mila (listentoteeth) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2024-01-30 20:53:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | #july 2018, adrian, adrian x mila, mila |
Who: Adrian & Mila
When: Wednesday afternoon-evening 7/25
Where: Lucas-Moretti home
Status: Complete
Adrian hadn't fully committed to the whole 'Tell Mila The Truth' plan and he knew he could pull out of it if the mood wasn't right but he was still half-panicking in the car outside her house. Things were slowly returning to normal, she and Aaron were back from their honeymoon and Aaron was back at work so Adrian had promised to come over and cook something for her, something homemade and good - something Aaron could eat cold and still enjoy later tonight. Cooking should not be anxiety inducing and it wasn't but it kind of looked that way with the way he kept side eyeing the bag of groceries in the backseat, wondering how big of an asshole he'd be if he made up some bullshit lie about an emergency at work. Except he'd texted her to let her know he was on his way...
Fuck that. He was going to cook for her even if he might not muster up the courage to talk to her like he intended. Like a damn sign from above the rain that had been pouring down since he left Mercy cleared up right then and there, like a parting of the sea for him to get inside. "Thanks," he muttered sarcastically to nothing in particular, then grabbed the groceries and got out of the car.
"Shouldn't keep the door unlocked," he yelled as he entered the house, even if she'd only done so for him and it was more convenient than waiting to be let in. He locked it behind him and shook off his coat. "I'm making lasagna, lots of veggies." She still had veto power, of course. Pregnancy cravings and icks were weird.
Mila was excited to be having dinner with Adrian. Between her brother moving out and the wedding and everything, it felt like they hadn't had a lot of time alone together. She'd had an amazing time on her honeymoon, but now that she and Aaron were home, she was focused on getting ready for the baby and hopefully spending more time with her brother. Since he was going to cook for her, Mila worked on getting the kitchen cleaned up and the dishes put away.
She was still in the kitchen when she heard the front door open and his voice call out and Mila smiled, walking to the kitchen's entryway to look at him. "I knew you were coming over, so I unlocked it. Lasagna sounds amazing though. I bought some gelato for dessert too. Aaron'll be happy when he gets home tonight."
"I know," Adrian said with a grin and made a little ooh sound at the dessert mention. He gave her a kiss on the cheek before making his way past her, glancing down at her stomach with a playfully baffled expression. "You sure you're not having twins? Damn..." They'd talked about this and worried about it, how fast she was coming along, but it still felt right to tease her about it a little and he gave her a good natured smile again before pulling the groceries out of the bag to sort them out before he started cooking. "How was your honeymoon? Sad to be back already?"
Mila scrunched up her nose when he mentioned twins and her hands went to her belly. "Don't even joke about that," she said with a huff, well aware that it wasn't twins but god she didn't want it to be willed into existence somehow. Since he had the food, she followed, peering into the grocery bag. "But yes, the honeymoon was amazing and yes, I'm sad to be back already. I kind of wish we could've stayed all week, but you know, with the baby coming we didn't want to spend too much. The Poconos are beautiful." She sighed wistfully and tried to resist digging around in one of the cupboards for the cookies. Adrian was going to make dinner so she didn't need to start snacking. "What did you do while I was gone? Everything still going well at work?"
"Yeah, work is great and the apartment is great," Adrian replied as he kept himself busy. When he was done putting things away it was time to get other things out of the cupboards and drawers and thankfully he knew his way around Mila's kitchen by now. "Now sit down and let me cook for you." In hindsight it was probably not the best meal to make, it took a while and he felt like he might lose his courage if he waited too long to talk to her, but at the same time - sitting down and eating together would probably make it hard to keep quiet for longer. "Did you take pictures? he asked as he dug out the pan and started up the stove. "Mom's gonna wanna see pictures." And so did he, it had been a long time since he went on any kind of nice vacation in a pretty place.
Mila was often shooed out of the kitchen when someone else was cooking, but she still felt like she ought to be helping. Her back was aching though so she didn't protest when he told her to sit. So she did so, slipping into one of the chairs at the kitchen table. "Of course I got pictures," Mila said with a laugh. "Mom's coming over on Saturday so I'm sure she'll see them all. I'll let you look at them while the lasagna is cooking." She really did like watching him move around the kitchen, getting everything ready. Mila loved the privacy she had with Aaron now but she missed having Adrian around every day. He had a job now and a place of his own, but Mila still worried she would wake up one morning and he would be gone again. "Have you met any of your neighbors yet?" Adrian definitely needed some more friends and now that he was surrounded by people in the apartment complex, she was hoping he was becoming friendly with them.
Adrian was glad he had his back turned to her at the moment because his face automatically did a thing that would have signaled to anyone within a mile that something was up. His eyes widened and his brows rose because of course she'd accidentally go straight to the core of the matter. If he told her about Kane now, he'd tell her everything and he wasn't ready. He needed the food to be ready before he was because he was going to feed her even if this ended badly, damn it. "Not really," he lied and decided that was okay for now because he was about to dump some big truths on her and a small lie just to get through cooking wasn't going to hurt anyone. "Did you meet your neighbors at the hotel?" he asked, turning it around on her for now. He wanted her to talk about Poconos as much as he could get her to so he could just focus on chopping the veggies and cooking the meat and not end up bawling at her or something. He could get through this, he was used to working a lot more important jobs under pressure - cooking was easy mode.
Mila laughed. "No, we didn't meet our neighbors. We didn't leave the room much." She stuck her tongue out at him, even if he wasn't looking. That wasn't entirely true. They had definitely gotten outside and enjoyed the area, but it was their honeymoon, so of course they spent a lot of their time alone and naked. "Besides, that's different. We're on a trip. You live next to these people." Gods, she was hungry. Mila had the urge to get up and help Adrian just to make the whole process go faster. She got up, but not to butt in on his prepping. Mila grabbed a glass to get some water, hoping that would help ease some of the hunger pains. "Hopefully you're not living next to someone who plays their music too loud, or bangs around at all hours of the night. I like having neighbors, but right on the other side of the wall? No thank you."
