But he wasn’t around anymore, was he? Aaron had helped put him in the ground. Which was probably another thing he needed to talk about, but one trauma at a time. Aaron sighed and nodded a bit. “You’re prob’ly right,” he murmured. Neither Mila nor Adrian could counsel him through any of it, not to even mention his brothers or Kat ... they all had their own shit to worry about without him dredging up the ancient past. Aaron moved from the edge of the bed finally, crawling over to his side of the bed to settle and snuggle up to Mila’s side. He put his head on her chest and his arm around her hips, under her belly so he could feel it in the crook of his arm. It was almost like holding his daughter too. Aaron was quiet for a moment, then added, “You know I would never do that, right? Like ... I know they say people repeat the stuff that was done to them, but ... she’ll be safe with me.”
There was relief that Aaron didn't immediately shut down her suggestion. The Lucas family was not exactly known for their openness and vulnerability. She knew enough about them to know they were more about repression, but if Aaron was willing to talk to a therapist, she wanted him to do it. If Mila could help him through all of this on her own, she would, but she didn't have that capability and God knew she had enough issues of her own. It would be the blind leading the blind. Mila settled back as Aaron curled against her and her hand slipped into his hair to stroke the strands gently. His words brought a frown to Mila's face and her hand paused briefly in his hair. "No, Aaron... that never crossed my mind. I know you would never hurt her, or anyone. You're one of the best people I know, and you're going to be an amazing father."
It was Aaron’s turn to be relieved. He hadn’t really thought that Mila suddenly suspected him as a child predator or anything, but the worry had crossed through his own mind already, so he’d wanted to say it. It was probably irrational, but he had a deep down fear that one day he would be handling his daughter and suddenly feel something inappropriate, like his brain was broken or something. Losing Mila’s trust would be devastating for him, he didn’t think he could endure that. Maybe she was right and a therapist could help him not worry about shit like that anymore. He rubbed his hand idly against the side of Mila’s belly, soothed by her fingers in his hair. “Okay good,” he murmured. “Thanks. I’m gonna try my best.” Family had always meant a lot to him, and now that he was building his own, it was everything.
"I know." She knew he was going to do his best and so was she. This was new for both of them, and they both had trauma to deal with. Trauma that Mila knew neither one of them wanted to project onto their daughter. Mila let the silence linger between them for a moment, content to just lay there and stroke Aaron's hair, her fingertips occasionally dipping down to brush along the skin behind his ear. "Thank you for telling me," she murmured. "I know it can't really be easy to talk about. I'm glad you trust me enough to tell me."
Sometimes Aaron worried there was no way he would end up a good parent because his own had sucked so hard. He’d reassured himself that he had Mila there to give him a good example, but she had a lot of her own trauma issues now ... they would figure it out. He had to have faith that they would. He at least knew that both of them already loved their daughter to the ends of the earth, and they would try not to screw her up. He enjoyed the quiet petting, getting nice tingles down his back from her light fingers, eyes closed as he listened to her breath. He felt a little guilty when she spoke, since he knew he probably wouldn’t have told her if it hadn’t come up with Adrian already. “Thank you for not being weird or judgy about it,” Aaron murmured back after a moment. He tilted his head up to look at her. “I trust you with anything. I just didn’t even think about it for so long ... kinda thought it didn’t matter at all. But now, I dunno.”
Mila definitely wasn't feeling weird or judgy about what had happened to Aaron. But she was feeling angry on his behalf, hurt that no one was paying enough attention to him at that age to realize what was going on. She hated that he was trying to take responsibility for some of it, but there was also relief that he was starting to realize how fucked up it had been. Mila hoped he would follow through on talking to a professional. She certainly planned to help however she could, and getting Aaron in front of a therapist of some kind was step one. "There's a lot of stuff in our childhood we'd probably consider normal when it's not," she murmured, her fingers still gliding through his hair. "Maybe it's easier to leave it all buried, but... maybe people feel freer and happier when it's dealt with."
Aaron wasn’t sure how it could be dealt with, he couldn’t even remember the woman’s name, she was probably long gone. But maybe Mila meant in more of an internal way. He didn’t know what that would look like either, but he wasn’t a therapist, so maybe they would have more answers about that. Aaron wasn’t eager to dredge up the past, but he was willing to give talking to someone a shot, for his daughter’s sake. He wanted to be a good dad, and so he wanted to learn where his blindspots and pitfalls might be. “Yeah maybe,” he mumbled softly. Aaron tried to picture his own father in a therapist’s office and gave a soft snort before he was quiet for another stretch of heartbeats. “What about you? Do you have buried stuff?”
Mila's fingers paused in Aaron's hair, but only for a brief moment. She knew for a fact that her childhood had been downright idyllic compared to Aaron's. The chaos and abuse in the Lucas household hadn’t exactly been a secret in Point Pleasant, and Mila had grown up next door to them, so she had seen and heard plenty of it herself. While her mother may have been difficult to please sometimes, she had always known her parents loved her and they had never once lifted a hand to her or Adrian. "I don't know," she murmured finally. "I mean, you know how my mom is... religion was always a weapon... still is, sometimes. But I don't think it traumatized me the way it could have." She thought about Adrian, and how he didn't feel he could be his true self with their parents. He probably had a lot more childhood trauma than she did just because of that. "I think most of my buried stuff is more recent, and it's not even buried that deep. I just don't think there's really any therapists out there I can talk to about it without being committed, you know?"
