Adrian Moretti (theneedtofeed) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2022-12-07 17:52:00 |
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Entry tags: | #july 2018, adrian, adrian x kane, kane |
Who: Adrian & Kane
Where: Hotel in Portland
When: Sometime after midnight, Sunday morning 7/8
Status: Part 3/3
The wince was kind of cute, even if the reason for it wasn't, and Adrian didn't try to dismiss it or make Kane feel better about it, he just watched him steadily, taking in that face he was so stupidly in love with. "Well, you made me very happy this weekend," he murmured after a beat. "So I guess you're good for something." His lips quirked into a crooked smile before he leaned in to bump their noses together, wondering if he hadn't made AJ happy at some point; if they'd had something at least half this good then he must have. "Don't leave, take me swimming again," he murmured against his lips. "Doesn't take much." And yet he felt like he was possibly asking for more than Kane could give when he asked him to stay. He had no idea where this fear had come from, it made sense to be scared that he'd get torn apart on a hunting trip, that fear was very real and very valid, but this abandonment thing... No. He wouldn't let Kane leave him like that and if that made him a psycho then oh well, Kane had gone psycho on him before so that'd make them even.
Even with the little jab in there, that was a high compliment, and it made Kane’s chest feel all warm and glowy. He’d set out to do that, to please Adrian with this weekend, the hotel, the dates, the good food. He hadn’t quite intended to confess the depth of his feelings and say stupid shit like he wished Adrian could move in with him, but incredibly enough Adrian had taken it all well. Better than that, he felt the same. It was a little hard to accept, even if Kane believed he was sincere, and he worried he was going to start doubting it as soon as they were apart again. They would just have to see each other more often. “Stay, swim, fuck the hell outta you?” Kane drawled with a little smirk. He pressed their lips together a few gentle times. Those things sounded so simple, but he knew there would be more than that to it, roles he might not be able to fill, support he maybe couldn’t give. Kane didn’t know yet. But he didn’t want to be maudlin about it now, he just wanted to feel Adrian’s mouth on his and know he was doing well so far.
"Think that last one goes without saying," Adrian replied with a smile between kisses before letting the next one linger, just enjoying the feel of Kane's lips against his own and the way their bodies pressed together. He wished he wasn't sleepy, that they could both take a rain check on sleeping until tomorrow night, promise their bodies they'd make it up to them and get to enjoy every minute they had together awake. That was what drugs were for, really, but he'd seen first hand what the side effects of those kinds of cocktails really entailed so he had no interest in going there. "Bed?" he murmured after a few long and sweet moments, pressing his face against Kane's neck as he idly stroked his back again.
Kane had been through a lot of sleepless nights with a long drive the next day, but it got dodgy sometimes, and he didn’t want to put Adrian at any kind of risk. Maybe he wasn’t delicate -- hell, maybe he couldn’t even die, with the wendigo inside of him -- but he was precious to Kane. Besides, who knew when they would get to spend another night sleeping next to each other? That itself was a treat, so Kane’s nod wasn’t too reluctant. He ran his hands up and down Adrian’s sides, lingering for another moment before he started to pull back, brushing a kiss against his temple before they parted too much. Kane rinsed the last of the soap suds off of them, then got out and started to dry off. Soon enough they were both climbing back into the roomy hotel bed, and Kane pulled Adrian in close again with a soft “c’mere.”
It felt intensely good to stretch out again but in that way that felt dangerous because Adrian didn't really want to fall asleep and he knew he would within minutes if he got too comfortable. He let himself be pulled in closer, curled in against Kane and slipped an arm around him to hold him close. "I wouldn't mind a few groundhog days," he murmured. "Like in that movie." They'd wake up and it'd be Saturday again and he could relive this perfect day as often as he wanted. "Next time we go somewhere, let's make it a week." He couldn't imagine that happening any time soon, but dreaming was free.
He hadn’t thought about that movie in years, and Kane chortled as he gave Adrian a squeeze. He didn’t think they would be spending a week anywhere for a long time, but it was a nice daydream. All snuggled up in their warm little bubble, it was pretty easy to imagine Adrian coming out one day, Kane somehow getting in his family’s good graces, enough for them to take a real vacation together. Somewhere exotic, where Kane could spoil him some more. Suddenly all he could think about was Adrian stretched out on a beach, soaking in the sun. “I’ll take you someplace nice and sunny,” he murmured back, a little smile lingering on his face. “And maybe we’ll get lucky and get stuck in a time loop.” He snickered softly.
