Re: Jasper & Jules (& Gavin)
Jules wasn't sure what he meant by his love for her not being the same as her love for him, but it didn't exactly sound good, did it? Not that she could really focus on that now. Whatever she felt didn't matter, not if Jasper was that unhappy with life, or feeling that he didn’t belong. Which again, was mostly her fault because of what had happened on Witcham Road. She was a constant reminder of that too, which probably didn't help. It hurt on a level she didn't know existed that he thought about hurting himself. It was devastating really, especially when she had no idea how to help him. "I'm sorry," she murmured. "Like... you don't need all of this on top of everything else. You are good enough... it's just my insecurity and stupidity talking. I don't want you to feel that way, or that you think about killing yourself, and I'm sorry I don't know what to do or say to make it better. I wish I did. I wish I could take it all back." And she wished she could hug him and hold him and try to express how she felt in a way that didn't require words. Jules knew she wasn't the best at communicating verbally, anyway. It always seemed to get her into trouble, or make things worse.
“You’re not stupid,” Jasper muttered first. It felt like his cheeks and neck were on fire with shame. The last thing he wanted was for people to look at him like he was some emo basketcase, ready to slit his wrists at any moment. That wasn’t how he felt, at least not most of the time. It was more just ... a deep self hatred and a longing for release from all the bullshit that made him so unhappy. He scrubbed a hand roughly over his face like he could wipe the emotion away, swallowing thickly before he glanced at her again. Jasper wanted to grab onto Jules and cling too, but he didn’t know if that was welcome right now. “M’sorry I’ve hurt you. And that you don’t ... feel loved the way you want. You deserve that, and I just ... I never meant for any of this to happen.” He gave her a helpless, heartbroken look. There was nothing he could do or say to fix it all either, and it sucked so hard.
"I know." Jules hadn't meant for any of this to happen either. All she kept doing was clinging to the hope that things could be the same eventually but now she didn't know if that could happen. He had said it himself... his love wasn't the same as hers. That was no doubt the heaviness sinking in her gut but Jules wasn't entirely sure how to process it, especially here and now. "I'm sorry I hurt you too," she murmured. She had never done anything with that purpose in mind. Everything had just been to try and make herself feel better, which she knew was selfish. It just sucked to never know what to say or do to make him feel better, or happy. Jules swallowed and glanced back at the doors leading into the reception. Logan was in there, and Ruby. Jasper's friends and family. She felt very out of place all of the sudden. "Maybe I should go home," she said quietly. "I didn't mean to ruin today for you."