Adrian Moretti (theneedtofeed) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2022-12-07 17:42:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | #july 2018, adrian, adrian x kane, kane |
Who: Adrian & Kane
Where: Hotel in Portland
When: Sometime after midnight, Sunday morning 7/8
Status: Part 1/3
Adrian woke up with a start. It wasn't quite a nightmare he woke up from, not one he could remember anyway, he just woke up feeling like he was having a heart attack or a stroke or panic attack. Something bad he couldn't name that seemed to travel like pressure from the top of his head down to his chest. He sat up, relieved there was still some light in the room so he didn't feel completely lost in the unfamiliar room, relieved that Kane was right next to him, warm and alive and still sleeping soundly. The weekend was almost over and though everything was a little hazy from the last minutes he'd been awake the night before, he couldn't shake this deep feeling of disappointment, sadness and fear. It didn't make much sense, he'd had the best time of his life those last couple of days, but maybe it was like coming down from a high, an inevitable crash to reality. He moved cautiously and quietly away from Kane and padded naked to the bathroom, closing the door behind him so his shuffling around in there wouldn't wake Kane. But maybe he wanted to wake him, being alone with this sucked but he didn't really want to share it either. He took a piss, washed his hands and face first with warm water, then cold, reminding himself he had a plan, he had a future and he wasn't completely lost like he had been just a few months ago. That wasn't why he was upset though, he knew that much even if he couldn't really give a reason.
Kane was a light sleeper unless he was drunk, and not completely used to sharing a bed yet, so his consciousness started to bubble up as the bed moved and the bathroom door shut quietly. He didn’t get his eyes open until he heard the water running in the sink. Kane gave a soft grunt and rolled over, stretching as he did. They’d left a lamp on in the room, so it was a little hard to tell what time it was, he just knew from the lack of light in the window that it wasn’t really morning yet. The position shift made him realize that his bladder was full, and even though he was warm and comfortable, Kane knew he wouldn’t sleep for long when he had to piss. Those dreams about frantically trying to find a bathroom always sucked, so he might as well take care of it now. It meant more kisses from Adrian too, so why not? He dragged himself out of bed and shuffled to the bathroom door, giving a soft knock before he went ahead and opened it to step inside. Kane patted Adrian’s ass as he passed him on his way to the toilet, not really coherent enough to talk yet.
Adrian gave him his space but glanced over and let the sight of his naked form soothe him a little, he really was gorgeous and it reminded Adrian of that song - don't make a pretty woman your wife. Did that apply to guys too? Did he want to be happy? When Kane joined him by the sink he idly slipped his arm around him just to feel all that warm skin. "Did I wake you?" he whispered and while he had no idea what time it was, he knew that it was still night and he definitely hadn't had enough sleep yet and neither had Kane. It made him feel a little guilty, but glad he wasn't alone. The sadness was always worse when nobody else was around.
He would’ve scoffed at the idea he was ‘pretty’ of any flavor, but Kane never minded the appreciative staring. Adrian’s opinion of his looks mattered far more than his own. He leaned into the embrace a bit as he washed his hands, then turned to drape his arms around Adrian once they were dry. “Yeah. S’okay, had to piss anyway,” he murmured and pressed a kiss to Adrian’s cheek. Kane nuzzled him a tiny bit, then pulled back to look at his eyes. Adrian’s skin smelled freshly clean like he’d just washed his face, but he didn’t look like he’d been crying or anything. Still, something tugged at Kane to softly ask, “You okay?”
"Yeah," Adrian said automatically because that's what you were supposed to do when people asked that, but then he paused, that physical intimacy reminding him where he was. "Bad dreams," he added quietly and even though that wasn't all of it, it was the core of his bad feelings so he wasn't really lying. "Are you okay?" he asked back, shifting his position to face Kane better. He wouldn't have blamed him if he wanted to go straight back to sleep but he still hoped he didn't. Even if they just stayed up for an hour watching tv, it was better than sleep. He just wasn't ready to sink back into that vulnerable place yet. He figured he could just browse his phone while Kane slept, but it was the company he was after, the feel of Kane's body already giving him some comfort.
Kane certainly understood bad dreams. He’d only had company for his own once or twice, but not the kind of company he’d wanted to share with. He didn’t need to pester Adrian for details about what they’d been about, none of that shit really mattered, it had been enough to put that edge of distress in his eyes. “Me? I’m fuckin’ peachy,” Kane murmured and gave Adrian a little grin. He drew him in closer, wrapping his arms more tightly around Adrian as he kissed the side of his head. Kane just held onto him for a moment or two, aiming for silent comfort because there was never much to say that could make it any better. There was just that understanding and being there. Kane wasn’t super practiced at being there for the living, but he knew what he needed when he had a bad night. “You wanna stay up for a while?”
It was like he was reading his mind and Adrian felt a dumb rush of gratitude as he hugged him back, soaking in the warmth of Kane's naked body. It wasn't the most enjoyable place to be, the bathroom tiles cool under his feet and the toilet's water tank still filling up with the noise that accompanied, but none of that mattered. "Careful," he murmured, tucking his chin in against Kane's neck. "I might start waking you up on purpose." He could imagine himself prodding Kane awake every time he had a nightmare and that also implied they'd be sleeping together a lot more often which might not be realistic but he could hope. He could also hope it wouldn't make Kane get sick of him sooner.
“Told you at the start, I keep weird hours,” he replied with a low chuckle. Kane couldn’t imagine himself minding Adrian waking him up for any reason for the rest of their lives, but they were balls deep in this crazy honeymoon phase. Still, knowing what he’d been through, a nightmare would always be reason enough for Kane. Feeling alone during nights like that was the worst, and what were they doing if not softening that kind of shit for each other? He gave Adrian a little squeeze and pulled back a bit to take his hand and lead him back to bed, ready to be cozy again. He propped the pillows up a bit so they could recline without laying all the way down.
Adrian pulled the blankets up around them as he snuggled in close, idly brushing his knuckles over Kane's stomach just to touch him. "The nightmares got easier after I started sleeping in an actual bed again," he said quietly. "And they're even easier when I'm not sleeping alone." It wasn't a request for more of this, not really. He wasn't going to put that on Kane even though he would love spending every damn night with him. "I don't think we're made to be alone," he added and wondered why it felt like everything he was saying was a gentle prod at Kane for maybe leaving one day. It wasn't meant that way but it was where his mind was at. Kane was probably not even thinking about that so it probably hit different, just late night musings. At least Adrian hoped so.
