As someone who spent a great deal of time in wintery places, Shane had a kind of an unwritten and unspoken rule to go out in the sun as much as he could. It always felt like such a waste to sit inside when the sun was shining and he supposed in a different life he'd probably have been some kind of a sun priest - or maybe even perceived as a god what with his gifts. Modern days were more scientifically forward than that but he still felt a strong link to the sun, the other great ball of fire. Today was a day not to be wasted so after his run he took a quick shower and then sprawled out on one of the lounge chairs outside, letting the sun dry him. He wasn't sure where Reza was or if he was even awake yet as he'd left him sleeping when he went for his run. Some mornings they didn't really meet up until noon and he liked it like that. He didn't bother trying to find him, knowing that Reza no doubt knew exactly where he was and what he was up to with his magical abilities. Anyone else? It would have annoyed the bejesus out of him, but with Reza it was comforting and he was content to wait until he was ready to come find him.
Reza enjoyed the relaxed way they shared space too. He never felt pressured to entertain Shane, or obligated to spend every waking moment by his side. They hung out when they wanted to, they took space when they wanted to, and it was all pretty fucking harmonious. Reza sometimes wondered where the catch was ... and then he remembered what they were facing. And the overdose. It probably meant a lot that those things came second in his mind to how much he enjoyed being with Shane. Reza had never been so in love.
He was still dozing when Shane got home, but Reza woke up enough to listen to him in the shower, soaking in that warm feeling of being Home, almost like a meditation. Shane made it a quick one though, so Reza didn’t get to bask for long. He lounged for another ten minutes or so, then got up to brush his teeth and start his day. Reza went downstairs to the kitchen in a silk robe, got himself a cup of coffee, and stepped out the sliding deck door to join Shane out by the pool. His man was sprawled out, nude and gorgeous, soaking up the sun. He looked like a painting. “You want some coffee?” he asked, setting his mug down on the small deck table next to the loungers. Reza started to shrug out of his robe.
Shane opened one eye to peer at him and smiled, shaking his head. "Nah, m'good," he murmured and he had brought some water out with mint in it and that was good for now. "Morning," he added and opened both eyes when Reza started stripping down, taking in the sight of him with a content smile. He did like his space but he never minded when Reza joined him there, quite the opposite. Especially if he was naked too. "How are you, baby?" He couldn't help but reach out, running his fingers along Reza's thigh, patiently waiting for his good-morning-kiss.
Reza leaned over to give him just that, one hand briefly resting on Shane’s hot chest. He never seemed to get too warm, and he never sunburned, it made Reza a little jealous on the really hot days. “Ooo, minty,” he purred with a little smile as he straightened up again. “I’m good, just got up.” Reza settled on the lounge chair next to Shane, stretching his legs out in front of him and reaching for his coffee. He squinted up at the sky and took his first sip. It was already a beautiful morning, and maybe Reza should take more advantage of them like Shane did, but he preferred to sleep through those early hours. “You? Good run?” he asked, looking over at Shane.
"Always," Shane murmured and while he kind of missed the pissy competition when James McCarthy wasn't around, it just gave him time to think about something else instead - which was what he'd been doing; planning things and hoping Reza would go along with it. He knew better now than to dump it all on him in a demanding fashion so he supposed he was learning to navigate the relationship better. Definitely a good thing. "You were so cute this morning, I smooched you a lot and you barely woke up." He grinned, sitting up a little and reaching for his water. "Do you remember it at all?"
He grinned back a bit, openly enjoying the view as Shane moved around. His man was beautiful all the time, but especially basking nude in the sunshine. “A little, I think?” Reza answered with a little titter. In general he was a fairly light sleeper, his unconscious mind picking up on more sounds than most people’s, but he was comfortable in the house now, and with Shane. Hearing and feeling him get up early to go run was normal, so it didn’t fully wake Reza up anymore, apparently even with smooches involved. “Feel free to remind me,” he added, giving Shane a smirk before he lifted his coffee mug again.
Shane put the water back down without pouring any and grinned as he moved over to Reza, leaning down in front of him to smooch his face all over, forcing him to get his coffee out of the way. "Morning," he murmured again, just like he had when he first woke up and got some mumbled variation of it in reply. "Did you sleep well? You looked like you were sleeping well." He cupped his face and ended his little trail of kisses on his mouth, lingering there for a few seconds before pulling back to let Reza answer.
Reza tittered under the smooch assault, trying not to squirm too much with coffee in his hand. He used to think that kind of cutesy shit was cringe and undignified, but now that he was really in love, it was fun. “Morning ... I slept great,” he answered, grinning as he skimmed his hands over Shane’s sides. “But I always sleep great with you.” He set his coffee down again and scooted his ass over, pulling at Shane to come down and join him on his lounge chair. Once they were stretched out, legs tangled together, Reza kissed those delectable lips again and brushed his fingers through Shane’s hair. He wasn’t really trying to start anything, it was just such a delight to be naked and sun-drenched and softly kissing his man.
January Shane would be rolling his eyes at July Shane so hard for all this 'cutesy shit' so Reza wasn't the only one who'd changed. It was hard to judge it so harshly now that he was in love and it was only mildly embarrassing to have become one of those people. He nuzzled Reza between lazy kisses, just enjoying the moment for now, loving the feel of the sun and Reza's body in a way that made him stupidly happy to be alive. "So I'm thinking," he murmured, and while he had learned not to dump things on Reza, he wasn't so sure he'd gotten the hang of not doing it. "I kinda need to go to Chicago, it's two thousand and eighteen and we're still somehow living in the dark ages when it comes to paperwork. Do you wanna come with me for a couple of days? You don't have to - but I won't ditch you there if you do. Promise."