"I don't wanna say I'm lucky 'cause that'll jinx the whole thing," Adrian said with a grin and for a little bit they didn't get to talk much over the noise of cooking and he couldn't help but be relieved about that. After that though - there was that twenty minute gap he'd been dreading as everything went into the oven for the first go and he had time to sit down. He didn't. Not yet. Busied himself with cleaning up what he could before he finally joined Mila at the kitchen table. "You might be more comfy on the couch," he pointed out, giving her a warm smile. God she was so pregnant, it was kind of surreal. His little sister, about to become a mom - and they didn't even know what to expect with this baby either, but he wasn't afraid. He already loved his niece no matter what.
Mila loved how the kitchen was starting to smell. Her stomach certainly appreciated it and she wondered if she ought to make a salad or something. But then Adrian joined her and she smiled at him, shaking her head as she sipped her water. “Yeah the couch is definitely more comfortable but I fell asleep on it with a bowl of ice cream resting on my stomach and made a big mess. So I’ve got to suck it up and eat in here.” Setting her glass back on the table, Mila focused on Adrian, now that he was sitting with her and not distracted by making dinner. “How is it living alone? I mean, seriously. I keep worrying that you’re… lonely or something. I know I sound like mom right now, so forgive me. It’s been hard not seeing you every day.”
"You don't have to worry about me," Adrian said and no, he wasn't lonely, he hadn't slept alone since he moved in and he'd barely been alone for more than an hour at a time between work, family and Kane. "That's my job, worrying about you," he added and he knew telling people not to worry never worked, there were so many things he worried about that didn't even make sense and while he knew that, he couldn't just stop. "I'm actually just... Kinda happy. Except for you sitting here. C'mon, we got at least twenty-five minutes, let's get you on a couch - no food, no ice cream." He'd have to dart to the kitchen soon to add cheese but Mila didn't need to be here for that. Another ten minutes and they could eat, but she deserved a comfortable seat until then.
Mila couldn't help but worry. Thinking he had been dead for so long had been traumatizing. And the way he had come back into her life, pulling her from that tunnel, had been even more so. Not to mention when he had disappeared before and she and Aaron had had to rescue him from that building. It was simply impossible not to worry. Maybe someday it would ease up, but right now, Mila just wanted Adrian to be safe and happy. Even kinda happy was better than unhappy. Mila relented about the sitting situation and she pushed herself up from her chair, taking her water with her. "Okay, fine. Comfortable couch sitting." She went with him into the living room and released a happy sigh as she sunk into the sofa. She was only six months and everything was already starting to ache a bit. "Okay, so explain kinda happy. Do you mean kinda happy as in happy or kinda happy as in you could be happier?"
Adrian smirked and shook his head at her insistence. He understood why she was asking, he was unsure about her all the damn time too. They'd both been through so much trauma, happiness felt fickle and fragile, too easy to lose the grip on. "Happy," he told her firmly as he sat down on the couch next to her, leaving a little space between them if she wanted to sprawl out more. "My little sister got married to a great guy, I'm gonna be an uncle soon, you found me a fix for my dumb supernatural problem, I've got my own place, a job, friends." He smiled at her, but behind that smile was the knowing that they could both crack at any moment. Sure, happy things were happening in their lives, that didn't change the torture they'd both been through. "Fewer nightmares," he added quietly but that was probably because he wasn't sleeping alone these days. "How about you? Are you happy? Are you okay?"
Mila knew all too well how delicate happiness could be. She had been getting better over the past few months but she still had moments of panic, when she was sure she was still in that tunnel and this would all be ripped away from her. Sometimes she wondered if this was all a hallucination. It was terrifying, but all Mila could do was take it day by day. She was glad to hear that Adrian was having fewer nightmares. It meant he was healing. "I'm okay and I'm happy," Mila said with a small smile. "I wasn't sure it would be possible after everything that happened, but Aaron's been taking care of me. He was upset about... you know, not telling him about the baby... but we were able to get past it. I think I need to just stop worrying about protecting him from certain things, you know? He can handle more than people give him credit for."
There it was again, that little pang of guilt for keeping secrets. So many secrets from so many people, some of them too dark to ever talk about and others... Well. The baby secret had not been his to tell just like Aaron's secret wasn't either. "Aaron's great," he agreed. "You can lean on him and you should, don't just shoulder everything alone." He smiled and tilted his head at her as he relaxed against the back of the couch some more, reaching over to gently paw at her arm. "I really like him, so thanks for getting me the brother I never had." It wasn't anything sappier than he'd said at the wedding already, but this was between them and not a cute speech so it felt more meaningful to him, more genuine and less rehearsed too.
Mila smiled gently and nodded. She could definitely lean on Aaron. He had been there for her through everything, even when she would have understood if he had needed or wanted to leave her. "I think he sees you as the brother he's never had too. One who's understanding and not a total asshole. It's nice to see you two get closer. Hopefully mom and dad get on board now too and just accept him." They were happy Mila was married now, but Mila felt like that had more to do with the pregnancy than anything else. "We've all been through a lot. I'm just ready to be normal for a while, you know?"
"Even if they don't accept him, they'll treat him well because he's the father of your kid," Adrian said and gave her a reassuring smile. "They'd never let her know anything was wrong in the family." Maybe they'd even grow to love Aaron if they just gave him a damn chance and saw how much their kids adored him. "You know they're only weird about it 'cause of his family and that's not his fault. They'll come around. And yeah, normal, please. Who'd have thought that was something we'd wish for. I'm so ready to be boring for a while. A long while."
Adrian had a point but she really wanted her parents to love Aaron for who he was. The Lucas family had a bad reputation in town, but Aaron had been nothing but loving to Mila. Caden was still a pain in the ass but even Charlie had mellowed out Gavin's grouchiness some. That had to count for something. Mila grabbed one of the sofa pillows and wrapped her arms around it, already getting comfortable. Maybe she and Adrian could eat on the couch. "Boring could be good," she said with a smile. "And maybe only non-boring stuff can be good, exciting stuff. We both deserve good, exciting stuff."