Kane settled with an arm around Adrian, leaned in close. He lifted his hand to drift fingers through Adrian’s hair as he listened. Kane didn’t know the context in the other man’s mind, but the last thing he said definitely resonated. They weren’t made to be alone. It was one of those things that seemed undeniably true, but he still felt like an exception. Kane obviously wasn’t great at being alone, his life was a mess and he was miserable a lot of the time ... but maybe that was all he deserved. They weren’t talking about him though. “You can come sleep with me as much as you want,” he murmured. “Or wake me up if you can’t sleep. You’re not alone anymore.” Adrian had other people in his life too, important people, and goddamn, Kane wanted to be one of them.
Adrian wanted to tell him that he would be alone if Kane left, even more alone than before he met him, but he swallowed those words like so many others and just smiled faintly at the offer. "Well I already came over in the middle of the night so I know you're open to that," he said and nudged Kane playfully. "But yeah, thanks. I might just take you up on that." Texting first was probably smarter, for future reference. He was lucky Kane hadn't pulled a gun on him when he showed up unannounced all hopped up on supernatural power. "Same goes to you, you can wake me up whenever. Obviously don't show up at my place in the middle of the night... But text me anytime."
Maybe it was hypocritical and not very healthy, but Kane didn’t know that he would ever do that. He would text if he was horny and just missing Adrian, probably, but just if he needed company? It sounded nice though. Even just talking to a half-awake Adrian for a little while would probably help. So maybe he would surprise himself one of these nights when his brain decided to act up like it did. “Thanks,” he said quietly and quirked a small smile. It was getting easier to imagine them living in the same building, having keys to one another’s places, slipping into bed together in the middle of the night. Maybe they were both too paranoid for it to go that smoothly, but it was a nice mental image anyway. Adrian already felt like a safe place to him, and he hoped it was mutual. “Anything you wanna talk about? Your dream, I mean?”
"I don't really remember it," Adrian replied and at least he didn't have to lie about that this time. He wouldn't have wanted to tell Kane about the shit he usually saw in his dreams, didn't want to talk about them and risk them becoming more real somehow. "I just woke up all wrong. Like my brain was trying to relocate to my chest." That probably didn't make sense but he didn't know how to describe that swooping strange feeling he'd had. It was just anxiety, something similar to waking up thinking he was falling. "I was glad you were here," he added. "Even if you were sleeping."
Kane couldn’t know exactly what he was feeling, of course, but waking up all wrong sounded intimately familiar to him. Sometimes it felt wrong to wake up, period, but he didn’t think that was what Adrian was talking about at the moment. Warmth bloomed in Kane’s chest at the idea that his presence made it better, and he felt that ridiculous urge to invite Adrian to move in with him again. He knew that wouldn’t work, but fuck if he didn’t want it now. “Then m’glad I was here too,” he murmured, giving Adrian a little squeeze. “I’ve done that before. Woke up wrong.” It would pass, but he was sure Adrian knew that already, that this wasn’t the first time. He just hoped it would pass faster since he was there with him.
Adrian wasn't surprised to hear that. People had nightmares all the time and with trauma they tended to get worse. And still it weirdly helped that Kane knew what he meant and that he didn't have to explain it. There was nothing more lonely than talking to someone who didn't understand so having this kind of connection could feel like a life vest at times. It was just funny that it came from Kane of all people. So much for a lust filled one night stand. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that moving in close to Kane was the only thing that made sense to him. He'd miss having people he knew close by and while he was looking forward to his privacy, he was dreading the uptick in nightmares that might happen if he was all by himself again. Even if this thing didn't last, it could hopefully be like a security blanket for the first few weeks. "Bet you've done that a lot," he murmured and he wanted more of that squeeze, it was grounding.
“Yeah,” Kane exhaled. He’d had a lot of terrible nights and rough mornings, sweating through sheets and waking up with his heart racing. He’d been dragged out of dreams to reap, which was always disorienting as fuck. Kane knew about waking up wrong. He didn’t doubt that Adrian knew it just as well. He tried to imagine having to wake up in a car in that sort of state, and it made him pull Adrian in a bit tighter. Kane leaned their heads together and closed his eyes, just paying attention to the rhythm of his breathing for a moment. “My whole life, I never felt understood,” he murmured. “I’m kinda seein’ what the fuss is about.” He smirked a tiny bit. It was tempting to get deep and mushy and wax poetic about how seen he felt and how much it meant to him ... but he thought Adrian kind of knew already. Making him laugh was better.
"Oh yeah?" Adrian tittered, but warmth was blooming in his chest and he squeezed Kane back before tilting his head and kissing him. "Me too," he admitted and maybe he hadn't needed to 'be seen' as much when he was younger, his life had been pretty simple. It had been fun to meet people who enjoyed the same music and the same movies but it hadn't gone a whole lot deeper than that. Now though, layers of trauma had changed everything and there were really only two people he truly felt kinship with now - Kane and Mila - and considering how much he needed to protect his little sister from everything, he didn't actually talk to her about these things. Kane didn't need protecting, Adrian didn't feel like he had to be careful around him, he could just relax and let go.
There had been people down through the years Kane could share a beer with, even some war stories. He could bullshit well enough to get by, and he’d had tiny glimpses of this kind of closeness with lovers a few times. But all of that had been fleeting and rare. He’d only just started to connect in a real way with Bailey, and his mom was out of reach now, almost for good. Then there was Adrian, who’d just come in like a bulldozer against every wall he had. Kane knew he hadn’t meant to, neither of them had intended any of this, but it had happened anyway and he didn’t regret it. Even if it all blew up in his face soon, these moments were life-sustaining. “Good,” Kane grunted. He gazed at Adrian up close for a beat, then kissed him again, lingering at those full lips.
Adrian was glad he couldn't remember his dreams tonight but he was sure he'd be forgetting all about them when Kane kissed him again. They fit so well together, his lips just the right mix of firm and soft and when Adrian deepened the kiss, that softness increased and sent blood rushing to his core. He wanted to tell him he wanted to wake up next to him every day, wanted to put himself out there stupidly and recklessly in the hopes it would pay off. He was sure Kane already knew on some level, that it didn't all need to be said, but it bubbled up inside of him anyway, sappy shit and needy shit he didn't want to say out loud. Even if Kane left, he would know he'd been loved and desired in a way he hadn't even thought was possible. That had to be enough.