He cocked an eyebrow as Shane started to talk, worry flashing through him. The request wasn’t anything crazy though, so Reza relaxed a few seconds after. Going back home only to turn around and come back to their ‘vacation’ was going to be a little strange, but Reza supposed this had ceased to be just a fun leisure trip a long time ago. It sounded like Shane had to go back for business reasons, which was kind of a bummer but not too surprising. They’d been gone for a long time now. Reza thought maybe he could squeeze in a visit with his family too while they were there. “I would fuckin’ hope not,” he said with an amused huff. “Yeah, of course I’ll come with you. I’ve got some stuff I can take care of too, so why not ... you do want to come back though?”
"I'm not running," Shane replied because yes, there was no way he was abandoning his fellow survivors to fight on their own, even if he was beginning to feel more and more like they were never going to actually fight at all. It felt a bit like a fantasy that would never come to fruition because none of their research was paying off and even he wasn't crazy enough to go in blind and risk killing innocents. "So yeah, we're coming back. If you want to. This is where I remind you you don't have to do this and you remind me I'm an idiot for reminding you, right?" He grinned faintly and rubbed his nose against Reza's skin. They'd had this conversation, more than a lot, he'd given up on trying to get Reza out of this bind, he'd just have to find ways to keep him safe when it came down to it.
“Oh no, I didn’t--” Reza started to say before Shane went on. He didn’t want Shane to think he thought him a coward or anything, Reza hadn’t been thinking of it as running away from the problems here. He knew better. He huffed a bit as he nudged his forehead against Shane’s, half-smiling as he shook his head a bit. “You got it, idiot. It’s not a have-to, it’s a want-to. I’m coming back with you,” he said, his tone firm but warm. Even if Shane did lose his mind and try to ditch him, Reza would be on the next plane back out here to show up for him, pissed about having to fly alone. There was no way he could stand being left behind now that he had an idea of what Shane had to face, he would rather be in danger in the thick of it, just to know what happened to all of them. Reza kissed his chin and smirked slightly. “You don’t try to leave me behind and I won’t make you meet my family yet while we’re there, deal?”
Shane knew damn well he'd be fighting a losing battle trying to keep Reza out of it and the only comfort he had for that was that it was Jane's fault - not his - that Reza knew everything so maybe he'd get a small discount on the self loathing he was sure to feel if something happened to Reza. "Deal," he said after laughing softly and considering it, not wanting to be too eager to agree. He didn't want to meet Reza's family but he knew it was important to him so he was trying not to be a jerk about it. "I'll meet them after the battle." That meant there was a chance he'd never meet them all, but that would be a Pyrrhic victory.
Reza knew Shane was resistant to the whole idea, but he still had the sense that once he was there, in his mother’s warm kitchen, listening to all of them laugh together, Shane would fall in love with it. Or he at least would see that the Mansours were not scary monster people. It always broke Reza’s heart a bit that Shane didn’t have a family, and Reza wanted to give him that. He deserved it. There was no doubt in his mind that his family would like Shane and treat him like one of their own. “Mmhmm, you will,” Reza murmured with a little smirk. “So no throwing yourself into harm's way just to avoid it, okay?” He kept his tone light and pressed another little kiss to Shane’s lips. “Or I’ll kill you myself.”
"Oh will you?" Shane said with a tone like Reza had said something far more suggestive than 'kill'. He grinned again and wiggled against him before even attempting to take this seriously. "I promise I'll do my best to be of sound mind and body when I meet your family." It was a playful promise but still a big one because he knew it would be tempting to down a bottle of something strong before the introductions. He'd never been so nervous about meeting anyone, and that was saying a lot. The driving factor here was that he loved Reza and anything that could cast a shadow on their relationship was a threat, but this potential threat was people Reza loved so Shane had no idea how to deal with that.
Reza laughed a bit and nipped at Shane’s chin. “I’ll allow some buffer booze,” he said, as if it was generous of him to make that sort of concession. He didn’t want Shane to be wasted when they all got together, of course, but his family weren’t prudes about alcohol. They were more on the secular side of Islam, a lot of the stricter rules relaxed to fit with their open-mindedness. Plus living in America, it made a difference. “And don’t change a thing about this body,” Reza murmured with a warm grin, running his hand down to fondle Shane’s junk a bit. All he wanted was Shane to come through this all in one piece, but dwelling on all the danger was unappealing while they were enjoying the sun and each other like this.
"I wasn't planning on it," Shane tittered, though he was so far gone that if Reza asked him for matching tattoos or even a dick piercing, he'd get his first body mod in a heartbeat. It was funny to be aware of how awful and dumb something was and simply not care, and that was what he felt about Reza. Dumb, awful, too far gone - and none of it mattered because it made him so damn happy. He grunted playfully at the groping and bit Reza on the shoulder before pulling him into a tight embrace. "You know you're the only person I'd do that for, right?"
“What, not change your body?” Reza teased, smirking faintly as he hugged Shane back. He nuzzled the bridge of his nose against Shane’s temple and gave a soft hum. “I know,” he added, fully aware of what Shane truly meant. It meant a lot to him, too. “And you know you’re the first person I’ve really wanted to do it, right?” Shane wouldn’t be the first boyfriend his family had met, but those had all been casual sorts of lunches here and there, he hadn’t been serious about any of them like this. Reza wanted Shane more seriously than anyone else he’d ever met. Reza squeezed him tighter, his most stubborn side sure that he could will all of this to work, even if nobody else involved believed it.
