Aaron Lucas (thirdandlast) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2023-10-07 18:03:00 |
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Entry tags: | #july 2018, aaron, aaron x mila, mila |
Who: Aaron and Mila
When: Late night, July 18th
Where: Home
Warning: horror dreams!
Status: complete
Nightmares were nothing new to Mila. She’d had them so frequently after returning home that her doctor had prescribed her medication to help ease them so she could sleep. But once she got pregnant, she stopped taking them, making every night a guess as to whether or not she would wake up in a cold sweat or sleep like a baby.
Tonight she felt fidgety and restless and when she woke up, the room was dark and quiet, but for Aaron’s slow and steady breathing beside her. Not wanting to wake him, Mila slipped out of bed and brushed her hair from her face. As she did so, her gaze fell to the pretty little stone she and Aaron had found outside the tunnel. Reaching over, Mila picked it up and rubbed her thumb over the smooth surface. Mila stared at it for a while before clutching it in her palm and standing.
She supposed in her mind she was going to the kitchen to get a glass of water. The baby was kicking a bit, and Mila had to admit it felt kind of nice that someone else was having trouble sleeping.
Walking into the kitchen, Mila clutched the stone with one hand and reached over to pull out one of the butcher knives from the wooden block with the other. There was a soft thrumming in her mind that quickly filled with static. She listened to it as she walked back to the bedroom. Aaron was on his back, still sleeping. She found herself standing over him, watching for a moment, comforted in a strange way by what she was about to do. It wasn’t like the last time, when something else inhabited her body. It was just her, and the baby, and that was all she really needed, wasn’t it?
Before she could give it much more thought, Mila plunged the knife into Aaron’s chest. She thought maybe he woke up, but she didn’t know for sure. All she knew was that she stabbed him in a frenzy, ignoring the way the blood splattered against her face and clothes, soaked through the bedsheets. She had to make sure he died this time and she wouldn’t stop until there was nothing left.
A tugging at her mind drew her back to reality, the bile rising in her throat, tasting horribly like blood. Mila’s eyes opened. Her chest heaved, her lungs burning. She was in her bed, under the blankets but shivering from the sweat that caked her body. Mila struggled to breathe, desperately reaching out to feel for Aaron in the dark, terrified that she might find nothing but blood and a mangled body.
Aaron was there and intact, he was just engrossed in his own horrible nightmare, too unconscious to even feel Mila’s hand touching him. In his dream, their daughter had already been born ... but she’d been born wrong, with full black eyes and a deathlike pallor to her skin that no amount of warmth or food would change. She never cried, she just stared, with intelligence that went far beyond what normal infants could reach. This was not a normal infant, it was more like a demon that had hitched a ride into this world through their baby girl. Aaron just knew she was biding her time, waiting until she was physically able to bring the mayhem and death that those glassy black eyes promised.
As the days rolled into weeks, Aaron got more and more afraid, more and more sure the child in their nursery would destroy everyone he loved, and finally it was time to do something about it. Smothering her with a pillow didn’t work -- he could just hear the gurgling baby-laughs through the foam, and her little feet kept on kicking. Aaron couldn’t kill her with his bare hands either, though he was sure he would never forget what it felt like to grip a throat that small and squeeze hard. Still, she laughed at him.
The pressure on him grew and grew in the dream until he couldn’t take it anymore, and he finally found himself standing outside their house, watching it burn with Mila and the demon baby inside. As a scream of madness and grief and rage ripped through his chest, Aaron twitched and moaned helplessly in the real world, lost in the worst nightmare of his life -- which was really saying something.
As the surroundings of their bedroom began to seep into the darkness Mila had experienced, she realized everything had been a dream, that Aaron was alive and beside her, unharmed, though his moans of distress did send a sharp sliver of panic through her until she realized he wasn't bleeding - but asleep. And dreaming. Swallowing hard, Mila sat up, bringing a trembling hand to his face to try and wake him up. Hopefully he was dreaming about his favorite sports team losing some major championship. "Aaron," she murmured, relieved that she could speak, even if her hoarse throat burned. He felt clammy to the touch too, so she shook his shoulder gently. "Aaron."