Kane turned toward him a bit more, resting his palm against Adrian’s chest while they tasted one another. Anybody else, Kane was sure he would’ve had his fill by now, wanted some space and room to breathe. Instead, he couldn’t get enough of Adrian, craved him when he wasn’t around, didn’t mind losing sleep to comfort and kiss him. Maybe he was extra stupid about love and this had all happened too fast to be ‘real,’ but Kane couldn’t imagine what else it could be. He stroked his tongue against Adrian’s, moving his thumb to brush lightly against one of his nipples just to feel it harden up. There was unspoken emotion flowing between them, both ways, words weren’t really necessary in the moment. Even if part of him was hesitant to believe that he was lovable, he could practically feel it beating against his palm through Adrian’s chest. It was that sense of love just as much as the kissing that started to wake his cock up.
Whatever worry Adrian could have felt about keeping Kane awake was washed away abruptly as he felt his cock harden against his thigh and all those raw emotions inside of him were getting mixed with a far more comfortable and familiar one; arousal. He kissed Kane hungrily, opening his eyes just a bit to peek at him every so often, the nightmares left behind in the dust as his body warmed up to the reverent touches. He pressed his own hand against Kane's chest, pushing him back as he followed, slowly moving to straddle him without breaking the kiss. He didn't need to ask what Kane wanted, his body was speaking it as loud and clear as his own was and he reveled in the way their cocks felt as he pressed them together in his grip. He didn't even really care how far this went, he just wanted to be close, to get as much out of this time together as he could.
Maybe turning to sex wasn’t the best form of comfort, but sometimes bodies were smarter than minds, and it was at least highly distracting. Adrian didn’t seem to mind as he pushed Kane onto his back and climbed on top of him for the second time that night. By the time Adrian’s hand closed around both of them, Kane was fully hard and ready for that pressure, a soft sound emanating from his throat. He pushed up into the kiss as his hands ran up Adrian’s arms and down his sides and hips, squeezing and caressing in equal measure, just addicted to how his skin felt. He couldn’t scare away his lover’s nightmares, but he could at least blur their memory with pleasure and this warmth they always seemed to radiate around each other. Kane lightly nipped at his bottom lip and let his palms slide around to squeeze Adrian’s ass.
Adrian couldn't really say why he was so hooked on sitting on Kane like this, even without riding his cock it just felt good to straddle him, to feel his body between his legs and grip his hot cock, letting the velvety soft skin glide across his palm. He broke the kiss and sat up, wanting to look at him as he slowly rocked his hips, loving the way Kane held onto him, his hold on him firm and strong. The way he looked up at him was so addictive, those dark eyes never failed to pierce something inside of him, there was something so soulful about them, it was easy to tell Kane had seen some shit and the way he sometimes looked at Adrian made him feel fucking holy. "You wanna go back to sleep?" he murmured, grinning faintly because he knew the answer right now was no.
If he’d been asked, Kane would’ve guessed the fondness for this position had something to do with how he’d killed Adrian, like it was some subconscious reversal of power. It probably should have set him on edge, made him uncomfortable, but instead he wanted it just as badly as everything else about Adrian. He knew somewhere deep down that if Adrian decided to put hands on his throat and take his revenge, Kane wouldn’t fight it. Not hard, anyway. Until that day came, he would just enjoy the weight of a body he loved pinning him to the bed, the heat of Adrian’s thighs against his hips, the way he looked so tall from this angle. If anything in the world was actually holy, it was this -- two deeply wounded people finding solace and acceptance in each other. Kane smirked and shook his head in answer, his hips flexing up just a bit for more of that teasing friction. “Not unless you do ... even then think I’d have to jerk off first. Look what you do to me.”
"Mmhmm," Adrian purred back at him and he could say the same thing. All it had taken was some kissing and a bit of squeezing and he'd gone rock hard without Kane even touching his dick. "Don't worry, I'll take care of you," he said and leaned sideways to rummage around with his free hand until he found the bottle of lube. The first time he'd really desired Kane he'd wanted to crawl onto his lap and ride his cock like there was no tomorrow - against Kane's will even, although now he wasn't so sure that would have ever been a factor. This thing between them was wildfire, completely out of their control and had been back then too. That rush of power when he turned in the cabin and took control was perhaps one of the reasons he liked being on top, but he wasn't analyzing it. He was just enjoying, slicking up his hand to be able to give them both more pleasure than he ever could dry.
Kane couldn’t help but read into that statement -- it felt so much more significant than pleasure, even if that was all Adrian meant at the moment. When was the last time anyone had really taken care of him? Since he’d been a baby? A little kid? He’d never starved or anything, but his mother had checked out early and hadn’t protected him from his father for most of his life. Kane didn’t rely on people to care for him because he’d never learned how. It was the craziest feeling to want to put all of himself into someone else’s hands, but he did, and he truly believed now that Adrian wouldn’t drop him. He watched the other man spread the lube and take them back in hand, and pleasure licked up Kane’s spine. That part was damn good too, of course. He drew in a sharp and unsteady breath, his lashes fluttering closed for a moment as his hands squeezed Adrian’s hips tighter.
When Kane's eyes opened again, Adrian met his gaze with a slightly dopey smile and leaned down to kiss him again. "You're so fucking beautiful," he murmured between soft kisses. "And I'm so crazy about you." The physical pleasure of stroking their cocks together seemed to keep the darker thoughts that followed those feelings away, the fear of losing him, that need to tell him that if he left, he'd turn full wendigo and hunt him down to keep him locked up somewhere. He did mean that he felt crazy about Kane, maybe not crazy enough to act on all those emotions but they were still there, dark and alive, shadows flickering in his subconscious.
He clutched at Adrian’s shoulders when he came closer again, his mouth eager but still following Adrian’s lead on the softness. The compliments wormed into his brain, chipping away more of the wall of self-loathing that had kept him alone for so long. “Nuh uh, you,” he mumbled, then tittered softly at how stupid that sounded. It was hard to think straight when Adrian was stroking his cock like that. One of Kane’s hands moved to cup the side of his jaw and he kissed him with more force this time, delving his tongue past Adrian’s lips to taste him again. “I’d do anything for you, I’m yours,” he breathed when their mouths parted again for some air. “M’so fucking in love with you.” He rocked his hips needily, rubbing their cocks together in Adrian’s grip, starting to lose all sense of himself in the middle of so much pleasure and emotion.
Those words made Adrian's chest feel full like there was no space for his breath momentarily and he fully believed them. This wasn't just some guy talking smooth to get what he wanted, they were long past that and everything Kane did and said was so damn raw and real that he couldn't doubt any of it. "I love you," he whispered back and rather than vulnerable, it just felt possessive and strong. He knew Kane would do anything for him, hell he'd probably die for him and it was disorienting and dizzying like any real power should be. "You're mine," he added, nipping lightly on Kane's bottom lip, his breath shaky between them.