Shane hadn't really thought of it but it kind of made sense that Reza didn't bring a lot of guys to see his parents. He paused as he processed that before murmuring in stunned realization, "You've never brought anyone home." Well, that was either more pressure or less and he wasn't entirely sure which it was. At least there wasn't some former favorite for them to compare him to, but he was also The guy Reza brought home and he wasn't sure if he wanted Reza to correct him on this or not.
Reza gave some negative hum, because his family had met a couple of guys he’d dated, he’d just never brought anyone home for a major holiday or anything. And those brief meet and greets had mostly been with his sisters. But did Shane really need to know that? Reza didn’t even know if this was making things worse or better. “Not like ... officially,” he murmured back, wincing slightly as he pulled back enough to look at him. “Not in a serious way, not like I’d bring you home. But look, they were always nice to the non-serious guys. None of those dudes even died, you know?” Reza smirked faintly.
"Well thank god for that," Shane drawled though ironically he was less scared of facing down death than he was of facing Reza's family. He knew fully how stupid that was but feelings weren't easily controlled. "I'm so glad your family isn't the 'bring back gay guys and hunt them down' type. Or at least catch and release..." He had to laugh at that idea and it could honestly be kinda sexy, if no families were involved. "That'd make a fun resort, a bunch of naked twinks to catch on an island. Problem is they wouldn't be much of a challenge, everyone would want to get caught."
He immediately pictured some dumb reality show built around an island of twinks to sexy-hunt, and Reza laughed too, rolling his eyes at the same time. “Sounds like your dream vacation, yeah,” he accused playfully. “I just see gallons and gallons of baby oil being involved.” Reza snickered, dipping his head in to nip lightly at Shane’s neck. “Is that your secret kink, you want me to be all slicked up and running away? I bet you couldn’t even catch me.” He huffed and gave Shane’s ass a smack. Being cheeky and flirty was a better use of their time than stressing about a dinner that wasn’t even scheduled yet.
"The oil comes after capture," Shane corrected him. "Otherwise no, I wouldn't be able to catch you, you'd be way too slick." And covered in dirt because everything around him would stick to his oily skin. "I think it's more sexy in theory, but I could catch you, unless you magically cheat." He was pretty sure he could outrun Reza, considering he was the one out of the two of them who actually liked running. Reza stayed fit with other means. "You'd want me to, though, admit it." He grinned again and nuzzled Reza's cheek.
Some retort about just having to jump in a pool to evade Shane crossed Reza’s mind, but that would be a little mean to say out loud, so he bit his tongue on it. There was no question he would let Shane ‘catch’ him no matter the circumstances. Reza gave a squirm and whined like it pained him to admit such a thing. “I think I’d hide more than run,” he mused instead, giving Shane a lazy grin of his own. “Did you play hide and seek a lot as a kid? I was such a good hider. A climber too, I was always squeezing up into high tight spaces.”
"Oh man, you'd be really good at seeking too," Shane groaned and decided not to point out that his prime hide and seek days had been spent locked up in an institution. "You could listen too well, it'd be cheating." He tittered and reached down to squeeze Reza's ass. "Now you're the tight space for me to squeeze into," he murmured suggestively. "My favorite hiding spot." It was easier to make dirty talk than it was to linger on the fact he was kind of jealous Reza had had a normal childhood where he could play and climb and not get terrorized by scientists and witches. Shane never liked dwelling on the past and his present was pretty damn sweet.
“Using one’s natural abilities is not cheating,” Reza protested, snickering as he pushed his ass back into Shane’s grip. He loved being groped like that, and in these nice intimate moments between them it was too easy for him to forget how Shane’s early life had gone. Reza was too distracted to realize his faux pas, a little tingle in his stomach from that flirtatious tone of Shane’s. “And we both come out winners,” he purred back. “I like that version better.” He kissed him, lingering in it for a couple of moments before he nibbled at Shane’s bottom lip and pulled back again. “So when do we need to be in Chicago?”
There was no real set time that Shane needed to be back, there were just things he wanted to get out of the way so he shrugged, idly running his fingers over Reza's skin. "So I'm thinking we could fly out on Wednesday and be back Thursday or Friday - unless you wanna stay the weekend and party." It was probably weird that he didn't really want to do that, like going back to the Chicago nightlife was a step backwards, one filled with potential mistakes and drugs. Of course he'd be partying with Reza so that was different.
That was going to be a fast trip, and Reza found that he did want to stay the weekend, but not necessarily to party. Instead he pictured them going out for nice dinners, taking advantage of the high class shopping, maybe trying to catch tickets to a show. Vacation stuff in their own hometown. If it was even home anymore, Reza felt like those lines were all blurry and meaningless right now. “Let’s say Friday and see how we feel,” he suggested, tracing little patterns on Shane’s back in return. “I dunno about partying too much, but maybe we can make a nice weekend out of it.”
"Whatever you want," Shane murmured contently and he meant it, which was a whole slew of insanity all on its own. He was so used to going his own way, often whimsically, that following somebody else's desires was relatively new to him, at least now that he could do whatever the hell he wanted. He smooched on Reza a little before stretching and pulling away from him. "I'm getting some sun now," he announced, then gave Reza a little grin. "This beautiful tan doesn't work itself. You wanna lounge with me for a bit? Do you have sunscreen on?" It was definitely time to reapply his own and he only felt a little reluctant to get up and get it.