The emotions of the dream were so intense and immediate, it was hard for his brain to pull away from it. Aaron could practically feel the heat from their burning house and his burning family searing his skin ... and then someone’s hand was on his shoulder. He straddled both worlds for a second or two, disoriented and muddled as his consciousness tried to come back to reality. Mila’s silhouette hovering over him scared him for a second, and Aaron’s body shuddered and jerked a bit, but then her voice registered, even if she sounded upset too. “Wh-- Mila? Whazzit? You ‘kay?” Aaron mumbled, moving to sit up. For a moment he wasn’t sure if he was waking up because of the dream or Mila’s hand on his shoulder or some intruder-sound in the house -- he just knew his heart was pounding and he sensed danger.
There was relief when he woke up, but he looked as shaken as Mila felt. She knew they both suffered from nightmares from time to time, but it was rare for them to have them at the same time. Not that it meant anything; it was just strange and certainly intensified Mila's discomfort. Her hand relaxed on his shoulder. "I'm okay," she murmured before licking her lips. "I think you were having a nightmare. Are you okay?"
Was he? Aaron wasn’t even really sure for a few seconds. He reached out to touch her back, his hand landing on her arm to squeeze gently, then on her belly. It was still firm and rounded, their baby still peacefully where she belonged, not born as some demonic problem. Aaron took a deeper breath and found Mila’s hand to take in the dark. “Yeah ... yeah, s’just ... a really bad dream,” he muttered, scrubbing his other palm over his face. ‘Bad’ didn’t really begin to cover how awful it was, but he wasn’t going to launch into details. He cleared his throat and tried to shake it off. “Did I wake you up? Sorry baby.”
Mila felt the baby kick and she wondered if maybe their daughter was trying to comfort Aaron in a way. It was always comforting to her to feel the baby move, like she was reassuring Mila that was okay and still thriving. "You didn't wake me up," she assured him, still feeling shaky herself. She scooted down to lay beside Aaron, her hand resting on his chest. "I had a bad dream myself. Do you want to tell me about yours?" She had found that talking about her nightmares from time to time would help ease their effect on her. Maybe it would help Aaron to say it out loud and take away its power.
Aaron’s immediate internal answer to that was fuck no, he did not want to tell Mila about the nightmare he’d just had. There was a fear in him so deep that it was almost subconscious, the fear of being a danger to his child. Mila hadn’t grown up in a violent home, but Aaron had, and he’d sworn to himself a million times that he would never be like his dad. But god, that feeling of squeezing the baby’s throat ... Aaron cleared his throat and reached to click on the bedside lamp on its lowest setting. He wanted some light in the room. Then he rolled back in toward Mila to snuggle up closer. “It was about the baby,” he murmured. Maybe he didn’t have to get into the grisly details. “She was born but she wasn’t like ... a human. She had black eyes and this dead-looking skin color ... and I was scared for us ... and I dunno, it was just ... it sucked.”
Mila's own nightmare was quickly forgotten as soon as Aaron mentioned the baby not being human. It was as if she had been doused in icy water and Mila stopped breathing for a brief moment. It was just a dream, but... what if it wasn't? She already knew their baby wasn't entirely human, but would she born with black eyes? Would she be something Evil? Mila didn't get that sense at all, but what if she was blinded to it because she was the mother? Should she tell Aaron what she knew? It would probably upset him more, coming right after a nightmare like that. But the guilt of keeping it from him was starting to weigh heavily in her gut. "I'm sorry," she murmured after a moment, peering up at Aaron. "That sounds terrible. Just remember it was just a dream. When she's born, I bet she'll have your eyes."
At the moment Aaron was less concerned on whether his dream was prophetic and more completely unsettled by how he’d behaved in it. Even if their daughter was born with something ‘wrong’ with her, Aaron wanted to think that he could never bring himself to do violence to his baby, but it had still shaken him up a lot. He gazed back at Mila, his big hand settling on the curve of her belly again, as if to reassure himself that their little girl was still safe and sound where she was supposed to be. He was oblivious to what was going on in Mila’s head, the secret she was keeping. “Nah, I hope she has your everything,” Aaron murmured and offered her a faint smile as he rubbed his thumb against her nightgown. He tried to shake off the fear and horror. “But yeah, just a dream ... you had one too, you said? Want to talk about yours?”