Kane could hear the ownership in those words and they only made him feel good and safe and even more aroused. He didn’t understand why it was suddenly so hot to submit to someone on any level, even temporarily, but that was just another thing he couldn’t get enough of. Like hearing Adrian say he loved him. In spite of his internal critic, Kane believed him. Maybe all of this was total fucking insanity, maybe there were dozens of reasons they shouldn’t be together, but he couldn’t rightly say they barely knew each other. No one had ever known him better, and somehow Adrian still wanted him. It was like a fucking miracle and he never wanted to let go of it. Kane moaned softly, his breathing getting heavier as pressure built in his balls under that skilled hand. He couldn’t keep still, his body rolling as he thrusted against the heat of Adrian’s cock with a quiet groan.
The time he spent with Kane was the only time Adrian felt fully at ease, able to let go of the guilt and sadness that seemed to be ever present no matter what he got up to. Sex had a way of pushing everything else aside but it went beyond that. Being with Kane not only felt good, it also reminded him that he had been punished for what he'd done and he'd gotten through it. Maybe it wasn't absolution, but it was something close to it and it let him feel forgiven, however temporary it might be. The sex was a big part of it though, of course, and he felt blissfully carefree at the moment, moving with Kane, feeling the strength of his body as he bucked up underneath him, making everything feel even better. "Don't come yet," he whispered, though he didn't slow the stroking of their cocks.
Kane made a reflexive questioning sound that turned into a little whine of protest. He wasn’t right on the edge yet, but Adrian had him close, always close. “‘Til what?” he panted back before he ducked his head to bite at Adrian’s jaw. He couldn’t bring himself to be too rough with those luscious lips, but the rest of him was fair game. He didn’t feel worthy of any of this, like it was all a misunderstanding or Adrian would come to his senses at any moment ... worthy or not, he wanted to cling to every second, wanted to drink it all in and remember it. Kane slid his hand to the back of Adrian’s neck to hang on, the other one clutching at his arm while he dragged his lips against the side of Adrian’s throat, kissing and nipping and moaning into his skin. Holding back was getting more challenging by the second.
Adrian wasn't sure 'til what', he just wanted to make this last longer and it was getting harder, especially with the way Kane felt like a bomb about to go off, hot and straining, his teeth rough against his skin. "Just wait," he groaned and he thought he could feel Kane's cock throb pointedly in protest to that command but maybe that was just his imagination. Everything was throbbing and hot now, he felt like he was squirming out of his own skin, unable to keep still as his breathing got thicker and his mind slowly went blank. Maybe he wanted them to come together, maybe he wanted to come first so he could watch Kane as he came down from his own high, he didn't even know, he just wanted this to last.
Somehow even the frustration of not having a specific answer felt good in the moment, and Kane gave a little growl in his throat as he bit Adrian a little harder. How the hell was he supposed to keep control of himself when Adrian’s fist and cock felt so fucking good on his, and Kane was hooked on the way his body moved and how he smelled and how his skin tasted and how he breathed ... It didn’t take too much longer until Kane felt desperate, really straining to hold back as his thighs practically vibrated with effort and his fingers dug in harder. He wanted it to last too, a goddamn eternity if they could manage it, but his body had different demands. “Adrian,” he gasp-moaned. If he was waiting for Kane to beg, it didn’t feel like much of a stretch anymore. “Please ... fuck ....”
The rush of power would have felt stronger if Adrian wasn't on the brink as well. He might be on top but Kane's teeth were sending pained pleasure coursing through him and the pressure that was growing in his groin wasn't letting up. Soft moans escaped him as he imagined stopping long enough to let Kane finish inside of him, imagined the way it felt to be filled up and stretched out again. It felt like way too much hassle to actually do but the thought of it was a powerful motivator to not slow down or try to linger on. He was moaning now, the sounds he was making a little pained when Kane sank his teeth in deep and fuck it was probably going to leave a mark and he couldn't care less right now. "Okay," he groaned, not really feeling more articulate than that and barely getting the word out. It was looking like they might come at the same time and if not, he was going to be following very closely.
Maybe it wasn’t very eloquent permission, but Kane couldn’t give a shit -- he just felt a powerful surge of pleasure at the way Adrian’s voice sounded, strained and needy himself. He was doing all the work, getting them both off, but Kane still felt like that pleasure was from him and it was so fucking hot. He let go of Adrian’s neck to pant and moan, his body bucking faster for a few more strokes, desperate for release. A couple of soft, half-formed ‘please’s escaped him before he came, shuddering hard under Adrian, his body trying to curl in on itself, deep groans in his chest. It felt ridiculously good to be held down, almost forced into an orgasm, to be surrounded by Adrian’s pleasure too as he shivered and gasped and emptied himself onto his own stomach.
There was that feeling again, of wanting more and yet being so sated and content with what he had. Adrian let his body relax after the waves of his orgasm washed over him, caressing Kane's skin with his lips and working on catching his breath. "I think I could come just listening to you come," he groaned after a moment, resting his forehead against Kane's shoulder, his hand still loosely wrapped around their spent cocks. He'd never considered himself to be super into sounds, a lot of guys sounded flat out dumb when they fucked, but not Kane. Every little sound he made seemed to go straight to Adrian's core and shake him up fiercely, so yeah, maybe it just took the right sound for it to become a straight up fetish.
Fuck, that afterglow was just the best fucking feeling int he world, even better than the orgasm itself sometimes. Kane’s fingers slid up and into Adrian’s hair to stroke lazily, his other arm wrapping around his back to keep him close. Not that it felt like Adrian was in any hurry to go anywhere. “You’re gettin’ a voice text next time I beat off, then,” Kane murmured with a rusty little chuckle. He doubted Adrian would be bold enough to have phone sex with him while he was still staying with his sister, but the idea was kind of appealing in a weird teasing way. Kane could too easily picture the two of them in the dark, watching each other masturbate on Facetime. It would be a struggle not to drive straight over to kidnap him -- consensually this time -- but he thought he could manage. Kane turned to slowly kiss the side of Adrian’s face.
"I can't tell if that's a promise or a threat," Adrian mumbled because he really liked the idea, but like Kane he wasn't so sure he could handle it if his family was anywhere near him. It wasn't even a closet thing, there were just very thick lines drawn in the sand between those parts of his life.The obvious solution was that he would never, ever open anything from Kane unless he was alone. "I'd rather you call me anyway," he added and let go of their dicks so he could fully relax, not really caring that it meant they were both getting a whole lot stickier. They needed to clean up anyway so why not enjoy a short shower before going back to sleep. He turned his head to steal a kiss from Kane, then gently nudged their heads together.