Good exciting stuff. Like a secret love affair. For a second Adrian wondered if she knew about Kane and was purposefully fishing, but he was sure he knew his sister better than that. "Yeah we do," he agreed wholeheartedly, watching her get more comfortable. He had the same thought about the food but she'd just said the couch was off limits for eating so he didn't suggest it. Instead he brought up the wedding again and got her talking about the guests until it was time to add cheese to the lasagna and he was thankful for the distraction. Considering how long he'd kept his secret, now that he had decided to tell her it was getting increasingly hard to wait. It was weird, considering how nervous it made him, but he just wanted to blurt it out and get it over with. Instead he told her to wait and darted to the kitchen to finish up the meal and set the table, using the remainder of the time to put together a simple salad. "Okay, dinner's ready!" he called out to Mila as he took the dish out of the oven and set it down on the table. "What are you drinking?" he asked when Mila joined him. "Water? Soda? I'll get it for you."
Mila had to admit that it was nice having Adrian seemingly want to wait on her, making her dinner and everything. At the same time, she wondered if he just felt guilty that he had moved out or something, because Mila wasn't so hugely pregnant that she couldn't do all these things for herself. Then again, Aaron would be happy that Adrian made lasagna, because the last time Mila had attempted it, it had come out looking like a burnt brick, and had tasted like one too. "Water's fine," she said as she sat down, her stomach rumbling at the sight and smell of dinner. "How do you do that?" Mila laughed and reached over to pick up the salad bowl to dole some out onto her plate. "Make food that looks and smells so freaking good. I swear, you got mom's cooking genes and I am forever jealous."
"Practice," Adrian replied and went to grab a jug of water before he started piling some food on his plate. It was too hot to eat right away but it'd cool faster out of the pan. "And timers. Timers are really helpful." He doled some lasagne out for Mila too before pouring them both some water, then settled down and grabbed some salad. This was it. He needed to talk to her and now he was thinking it was probably better to wait until after dinner. "I took a cooking class once but it didn't really teach me anything I couldn't have figured out from a cookbook so that felt like a waste of money." He had made a big batch tonight, knowing Aaron had a good appetite and they could eat leftovers tomorrow too if they wanted. "What can I say, I guess I'm just very domestic," he murmured and wondered if that read as gay to her in that dumb sexist stereotype way. Probably not, he was going to have to come out and say it.
Mila sipped her water before picking up her fork to start on her salad. "Why take a cooking class when you've got mom?" she asked, smirking. "You know she'd love to show you everything about food. Not that you need the help. Maybe I'll try a cooking class after the baby is born. Or a domestic class, since you seem to be better at that than me too. I've got to learn how to do the wife and mom thing now." She was only mostly joking. Mila and Aaron seemed to do just fine with chores and all of that. Aaron helped out a lot more than one would expect from a Lucas.
"You'll be great at it," Adrian told her, sounding very certain. She might never learn to cook but he knew she had the rest of it covered. "And you've got people to help you with everything you're not sure about yet." He gave her a playful little wave, indicating that he was in fact one of those people and then his stomach dropped at the fact he was about to drop a bomb on her. Maybe it wouldn't matter at all, but what if it did? What if he was about to blow up their whole relationship and everything was going to suck after this. He couldn't find a good segway into saying it from where they were at now but he was itching to just get it out there before he got cold feet so he drank some water and then cleared his throat. "I uh, got something to tell you and it's... gonna be a lil weird."
Mila smiled because she knew he was right. Becoming a mother was far less terrifying knowing she had so many people in her life who would help and love the baby as much as she and Aaron did. And Adrian was a nurse, so she hoped he was ready for a ton of frantic phone calls asking about various health things. Sometimes she wanted to do it even now, when she felt a cramp or an unfamiliar ache. Mila used her fork to cut off a small piece of lasagna, taking a bite as Adrian spoke. Her brows raised and she lifted a hand to her mouth. "Okay...good thing I'm pretty well versed in weird stuff. What's up?" Mila wasn't concerned because Adrian didn't seem concerned... at least not in a way that triggered some kind of panic inside of her.
All the ways he could tell her he was gay flew through his mind and they all sounded awful and made him wonder yet again why he had such a hard time applying that label to himself. He wanted to say he was bi, that his old dream of 'just' finding some sweet girl he got along with to start a family with wasn't just an accommodation but a real desire. But no. Of course he didn't have a choice in the matter. "I'm seeing someone," he blurted out and before she could get excited about that and start picturing some heterosexual awesome future for him, he tacked on a somewhat choked out, "A guy." And just like that it was out and time seemed to slow down as he watched her face intently for that one expression he feared the most from her, disappointment.
Mila hadn't really been expecting to hear Adrian was seeing someone, since she didn't define that as weird, but it was still thrilling! Though there was little time to react as she was still chewing her food and while she wasn't proud of it, Mila nearly choked on her lasagna when Adrian added that the person he was seeing was a guy. Somehow she managed to swallow, coughing only once into her first, her eyes on her brother. Adrian was seeing a guy? Like a man? Was he gay? Obviously, if he was seeing a man... romantically. Admittedly, it was a shock because she'd had no clue Adrian liked guys... other than his disinterest in dating women. God, had she really been that blind? Or was she so wrapped up in herself that she hadn't even considered it? Oh man, what was their mother going to say? Mila could already hear the wailing and praying in her head. Despite her racing thoughts, Mila could see the worry in Adrian's eyes as he looked at her. Was he afraid she would react badly? Mila wasn't disappointed or upset or angry or anything like that. It was just a surprise. And how she responded was going to make or break her relationship with her brother, that much she knew. "Okay, well, that’s great," she said after a moment, going back to her lasagna, though she was still absolutely interested in hearing more. "What's his name?"