It probably wouldn't have been fair to not talk about her dream after Aaron had explained his, but Mila didn't want to tell him she had a nightmare about stabbing him to death in his sleep. Just thinking about how she could feel the splatter of blood on her face made Mila want to vomit, and the bile had risen in her throat again. The last thing Aaron needed to hear was that. "Oh... I mean... I just..." She licked her lips and then exhaled. "I had a dream my mom died before the wedding," she lied, closing her eyes and trying to ignore the rising guilt. "It shook me up, that's all." Mila rested her hand against her belly over Aaron's, thankful for the touch. It had always helped keep her tethered to reality. "You want some water? I could get some for you."
“Aw babe, sorry to hear that,” Aaron murmured with a sympathetic frown. He had no reason to suspect she wasn’t telling the truth, and any dream about a parent dying was bound to be a bad one. Hell, he was actually grateful that Joseph was dead, but the times Aaron dreamed about him were always nightmares. Granted, there were some extreme circumstances there, but still. Aaron turned his palm up to tangle fingers with Mila, then brought her hand up to kiss her knuckles. “Or I could like, be a gentleman and get some for you ... you thirsty?” he asked, smiling faintly. She was always so good to him, sometimes it was a challenge to take care of her in return, but Aaron was always going to try.
Aaron was always so good to her. He was the sweetest boyfriend she'd ever had and Mila knew he was going to be an amazing husband and father. He had tried to help her when she'd needed it and even after what she'd done to him, he had forgiven her without question. Emotion welled up inside of her and Mila had to swallow hard to keep it at bay. She had to stop keeping secrets from him. "You're always a gentleman," Mila managed to say. She pushed up a bit, resting on her palm as she looked down at him. "I have to tell you something... I'm just afraid of what you'll think. I just... you trust me, don't you?"
Her voice changed and Aaron was instantly concerned, and Mila’s actual words just worried him more. Aaron sat up too and turned more toward her, the frown back on his face. She had something to tell him? His first thought was there was something wrong with the baby, but he had to think she would be far more upset in that case. Maybe she didn’t want to get married? That thought really got Aaron’s heart pounding sick in his chest, and he scraped his teeth over his bottom lip as he nodded emphatically. “Of course I do,” he answered. “What is it?”
It wasn’t the best time to tell him but Mila was afraid that if she didn’t do it now, she may never do it. He would find out later, after the baby was born, and by then it was possible he would feel betrayed or hurt. He was her baby’s father and he deserved to know. Even so, Mila’s throat was dry as she tried to speak. She swallowed quickly and tried again. “There’s something… different about the baby. I can feel it. She’s not evil,” Mila added quickly, “but there’s something about her that tells me she’s not fully human.” It sounded so terrible after Aaron’s dream but god, she didn’t want him to be scared. She wanted him to trust her and know that everything would be all right. Adrian wasn’t fully human anymore but he was living a good life, wasn’t he? And every day their daughter grew in her womb and Mila knew she wouldn’t be something to fear.
A cold chill washed over Aaron like someone dumped ice water down his back. He sat up a little straighter, his frown deepening. That image of a black-eyed gray-skinned baby was still very fresh in his mind, along with how big his hand looked trying to end her life, and those peals of giggles ... “What do you mean, not fully human?” he asked, his voice low and slow for the moment as he tried to wrap his mind around what Mila was saying. “I’m human, you’re human ... what else would she be?” Adrian was Something Else, Aaron understood that in a vague way, but he’d been turned into something else against this will. Their daughter hadn’t even taken her first breath yet, much less been cursed by some ancient evil. Unless the two of them were already cursed. Aaron’s stomach twisted as he realized that maybe Mila herself wasn’t fully human anymore, after her time in the tunnel. Maybe that particular nightmare wasn’t quite over.