“Don’t test me, I’ll take you up on that.” He grinned a little and bumped their noses gently. What did it say that they’d both just gotten off and Kane already wanted more of him? Maybe it was good they weren’t moving into the same apartment, or they might never do anything else but fuck. It sounded kind of like a charmed life though, and Kane had plenty of money to take care of them ... no. He needed to not extend that invitation when they were both so drunk on all of this pleasure and emotion. Nobody here was thinking straight and while it felt good, Kane didn’t want to get them into a shitty situation later. Everything with Adrian felt so real and huge and important and good, but he was old enough to know things could turn on a dime, even if nobody wanted them to. He hoped that didn’t happen to them, but he wasn’t psychic. This was important enough to put real care into it, and sometimes that meant being cautious. At least slightly. “M’gonna miss you when you drive away,” he murmured softly.
"Let's pretend I'm not gonna," Adrian replied just as softly. "We've got time." They might not have much time left but it wasn't like they were parting for good. It would just be back to sneaking around - though with Adrian going back to work that was going to be easier. He was very used to sleeping at the hospital during long shifts, working weird hours, working long hours. Nobody needed to know whether he was actually at the hospital during those times or not and soon - hopefully sooner than later - he'd be getting his own place and things would be so much easier. He was talking out of his ass though because he already missed Kane and they were still together. Talk about getting ahead of himself.
There was still a full morning and long drive ahead of them, so Adrian was right, but it all suddenly seemed like it would only take seconds and then he’d be alone again. Adrian would have to go home and lie to his family about what he got up to over the weekend ... at least Kane didn’t have to worry about that shit anymore. If Bailey even asked, which wasn’t too likely. He pressed a few gentle kisses against Adrian’s lips, swallowing back the urge to ask when he was going to secure his own place. He had the cash now, suspicious as it might be, so Kane hoped it would be soon. Then they could ‘meet’ again and ‘become buddies’ and see each other out in the open here and there. It remained to be seen whether they’d be able to keep their hands off of each other, but Kane was eager to find out. “Feel better?” he whispered between kisses.
"You bet," Adrian whispered, pushing up a little to look at him before sneaking another kiss on his lips. "This is better than therapy," he added cheekily, even if he really had no idea what therapy would even look like. He could only picture the concerned mental health professionals he'd worked with in the past and that just didn't appeal to him. "I got the feeling you wouldn't be too happy if I called you every time I woke up wrong though." He grinned faintly. "Always on your ass, my-" he almost said emotional support boyfriend but god, was that what Kane was? His boyfriend? The words died on his lips and he kissed Kane again to make up for it. Kane felt his, he just felt a bit beyond definition too.
Kane kissed him back, but he huffed a softly amused sound through his nose. “Your what?” he mumbled against Adrian’s mouth. All of this felt pretty impossible to solidly define, but he wanted to know what Adrian had been about to say, how he thought of him. At the moment he felt like he would be thrilled to wake up and be there every time Adrian needed him, but he knew nobody could make promises like that. He had no idea how much they were actually helping one another’s mental states, but there sure was more pleasure in this than therapy, and it felt goddamn good for now. “I said I’d do anything, don’t forget,” he added softly.
Adrian smiled at that even if it made that turmoil start right up again inside of him. They weren't empty words and he could feel the weight of them filling him with both gratitude and worry. "I don't know," he admitted. "I just know you're mine." It felt as much a responsibility as it did a privilege and he had a feeling he'd do anything for Kane too. If it wasn't for Mila he'd be begging him to take him away from this place so they could live somewhere together authentically and far away from their grim pasts. That was insane though - dropping everything and running away when he had no idea how long this would last.
He liked the sound of that. Did they really need to slap some dumb society-sanctioned label on it? Kane didn’t think so. All the words he could think of -- partner, boyfriend, boo, even lover -- were pale and lame in comparison to how he felt, and he got the impression Adrian felt the same. Besides, secrets didn’t need names, and this was staying a secret. It was on the tip of Kane’s tongue to ask if Adrian wanted him to stop fucking anyone else, but something held it back. There was only Red -- Brianna, his brain corrected him -- still in his life, and after the little talk they’d had last time, Kane was conflicted. But Adrian wasn’t explicitly asking that of him yet, just like he wasn’t asking Adrian to come out, so that seemed kind of balanced, didn’t it? In every way that really mattered, Kane was his. So he half-smiled a little and nodded, then pressed one more kiss to Adrian’s lips. “Well you gotta clean your toys when you’re done with ‘em,” he teased quietly. “You want a rag or another shower?”
"I'll go get us some washcloths," Adrian replied since right now he was more interested in snuggling down and talking until they got sleepy again than he was in that shower. He sat up more and gingerly moved off Kane, patting his thigh before rolling off the bed. "So is that what you are? My toy?" he teased back, quirking an eyebrow to show that no, that was not how he thought of him before he strolled to the bathroom. It wasn't a question that required an answer but he was only in there for a few moments, getting a couple of washcloths damp and bringing them back. "Do you wanna do something tomorrow before we have to drive back?"
Kane tucked one hand behind his head and watched Adrian get up with open appreciation. He knew better, they both meant far more than that to each other, but he didn’t really mind the idea either. If anybody deserved to use him, it was Adrian. Kane didn’t respond until he came back, accepting the warm washcloth to wipe off his abdomen. “Sure, why not,” he said easily. “Breakfast out and ... something? What the fuck do people do out together in the mornings? I usually sleep through ‘em.” Kane chuckled and finished cleaning up, then dropped the cloth over the side of the bed to be dealt with later. He shifted around and fluffed some pillows to get more comfortable.
"We don't have to do anything," Adrian replied and when he was ready he joined Kane on the bed again, sitting next to him cross-legged with his knees touching Kane's side. Not having some physical contact wasn't an option it seemed, he needed that connection like he needed air right now. "We can just lounge here until they kick us out, then go get some lunch." Hotels really shouldn't kick people out so early, he thought. He'd love to just chill in the room, maybe have sex again and relax until it was time to actually head back to Point Pleasant in the afternoon. Even then he wasn't so sure he'd be ready to go back, like as soon as this little vacation was over something bad was going to happen.
Kane rested his arm on Adrian’s leg, more reclined, his body getting sleepy again now that his balls were empty and Adrian seemed more relaxed. “That sounds even better,” Kane murmured, totally content to just soak in his presence for as long as possible. Especially if it meant plenty of time to have some leisurely morning sex. “I shoulda asked for that late check out shit when I booked.” Oh well, maybe next time. Maybe next time he could steal Adrian away for a whole week or something, go somewhere nicer than Portland. A real vacation together. That was probably wishful thinking with him starting work again and all, but Kane could still daydream. “They been checkin’ in on you or anything?” he asked, glancing up at Adrian. “Your family?”
