Danilo Parker (abandoned_) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2022-12-04 20:03:00 |
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Entry tags: | #july 2018, dan, dan x toby, toby |
Who: Toby and Dan
When: early evening, Friday, July 6
Where: the locker room at Mercy
Status: complete
Bad weather always meant a busier day when you worked in emergency healthcare, and today Dan was kind of selfishly glad for it. Not that he wanted anyone to get hurt, and responding to accident calls was never fun, but he needed the distraction. He’d left the house before Tatum really woke up, so they hadn’t had a chance to talk about what happened the night before. Which had been somewhat by design, because he had no fucking idea what to say about any of it. Did he regret fucking his prodigal wife again? No ... but also yes. Mostly no? His feelings seemed to shift hour by hour, whenever he had a quiet moment to think about it, and it was exhausting.
So Dan tried not to have quiet moments, doing inventory in the ambulance and detail-cleaning when they weren’t on a call, only nibbling on a power bar for five minutes during his lunch hour before he went back to working, just trying to stay busy. Going home to Tatum was going to be weird, he could already feel it, and he had no idea what to say to her. Dan considered asking if he could work a double, but he also didn’t want her to freak out and accuse him of trying to avoid her either.
When his shift was officially over, he shuffled into the locker room at Mercy to clean up and change. He felt draggy and like he wanted to move slow as he approached his locker.
Toby didn’t have space in his brain for anything else once work got busy. He let his powers flow, tapping into probability and possibility, feeding the needs of others to the point of exhaustion. It was times like these that he felt the physical toll, so rare in his daily life, and all he really wanted was to go home and sleep. Part of him wanted to call up Zach and see if he could just come crash in his bed, cuddle and sleep until dawn, but he couldn’t do that, at least not yet. He needed some time to come down, to dampen his abilities and maybe take a quick nap. He liked seeing Zach when he was at his best, not his current work-worn self, and definitely not when he was most likely to suck secrets out of thin air.
Stepping into the locker room, Toby breathed a heavy sigh, the energy draining from him along with the air. He had no desire to go out in this weather, but he was glad to be done for the day. He dragged his feet as he turned the corner, then paused when he caught sight of Dan looking just as exhausted as he did. “Rain’s the worst,” he muttered. “I know this town will make an effort to prove me wrong as soon as I say it, but I’ll take a snow storm over rain any day.”
Dan heard someone else come into the locker room but didn’t look over until Toby spoke. Seeing as how Dan had only been working at Mercy for about a year as an EMT, he didn’t know everybody well yet, but he’d always liked this particular nurse. From everything Dan had seen, Toby was good at his job and really cared, and that was more than could be said for some of the other people who worked at the hospital. Plus he’d always seemed cool when they’d chatted here and there in between patients. Dan huffed a little at what Toby said and nodded his agreement. “If we get a blizzard in July, I’ll know who to blame,” he said with a wan smile. “But same here, man. It’s like just because it’s not white, everybody forgets how to drive in it.”
“I’m just glad I don’t have to be out in it,” Toby said with a little laugh. “I mean, I do now, but not like you were. I can’t imagine doing my job in the rain.” He knew the EMTs weren’t usually out in the rain when they were working—they were usually in someone’s house or car or wherever—but they still had to work in and around it. Toby was nice and dry inside the hospital and that was something he’d come to appreciate. It was stressful enough working in the ER that he had a huge appreciation for the paramedics and EMTs that basically did a similar job on the go. “‘Least we get to go home now,” he said as he opened his locker. “I dunno about you, but I’m ready to crawl into bed. Maybe eat something first. I think I have leftovers, but that seems like work at the moment.”
“Yeah, it makes everything harder, but you adapt, y’know?” Dan had always thought of his main job as stabilization as opposed to real treatment, but he always appreciated hearing stuff like that from nurses and doctors. EMTs were the front line a lot of the time. That first-responder action had been what Dan had wanted, a completely immersive situation to focus on while he tried to evict Tatum from his brain. He hadn’t thought much about all the downtime when he’d first started out, but there was always something to do, so the career change had kept him busy enough. Toby’s immediate future plans sounded pretty heavenly to Dan -- he was ready to be home and in bed himself, he just knew it wasn’t going to be that simple anymore. Tatum was there waiting for him, and he didn’t think she would be super happy if he went straight to bed. “But yeah, food and bed ... can I just come crash at your place?” he asked with a little smirk, glancing over at Toby. It was a joke but not, at the same time. “I’ll work the microwave for you in trade.”