Mila certainly felt human, but she hadn't been at one point. She didn't think that meant their baby had some kind of demonic streak, she just felt like maybe she was more susceptible to something being off. Not necessarily in a bad way. Maybe Mila was just clinging to any kind of optimism that she could, because she wanted this baby so badly, and so did Aaron. "I don't know what she is," Mila admitted, her voice soft in a way to try and reassure Aaron that since she wasn’t panicking, he shouldn't either. "Do you remember when you, me and Adrian had to hide in the hospital stairwell? And I knew Adrian was different somehow... that he had changed? That's what I feel with the baby. She's different. But I'm not scared. I don't feel that it's anything dark."
Aaron glanced down at her stomach, but of course it didn’t look any different than it had a moment ago. What if Mila was carrying a demon baby and part of its power was to trick her into thinking it would be okay? It broke his heart to think that of the small bump he already desperately loved, but Aaron had learned very early that the people he loved could hurt him, and that lesson had been repeated over and over in his life. Even Mila had tried to kill him. But he didn’t want to freak out and stress her out further, so he tried to swallow that rising bile of fear. “Yeah, I remember,” Aaron murmured after a pause. He licked his lips and squeezed Mila’s fingers tighter. “We already know she’s getting big faster, right? So ... maybe ... maybe we should get you and her blessed. The church is open again, and ... maybe it’d be a good idea, you know? Just to be safe.”
He wasn't pulling away from her, so Mila relaxed a bit, some of the knots in her stomach unraveling. She didn't expect him to take the news with a smile, but Aaron had been through so much that she wouldn't have blamed him at all if he had been upset. His suggestion to get her blessed prompted Mila to smile faintly because she didn't think blessings would do much of anything if it turned out she was wrong and their daughter was some kind of harbinger of doom. But if it would help ease Aaron's mind, Mila wasn't going to say no. "We can do that," she said, bringing his hand up to her lips to kiss his fingers. "We can even go tomorrow, if you want."
In spite of everything, Aaron still believed in God and Jesus and the power of prayer and the priesthood. He didn’t know the new priest very well yet, but he’d gone to a couple of masses now, and the guy seemed like a man of God to Aaron. Hopefully he would help them without asking too many questions -- people asking for a blessing on their pregnancy had to be pretty common, right? He nodded and rubbed his thumb against Mila’s hand a bit as she kissed his skin. It was a relief that she agreed to it so quickly, but he still felt troubled. “How long have you been feeling like she’s different?” he asked, his eyes on Mila’s face. “Like, from the beginning?”
Mila wanted to believe, but after everything she had been through... she just felt empty when she tried to pray. There was nothing down that path for her, but she was willing to pretend if it helped Aaron in any way. Hopefully the priest would just do a quick blessing without a lot of intrusive questions. Mila supposed she should have known Aaron would ask how long she had felt this way about the baby, and her first inclination was to lie, but she hated lying to him about anything. She trusted him and she wanted to make sure he trusted her too. "Yes," she whispered. "Well... almost the beginning. I just didn't want to worry you, Aaron. I'm sorry."
That was what he suspected, and Aaron’s heart sank with a bad feeling. He understood Mila not wanting to worry him, and she wasn’t completely wrong because he was worried, but who wouldn’t be? Did she think he couldn’t handle being worried? Aaron didn’t like the thought of her keeping stuff from him ... but that came with a side of guilt, because he was keeping something from her too. Aaron didn’t remember everything about his conversation with Adrian at his bachelor party, but he remembered the highlights, and he hadn’t breathed a word of it to Mila. So he couldn’t exactly be mad at her, could he? That wasn’t about their child though. Aaron rubbed his free hand over his face a couple of times and sighed. “I know you meant well, but you can’t do that, okay?” he said, his voice a little pained. “Even if I’m worried, I need to know everything about her.”
Mila swallowed hard, but nodded. He was right, of course. If he had been keeping important things from her, she would have been upset. But she knew how much he had been through and Mila hadn't wanted him to think she was still dangerous, or that their baby was wrong somehow. Especially with his dream, clearly his subconscious was concerned. Exhaling slowly, she squeezed his fingers gently. "I'm sorry," she said again. "I won't keep anything else from you, I promise. I just don't want you to be afraid of me, or of her." Her voice trembled slightly, but she managed to keep herself composed. "I love you so much, Aaron. I just want you to be happy."