Reza propped his head up on his hand and admired the view for a moment, his gaze wandering down over Shane’s lean body. It certainly was a beautiful tan, on top of a beautiful everything else. “I do not,” he admitted with a chuckle. “Think I’m gonna take a dip first.” Soaking up the sun was nice, but Reza’s skin was getting a bit hot and he wanted to do a few laps while they were out here. He leaned in to steal another kiss from Shane, then got up and stretched with a little grunt. After another swallow of coffee, Reza walked around to the deep end of the pool, tossing a couple of flirty glances back at Shane on the way. He took a deep breath and dove in to do an underwater lap.
"You should use sunscreen even when swimming," Shane sing-songed lazily at him as he watched him leave, then sprawled out contently and enjoyed the view. His man really was beautiful, all long and lean with that naturally dark skin of his and that cute fucking smile he shot Shane. He mouthed a 'I love you' back at him and once Reza disappeared into the water, he closed his eyes and set to enjoying the sun. It was nice, just listening to the splashing of water as Reza swam his laps, and feeling the sun on his skin like a physical touch. He could have easily fallen asleep there and he came close, so relaxed and content. Some twenty minutes passed and he sat up again to have some more water, looking out at the pool where Reza was still swimming, moving through the water like he was made of magic. Shane drank, put the empty glass aside and stood up. There was a strong sense of determination racing through him. He'd never joined Reza in the pool, for good reason of course, but that reason was getting old. It felt so stupid now, when everything was warm and safe and his chest was full of nothing but love. There was nothing to be afraid of. So he walked over to the pool and stopped right at the edge where the steps led down into the water, focusing on Reza's dark head of hair moving toward him under the surface.
If Reza had been born into any other element, it would’ve been water, he’d always felt sure. He’d learned to do a bit of water magic, nothing complicated or impressive, but it had helped with his breath control and to feel a bit more well rounded as a witch. Some people were gifted in multiple elements and a broader range of magic, but Reza was pretty content with his niche. Sound was such a rich resource to play with, he knew it would never get old. He was humming to himself now and then as he swam, relishing the differences that came from being underwater, all of it almost a meditation of sound and movement. Reza sensed a change in the light and came up for air at the shallow end of the pool, swiping his hands over his face before he looked up at Shane. A smile crossed his face and he leaned back in the water a bit. “You going in?” he asked. It was easy to assume Shane had just come over to say something to him, seeing as how he never swam.
God he made it look so easy and beautiful even, like he and the water were a harmonious unit and not enemies. Shane made a soft sound that could easily have been either yes or no, focusing on the way Reza looked in the water rather than on the water itself. It was stupid to be afraid of it, there was no ceiling here, no glass walls, no scientists. He was two decades older and powerful as hell - and Reza was there so even if his powers fizzled out, Reza would help him. Fear seemed so far away at the moment, he had to take the opportunity and make it go away for good. "You want me to come in?" he asked, angling his body a bit as if to pose for his man, well aware that he looked good standing there.
Shane had never really told him why he didn’t like any water deeper than the hot tub, Reza had always kind of assumed it was because he was so fire-aspected. He knew some witches had aversions to their opposite element, so it seemed natural that was the case for psychics too. The question surprised a soft laugh out of him, his brows lifting as he smiled wider. “Uh, of course I do,” he said. Reza swam a little closer, his eyes on Shane. “Do you want to come in? The temperature’s perfect.” The temperature was always perfect in this pool, of course, but he wanted to make it sound more enticing.
Shane smirked at him and took one step into the pool, then another. The water felt a little cool to him, which was weird because most things didn't but he was fine, he was okay there in the shallow end stepping closer to Reza. He figured it had been long enough now and he was so much more in control than the last time he'd tried getting in a pool. Too powerful to be afraid of a little water. Only it wasn't a little water, it was a whole pool and the closer he got to Reza, the farther away Reza looked, like he was somehow going backwards instead of forward. The water was up to his waist now and logically he knew he could reach out and touch Reza, but he looked like he was miles away, looking at him funny as Shane's breath started hitching and his skin getting paler. He wasn't fully aware of it himself, he was just wondering why the fuck Reza was so far away and why he was getting tunnel vision. The next thing he knew he was underwater, unable to breathe as Dr. Wilkes stared at him through the glass with impassive eyes, yelling at him to try harder.
Reza watched Shane enter the water from his very stationary spot, his toes planted on the bottom of the pool. Everything seemed fine until all of the color suddenly drained out of Shane’s face. He went very still except for his chest, his breaths all of the sudden quick and shallow. “Shane?” Reza asked as he stood up, his expression turning concerned. Alarm bells started going off in his head and he closed the small gap between them. Reza reached out to gently touch Shane’s forearm, a chill coiling tight in his gut. “Shane,” he said again, more urgency in the word this time. Reza didn’t know what was happening, but it was unsettling.
Shane jerked his arm away from Reza's touch like it had burned him, caught between where he thought he was and where he knew he was, like he was caught between two realities and struggling to get out. "I can't breathe," he choked out as he stumbled backwards. "I can't breathe." They couldn't let him black out again, could they? One near drowning was one too many, what if he didn't come back this time? The water felt like mud around his lower torso and he tried to focus on the fact that was the only place he could feel it, that he wasn't actually submerged, that he wasn't in a fucking tank. The most surreal thing about all of it was the sane voice somewhere in the back of his mind telling him he was acting insane, he was in a pool, it was sunny and he was safe, like he was split into two people, one logical and the other completely mental. "This is so fucking stupid," he groaned and blindly flailed around to find Reza's arm again, grabbing it like it was life support.