“Sure,” Toby laughed, though he meant it. If a friend needed a place to stay, he was always going to offer. It didn’t matter that he didn’t really know Dan. He’d always seemed like a good guy and Toby trusted those feelings, seeing as how they had a little more kick behind them than most people’s. “You can’t have the bed though. I already called dibs. But I’ve been told my couch is hella comfortable.” Times like these Toby wished he had an actual house, or at least a spare bedroom. It would have come in handy more than once. “Everything okay at home?” he asked, since he was pretty sure Dan had a bed of his own to go home to. Maybe it was nosey on his part, or maybe he felt like Dan wanted him to ask. He wasn’t quite sure.
Toby had always struck Dan as a good person, but that was a lot to ask of a work acquaintance, so he chalked the answer up to good-natured banter. Not that he was serious anyway. Was he? Dan didn’t even want to think about the fit Tatum would throw if he spent the night somewhere else. He pulled a towel out of his locker and turned toward the other man, giving a little shrug. “It’s ... weird, at home. To put it mildly.” He and Toby had never talked in depth enough for Dan to tell him about Tatum, and he wasn’t really sure if he ought to now. Toby probably just wanted to go home without having to hear about someone else’s drama. “It’s a long story though, don’t let me keep you,” he said, just to give him a polite way out.
“I’m familiar with weird. It’s pretty much been my life,” Toby said with a soft snort. He wasn’t going to get into it with someone he barely knew, but it didn’t scare him off either. As far as he was concerned, the bar for bizarre was set exceptionally high. He had an abnormally traumatic childhood, weird friends with psychic powers, and a more complicated relationship than he could have dreamt up if given the opportunity. But he also didn’t expect Dan to spill everything at the drop of a hat. People usually only did that in extremely stressful situations and Dan seemed pretty chill at the moment. “If you ever want to talk, hit me up.”
It was such a frustrating feeling, wanting to just spill out the entire story but feeling like he couldn’t or shouldn’t. Dan just didn’t have many people to talk to about any of this -- all of his friends kind of hated Tatum for what she’d done to him, his family too. He hadn’t even started spreading the word that she was back yet, because he didn’t know how to frame it. Maybe Toby, as a more objective person who didn’t know either of them, could offer some perspective? Was he inviting that now, or was it a vague future offer he hoped Dan would never take him up on? The fact he was so anxious talking about any of it probably meant he really needed to. “My wife -- she came back,” he started, and it indeed came out as a blurt. “She left me three years ago, without a word ... and she just came back, a couple days ago. She was in a-- a cult, I think.”
Toby knew a bit about what it was like to disappear for a few years and suddenly come home. He also knew about the inclination to lie about where he’d been. He’d made up all sorts of stories because he’d sworn not to tell the truth. The truth was far more frightening than anything he could come up with anyways. He’d hated lying to his mother and his sister, but it was better that they not know what he’d been through and what he’d done. Even now, he still believed that. It made him wonder how much Dan really knew about where his wife had been. Cults were rarely good things to get sucked into, but not all were dangerous. “Wow, that sucks,” Toby said, turning to lean against the locker and give Dan his full attention. “That’s a hard thing to bounce back from, especially since you didn’t know how or why she left. Did she tell you much about the cult? Like, how she got sucked into it, or how she got away?”