The surprise was to be expected and Adrian realized he probably should have timed this better but other than almost making his sister choke, this was going in a very different direction than he'd thought it would. Unless she was just putting up a brave face, still processing, misinterpreting his words as something completely different. I'm seeing a guy. I'm seeing a shrink. Was it clear enough? Yeah, she probably would have asked what for if she thought it was some professional thing. "Uhm, well, you already know him," he replied and that was the part of the confession he hadn't even really thought he'd get to, too wrapped up in the idea that she'd be upset he was gay. "Your roadside rescue uber driver, Kane." He was still waiting for her to fully process and get upset about it but waiting until food now seemed like a better idea. She was hungry, the food was a good buffer and he poked at his own lasagna as he watched her intently.
Mila figured she would know whoever it was Adrian was seeing. Point Pleasant was a small town. Even if she didn't know him, she probably would have recognized the name or face or something. And she did because it was hard to forget the Uber driver who had taken her to the hospital when she had started having bad contractions. "Really?" Her brows lifted and somehow that seemed more surprising than Adrian being gay. That guy had been so... big and scary looking. But Mila knew that was just her brain giving into stereotypes because of course big and scary looking guys could be gay. And besides, even if he was big and scary looking, he had been helpful and kind and Mila was still grateful to him, even if she hadn't seen or spoken to him since. She considered this new piece of information before reaching for her water, a smile slowly forming on her face. "So, that's your type, huh? Man, I was way off trying to see you up with Kat. How long have you been seeing him? Where did you meet?"
"You know, I went to fix your car and he was already there fixing it," Adrian said and the lie came easy because the alternative was too damn dark. He knew Mila could handle it, but they'd already had enough dark shit in their lives, why not let this be something cute. "And he wasn't really my type until... He suddenly was," he admitted with a faint smile. "Kat would totally be my type too, if you know..." He was a little amused by her reaction which was a good feeling because that meant there was now room for more emotions than pure panic. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, it was just one of those things that I- I didn't even wanna tell myself, you know?"
It was cute and Mila's smile widened. "So I was a matchmaker... sort of." It had been scary circumstances, but if Kane hadn't come along when he did, Mila didn't know what she would have done. Setting her fork down, Mila reached over to touch his hand. Did she wish she had known sooner? Of course, she did. She wanted Adrian to trust her and tell her things when he needed someone to talk to. But Mila wasn't gay and she couldn't begin to understand where he was coming from, especially with being raised by their crazy religious mother. It probably hadn't been easy for him to acknowledge it himself for a while. Hell, Mila had dealt with Catholic guilt for having pre-marital sex alone, not to mention a bevy of other things. "Look, you don't really need to apologize, Adrian. You told me when you felt ready to tell me, and that's okay. Is it cliche to say that I just want you to be happy? If that's with a woman or a man or whatever, then I'm happy for you. What's he like?"
Adrian almost instinctively turned his hand to grab hers, his chest too full of emotion for him to really say anything for a moment, like the air had been knocked out of him. He drew a deep breath and swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat shaking his head to it being a cliche. Cliches were predictable and he was very happily surprised. "He's great, he's super damaged but great..." He could go on about Kane, but there were other things that felt more pressing to address and he couldn't let them wait or he felt like he might explode. "I don't wanna put more bullshit on you, we're keeping so many secrets already but mom can never know. I mean... never. You know she won't handle it."
Super damaged but great. That might have raised some red flags, but Mila knew what it felt like to be super damaged and she knew Adrian did as well. Maybe this guy could be healing for Adrian. Mila didn't know Kane at all beyond a stressful car ride to the hospital, but she so desperately wanted Adrian to have something good in his life. Mila was distracted from her thoughts by the mention of their mother and she gave Adrian a look. "You know damn well she's never going to hear it from me." Adrian would have to be the one to tell their parents about all of this, if he ever decided to. If he got serious with this Kane guy, it would have to happen eventually, right? But god, what a disaster that would be. "My lips are sealed, big brother."
"Thank you," Adrian said and it was weird to feel this emotional but he did and so he shifted over to give her a little side hug without fully standing up to do so. It was a little awkward but it felt necessary and when he sat back down he gave her a slightly watery smile. "I was so afraid you'd be freaked out or weird about this," he admitted. "Like telling you would change you into some completely different person. How stupid is that?" It was stupid in hindsight, now that he was safely on the other side of it, but it had been such a real fear that had only seemed to grow bigger every time he thought about it. He briefly wondered if it was the same with their parents but no, the hardcore grieving of his heterosexuality was not out of character for their mother.
Mila returned his hug, still smiling when he sat back down. "That's definitely stupid, but also understandable," she said, kicking him gently under the table. "I know growing up around mom probably fucked up our ideas of... you know, what's a sin and what isn't, but... I don't know, I never saw the problem in loving someone else, no matter who they were. Besides, I'm not one to judge anyone. I got knocked up outside of wedlock. Twice." Mila shook her head and speared some more lettuce with her fork. "I just want you to know I'm here for you and I'm excited that you've found someone. Especially someone so... burly." She raised her brows, smiling knowingly. "I mean, from what I remember from that night he was. Is burly the right word? Muscley. When do I get to meet him? Meet him, meet him."
Adrian had to laugh because he hadn't really thought Kane was his type at all either. He'd been in love with his best friend Simon for years and Simon couldn't have been more different from Kane, soft spoken, short, dainty almost. The thought of Mila meeting Kane properly was weird, like two universes clashing together, but he knew that it might make Kane happy no matter how awkward it might be. "How about... When I get my kitchen just how I want it, I'll cook and you can all come over," he suggested and that didn't even give him a whole lot of time since his kitchen was almost there. He even had a little kitchen table and he could borrow some more chairs - or buy some, even. "Or, you know, I could bring him over to visit whenever you feel like it."
Just the fact that Adrian seemed so willing to let her "meet" Kane made her happy. It told her he was comfortable with the relationship and with Kane meeting his sister. Mila so desperately wanted to be a part of Adrian's life in every way and for so long it had felt like he was keeping things from her. Maybe now that he told her about his sexuality, he felt more free? "That sounds amazing," Mila said with a brighter smile before she wrinkled her nose a bit. "I mean, I'll have to tell Aaron... but I don't think he's going to mind or be upset or anything. He loves you like a brother. I bet he'll be excited for you. And yes, please bring Kane over anytime! We could have a cook out, or... we can order take out. It would just be nice to get to know him."