With their luck it was more likely to be a time loop full of nightmares but this was a fantasy and bad shit wasn't allowed so Adrian didn't let his mind go there. "Somewhere sunny like Florida? Or somewhere sunny like the Caribbean?" He asked a little teasingly. It was plenty sunny right now in Maine but it'd be nice to escape the harsh winter for a week or two, especially if it involved privacy and lovely beaches. He just as easily pictured Kane in that sort of place, probably spooking the strangers with his scars and tattoos, and then Adrian remembered he too had some of those and it was weird to think he no longer looked completely harmless.
“Caribbean,” he answered decisively. “Or the Italian coast or somethin’. I never been to Hawaii, have you?” Kane had been in nice places in between jobs before, but he hadn’t really taken many vacations. He didn’t have a nine to five grind job to escape, or anybody special to experience stuff with, and he traveled all the time anyway. It made more sense to just go where he wanted and work along the way. But having Adrian along with him would change everything -- nice hotels over the cheap places, sightseeing and exploring instead of working. Funny how he wanted to do all that for somebody else, but not for himself, even though he benefitted too. He already felt like he was enjoying his life more, and they’d barely gotten started. Fuck, Kane hoped the inevitable implosion took its time.
"Oh I see what you're doing," Adrian said and he could feel the sleepiness creeping in, making him feel a little silly. It was probably only a matter of time before he stopped making sense and if he let Kane do the talking, he'd probably fall asleep while trying to focus on listening. "Trying to get me off US soil." He'd never actually left the States and the thought of visiting another country seemed pretty hardcore in a good way. He let those images flood his brain, hoping he could at least have nice dreams about it if they could never make it a reality. "You're a dangerous man," he murmured, pressing a little kiss on Kane's warm skin. "I don't know if I should go anywhere with you." Except he wanted to go anywhere and everywhere with him, he'd just have a hard time explaining it to his family.
“Hawaii is US soil, dummy,” Kane murmured with a little snicker. “I mean, not by moral rights, it should still belong to the natives ... but technically. Don’t even need a passport.” Not that that would be a barrier -- if Adrian didn’t have one or had a hard time getting one, Kane could get him a passable fake. Getting out of the country for real did sound pretty nice though, to a vacation spot instead of a war zone, and if Adrian wanted to go, Kane wanted to take him. All of this talk would probably fly out the window as soon as Adrian was back home though. He’d been clear that he wasn’t ready to come out, and a guy didn’t just go on overseas vacations with another dude he’d ‘just met.’ Kane nuzzled a kiss to Adrian’s head and silently wished he was freer. “I ain’t dangerous to you no more,” he said, slow and soft. “You got my beating heart in your hands now.”
Adrian was about to point out that Italy was not US soil, dummy, but Kane kept talking and what he said punched him right in the gut and made whatever snark he was feeling evaporate. The mental image of literally holding Kane's heart in his hands was hard to shake, visceral and gory, and both the literal and the metaphorical made his chest ache. It was both good and bad, a whole lot of responsibility, the feeling he could kill Kane without even touching him just by saying the right words. "You're still dangerous to me," he murmured. "You make me stupid and crazy. You make me want things..." He suddenly didn't feel like he was on the verge of sleep anymore, like he'd emotionally jolted awake and he didn't think he had the words to tell Kane just how strongly he felt.
He wasn’t oblivious to the implications of what he said, Kane had a decent imagination himself, and there was something compelling about picturing his literal heart in Adrian’s bloody long-fingered hands. He could see Adrian cradling and protecting it just as clearly as he could see him taking a huge chewy bite of it. It was fucked up, but Kane didn’t even know which he wanted more. If something had to end him, wasn’t being wildly in love the best option? He idly traced his fingers along the top of Adrian’s shoulder and partway down his arm, able to hear the shift in tone. He hadn’t meant to drag them away from lighthearted daydreaming, it was just the truth. Adrian could crush him internally probably even more effectively than the wendigo could crush his body. “Like what things?” he asked, still stroking his skin.
"Stupid things," Adrian replied and he didn't really want to talk about how he wanted to come out of the closet, turn his life upside down, take the chance on Kane and - if everything blew up in his face - run away with him. It was easy to lie about who he was when he didn't feel the need to act on it, when there was nobody to come out of the closet for. "Like running off to Italy and being your sugar baby," he said instead, but he had a feeling Kane could read between the lines and know there was far more to it than that. The truth seemed to spark between them like a living thing, more powerful than anything Adrian could say out loud.