Dan flashed back to Tatum desperately trying to get as much blood out of a steak as she could, and he decided not to mention that part. He still didn’t know if that was some kind of psychosomatic thing going on, and while Toby seemed to be open minded, saying ‘I think they turned her into a vampire’ would just sound crazy. It was crazy. “She hasn’t told me much yet, she just -- she had a rough childhood, and she said she was ... looking for family. More family than I could give, I guess.” Dan’s eyes ticked away and he cleared his throat. That part still hurt, and he had a feeling it would hurt for a long time. “She didn’t even let me know she was alive, for three whole years. I spent so much time and energy and money trying to find her. But ... she found them online somewhere, I don’t know. She told me she eventually got homesick and missed me, and she found an opportunity to leave them and just grabbed her stuff and went. I don’t -- I don’t know if they’re looking for her, if they’re dangerous or what.” Dan huffed out a breath and shot Toby an apologetic look. He knew it was a lot to take in.
Toby’s fingers strummed against the lockers, the desire to press, to see more than he should, was so strong, but he knew he shouldn’t. This wasn’t like when he was working, when using his abilities might help save someone’s life. This was just him being nosy, insanely curious about what would cause someone to choose to run away and stay away for three years. Dan’s hurt didn’t escape him and he didn’t blame him—he’d be crushed if someone he loved ghosted him. But he also wondered how much of that was his wife’s fault and how much was the cult. “A lot of those places… I mean, I don’t know the situation, but cults generally lure you in and then you’re stuck. They mess with your head, make you think you can’t survive without them. They cut you off from anyone who might help. Maybe she couldn’t contact you, even if she wanted to.” Maybe that thought would soothe some of the hurt. Toby realized he was probably way too at ease with the conversation topic, but he’d not been lying when he’d said he was used to weird. “Is she in danger?”
He was sure Toby had a point, and even if those people hadn’t physically kept Tatum away from a phone, they had obviously fucked with her head and maybe convinced her that she didn’t need Dan, or Dan had turned against her, or ... something. He still didn’t know a lot of details about her time there. He wanted to have all the sympathy in the world for her, but he was still trying to process the fact that she’d willingly left him like that. Dan tried to focus on the last question, shaking his head a bit doubtfully. “She doesn’t seem to think so, she said none of them ever knew where exactly she lived. She said she wouldn’t have come home if she thought they could find her, so ... I do think they’re dangerous? I’m just ... so worried. I’ve had a stomach ache for days. I don’t know how to help her, you know?” There was more to it, the blood stuff made Dan sure these people were dangerous, what if they could track Tatum by some method she didn’t know about? He just had way too many questions to be comfortable.
Toby gave a small nod of agreement, processing what went unsaid, emotions so strong that it felt impossible to miss them. It was so easy to compare himself to Tatum, but the reality of the situation was different—he’d been taken, whereas she’d left of her own accord. That was bound to leave a mark that might never heal, no matter how much she might want it to. “Maybe just give her time? Things like that can be hard to talk about. I…” Toby trailed off, then shook his head, deciding not to go down that road. His own personal experience had no place here. “If she knows you’re upset with her—I’m not saying you are, but you have every right to be—then she might not want to say something that could add to it. But you should also keep asking. Don’t let her bury it, especially if she might be in danger. You can’t safeguard yourself if you don’t know what you’re up against.”
Dan felt guilty all of the sudden for burdening Toby with all of this. He was a nurse and a good one, but not a therapist or some cult deprogrammer. Maybe that was the kind of help he and Tatum needed, but he felt doubtful that kind of help even existed in Maine. It definitely wasn’t here. He felt like it would probably be out of his current therapist’s depth. Toby wasn’t giving bad advice though, and Dan let out an unamused little chuckle and rubbed a hand over his face. “She’s a master at burying things,” he murmured. “But I’ll do my best. I’ve already ... I probably handled it badly when she arrived. I am upset with her, but I don’t ... I don’t want to be. I know more now, it’s just hard to shift my thinking about it after three years in just a few days.” He sighed and shot Toby an apologetic look. “And sorry to dump it all on you, I know we like, barely know each other.”