He knew that he shouldn’t panic himself, he needed to remain calm to help Shane, but part of Reza started to flail hard. He seemed to be having a panic attack or a flashback or something, and the way he jerked away from Reza’s hand made his chest feel tight. It obviously wasn’t the same as the overdose, but that same Danger! Act Fast feeling crashed into him again. He tightened his internal grip on himself and clutched Shane’s arm back when he took hold of him again. “You’re okay,” Reza said, trying to straddle the line between gentle and firm. “Look at me. You can breathe, you’re still in the shallow end. Come on, breathe with me.” Trying to catch Shane’s gaze and keep it, Reza took a deep slow breath to prompt Shane to do the same.
Shane didn't know how to look at him when he couldn't see him at all. All he saw was Wilkes, no longer a memory but more of a ghost, smirking at him from behind a wall of water, so eerily calm and spiteful, almost like he was telling him that if he'd had to burn, Shane had to drown. It was only fair. But Reza was there, he could hear his voice, feel his grip on him and that logical voice in his head was mocking him now because he really was in the shallow end and this was how he was reacting? "I'm okay," he said but he was still breathing too fast, too shallow, desperately trying to convince himself to really be okay. "I'm okay."
He was almost hyperventilating, and Reza felt a guilt that he couldn’t even really look at yet looming over him. Shane had come in of his own free will, but Reza had encouraged it and now here they were. “You are okay,” he echoed to confirm that fact, even if it didn’t seem like Shane was able to really hear him. There was a vacancy in his eyes like he was looking through Reza more than at him, caught up in whatever had triggered this. “Here, come on, let’s get out,” he said, turning them in the water, intending to lead Shane back to the pool steps. If the water was the problem, it made sense to remove themselves from it. “It’s all right, Shane, just keep trying to breathe.”
Shane weirdly enough didn't want to get out of the water, he didn't want to flee and then wait another ten years to get back in only to have another panic attack. He let Reza lead him to the steps but when he was there he turned around and sat down when the water was shallow enough that only his feet and butt stayed in the water. Turning around helped, like he was physically turning away from Wilkes even if that visual was only in his head. The nice outdoor area of the house they were renting came swimming back into view, slightly blurry but still warm and filled with sun and after he plopped down to sit, he tugged on Reza to sit down with him, closing his eyes for a few seconds. "I want to get in," he whispered once his breathing started slowing down a little bit. "I'm so sick of this."
Reza didn’t need much prompting to join him, sitting close and putting an arm around Shane’s shoulders. His throat ached with empathy and that shitty feeling of helplessness. Reza still didn’t really know the specifics of what had happened to Shane, but he had to assume this all came from trauma he’d endured at the hands of AIR. Shane had said they’d tortured him, and if Reza had been out to hurt a fire witch, he would’ve started with water magic. It seemed natural that element interaction would extend to psychics too. Reza was relieved when Shane spoke and sounded more dialed into reality, and he rubbed his thumb against the tense muscles in Shane’s shoulder. “It’s okay to take your time,” Reza murmured. “But I’m here for you, whatever you need.”
The more he calmed down, the dumber Shane felt. His chest wasn't even wet except for where Reza touched him and he'd still freaked out. The last time he'd done that it had made sense to overreact because he'd been pushed into the pool, but this time he'd willingly walked - slowly - into one. It shouldn't be such a big deal, he shouldn't be seeing things. "That did not go as planned," he groaned, opening his eyes to look out at the calm blue water in front of him. It didn't look scary, but his chest felt tight just looking at it and he looked at Reza instead. The concern in his expression was heartbreaking and he leaned in against him more, puffing out his cheeks in exasperation before letting the air out slowly. God his lungs still hurt, like he'd actually lost air, but they seemed to be letting him breathe again, shuddered and still a little shallow, but nowhere near as bad as it had been.
He gave a soft little snort and ruffled the back of Shane’s hair. “If you could just plan not to have a panic attack when you get triggered, you’d be the first,” Reza told him, giving the back of his neck a gentle squeeze. He hated how hard Shane was on himself sometimes. In their day to day lives he made it easy to forget how much trauma he’d been through -- Reza knew he didn’t even know the half of it -- and Reza hated to think there was so much self-loathing bubbling under all that charm. He dipped in to kiss Shane’s bare shoulder, his skin still hot from the sun. Reza’s eyes lingered on his face, the concern subsiding slowly as Shane gradually came around and breathed easier. “Do you wanna tell me about any of it?” he asked softly.
Shane's mind was still swimming with memories, but at least they were just that now - memories and not vivid hallucinations. The AIR facility memories mingled with memories of his last panic attack where he'd had no voice of reason telling him he was being stupid, it had been pure fear and a near violent one at that so... this was progress? He focused on the little kiss, unsure if he wanted to tell Reza more horror stories, he already knew so much - too much. "I just wanted to get in the fucking pool," he mumbled tiredly and then quirked a wry smile. "But hey I made it pretty far this time."
Reza took that answer as a No, and he felt a strange mix of relieved and disappointed. He didn’t want to wallow in Shane’s past misery or put him in a position where he was wallowing, but at the same time Reza wanted to know everything about him. He loved Shane dearly and he wanted to be as prepared for stuff like this as he could be, so he could provide the best support. Reza just hoped he was doing okay at the moment. He wasn’t going to push. “You did,” he said instead, giving Shane a warmer smile in return. “Even just wanting to is probably progress, you know? Baby steps.”
"Yeah," Shane agreed eagerly and took a deep breath, trying to steady himself and psych himself up. "I'm still in the fucking pool," he said because even if he was only on the steps, he was still sitting in the water and that felt like a lot. The pool stretched out in front of him and he wasn't going to be floating in it all nonchalantly like Reza anytime soon, but he was in it. "Feels like I should have this under control already," he muttered with a huff, as if Reza had known about this all along and he hadn't just up and scared him yet again by going full psycho. Well, maybe not full psycho, he hadn't punched him or ran away, hell he'd handled this really well considering his past reactions.