"Not as much as I thought they would be," Adrian said with a little grin. "Thank God. But yeah, some texts here and there. They're showing restraint and I gotta respect that." He wasn't so sure he wouldn't be worse if it was Mila who'd gone out of town, but on the other hand being out of Point Pleasant would probably make her safer than anything. "I can't blame them for hovering after everything, but sometimes it's like... It wasn't even this bad when I was an actual kid, you know? They trusted me and I was the boy in the family so I got to do a whole bunch of shit Mila didn't." And oh man had he gotten to hear about that. It hadn't been fair and he knew it. It had to be weird not having anyone checking up on him and he felt a sympathetic pang for Kane, even if he probably wouldn't like it much if he actually did have it.
He’d texted Bailey to let her know they’d arrived in Portland like she requested, and she’d read it but hadn’t sent anything back all weekend, which was about what Kane had expected. It was hard for him to imagine having people who wanted to keep track of him that way. Adrian’s family did think he was alone here, so maybe that made a difference, but he kind of thought they’d be checking in even if that wasn’t the case. Kane chuckled a bit as he pictured a teenage Adrian gloating about having all that freedom to irritate his sister -- Bailey had been too young for that to be a thing between them when he’d been a teen. “Well y’know, they hadn’t lost you yet, back then,” he murmured with a faint smile. “After a certain point my parents stopped tryin’ to put a curfew on me. I’d just ... stay gone as long as I could. Me and my old man fought about it all the time, which just made me stay away more.”
"Yeah, my parents didn't really enforce anything on me," Adrian marveled and it was so tragically obvious how different their lives had been. His parents had trusted him, they'd asked what he was up to and asked him to come home at certain hours but they'd been lax with him and strict with Mila. "When I left for Portland, Mila would sometimes call me all frustrated to ask if I'd been allowed to do this or that at sixteen. You know, gathering ammo on our parents. I gotta admit that sometimes I lied to her that 'no way', just 'cause I didn't want her doing stupid shit. She was pretty mellow though, I think. We both were." He grinned and stroked Kane's arm idly. "I'm breaking way more rules now than I ever did as a teen." He couldn't even say it was Kane's bad influence, he'd only really started truly misbehaving once he'd left home.
Kane huffed a bit at the disgruntled sister phone calls. Bailey had never done that, but he’d been pretty hard to reach in basic and then more training and then deployment. He wondered briefly if they would have had a relationship like that if they’d had better parents. It was pointless to ruminate on, things were as they were, but sometimes when Adrian talked about his family, he couldn’t help it. Kane tsked and lazily reached up to tweak one of Adrian’s nipples. “Hey now,” he murmured, his tone vaguely disapproving. “Fucking who you wanna fuck isn’t breaking rules. It’s how it oughta be.” He didn’t sound too heavy about it though, it was hard to be stern while playing with his chest. “I’d say you’re still pretty mellow ... but my perspective’s probably fucked.” Kane grinned up at him.
Adrian playfully batted his hand away, only to grab it and bring it back to his chest, gently toying with it and exploring it through touch. "You think so?" he asked, his voice heavy with sarcasm. "The most mellow guy I've ever met?" Kane was intense, everyone was pretty mellow compared to him - or at least Adrian didn't want to meet anyone who was more intense. "Yeah your perspective is probably a little fucked." To be fair, things had been very mellow recently, on the surface Adrian wasn't up to anything iffy, he didn't even drink, but by now he had done a lot worse things than he ever dreamed possible as a teenager. "But you're right," he admitted. "Even the weed isn't illegal anymore. You didn't exactly score yourself a bad boy."
It was probably more like ‘totally and irrevocably fucked,’ but who was counting? Kane snickered a bit, enjoying the way Adrian played with his fingers and traced the lines in his palm. He knew he was intense, but he couldn’t seem to help it when so many aspects of his life were so fucked up. Adrian obviously liked it on some level, or he wouldn’t be there. “Eh, bad boys are overrated pains in the ass,” he murmured warmly, still half-grinning. Kane probably went beyond what people usually meant with ‘bad boy,’ but he wasn’t counting himself out of that category. He was certainly a pain in the ass. Adrian had more in his background that was bad of course, but Kane still thought his actions were tragically justified, and he wasn’t going to bring up all that truly dark shit at the moment. “I wasn’t lookin’ to score anybody at all, but m’happy with who I got,” he added, a little softer.
"No?" Adrian tittered and leaned over him, one eyebrow arched in amusement. "You literally kidnapped me." If they couldn't joke about it yet, they were doomed. At least he hoped Kane felt the same way and he kissed him before he had time to get upset about it. The killing kind of felt like a forbidden subject but that night at the cabin was something else entirely. It had been fucked up, of course, but Adrian was seeing it more and more through the lens of who they were now and it was easy to forget just how terrified and furious he'd been before he shifted modes. "Is that not how you usually get laid?" he murmured against Kane's lips before pulling up again, grinning at him.
Surprise and a pinch of shame flashed through Kane’s eyes at the reminder, but the kiss did make him feel better about it. He still felt guilty sometimes, even if he hadn’t been in control of his impulses at the time ... they had turned out to be dark impulses. Adrian was obviously just busting his balls though, so he didn’t want to get all maudlin about it. “Believe it or not, I can usually get by on charm,” he drawled, scrunching his nose a bit at Adrian. “Charm and this hog leg right here.” Kane reached down to grab his crotch through the blanket, then tittered. He was sure there was more to it for some of his conquests, an attraction to him that was probably related to that bad boy thing. The Why of it never really mattered to Kane. He rolled his body and half-tackled Adrian back into the pillows behind him, more as a way to drape himself across his lap and cling. “How’d you usually get laid?” Kane asked, the question half-muffled against Adrian’s shoulder. “Bein’ cute in bars?”
Yet again Adrian was faced with the question whether to tell Kane he had only been with one guy before him or not. It was probably dumb to worry that this was a big deal but he couldn't help it. Kane had been with a lot of people and while Adrian didn't care about that, something about being only his second might feel laden with expectations, or he might think that if Adrian actually came out of the closet he'd go boy-crazy or something. Adrian huffed softly at that thought and raked his fingers lightly through Kane's hair. "Sure," he murmured with a little grin. "Being cute in bars sounds like it could work. And we both know I'm hella cute." It felt like such an alien concept to him, the closest he'd come to that was rolling into Kane's uber after his one 'big night out'.