"I thought about introducing him to you as just my friend," Adrian said and chuckled. "But I figured you'd spot the way I look at him a mile away." He finally felt calm enough to eat again and so he shoveled some food in his mouth and gave Mila an amused smile. Not to mention the way Kane looked at him. Could he curb it? Or would he always look like he wanted to eat him alive? Adrian knew he couldn't hide it, not from someone who actually paid attention to him at least. He might get away with it with his mom, the idea that he was gay was probably so far from her mind that it would take them kissing in front of her for a lightbulb to go on. He didn't want to touch on Aaron already knowing about Kane. Maybe he'd be able to play it off like he didn't know already but if he didn't, well he'd get to explain to Mila that they both lied to her about that and Adrian didn't have to think about all the trauma they'd talked about when Aaron had found out right now.
Mila raised a brow. It sounded like Adrian really liked this guy. It was great, but also kind of fast? Her car issues hadn't been that long ago, had it? Then again, attraction could be a powerful thing. "Well, now you don't have to do that. Besides, it would have been really depressing if you had. We've been through too much crap and know things about each other not many people know. I want to make sure you know you can trust me and that I love you." Mila kept her voice even, even if her fingers trembled a little. "I thought you were gone for five years. I'm not about to be mad or dismiss you just because you have a boyfriend."
"I wish I'd told you sooner," Adrian said quietly. "I never told anyone, I think I just hoped it'd go away if I ignored it enough. Why make a scene if I then ended up meeting some girl and could leave it all behind me, you know?" The fact remained that they were closer now than they had been before he went missing. He'd always loved his little sister, but she was so much more than that now; his friend, his rescuer, his reason to claw his way back to humanity. "But now I feel like... I could have talked to you, maybe worked it out better in my head if I had someone to talk to. Could be worse though, I could have stayed in the closet until I'm an old man."
Mila nodded. She understood the urge to bury something about herself, to try and ignore it and hope it went away. It rarely worked though. "I'm glad you told me instead of hiding it. I know you're not completely free with it, because of mom and dad, but I do hope you'll feel more comfortable bringing him around and everything." She certainly hadn't wanted Adrian feeling unsure or ashamed in any way. He had been through so much already. But if he found someone who made him happy, then she was happy. Mila sighed and smiled a touch as she forked up some more lasagna. "Just remember nothing ever goes away, even if you ignore it. And aren't you happier now, accepting it for yourself?"
Adrian gave her a crooked smile, feeling a little awkward about his answer. "Yeah, I'm pretty happy," he admitted. "But then I kinda panic whenever I think about mom finding out. I don't even know which of her infamous reactions would be the worst one, you know?" The rage, the martyrdom, the insane attempts to fix him? He had no idea what Maria would do and he didn't intend to find out. "I'm glad you know. I don't wanna keep any secrets from you." There were things he still hadn't told her but they weren't secrets, just things that happened that didn't need talking about. Their relationship wasn't going to be stronger just because she knew what he got up to sometimes, he didn't wanna know what she got up to all the time either. "And Aaron... His friend brought a guy to the wedding, that really... that helped."
"Try not to worry too much about mom," she murmured, though she knew that was easier said than done. "Just live your life and be happy. If she finds out someday, let her wail and pray for your soul. It's her problem, not yours." Mila knew for a fact that Maria Moretti had prayed up and down and sideways when Mila told her she was pregnant, but ultimately, it was what it was. This was Mila's life and she was going to have a family and love every moment of it. Sure, it helped that she was married now, but still. "Aaron won't be upset," she said confidently. "Maybe surprised, but not upset. He'll probably ask you a bazillion questions. He's definitely more open minded than his brothers are. Do you want to tell him or do you want me to?"
Oh that was an opportunity Adrian couldn't let slip. "I'll tell him," he said with a little smile because that way they didn't really need to lie at all. The only lie there would be the 'when' of it. It all seemed so petty now but he really didn't want her to know there'd been any lies involved there. Maybe it was all in his head too and it wasn't a big deal to anyone but him. Maybe Aaron didn't even think about it when Adrian wasn't around - that really was the more realistic way of looking at it, at least. "And yeah I gotta... internalize that with mom somehow. I'm only responsible for me, her crazy religious shit is her problem." It was easier said than done, they both loved their parents and wanted their approval, if it all blew up in his face he knew things would be heavy for a long time after. Mila's pregnancy had caused some drama, but in that case at least it meant a grandchild, a baby, and not only sin upon sin.
That was probably for the best. It was Adrian's news to tell, not Mila's. Mila knew Aaron would be okay with it and maybe the more people Adrian told, the freer he would feel. Adrian deserved some happiness after everything he had been through. "You're right, you can only be responsible for yourself. This is crazy good lasagna, by the way." Adrian had dropped something of a bombshell tonight but she was eager to show him that things weren't going to change between them. Life would go on as usual and she would be there for him.
"I know, right?" Adrian said cheerfully, kind of thankful for the change in subject. "I found a really simple recipe online and tried it, then changed everything I didn't like about it. It should last you a couple of days too, unless Aaron is a big eater." It would last Mila three days or more if she was alone but if she had been, Adrian would have made a smaller dish. Thankfully she wasn't, he'd have moved in with her if she didn't have Aaron in her life because the thought of her being alone was terrifying. Adrian trusted Aaron though and while he wasn't a witch or any kind of superhero, he was strong and capable. More importantly, if anything went sideways - he'd call Adrian.
Mila laughed. "Aaron's definitely a big eater. Honestly, I'm kind of glad we're having a girl. I'm just imagining two Lucas boys in this house, eating everything in sight." She remembered how hungry Adrian had been growing up, especially when he had been a teenager. Poor Mrs. Lucas, having to feed not only her husband, but three boys too. "Lately all I want is sour patch kids and vanilla ice cream, which is really unhealthy," she admitted with a grin. "So at least now I have no excuse for not eating a meal with some substance. I'll call you if it disappears quickly though and you can put your chef hat on and make some more."