“Yeah!” Reza replied quickly, because Shane was still in the fucking pool. He wouldn’t have thought that was a big accomplishment, but it obviously was, so he wanted to be supportive. It was interesting that they’d been in the bathtub and the hot tub before with no issues, but those were smaller pools of water, and hotter, so maybe Shane felt comfortable there. Had someone tried to drown him? If it had been the scientists at AIR ... what had they been trying to accomplish? Make him boil all the water away to save himself? See if he could even make fire while he was submerged? Thinking about that kind of horrific stuff happening to a child version of Shane made Reza’s chest feel tight with impotent rage, so he tried not to dwell, not now. “Have you been to therapy or anything?” he asked gently, already knowing the answer to that. “If it’s anything like what I’m thinking ... why would you have it under control? Stuff like that doesn’t just go away on its own, babe.”
"It's just been so long," Shane said, wrinkling his nose for a moment and pursing his lips. "And you look so beautiful in the water, it's hard to think it's dangerous or bad. And even if the cover suddenly closed, there'd still be room to breathe." He shrugged then vaguely gestured at the mechanical equipment with a shake of his head. "It's not scary, it's just my dumb brain being a drama bitch." He was well aware the therapy question had been rhetorical and that Reza had been making a point so he didn't address it, just sighed again and slipped his hand between Reza's knees, just letting his arm casually rest there. "I'm sorry, I really should have known better. Last time I just... I think I punched someone."
Reza didn’t think there was an expiration date on trauma, but he could understand where Shane was coming from. It was a pretty big handicap to have as a phobia, and Shane could be impatient about even small things. He just wasn’t in control of his subconscious reactions any more than anybody else was. Reza winced faintly and then chuckled at the confession. “Well, thanks for not swinging this time,” he murmured wryly. Not that Reza would hold it against him once he caught onto what was going on, but he wanted to avoid any and all punches between them. “Don’t be sorry to me, okay? You wanted to try it and you did. So now we know where you’re at, and if you want to try again later, it might be even easier. Baby steps, right?”
Shane knew damn well Reza would have forgiven him for a punch, but he wouldn't have forgiven himself and that was a problem. It was hard to even imagine hitting Reza - even if it was in a flailing panic attack - and he was glad he didn't know what that would be like. He'd hurt him enough mentally without adding physical to the mix. "Fuck baby steps," he said with determination that bordered on annoyance. "I'm in the pool. I'm not getting out yet." The lower half of his body felt cold but he didn't care, he would have walked through ice out of sheer spite today. "Just stay with me, okay?"
He wasn’t trying to rush him out of the water or anything, just talking about easing into things in stages, but Shane sounded irritated, so Reza took that as a sign to shut up and stop trying to advise him. It wasn’t like he knew much of anything about how to handle these types of phobias anyway, he was no therapist. “I’m here,” he said quietly, giving Shane’s arm a squeeze. Reza left it at that, slipping into silent support instead. He gazed out at the pool water himself, a sick feeling growing in his stomach as he imagined a bunch of adults forcibly holding a struggling child underwater. He didn’t know if that was accurate to Shane’s experience, but gods it made him want to burn the place down all over again.
It wasn't like Shane knew a damn thing about handling phobias either, he only knew how they affected him and how he avoided his triggers the best he could. Until he didn't, apparently. "Being underwater is like being around a null," he said quietly, raising his hand and letting a small flame flicker to life in his palm. "If I go all the way under, I can't do anything." He licked his bottom lip before worrying at it, looking at Reza again. He looked so serious, kind of like he wanted to murder the pool on Shane's behalf and while that was reaffirming as fuck, Shane didn't want to sour the experience of swimming for him. "But I feel like, if you're here... If something went wrong you could make a magic bubble or something - and please don't tell me you can't or try to test it out or anything, I just... I need to believe that." He let the flame go out and let out a shuddered breath, his grip on Reza tightening momentarily. "You also make me talk too much."
Being cut off from his magic for any reason always sounded horrible to Reza, so he had plenty of sympathy. It must have been even more terrifying as a kid, when Shane’s fire was the only thing he had to protect himself. He squeezed Shane's arm back and gave a solemn sort of nod. “I can do that, you know,” Reza assured him. “I’d be a helluva lifeguard.” He wouldn’t demonstrate since Shane told him not to, but it was fairly simple magic, and there was no way in hell he would let Shane drown in his presence. Reza was a damn good air witch, and even though sound was his main focus, he could still put air back into Shane’s lungs if he needed it. Plus he was a strong swimmer, so he would have his man out of the pool and above water quickly. Reza gently clunked his head against Shane’s temple and kissed his cheek. “No such thing, with me,” he murmured.
Shane smiled faintly and he supposed that was true. It just didn't stop feeling weird to have someone he could be so open with. He hadn't always been shut off and awful, it was learned behavior and unlearning it was easier than he thought and yet so mind boggling. Hearing Reza could do the things he'd imagined was exactly what he'd needed and he couldn't resist adding that strange element to his memory. How different things would have been if Reza had been lurking in the corner, lending him oxygen and easing his anxiety. "You wouldn't let me drown," he said and suddenly his eyes and nose stung as emotion flared up in his chest, tight and too big for his body. "Even if you suddenly hated me. It's not who you are." Reza could never have worked for AIR, Shane had a hard time even imagining him hurting anyone in the upcoming battle and he hoped it wouldn't come to that. Those things changed a man. "I kinda wish I'd always known you."