That was kind of a weird answer to what he’d asked, but it didn’t register right away. Kane was much more occupied with how nice Adrian’s body felt against his and nibbling on his shoulder. He knew Adrian was far less sexually experienced than him, but Kane was willing to bet that was true for the majority of the adult population. He’d buried a lot of things in immediate gratification and no-strings sex for a very long time. He was more curious now how Adrian picked up guys though, so he pulled back enough to look at him again. “Hella cute, goddamn gorgeous, hot as fuck ...” he listed with a dreamy little smile. “‘Could work’ though? That wasn’t your MO then? Were you on Grindr instead? Or just like ... meeting people you liked organically?” That sounded like a foreign concept to Kane, especially for a closeted guy, and in his imagination Adrian had been with far more than two people.
Adrian laughed and god, he'd been mortified by the thought of anyone going through his phone and finding Grindr on it so no, he hadn't done that. He'd gone so far as to download Tinder but never actually used it and thinking back on college he'd been pretty much a prude by anyone's standards he supposed. "I guess... Organically," he murmured, still grinning lazily because could it be his MO if he'd only had to use it once? All that flattery was definitely going to his head too and he felt almost drunk with it, smug, happy. "Something tells me you've got like... Twenty MOs at least. I just hope I'm the only one you've kidnapped," he teased as he stroked Kane's cheek.
He gave a sheepish little laugh and turned his head to lightly nom on Adrian’s fingers. Kane had developed a few tactics of approach over the years, and he’d gotten pretty good at reading flirty body language, but he mostly just liked to be straightforward. A well-timed invitation to a hotel or a simple ‘wanna fuck?’ could work wonders depending on the setting and the person. Adrian had probably been looking for a bit more than that though, when he’d been looking. “Nah, you were the only one worth kidnapping,” he mumbled, since they were apparently making jokes about his bad rapey intentions now. It felt weird. Kane tried to push the weirdness away and dipped in to press a few kisses against Adrian’s jaw. “I woulda given it a shot with you, at a bar.”
It was so hard to imagine that scenario in some alternate universe where they met at a bar or a club but Adrian liked to think he would have given him a shot too. "You were so not my type," he murmured. "Whenever I thought about guys I imagined someone... boring. Safe. Most of the time I just avoided thinking about it altogether. That's what the other guy was like. Cute but kinda boring." Now that Kane wasn't playfully pushing him, he felt less stress about admitting there had been only one guy before Kane. Weird how that worked. "I probably wouldn't have gone home with you 'cause I didn't go home with anyone. I probably would have panicked if you hit on me at a bar." He probably would today too, even if it was nice to pretend he was more experienced and cool. He hadn't exactly been suave and in control at Toby's birthday party. This thing with Kane had just hit too hard and fast for him to overthink it.
“To be fair, that’s probably smart.” Kane was a lot of things, but boring and safe weren’t on the list, he knew that much. He could easily picture pre-trauma Adrian hanging around Portland with friends, going to school and then working as a nurse, being a normal person, maybe daydreaming about having a boring, safe live-in boyfriend one day. Someone to anxiously introduce to his family when he finally came out at thirty-five or whatever, who would smile a lot and help with the dishes and be wholesome and make a good impression. Someone who wasn’t like Kane at all. Surely part of Adrian still wanted that normalcy, and Kane already knew that fact would make him spiral out about all of this eventually. He just didn’t want it to be today. The between-the-lines part of what Adrian was saying finally sank in and Kane looked at him again, one brow lifting. “Wait ... the other guy? You didn’t go home with anyone because ... there was only the one?” He couldn’t help but sound surprised.
"You catch on quick," Adrian murmured and lightly tapped Kane's forehead with one finger. "Is that a big deal?" He didn't care that Kane probably had a horde of ex lovers even if he knew plenty of people might have an issue with that. Just like Kane might feel pressured somehow that he was only Adrian's second. It shouldn't matter though, he'd already admitted to being in love with him, things were pretty damn serious regardless of where they'd been before or where they might end up going with it. It was still kind of funny how surprised Kane looked, almost stunned, like it was impossible to go through life only fucking two people. And maybe it was abnormal, but Adrian had been closeted and in love with a straight guy, and then he'd been busy with work, and then he'd been locked away and barely functional for a few years.
He knew the right answer was “no, of course not,” but a sudden flare of insecurity rose up in the back of his throat to make those words more complicated. One guy before him, a dozen guys before him, none of it should’ve mattered, but somehow Kane thought he would’ve preferred the dozen. Adrian obviously wasn’t some naive doe-eyed child wandering through life -- he was grown and he was tough, he’d been a nurse for years, he’d been through a lot of crazy hard shit and survived, he knew how the world worked -- but Kane did feel the weight of responsibility on him for a moment. You’re going to hurt him so bad, ran through his head. If they’d just been fuckbuddies it would’ve been enough to make him want to bow out. Kane was far too deep into it now though, and Adrian was only the second person he’d ever felt in love with, so they were on more even ground than it seemed. Kane just hoped inexperience wasn’t driving all these intense feelings between them. “‘Course not,” he murmured, still studying Adrian’s face. “Just ... surprising, I guess.”
The pause was interesting and kind of confirmed Adrian's worries. It made him want to tell Kane not to worry, that he would dump him first but even as a joke that just hit wrong. "'Cause I'm so hot," he said instead. "Should have been with way more, I know. I've just been busy." He didn't think it was a big deal but if Kane did then it could become one and he gave him a faint smile again, tilting his head. "You know it wasn't just one time, right? One guy, multiple times." It hadn't actually been that many times but there had been a few. It all seemed so dull in comparison to the sex he was having with Kane but there was no way he was saying that now, Kane looked a little freaked out already so teasing him about it felt more natural. "He's a doctor today, maybe I should look him up."
Kane gave a little snort and tried to focus on the Adrian right in front of him instead of the anxious buzz in his brain. “Hey, maybe you should. Get the ‘but mom, I’m dating a doctor’ all ready for when you come out,” he countered. His tone was light to match the teasing, but his stomach took an unpleasant dip anyway. “They can’t be mad about that shit, right?” He wasn’t worried about that literally happening, of course, Adrian had said the guy was boring, but what if the next cute doctor wasn’t? Then this thing between them would’ve just run its course and ended, he told himself. Like it ought to. Kane wasn’t the end game for anyone, and Adrian deserved better, even if he wouldn’t hear it now. “Your history’s not my fuckin’ business anyway ... but yeah, you’re hot enough to have your pick, you know.”