"I like cooking, so anytime," Adrian told her and it was pretty satisfying to cook for other people, way nicer than just cooking for himself. Even back when he lived alone in Portland he'd cooked regularly and stuffed the leftovers in the freezer so he always had something to put in the microwave. He supposed he could say he cared about his body more back then, but he'd occasionally smoked then too so that wasn't entirely true. "I can meal-prep for you guys," he said as he remembered how he'd done that a lot anyway. "When things get more hectic, you're not going to find a lot of time for anything so it's nice to have something in the freezer."
"You're the best," Mila said, nudging his foot with her own beneath the table. "Don't go overboard, though, because you know mom will be bringing tons of food over too." She paused and took another bite of food before a smile tugged at her lips. "Have you cooked for your boyfriend yet?" It seemed like he really liked this guy but Mila still wasn't sure how serious it was. She remembered trying to cook for Aaron in the beginning of their relationship. Even if the food had been terrible, Aaron had eaten every bite. That's how she knew he actually liked her.
"Nah, I keep threatening him with it though," Adrian said with a shy smile and it felt weird to call him boyfriend, like whatever they were was somehow more than that, different, deeper and more twisted. But boyfriend was the only acceptable term for it for now since partner felt more like a - long term move in together - thing. "I'm planning on it though, yeah, I just need to go proper-shopping and buy everything I need. I keep remembering all those little things you just have at the house unless you just moved in for the first time. You know how mom's kitchen always feels way too cluttered with things and gadgets? Yeah, turns out you use most of them if you actually cook and bake."
Mila snorted. "Yeah, I know. You can take whatever you need out of here," she waved dismissively around the kitchen. "When Aaron and I moved in mom brought a ton of cooking utensils and supplies, I think in the hopes that Aaron knew how to cook. Which he does, but he's not going to know what the hell a butter curler is." She liked her spatula and her pasta water drainer thing, whatever that was called. As long as she had some knives, she figured she was okay in that department. The thought of knives, of course, made her feel a bit nauseous all of the sudden and Mila reached for her water, glancing at Adrian. "Random question but, you haven't had any weird dreams lately, have you? Like, really vivid ones?"
Adrian didn't have to do logical backflips to figure out she meant bad ones and that really wasn't a direction he wanted to go in, conversation wise, but if she needed to talk, he was obviously going to be supportive. "Yeah? But that's not exactly a new thing," he replied. His nightmares tended to be less intense when he was sleeping next to Kane but they were still there a lot, memories mixed with nonsense. "What have you been dreaming about?" he asked since that really was the core of it, she was obviously having some shitty dreams that felt too real and that was a pretty typical trauma response.
Mila didn't want to bring down the conversation, but she knew if something was going on, maybe Adrian would be aware of it. It was possible that Mila and Aaron having distressing nightmares on the same night was just a coincidence too. "I mean, I have nightmares," she said, cutting into her lasagna with her fork again, her gaze focused on the food. "Usually of the tunnel, but... the other night I had a dream that I got out of bed and got a knife and..." That nausea rose in her throat, acidic and uncomfortable. "... hurt Aaron again. It felt so real... when I woke up I was sure I was going to have blood all over myself." She dropped the fork on her plate and lowered her hands into her lap. "I know it was probably just a stupid dream, but I felt really sick about it when I woke up. But then Aaron was having a pretty bad dream at the same time, so I tried to focus on that. I haven't had any nightmares of hurting Aaron in a while. It was just a little unnerving."
That fucking tunnel. Adrian wished he could wipe that stain off her slate and let her forget all about it but he could no more do that than he could get rid of his own trauma. "That sounds really awful," he said with a frown as he reached over to rest his hand on her arm. "Our brains are assholes, I think maybe we should try to start learning to lucid dream or something. Or drugs, once you get that baby weaned." He gave her a crooked smile, though there wasn't any mirth behind it. "You know, even people who haven't been through all the shit we have sometimes have dreams like that too. Just nonsense brain static weaving bullshit together from movies and real life experiences. Not to mention messed up Bible stories." He wasn't trying to diminish her experience but sometimes it helped to remember what dreams really were; projectile vomit from a clueless subconscious.
Mila nodded, grateful for Adrian's logic. She would rather he try to find reasoning behind it than freak out or be worried it meant something. Because that's where her own brain had been headed. Especially since Aaron's dream had been about the baby being "different" and the baby was different. Mila just didn't know how yet. "You're right," she said with an air of confidence she didn't really feel. "I'm reading too much into it. I'm so tired of questioning everything. You're here and you've got a boyfriend, and I'm married now and..." Mila exhaled slowly before smiling. “You know how it is. We get longer moments of happiness and something has to surface to fuck us up all over again."
Adrian nodded in understanding and if he was honest, most if not all of his optimism was a show he put on to get himself through the day. "Hey, we both have nightmares and I'm more or less a functional monster so... I think we have enough going on between us to count as fucked up." She might not know the extent of his monstrosity, but she'd seen parts of what he was capable of and it sure as shit wasn't human. "All we can do is... enjoy the good and fight like hell when the bad happens and you know I'll be right there with you to fight if you need me." He paused, furrowing his brows in thought. "Do you wanna talk about that dream? I'll listen."
He was right and she gave him a small smile of appreciation. She wasn't alone in any of this, even if her brain sometimes tried to convince her otherwise. But did she want to talk about her dream? Mila chewed on her bottom lip for a moment before shaking her head. "I don't think so. I just don't know if I ever really dealt with the fact that I nearly killed Aaron. I know it wasn't me, but I remember it. And I don't know if he's dealt with it either. I don't want him to be afraid of me and I don't want to be scared of myself, if that makes sense." She paused and studied Adrian for a moment. "And for the record, you're not a monster to me. Your circumstances were fucked up. You didn't ask for any of this to happen to you."
