Logan listened quietly and with all that, he could understand why Jasper hated himself, except... he shouldn't. But Logan knew that while it was easy to say so, it was probably harder to believe. He couldn't really defend Jasper's mom and dad because he had no idea what those two were thinking or feeling. He could say all parents loved their kids but even Logan could admit his own dad disliked him. Which was fine, because Logan disliked him too. So he focused on the things he knew he could argue about. "Dude, you weren't in control then... and you weren't yourself. Even if you enjoyed it, that wasn't really you. The fact that everything you did back then bothers you now, that means something. You're not walking around, like, soulless. You're protecting your dad, not lying to him to save your own ass. There were the others, who were infected like you. Have you asked them how they felt at the time, if they got off on hurting other people? For all you know... they went through something similar. I don't know." Logan sighed softly. "I know you feel guilty about all that stuff... but everyone who loves you knows that you wouldn't have done it if you hadn't been controlled by something else."
More suggestions of Talking To People ... it kind of made Jasper want to walk into the ocean. Nobody had talked about that stuff on the other side, at least not to him. What if he tried to bring it up to feel them out, and they recoiled from him? Looked at him like he was some psycho murderer? They would never help him then, if they knew how fucked up he was. Except maybe Elodie, but she was pretty crazy herself. That was what his brain told him, anyway. He was lucky Logan was so nice, looking for things in him to appreciate since they’d been friends for so long. There was more to it too, a sense that there was a deep part of him that was jagged and tar-sticky and rotten and Bad, and it had always been there. Whatever the infection had done to him had tapped into it, given it control. Jasper just didn’t know how to explain that out loud without sounding crazy. Maybe he was. “I’m glad you guys believe that,” Jasper muttered after another long pause, his throat suddenly a little tight. He didn’t know what else to say.
Logan wondered if he ought to just stop trying to talk to Jasper about the bad stuff. Maybe his friend was happier smoking weed and talking about nothing. That would be okay with Logan. He never felt like he made much progress in trying to make Jasper feel better about the shit he was going through and right now, it felt like he made things worse. "Sorry," Logan said after a minute. "I fucked up the night. It just sucks to care about someone who can't see why. I bet you get a lot of this bullshit from everyone else and now I'm piling it on you. I'll stop." He nudged Jasper gently. "You think that water's too cold to go skinny dipping?"