Hearing her even slightly upset made Aaron’s chest ache with empathy. He only wanted the same thing, for all of them. Life didn’t work that way though, unfortunately. Everybody got limited happiness, and they had to cherish it when it was around. “C’mere,” Aaron murmured, shifting his position to move closer to Mila. He wrapped his arms around her and leaned back against the headboard to hold her against his chest. “I love you too, more than anything,” he said quietly and kissed Mila’s head. “And our baby girl. I’m not afraid of either of you, more like ... afraid for you, you know?” Guilt tugged at him again for the secret he was keeping from her, and Aaron sucked his bottom lip into his mouth to chew on, torn. “However she’s different, we’ll still love her and take care of her.”
Mila found it easy to relax against Aaron and she closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of his chest rising and falling beneath her. Her nightmare was still so vivid in her mind, but it hadn't been real. Aaron was alive and well and he was holding her now, despite Mila having kept such a big secret about their baby. While she didn't want Aaron to be afraid of anything, she felt some relief that he wasn't afraid of her. The last thing she ever wanted to do was hurt or scare him in any way. Swallowing again, Mila nodded gently, her arm snaking over his stomach to hold onto him. "She's going to be okay," she murmured. "No one... no one else knows about this but Adrian. Can we just keep it to ourselves for now? I don't want to give anyone anymore reason to hate me."
Aaron could read the ‘don’t tell your brothers’ between the lines of what she said, and he wholeheartedly agreed. Gavin and Caden already thought he couldn’t handle fatherhood and husbandhood, and if he let on that their niece wasn’t normal, on top of that doubt ... well, Aaron didn’t want to even hear it. His brows flexed closer together as he realized Mila meant that Adrian had known this before him. Part of Aaron wanted to be more upset about that, but now Adrian knew something about him that Mila didn’t, so maybe they were even. His poor brother in law was just the secret-keeper caught in the middle, wasn’t he? “I won’t tell anyone,” Aaron promised in a murmur. He licked his lips again. “When did you tell Adrian?”
She selfishly wished he wouldn't ask any more questions about it because it just intensified the guilt she felt at not telling Aaron sooner. "Last month," she whispered. And she had told Adrian that she lost the first baby to dark magic. God, had she told him not to say anything to Aaron about that? Her heart skipped uncomfortably in her chest as she tried to recall the conversation. "I told him because I knew he was different too... I thought maybe he would be able to sense something. He couldn't, but he did say her heartbeat was normal and everything." Maybe that would ease Aaron's mind. It had certainly eased hers.
Aaron immediately regretted asking too, because it sent another jab of pain into his chest. Adrian had known this for a month and he hadn’t said anything? No, he’d just told Aaron that he was gay instead, something really difficult to keep to himself. Even after Aaron had told him something personal back, he hadn’t thought to bring up these things? Or maybe he had and he’d just kept mum out of loyalty to Mila, which Aaron could somewhat understand, but fuck. His hands stilled where he’d been petting her, and he bit his tongue on blurting out that she didn’t know everything either. “Normal heart is good,” Aaron mumbled, not sure what else was safe to say. This was all painful and upsetting and worrying.
Mila knew Aaron well enough by now to know when he was upset, even if he didn't come right out and say so. She looked up at him, her brows furrowed in both apology and concern. "I understand if you're upset, or even angry. I should have told you." Adrian was her brother, so it didn't occur to her that Aaron might be upset at him too. They kept secrets for each other and had on and off since they were kids, even when they didn't get along. Of course, this was probably the biggest secret and she really hated that she had hurt Aaron, even if it wasn't intentional.
He felt upset at both of them -- Mila was his partner, would be his wife very soon, carrying his child ... but he’d also bonded pretty strongly with Adrian and considered him a brother already. Not that his own brothers told him everything either ... maybe that was part of why it stung so much. People had been keeping him in the dark for his whole life, trying to protect him or because they thought he was too stupid to handle things, or even understand. He didn’t want to be coddled, he wanted to be involved, especially with anything that involved his child. “Yeah, you should have,” Aaron replied, his tone a little harder now and his jaw tense. He was trying not to act angry, because Mila was sensitive and it was over now, but it was hard. “I mean, I get it, but ... I’m her dad. He shouldn’t know stuff before me, especially for so long.”