“It’s okay,” Toby said with a little laugh because it really was. He never minded being a sounding board, and it wasn’t like Dan was expecting him to solve it for him. Listening was one of those things he could do and sometimes his abilities made it easier. Even if he wasn’t picking up thoughts, he could sense feelings, which could be just as important, occasionally more. “I… went through a traumatic event as a kid, and I keep putting myself in her shoes. My mom never got over it. But things did get better for us. And I think they can get better for you, if you want them to. It’ll just take work. On both your parts.” It sounded like maybe Tatum would be the difficult side of the equation, just based on what Dan had said. It made Toby want to meet her.
He gave a sympathetic little frown, suddenly worried he’d brought up some bad shit in Toby’s life without meaning too. Dan couldn’t help but be curious what the traumatic event was, but he definitely wasn’t going to ask. “I’m sorry to hear that,” he murmured, feeling like he ought to. “I appreciate it, though. I hope it’ll get better.” At the moment, he couldn’t really say how he wanted it to get better -- things obviously hadn’t been good the way they were before Tatum left, so maybe they shouldn’t aim to go back to that. It seemed kind of impossible after everything anyway, so all he could really hope for was they would find a good new direction. “Maybe I should take her to therapy with me,” he added with a wan smile.
“It’s old news,” Toby said with a wave of his hand. Some part of what had happened to him had been public knowledge, but the truth wasn’t something he was going to share with someone he barely knew. Dan seemed like a decent person, but normal people couldn’t handle that level of crazy in their life. The part that mattered was that things had gotten better, until recently, when AIR suddenly reappeared out of nowhere—like a phoenix from the ashes. He hoped nothing similar happened with the cult Dan had mentioned. Hopefully they were gone for good. “Therapy could help,” he agreed. “Shrinks ask the hard questions. I always hated ‘em for it, but they’re usually onto something.”
Dan was curious, especially since he’d been sharing his own struggles, but he could pick up on vibes enough to know Toby didn’t really want to talk about it in depth. Dan couldn’t blame him, really. It was hard to talk about this kind of stuff, and if Toby’s was long ago and not fresh like Dan’s struggles, he could definitely understand not wanting to dredge it all up again. He chuckled and nodded. “Yeah, so I’ve gathered over the past couple years,” he said with a wan smile. Dan had no idea if Tatum would be open to the idea, but if she was really serious about being together again and making it up to him, maybe it would be a good thing for him to be firm about. A concrete condition. After everything, she probably needed it, even if she couldn’t talk openly about all the weirdness. Aware that he still had to clean up and Toby probably wanted to go home, Dan stuck his hand out for a shake. “I appreciate it, man,” he murmured sincerely.
“Anytime,” Toby said, shaking Dan’s hand. As he did so, he was struck with the feeling that Dan needed to get out occasionally, that maybe home wasn’t the easiest place to relax anymore. Based on what he’d just shared, that all made sense, and so Toby decided maybe it was time to make a new friend. He was good at making friends. It was keeping them that was tricky. “We should get drinks sometime. Not today, ‘cause I need sleep, but next time,” he said. “I love Dragonfly, but I’ll go just about anywhere. You do drink, right?” Because if not, well… that would just be sad.
The suggestion made Dan smile immediately, and he laughed a bit at the question. “I definitely drink, yeah,” he said. And if he hadn’t drank before, recent events would have inspired him to start. “And I love Dragonfly, so yeah man, just let me know when.” Tatum might be upset with him for going out without her, but she would just have to get over it. Dan needed friends he could talk to and trust, and stuff to help him get out of his own head. Sure he didn’t know Toby that well yet, but he seemed like a good dude. Dan released Toby’s hand and gave him another grateful smile. “Get some rest, gotta do it all over again tomorrow,” he chuckled as he turned to head for the sinks to wash up.
“Yep, gotta rest up,” Toby smiled, shutting his locker and gathering his things. Some days he got off shift and needed to get out on the town to wind down, but tonight he really was dead tired. The stops between him and the bed would be few and only completely necessary. He hated to leave Zach completely to himself on a Friday night, but with the weather as it was, hopefully he’d understand. He’d give him a call on his way home just to be sure. Saturday would be a better day for hanging out, even if they had to work around his shift. “Have a good night!” he said, giving Dan a wave then heading out the door. They’d hang out sometime soon, hopefully after they’d both had a good night’s rest.