"I'm just picky," Adrian said. "And up until recently I was trying so desperately to be straight." He didn't want a fucking doctor, he wanted Kane, but saying as much seemed like added pressure so he kept that to himself, just like how if they loved each other then maybe his history was Kane's business and vice versa. It just seemed like a wildly bad idea to start speculating those sorts of things when whatever this was between them felt so temporary and fragile already. "I had a girlfriend throughout high school, did I tell you already? That's the trick. You get yourself an ultra conservative catholic girlfriend and make a promise to her and God to wait until marriage." He tittered and it was weird to think back on how seriously he had taken that for a while. It hadn't really been a ploy the whole time, sometimes he'd really believed this was how it was going to go for him.
He had a vague recollection of Adrian mentioning dating a girl when he was a teenager but never having sex with her. Kane thought that was probably pretty common. He couldn’t personally imagine being with a girl and not wanting to fool around with her, but he guessed that was what made him bisexual and not gay. He had yet to fall in love like this with a woman though, so Kane didn’t really know what that made him. He couldn’t help but snort-chuckle a bit at the idea of promising anything to God. His family had never been religious though, and it sounded like Adrian had been raised in the church. Kane tried to picture himself meeting ultra-conservative Catholic parents and making a good impression on them and it just made his chest tighten with anxiety. He looked how he looked, he was how he was, and he had fucking Arabic script tattooed down to the fucking wrist on both arms, how would they ever accept him? The simple obvious answer was they wouldn’t, because Adrian would never bring him home. This wasn’t that kind of thing, and he needed to stop even pondering it. “Those’re the people who get married straight outta high school just so they can finally fuck, and end up miserable for the next twenty years,” he murmured, not sure what else to say that wouldn’t sound insane and presumptuous.
"You're not wrong about that," Adrian said and cringed a little at the thought. "I dodged that whole package," he added though he didn't really think Kane would be interested in his high school relationship enough to ask how or why. It wasn't even an interesting story. He was oblivious to all that was going on inside Kane's mind but it wasn't like he hadn't had similar thoughts. He hadn't gotten so far to think about how much his mother would probably hate Kane on sight for the way he looked because he was still caught up in the whole idea of bringing home a guy in the first place. It could be a clean cut, catholic neurosurgeon and it'd probably still give his mother a stroke. There was always the faint hope that there was nothing he could do wrong anymore because now he had the 'at least I'm not dead' comparison to make, but he wasn't fully sold on that. "Were you out? In high school?" he asked and it was hard to imagine what with the age difference between them. It hadn't even been very acceptable when Adrian was there.
Kane assumed that the fake relationship ended naturally at some point, probably to Adrian’s great relief. Maybe when they’d graduated and he left town for college or whatever had happened. It obviously hadn’t been anything he’d been emotionally invested in, and the girl was probably better off anyway. Kane shrugged a bit at the question, his brow furrowing briefly. “I didn’t talk about it really, but some of my friends knew. Got into some fights about it, guys talking shit about rumors they heard. But I dated and fucked enough girls too for it to be like ... deniable, I guess,” he said. “I wasn’t a good target, I was on the football team and strong and angry most of the time. There were other not-straight guys who got it way worse than me. Or guys who just didn’t seem straight, you know? Teenagers are rabid assholes.”
The thought of Kane in a fight shouldn't be hot, especially not in this context, but it was so Adrian figured he was just done for there. He'd done a good job of hiding his own gayness by covering it up with religion and a sweet girlfriend so he'd been lucky there and never been found out. "People are just way more chill about it now," he murmured. "But I bet they're still assholes bout it in high school." It was a depressing topic and he grinned as he turned them in another direction, ruffling Kane's short hair. "Oh my God, you were a jock," he said. "Why did I picture you as one of the weirdos who smoked pot behind the cafeteria?" He hadn't, not really. He was pretty sure Kane had mentioned the sports before and his physique showed pretty clearly he was an active guy, but it was still funny stereotype wise.
He laughed and batted at Adrian’s arm. “Hey now, watch your mouth,” he said with a grin. “I wasn’t some letter-jacket popular jock. I was a poor kid whose dad beat him into playing sports, and I was aggressive enough to be good at it. I had one foot in the pot-smoking losers club behind the cafeteria, believe me.” Even though he’d played football, Kane had never felt like a full member of The Team. A lot of those guys had been from Overlook and he’d had problems with some of them over the years, but he’d been such a fierce offensive tackle that the coaches refused to cut him from the team. It was probably a good thing too -- if Kane hadn’t had football to pour his anger into, he probably would’ve been arrested more than once before he hit eighteen. “What’d you do besides class? Yearbook? Fuckin’ nerd.” Kane grinned and ruffled Adrian’s hair back.
"Actually, yeah," Adrian said and burst out laughing. Talk about getting called out like that. It felt good to laugh, especially after his stomach had done an uncomfortable twist at the reminder of how horrible everything had been for Kane. "I did photography for the year book and the newspaper. Then, you know, basketball, baseball, track - I kept busy." And he definitely never joined the kids behind the cafeteria even if he'd absolutely gotten high a few times. It just seemed crazy to do that at school. "I was just a step below the letter-jacket popular kids, hell I was pretty popular even without the letter-jacket. You probably would have hated me." A memory of the way Kane looked at him when he actually hated him flashed through his mind and it was something he didn't want to remember. This was so much better, why couldn't he just forget?
Kane cracked up with him for a moment over being right, but he couldn’t tease him too hard because it sounded like Adrian had been well-rounded, sports to balance out the nerdy stuff, popular. Kane thought he probably had a lot of friends, he’d obviously come from a Good Family. He probably would have hated him, in that jealous way he’d hated everyone who had it better than he did. Kane wanted to think he’d grown out of that eventually, but he could still taste the acidic bitterness in the back of his throat sometimes. Not at the moment though, because Adrian’s life had turned out anything but charmed and easy. “Maybe,” he murmured, gazing at him warmly. “Or maybe I woulda caught you looking at me a little too long and tried to catch you alone in the locker room for some sinning.” There were a lot of reasons that idea was probably unrealistic, but Kane could daydream about it anyway.
It was highly improbable and super unrealistic but Adrian liked it anyway in that same way he liked imagining Kane actually having his way with him in the cabin - or the other way around, both of those fantasies were violent and strange. In reality it wouldn't have worked for a variety of reasons but it was still hot and he gave a little groan of appreciation. "You keep filling my head with new things to jerk off to," he drawled and it wasn't like he hadn't had locker room fantasies before, this one was just far more interesting than the ones he'd had when he was younger. Darker, just like Kane. "Even without trying." Kane had been creeping into his fantasies for a long time now and he preferred the real thing, his expression softening again at the way Kane was looking at him.