"Neither did you," Adrian reminded her. "So remember, everything you say to me to make me feel better you can say to yourself. We didn't ask for any of this and we had no control over what happened. Maybe you should sit down with Aaron, have a real heart to heart about everything that happened." Would Aaron tell her about his past if they did? Maybe he just needed a safe space and the right moment to do so, but what if he never did? Adrian wasn't sure he wanted to be the only one who knew his secret and hell, he probably needed therapy and that need would only grow stronger if he started picking at the scabs.
She wondered if Aaron would even want to talk about what had happened. Mila knew he had forgiven her, he understood what had happened. But it was still a memory that lingered, especially when she saw the scar on his chest. Did he think about it too? He had to, right? It was beyond traumatic. Mila tried not to shift too uncomfortably on her chair, but she kept her gaze on Adrian. "I'm afraid... if we talk about it... I just...I've never told him about what happened. Not in detail. I feel like everything will come out. What if talking about it triggers something bad? And with the baby coming, it's like, shouldn't we just be happy and... push the past aside? I don't know." Mila felt confused and unsure about what to do.
Adrian knew that feeling very well. Speak of the devil and all that. Some things didn't feel safe to talk about and despite not being very religious he couldn't help but picture a safe area to do so involving some witches, a priest, protective sigils and candles. It was probably dumb as fuck. "Hey, if you don't feel comfortable talking about it yet, don't force yourself," he said and gently patted her hand. "Aaron's not afraid of you, he loves you so fucking much, you don't have to worry about that so you don't have to bring it up, just enjoy the fact you guys are newlyweds with a perfect baby on the way and the best possible uncle on standby." He knew it wasn't that simple but at the same time it was, all those horrible things were out of their control, they had to grab onto whatever joy they got and hold on tight.
Mila didn't think she would ever feel comfortable talking about what she experienced. She had been trying so hard for the past several months to forget it all. Unfortunately trauma didn't always cooperate. She turned her hand grip Adrian's, finding comfort in the touch. "Thank you," she murmured. "Sometimes I start to spiral and I just... need to be grounded again. And I know you understand better than anyone how that feels." The baby began to move a bit in her stomach and Mila liked to think her daughter seemed to know when Mila needed that extra reassurance. "She's moving," Mila said, lifting a brow as a smile spread across her face. "Want to feel?"
"Yes!" Adrian said with no hesitation, his eyes lighting up. His niece had good timing, he'd give her that. The mood had been sinking fast into a spiral of hopelessness and then there she was, kicking and reminding them there was hope in a way only babies really could. He let Mila guide his hand to the right place, waiting a beat before he felt the kick. Man, that hit different when it was his sister's baby and he suddenly felt stupendously emotional. "She's a strong kicker," he murmured, looking at Mila's stomach like he could see that little girl in there. "You'll put her in taekwondo, right? It's practically family tradition by now." Was it tradition if he was the only one who'd practiced it? Hey, tradition had to start somewhere.
Mila felt the baby move often and was always in awe of the sensation, but she especially loved seeing that look on Adrian's face. It was similar to Aaron's expression whenever he placed his hand on her belly to feel his daughter moving. Watching Adrian feel his niece move seemed to have wiped all of the worried thoughts from Mila's mind, and she exhaled, feeling lighter. "Taekwondo?" Mila grinned. "If that's what she wants to do, then of course. Or you can always teach her, you know. By the time she's old enough to start, you'll be a master of it." She could see it now, Adrian teaching his niece taekwondo and Caden teaching her how to pour a beer from the tap. The thought made her chuckle softly.
"I'm so rusty, I'll have to start training again," Adrian replied because he absolutely would love to teach his niece some moves and well, he had time. Infant martial arts was thankfully not a thing. "God, I can't wait to meet her, I'm gonna call her Hamster when she's a little older and when she's old enough, maybe I'll tell her why." He wasn't sure Mila remembered so he went on, grinning fondly. "Remember? When I first heard her heartbeat I thought for a second you had a hamster in your pocket or something." It had been a horrible day but the fact he now had a cute and funny memory to attribute to it helped a lot. "Have you guys thought about names yet?"
"I remember," Mila said, running a hand over her belly for a moment before reaching for her fork again. Her appetite seemed to have come back full force. That whole day had been stressful, but she remembered it vividly. It also reminded her that Westin, whoever he was, had been the reason they had found Adrian. The knowledge of his existence made her nervous, which was why she tried not to think about him too much. "It's too bad you can't hear her anymore. It was nice having my own personal fetal doppler around. As for names, we've talked a little bit about it, but we haven't decided on anything. Aaron mentioned a flower name, but I don't know. Nothing has really clicked for me yet." Mila raised a brow at Adrian. "Any suggestions?"
"Hamster," Adrian said without skipping a beat, giving Mila a big grin. "Nah, I'm leaving that headache to you guys, did Aaron have anything in mind? You got a Poppy or a Jasmine on the way?" He widened his eyes for comedic effect and reached over for her again. "Mila! Primrose! Mom will love it." If they opted for flowers there were at least a lot of pretty names available, Adrian was just glad he didn't have to choose one. Picking a name for a human being for them to carry for the rest of their life? It sounded like way too much responsibility.
Mila laughed, already picturing Adrien buying the baby tons of stuffed hamsters. "Primrose sounds so... prim." She washed down her bite of food with some water and then shrugged. "Jasmine reminds me of the Disney princess. Aaron had mentioned Lily, but I'm waiting for that one that feels right. We thought about having ready and waiting until she's born. But we have to have something in mind or mom will push her way in and name her for us." She hadn't been lying when she told Aaron that her mother would want some really horrible Italian name. "I like Sofia... or Adelina, after grandma. I don't know. It's a big decision."
"I like Adeline," Adrian agreed. "We'll be the A-team. Dad would like it too. For all you know you'll pick a name and then take one look at your girl and go, ah shit, it doesn't fit, doesn't mean you can't have one on standby." Their mother didn't have horrible taste in names or anything but this was something Mila and Aaron should decide, unless Maria thought of something both of them would immediately fall in love with. "You've been good about not overdoing it, yeah?" he asked. "Your doctor's happy with you?"