That tightness to Shane’s voice made Reza feel emotional himself. He couldn’t imagine himself ever hating Shane, even if things imploded between them. He felt like he understood the other man too well for that now. Hopefully neither of their individual issues would grow too big for them to handle and work through together ... and hopefully Shane would keep wanting to do the work with him. Reza was much more afraid of that changing than the possibility of panic attacks and flashbacks. He was finding that it wasn’t as easy to be in love as everyone made it out to be, and he knew Shane liked most things easy. Reza wanted to be worthwhile to him. “Me too,” he said quietly, slipping his arm around Shane’s back again to give him a gentle squeeze. “I would never let you drown. And I don’t think I’m even capable of hating you.” Reza chuckled faintly and kissed the side of his face again, sliding his fingers up into the back of Shane’s hair. “I wish I could go back in time and protect you from everything,” he added softly.
"You're here now," Shane said and it didn't make a whole lot of sense to him but he was imagining Reza outside the tank, watching angrily and trying to help. It altered the memory considerably and it was just a fantasy but... it did make him feel a little better thinking about it. Like Reza was a promise of a future he hadn't known he'd get, looking over him like some ghost of Christmas future. "You're there with me now." He sucked in air through his nose, glad he wasn't actively crying or anything though it felt close. "Fuck I love you so much, it's stupid." He smiled again, then huffed and nudged Reza gently. "Sometimes even annoying, but right now it's just... it's good."
Reza was always pretty good at staying in touch with his emotions, but he couldn’t remember a more weepy time in his life. Shane was just firmly under his skin, tugging at all those ridiculous heartstrings. He gave a watery little laugh and swiped at his eyes with his free hand. “It is good,” he agreed, nudging Shane back. “We’ll just be dumbasses together then I guess, because I’m stupidly in love with you too. Idiot.” Reza smirked and nipped lightly at Shane’s cheekbone before he pulled back a little to gaze at him. It hadn’t escaped him that Shane had wanted to get in the pool partly because of him, and just how much that meant. It was probably a weird thing to be grateful for, but he felt it anyway. “And I’ll be here anytime you wanna get that cute ass wet in the pool,” he added, nudging their hips together.
"Okay," Shane said and his voice shuddered a little as he shifted his position, slipping his arm around Reza's back and nudging him to move. It spoke volumes how in sync they were that he met no resistance and Reza simply moved where he wanted him to, drifting easily through the water until he was in front of Shane, facing him. "Okay," Shane said again and forced himself to take a deep breath as his hands settled on Reza's waist and he pushed him forward slowly, moving them a little deeper into the pool. He could still stand up and then the water would only reach his thigh so he was kind of crab walking along the bottom but that was good, shallow was very good. "You just want to get my ass wet," he murmured, though he wasn't really sure how much that actually applied to their sex life since Reza rarely topped him and there were definitely less sexy ways of getting a guy's ass wet. Like a panic attack in a pool. Still, sexy - or maybe not that sexy - banter helped and he swallowed dryly as he moved them farther. "You make the water look good," he said accusingly. "This is your fault."
Reza just went with it, gliding away from the pool steps where Shane pulled him through the water. He put his toes down too to crab-walk with him and stay on the same level, his hands solid on Shane’s upper arms and eyes on his expression. As serious as this was -- or could be, if Shane started to freak out again -- Reza couldn’t help but grin at the accusation. “Excuse me sir, you make everything look good,” he countered. “Wet asses included. So you have no room to talk.” Keeping things light and fun was probably a good plan. If Reza wasn’t full of good advice, he could at least be distracting. He gradually straightened his legs as they got a bit deeper to keep his head and shoulders above water, moving at Shane’s pace, absolutely ready to catch him if he slipped and went under or anything.
Shane laughed but it came out nervous for reasons that had nothing to do with whether he looked good or not. "Well, sorry," he murmured cheekily and tried to focus on the fact that his feet were firmly touching the bottom of the pool and his upper body was not submerged. The water reached his elbows, tickling his arms as it rose higher and he stopped before it reached his shoulders, watching Reza with a mix of apprehension and relief. "This isn't too bad," he said but he was glancing over at the cover, making sure it wasn't stealthily making its way toward them somehow without the usual mechanical whirring. He knew the real reason it wasn't 'so bad' was that he was still holding onto Reza, and Reza was holding onto him, looking attentive and caring. Nothing really bad could happen while he was there and Shane focused on that as best as he could.
The pool was placid and serene as ever, no secret threats lurking to do them in. Even drowning was now off the table, with Reza there being so vigilant and prepared with his magic. Shane got much deeper than he had the first time and Reza beamed at him, gently squeezing the muscle of his arms. “Not too bad ‘cause you’re amazing and a fucking badass,” he told him matter-of-factly. Reza didn’t give a shit how easy it was for most people to just walk into a pool, they’d just seen what it was like for Shane. He kept his grip on Shane’s arms but bounced a little bit with his toes, bobbing in the water. He kind of wanted to let go and swim around Shane in happy circles underwater, but Reza was going to go at his pace, and he doubted that would include being submerged today.
Shane did feel kind of badass and amazing, even as he felt lame and stupid at the same time. It was a funny little mix and he was nowhere near ready to let go of Reza. Instead he pulled him in closer and wound his arms around him, pressing his nose against his cheek. "Thank you," he murmured before pressing a little kiss to his temple. "I think ... I think I'm gonna get out now though." It didn't feel like defeat because he was doing it calmly, not splashing around like a lunatic and punching the water. He could back up again slowly and take in the feel of the water as he did so, make this a first step of many instead of a failed attempt.