Kane could hear what wasn’t said, and it made his guts feel all fluttery. He was insecure about his ability to be in a relationship, so the most pessimistic part of him hoped Adrian was never ready to come out. He couldn’t deny that he wanted it all, at the same time. That freedom to just live, the connections to Adrian’s family ... assuming they would accept it and him. Kane knew those would be two separate hurdles. He didn’t exactly look like a partner any parent would want for their kid, of any gender or orientation. If Adrian did come out, would they pressure him to find somebody else? Somebody closer to his age who had a job they could actually talk about? Fuck, it was far too early to start stressing about that shit. “I’d spoil the hell out of you,” he murmured, giving Adrian a crooked little smile. He could speak between the lines too. Kane paused, then added, “You deserve everything you want. In your own time.”
The words between the lines were loud and clear, though Adrian had to wonder if he was reading too much into it. He didn't think so, he thought Kane meant it just like that and he felt grateful and relieved all at once. He wasn't ready to tell his family anything and much like Kane he could see his choice in a boyfriend possibly being an even bigger obstacle than the fact he was a guy in the first place. There were a lot of things they were letting slide, things that had changed in him, they seemed to be accepting that he was not the same man he had been before that fateful camping trip, but there had to be a limit to that patience. He wasn't even afraid of being rejected, but the disappointment, the grief... that wasn't something he was ready to face anytime soon. "You already spoil me," he murmured, his throat a little tight with emotion. "Thank you."
“Pfft, ain’t even gotten started yet,” Kane drawled, grinning briefly. He shifted his arm to hook it more around Adrian’s neck and peppered a series of noisy kisses against his face to break the tension. They’d already been weepy at each other once tonight, that felt like enough. They really needed to shut up and go to sleep, but Kane didn’t want to. It was like being a kid at a sleepover, too stoked to be spending time with a best friend to want to sleep ... only sexier. Kane’s embrace turned more affectionate than playful, and his lips caught Adrian’s for a moment, fingers buried in his hair again. He headbutted him lightly when their mouths parted again, and gave a breathy chuckle. “I’m gonna need so much coffee tomorrow,” he murmured.
It was almost weird how someone this dark and sexy could be so fucking cute as well and Adrian snickered softly at the kisses, some of the weight leaving him just as Kane had intended. "Aw shit, yeah," he replied in a hushed voice and cupped Kane's face affectionately. "Sorry. No rest for the wicked." He wasn't sure Kane would have slept through the night if he hadn't woken him up, they both had their demons to deal with, but it was kind of his fault Kane hadn't gone straight back to sleep. "I'm so fucking sleepy," he admitted. "See? You make me want stupid shit. Like staying up all night."
“Take that up with your dick, we coulda just gone back to sleep,” Kane teased, amused. He would’ve stayed up with Adrian regardless, because of the nightmare ... but being awake together for any length of time drew them together like magnets. He couldn’t honestly lay all the blame at Adrian’s feet, even if it was fun. “Not complaining, though,” he added with another little grin. He might be tired and grumbly tomorrow, but he could push through, so it was completely worth it. He shifted around a bit, re-tucking his pillow and snuggling in deeper. “Go to sleep. See? I can be a good influence.” He tittered softly.
"You can fake it good at least," Adrian teased as he squirmed a bit to get more comfortable, slipping his arm around Kane's middle again. He wasn't so sure he'd like sleeping this close to just anyone, but it felt soothing with Kane, breathing in his scent and his breath, soaking in the heat from his body. Adrian closed his eyes and let himself enjoy it, like maybe he could drink it all in so deeply that the experience would always be with him for as long as he needed it. "Good or bad, I do love you," he added quietly, just in case this would all feel strange in the morning and they'd never say it again.
He hadn’t slept-slept with very many people, but it was always comfortable with Adrian. They would eventually get too hot and move apart, but just knowing he was there seemed to make Kane sleep better. Maybe because he knew Adrian would wake up and stay up with him if he needed it, too. Kane’s eyes cracked open when Adrian spoke again, his heart giving another one of those odd squeezing thumps. “I love you too,” he murmured. “No matter how it goes.” Even if everything changed when they got back to town for some reason, Kane knew what he felt now, and it was genuine.