Mila liked the idea of keeping the name in the family somehow. She didn't want to exclude Aaron, of course. It was their baby, so they both had to like the name. Her mother was far more traditional than their father was, but she knew their dad would be touched if they chose Adeline. "I'm not overdoing it," she promised. "If I start to feel tired, or any pain, I take a break until I feel better. They did move my due date up a few weeks." She paused and glanced at Adrian. "But she's healthy, and I'm healthy, so that's all that matters. I feel good. How are you feeling?"
"She's growing really fast, huh," Adrian murmured and made an effort to not sound worried about it. He had no idea what to expect from his niece, just that Mila knew there was something 'unnatural' about her. "In a rush to come out and meet everyone, huh, Hamster?" The last bit he aimed at Mila's stomach, even went so far as to lightly rub one finger against the firm baby bump as if his niece might feel it. "Crazy kid." He smiled and turned his attention back to Mila. "You know I'm good. Better than I've been in years."
Mila nodded, because occasionally she worried about the baby being farther along than anyone thought. But as long as she was healthy, Mila didn't want to panic. She didn't feel anything wrong with the baby. Just different. But Mila was different too. And so was Adrian. And Mila knew Aaron would protect his daughter at all costs, no matter what. She liked hearing Adrian was doing good and she smiled again. "That's good. You look a lot better too. Not that I want to say you looked like shit before, but..." Mila laughed softly. "I'm just saying... I don't know, maybe being on your own again and having someone in your life agrees with you."
"I looked like shit before," Adrian confirmed with a wry smile. "It's okay, you can say it. I was wasting away from a supernatural curse but you helped me fix it. Plus, you know, I was sleeping in my car. That wasn't doing wonders for my social life or anything." Nevermind the kidnapping and experimentations, almost losing his little sister, making a deal with what was probably the devil and still being unsure what that deal entailed. He tried not to think about that last bit, there was nothing he could do about that right now, why suffer before it was time to do so? "You really helped me out and yeah, I'm doing good now. And so are you, we came through, mostly in one piece."
Mila hadn't done much for Adrian beyond talking to Caius, and she felt indebted to her boss because of it. Adrian was living a fairly normal life now, and she couldn't be more grateful. "We did, didn't we?" she asked, a small smile playing at her lips. "Mostly one piece is a lot better than where I thought I would be. But things are good. Let's hope they stay that way. Just prepare your boyfriend for meeting me, and Adrian. It'll be fun. I'll tell him all of the embarrassing stories I have about you. Show some pictures." Her smile widened. "Oh, I'm excited for this already."
"Oh, I lied," Adrian said, deadpan. "I'm seeing someone you've never met and never will." He cocked a brow at her pointedly, but there was something sweet about the idea. Mortifying, yes, but sweet. He'd never even imagined introducing someone who mattered to him to the family, someone he'd actually worry about making a good impression on or scaring off. It was terrifying on a level he'd never thought he'd reached and that made it sweet.
"Too late," Mila teased. Honestly, though, she couldn't wait to meet Kane. Again. In a normal situation and not where she was having contractions and scared. And she was curious to see how Adrian was around this guy. Was he still Adrian? Did he smile more? Would he blush? It was something she wanted to find out. There were parts of her brother she still felt were a mystery, after all. "Do you want any more lasagna? I might wrap it up for Aaron when he gets home."
It was going to be weird to be around Kane and Mila at the same time, they were usually pretty damn handsy with each other and Adrian knew he was going to hold back. He didn't want to be some rigid prude but it was hard to shake that weird guilt that had been instilled in him; maybe he'd just take his cue from however Aaron and Mila acted but even that felt weird, like he had to study how to be a proper human being. He'd never had that problem before, everything had come easily to him from his social life to his work life, but the price had been keeping this big part of him a secret. "Hey, you go put your feet up, I'll put all this away," he told her. The kitchen was a bit of a mess even if he'd tried to put most of the things he was using away as he went. "My mess, I'll clean it," he added.
She and Aaron tended to be handsy together, although not so much that it crossed into inappropriate. They just always liked to be touching somehow and it was something she adored. Years of fantasizing about Aaron Lucas holding her hand or kissing her or running his hands through her hair and now he was her husband and it happened every day. "But you made this for me," Mila protested. She was tired, sure, but she didn't want Adrian to cook and clean for her. "At least leave the dishes for me. That way I won't feel so guilty when you leave."
"Oh my God, Mila," Adrian groaned. "Just... let me take care of you, you're the one carrying a baby around and - do I need to remind you? - under strict orders from the doctor to take it easy." He tsk'ed softly at her but then he smiled again, reaching over to pat her hand. "You can stay here and keep me company if you don't wanna go hang out by yourself by the TV but... The couch is more comfortable, you know."
Mila stuck her tongue out at him before sighing. "Okay, fine. Twist my arm." She pushed away from the table to stand and she had to admit, the couch sounded really good at the moment. The kitchen table chairs weren't super uncomfortable, but her back was beginning to ache a bit. "When you're finished... stay awhile? Unless you've got a hot date to get to or something."
"I'll stay a while," Adrian promised as he got up, then snuck a kiss in her hair. "If you're ever bored here when Aaron's working late you can call me," he added because honestly the thought of her home alone at night wasn't really appealing to him, especially while she was pregnant. "I might have work but if not I can always come hang out." Tonight he had time and he had a late shift the next day so he could even hang out with Kane late without worrying about ruining his morning. "My hot date is a night owl, he can wait."
In all honesty, Mila didn't always like being home alone at night either. It was hard to sleep until she heard Aaron's truck in the driveway. "I'll remember that," she said with a small smile. Roxy would probably come keep her company too if she needed it, but Mila didn't want to keep pulling people away from their lives because she was scared of whatever might be out there. She gave Adrian a quick, tight hug - or as tight as she could make it with her stomach in the way - before pulling away to head for the couch.