Mila knew her desire to protect Aaron was why she had kept it from him. She had never thought of him as stupid, but she already felt responsible for so much of his trauma. She hadn't wanted to add to it. Her intentions were good, even if she recognized she had made a mistake. Mila knew how she would have felt if the roles had been reversed. "I know..." She felt a bit helpless in the moment because she had no idea what else to say. "I didn't want to worry you, and I see now that my intentions were misguided. Just... on top of everything we've been through..." She trailed off, not wanting to apologize again and risk irritating him. He knew she was sorry and she was. "Please don't be angry with Adrian. I asked him not to tell you."
Aaron could tell she felt bad, and he didn’t want to make her feel worse, but he was mad at both of them. He did his best to swallow it down, aware there wasn’t much else that Mila could say. It was done, now he knew, and it wasn’t like he wasn’t keeping secrets too, so he didn’t really have a leg to stand on, did he? Mila had asked Adrian not to tell him about the baby, Adrian had asked Aaron not to tell her about him being gay, Aaron didn’t want Adrian to tell Mila about his past ... it was just a dumb circle of secrets. Now wasn’t the time to really talk about all of it either, they’d both just woken up from nightmares. Aaron took a deep slow breath through his nose and gave Mila a gentle squeeze. “It’s okay,” he murmured. “I understand. Just ... no more secrets about the baby, okay?”
Mila would have understood if Aaron had stayed angry, but she was admittedly relieved when he squeezed her again. She didn't want him to fall back asleep upset with her. But she figured she ought to tell Adrian that Aaron knew now and hopefully things would be okay between the two. "No more secrets," she promised, pressing a kiss to his skin. They had gone through so much and were about to be married. She didn't want things like this hanging over them before making that commitment. It probably hadn't been the best time to tell him about the baby, but now he knew and they could handle it together. "I love you," she murmured, resting comfortably against him again, wanting to keep her arm around him for as long as possible.
Guilt nagged at him, because there were secrets, just not any that he could talk about, especially not at the moment. Adrian had asked him to keep quiet about being gay -- even though Aaron knew Mila wouldn’t care, not in a bad way -- and now wasn’t really the time to tell her about everything in his past. He didn’t know if it would ever be a good time for that. It was dead and buried, to Aaron, and he kind of regretted saying anything to Adrian when he’d been ridiculously drunk. “I love you too,” he said softly back, and nuzzled his nose into her hair. She’d always smelled good to him, but something about her smelled extra good ever since she’d been pregnant. Pheromones or something, Aaron didn’t know. He just wanted to relax and love on her until they could sleep again, hopefully without dreams. “Can I get you anything?”
"I'm okay," Mila said, happy to be cuddling with him again. "I just want to be here with you." She didn't want him to get up and leave the room. Despite their discussion, she was still feeling uneasy from her nightmare and Mila didn't want to be left alone. Being there in Aaron's arms was all she needed. Maybe there were better dreams ahead, or no dreams at all. Mila just didn't want to deal with another nightmare like the one she'd had, and she certainly didn't want Aaron experiencing another either. "Do you think you'll be able to sleep?"
Even though part of him felt a little restless to move around and shake off the emotions, Aaron didn’t want to get up either. He wasn’t aware of how bad Mila’s dream had actually been, but he just wanted her to feel better. He didn’t want to stay upset. Luckily Aaron was pretty good at setting things aside, he’d been doing it for a long time. “Eventually, yeah,” he murmured. It might take him a while of laying there and listening to Mila breathe, but he was fairly sure he would doze off again before dawn. Aaron just hoped it was a more peaceful rest than he’d gotten so far. “Do you?”
Mila was sure it may take a bit before she was able to wind down and finally sleep, but she knew she could do it as long as Aaron was there with her. The baby shifted in her stomach and Mila exhaled, finding comfort in the small movement. Hopefully she didn't start kicking too much, otherwise it would take much longer for her to get to sleep. "Yeah, I think so," she whispered. It was still dark out and Aaron's arms felt strong and comforting. Even if she didn't fall asleep quick, she would at least feel safe and that's what she really needed.