Maria Moretti seemed like a tough mom from Aaron’s perspective -- she certainly wasn’t as passive as his own mom was. But maybe that itself had been a survival tactic for her. Joseph hadn’t only abused his children, he’d spewed his hatred and anger onto pretty much everyone in his path, and his family was around him the most. Aaron had wondered occasionally why Bridget hadn’t packed all four kids into the car and run away one night after he’d passed out ... he understood it a bit more now as an adult, but still felt some resentment sometimes. She hadn’t rescued them, like a good parent should have done, and look how they’d turned out. They were all getting into better places in life, but every one of them had suffered in different ways. Aaron winced a little at the reminder of the tunnel and all that Mila had suffered, and he smoothed his hand over her side and hip again. “Yeah ... we need like, a specialist here,” he murmured. “Someone who can deal with supernatural trauma, or whatever you wanna call it.” He paused as he thought and then looked up at Mila again. “Do you think it would help to talk to somebody like, not professional? Jasper and the rest of them were locked up in a bad place too ... not him, he’s still a kid, but he was there with some other people who might kinda understand? I could get some names for you.”
A supernatural specialist. The idea was so far-fetched it was nearly laughable. If there was someone like that, the chances were pretty slim that they weren't living anywhere near tiny Point Pleasant, Maine. Mila's gaze met Aaron's and she managed a faint smile. "I don't know... maybe. Amelia tried to talk to me about it once, remember? I had a full blown meltdown. I just... sometimes it's easier to try and forget it, when my mind lets me. Which I get is completely contradictory to what I just said to you about talking to someone." A soft chuckle caught in her throat before she shook her head. "I'm afraid I'll talk to someone about what happened and they won't know what to say and things will just be weird and I'll feel like some kind of damaged freak."
“You’re not a damaged freak,” Aaron said, soft and serious. “No more than I am, or Adrian is, or anybody else around here who’s survived something horrible.” He knew without knowing any real details that Mila had suffered way more than he had in his life, but other people had been through life-changing awful shit too. He just wanted Mila to extend herself the same compassion she would have for the rest of them. He rubbed at her hip gently. “It felt weird that Adrian knew, about me. He tried to talk to me about it, we had coffee, and it just ... I couldn’t. Even though I know he’s a nurse and he’s like, seen and heard worse shit ... no. So I get it. And that was years ago, yours is still really fresh.” He pressed a kiss to her shoulder. “I just want us all to be happy and okay.”
She tried to imagine herself talking to Adrian about the details of the tunnel. It made her chest ache and the desire to shrink into herself was strong. Maybe it would be easier to talk to someone who she wasn't close to, someone who wouldn't take on the trauma of whatever she had gone through. Mila didn't want to put that on Aaron, or Roxy, or Adrian, or anyone. Right now, Mila just wanted to have her baby and focus on that. What if talking about those memories triggered something inside of her again and she couldn't function? Mila didn't want to fail at being a mother before the baby was even born. "I want that too," she murmured with a small smile, her hand sliding softly through his hair. "And I am happy, even if I'm not always okay. Being your wife definitely makes me happy."
Aaron didn’t want to put Mila through any more stress or heartache than she had already been through, but he wanted her to heal, too. He didn’t think he could really help her do that, even if part of him really wanted to know all of the details. What little he did know was already so beyond him, it was hard to comprehend. He wished he could snap his fingers and summon a person who could listen and believe and help, but he couldn’t. Aaron did make a mental note to ask Jasper if he thought any of the people he’d been trapped with might be good to talk to, just to see. Mila’s words brought a warm smile to his face, and Aaron pushed himself up enough to reach her mouth with his. “I’m really happy too, even when you’re not okay,” he murmured before he kissed her gently. Aaron pulled back a second later and wrinkled his nose. “That sounded bad, I mean ... I’m happy with you, no matter what. I love you so much.”
There was so much for the both of them to heal from but it felt far too overwhelming to try and unpack it now. They couldn't run away from it, but they could take things day to day and do their best. Mila smiled as Aaron kissed her and she brought her hand up to the nape of his neck, squeezing gently. "I know what you meant. And I love you too. We'll get through all of this." They had each other, and their families and friends. At least they weren't alone. Mila pressed another kiss to his mouth. "Are you ready for bed?"
He nodded, agreeing that they would get through it all and that he was ready for bed. He knew she had to be tired, she’d had a couple of bombshells dropped on her today, one awful and the other not so much. Aaron was proud of Adrian for telling her, and he was glad he had one less secret to keep. Keeping track of who knew the truth of what was getting tiring. Aaron kissed his wife a few more times, then shifted to re-settle on his side of the bed. It had been a heavy night, but he was sure things would look better in the morning.