Reza didn’t hesitate to embrace him back, giving his body a gentle squeeze. Normally being naked and pressed against Shane was a surefire way to turn him on to a ridiculous degree, but currently all Reza felt was warmth and love and the desire to protect him. “Okay,” Reza murmured as he pulled back just enough to smile at Shane. “You want an escort?” He was pretty well done swimming, but if Shane wanted to get out on his own, he wasn’t going to get in the way. Reza could do another lap or two if Shane needed space, or he could get out with him. He’d already decided they needed to do something genuinely fun with the rest of their day, so he wasn’t going to linger long either way.
"I do," Shane said in a suggestive tone though it was mostly bravado to get him through this. He started moving backwards, pulling Reza with him and enjoying his lithe form in his arms. He wouldn't make a great buoy with his low amount of body fat, but he had magic to make up for it and just holding onto him was soothing, like he was Shane's emotional support witch. That thought very nearly made him laugh but the air still felt a little thick and his chest still felt a little tight. He'd made it so far though, he didn't feel as awful anymore. He could still feel the after effects of his breakdown, but it was all fading fast and he was sure if he burned brightly for a second or two, he'd feel just fine again. Until he got out of the pool, the last thing he needed was space. Water was the only place where he felt anything resembling agoraphobia but he was more than happy to cling to Reza and take comfort in feeling his solid body.
It was tempting to cling to Shane like a koala and let him tote Reza around in the water, but he didn’t want to make him feel weighed down, and they were rapidly in the shallowest water anyway. He kept his hold on Shane until they were climbing out of the pool, and Reza took the opportunity to give Shane’s ass some appreciative pats. Maybe he was off base, but he felt like the more normally he acted, the easier all of this would get for Shane. “So what do you want to do the rest of the day?” he asked as he stood in the sun and rubbed some of the water off of his skin. He hadn’t brought a towel out, but he often didn’t when it was warm enough to air dry. “I’m thinking we need a treat, like ice cream or a shopping spree or something ... not like we don’t do that anyway, but y’know,” he added with a chuckle.
The normalcy was good and Shane could feel his body start to relax once he was out of the water, quickly heating up again in ways that didn't have anything to do with the sun. "Both," he said decisively. "We can go buy some luxurious soaps in that fancy store or something, get a nice bath bomb." Was it weird that he felt like he needed to be in 'safer' water with Reza soon to make it up to him in a way? Maybe. He flopped down on one of the loungers, giving himself a moment to breathe and relax and bask in the sun before he'd get dressed. "I wish this place had better clothing stores, let's go shopping when we go to Chicago."
Reza went to sit in the lounger next to him, stretching his legs out and leaning back with a little sigh. He didn’t have any internal fire to warm him, but the big ball in the sky was doing a good job on its own. “That’s a given,” Reza said with some amusement, smirking a bit. They’d taken several day trips to Portland just to shop, so of course when they were in a major city again they would be hitting the shops, even if it was just a quick trip. He thought vaguely that maybe one of his sisters could meet them out there just for a casual introduction to Shane ... but now probably wasn’t the time to suggest it out loud. Shane had already faced a big fear today. “But Point Pleasant definitely needs a boutique, I’m surprised the people in this neighborhood haven’t demanded one yet.”
"They probably have some secret tailors on their payroll," Shane said and it wouldn't really surprise him if that was true. "Someone with their exact measurements who'll make them fancy new outfits at the drop of a hat." He hummed thoughtfully then scrunched his nose. "Why haven't I got one of those?" It was more a berating of himself for not thinking of it sooner than it was a complaint about the unfairness of life. He could afford it, after all, he just enjoyed going to actual stores and trying on random things so it hadn't really occurred to him until now when he didn't have easy access to said stores. It was way nicer to think about clothes and shopping than it was to linger on his great accomplishment of actually making it into the pool but he still glanced toward the water with a mix of horror and pride. He'd been in there and he'd only freaked out a little.
Reza had to laugh. “Because you love going out and showing off your style while you shop,” he replied with a grin. It wasn’t at all a criticism, because he loved to do that too. They were both vain to a certain degree, but in a way that complemented each other. They couldn’t help it if they were both incredibly attractive and had excellent taste. “Private tailors and personal shoppers are for introverts, people famous enough to get recognized, and total workaholics, not men of leisure like ourselves.” Reza sounded extra snooty as he said it, but then he snickered. “So when do you need to be in Chicago again? I’ve been craving a deep dish, honestly.” There was decent food in this town for the size of it, but Reza missed having nights out at good restaurants.
"You wanted to go on Friday, I wanted to go on Wednesday, how about we meet halfway and go on Thursday?" Shane suggested since he didn't really have a set date he wanted to be there, he just had things to do that he wanted to get out of the way. "I'll take care of business shit and then we can lounge over the weekend, go shopping and whatever else we want to do." He had a feeling Reza would feel like he had to go visit his family, it'd probably be weird to fly home and not see them at all. After braving the pool, Shane wondered if he'd brave that particular thing too, but he didn't want to make promises he might not be willing to keep.
“I’ll see if I can work it into my schedule,” Reza said lightly, grinning a bit. As if he was doing much of anything to occupy his time that didn’t revolve around Shane. There were probably business things he could also take care of while they were there. He was definitely going to have to fit in some sort of family visit, if they were going to be there for more than a day. If his mother found out he came back to town and didn’t pop by for a meal at some point, he would never hear the end of it. Reza wouldn’t force Shane to go, since he’d promised not to push it until all of the AIR stuff was done, but he could stay hopeful that Shane would impulsively decide to walk into that metaphorical pool as well.