Who: Jacob & Sage Where: Seaview and Cooperdale Tunnel When: Early afternoon, Saturday July 7 Status: Complete
Living in Maine, it didn't feel fair when the weather sucked in the summer time, like it was some kind of a betrayal when the winters were so heavy. Last night had been miserable and Jacob felt restless and a little moody once Connor left for work. Years ago he had sworn he would never go back to the tunnel and he had very good reasons for that so it made no sense when just around noon, he suddenly got the urge to break that rule. Especially since he was alone. He considered calling Sage or Jocelyn but he had no idea how to explain this sudden desire to them and honestly didn't feel like justifying himself or making up excuses. He just wanted to go, some part of his brain telling him that it had been years since the Bad Thing happened and he needed to go see that it was just a place. Why today? Because he was feeling cooped up and annoyed? He needed to walk anyway, he'd been a friggin' couch potato all week.
It was a light jacket kind of weather now that the rain had finally stopped and he took a scarf along for good measure, just in case. It was far too early for that autumn look but he liked it, it had always looked better on him than the clothes he was forced to wear when it got too hot out and he idly toyed with the hems of his jacket and the long scarf as he walked, taking his time in getting to Seaview. It felt weird to walk there, he'd spent so much time there once, it had been a genuinely fun place to go when he was a kid and maybe coming here today was therapeutic in that way. He could let go of all the bullshit and focus on the good memories. He wondered if Sage was home, if he should do a little detour and check if his car was there, but decided against it. He hadn't wanted to call, explaining in person was probably not going to be any easier.
It had been a rough couple of days for Sage, adjusting to his new schedule and figuring out ways to make it work. He couldn’t call Marsh every night, especially on the weekends, but the guys were willing to rotate picking him up when he needed it. Sage didn’t want to need it. He’d ordered himself an ultra bright flashlight that could double as a weapon and would try again as soon as that arrived. Until then, he was forced to rely on the generosity of others. It wasn’t perfect, but it was better than no job at all. He was enjoying the freedom of being back out of his parent’s house, even if he was still living out of boxes. He could come and go as he pleased without anyone asking where he was going, which was probably a good thing because if someone asked him now, they’d think he was crazy.
Sage typically avoided the tunnel. It gave him nightmares, even years after the events that took place there. Even his brain, zapped of all associated memories, seemed to know it was a place to avoid and had sent him running. Yet today it called to him. He needed to see it and since he was attempting to face some of his fears, this seemed like a good place to start. It was the oldest fear, the worst one, even if not the freshest. And he could go in broad daylight. It seemed safe enough, so he pulled on a hoodie and his hat and headed out, parking as close as he could before going the rest of the way on foot. He fully expected to be alone out there, but as he got closer, he began to hear noises. He paused and listened—footsteps. “Hello?” he called, looking this way and that as his heart began to race. “Who’s there?”
It should have felt weird how unafraid he was walking alone through the woods but Jacob felt completely at ease - until he heard Sage's voice that is. He wasn't expecting anyone to be there and it startled him out of his almost meditative state. It wasn't too bad, it didn't scare him at least. Scary things tended not to ask that and he recognized Sage's voice almost instantly. For a split second he thought to ask if Sage had followed him here, but then that didn't make any sense if Sage had to ask. "It's me," he said. "Jacob." He looked around in the general direction of where he heard the voice come from until he spotted Sage between the trees and let out a surprised little laugh. "What the fuck are you doing out here?" he asked but God he was happy to see him. It almost made him wonder why he hadn't just called him in the first place but he knew why.
Sage spun towards the sound of Jacob’s voice, relief hitting before he even spotted him. He knew his voice even before he said his name. The big question was what Jacob was doing out there and Sage began to laugh as Jacob asked the same. “I don’t know,” Sage chuckled, giving a shrug and a shake of his head. “I had this feeling? It’s probably a horrible idea, but I wanted to see the tunnel today. And that happens, like, never, so I thought I might as well go for it. Face my fears and all that shit.” So far it was going okay, but he wasn’t actually there yet, so the end was yet to be determined. He felt better now that Jacob was with him though, assuming they were going to the same place. He couldn’t imagine Jacob choosing to go for a walk there otherwise. “You?”
That should have raised some alarms in Jacob but it didn't, he just thought it was kind of a cool coincidence that they both felt the same thing at the same time - more of a testimony to how close they were than anything worrying about the tunnel. "Same," he replied with a smile. "I thought about calling you even, you must have gotten the message." He tapped his head and tittered and now that Sage was here he was glad for it. "This is actually kinda perfect, it's more fun to walk with someone." It wasn't always, sometimes he liked to put on headphones and blast music while he stalked around town but today he'd been more interested in hearing his surroundings and being more alert. Not in a negative way, just a 'stop and smell the flowers' kind of way.
“These days it wouldn’t surprise me if one of us developed telepathy,” Sage said with a little laugh. He had enough on his plate at the moment, so he hoped it wasn’t him, but anything seemed possible. “I thought about calling you, too. Glad you showed up. I don’t usually want to be out here.” Today was different and he didn’t know why, but he wasn’t actively trying to fight it either. He was so tired of fighting. The mental battle he fought daily was exhausting in itself, so when something came along that was easy, Sage just wanted to go for it. His hands slid into his pockets as he fell in step next to Jacob, heading towards the tunnel. “So, whatcha been up to? Good week so far?”
It was weird to think about when they used to hang out every day as teenagers and compare it to how they only met every so often now. Jacob supposed that meant they were getting old or something and there was definitely a part of him that missed those late night just watching movies and rambling about everything and nothing. He kind of had that with Connor now, but it wasn't the same. "Yeah it's been good, I've just been working and taking care of the house and mah man and all," he grinned faintly and shrugged. "How about you? Did you move yet?" He knew there were plans but he hadn't been eager to volunteer to help - Sage had his band boys for that and Jacob felt a little shy around them.
“Such a good little boy toy,” Sage teased, giving Jacob a little nudge. “I’m moved, but not unpacked. Boxes everywhere but the bed. I was supposed to be working on that now, but I got distracted.” Anyone who knew him knew that happened a lot. He was either intensely focused or hopping from one thing to another, very rarely finishing anything. He would probably be living out of boxes for weeks, maybe months. It all depended on if he suddenly had a reason to unpack. “I’m just glad to be out of my parent’s house. The guys are a lot more chill about me coming and going. If I don’t come home, they don’t panic. And it doesn’t feel half as weird to say I’m staying the night with Marsh.”
"Oh god, I bet," Jacob tittered and he couldn't imagine having to answer to his mom in any shape or form these days. Not that she'd ever been strict or overly invested in the mother role but still. She was his mom and it was awkward. He had zero interest in introducing her to Connor who felt ten times more like family to him than any of his blood relatives ever had. Hell, Sage and Jocelyn's parents often felt more like his parents when he was growing up, their home life had been somehow more like a real family than his own. There had been pros and cons to that of course, he'd had more freedom than most of his peers but he hadn't really felt like he needed it either. A stricter household wouldn't have saved him from the tunnel though, none of them had gotten out of that one. "Letting people know where you're going is good though," he reminded Sage. "If you go missing, we'll know to look for you." There was no way to say that in a light hearted way, but it didn't weigh as heavily as it usually did today. Even if Sage really had gone missing, even if it was just as likely he could go missing again. They were walking again and the tunnel was getting ever closer and that should have felt heavier too, but it didn't.
“Yeah,” Sage said softly. “I’m… more aware of that these days.” As someone who’d gone missing once, he understood why his parents wanted to know where he was going and when he’d be back. He just hadn’t had anyone tracking his whereabouts before that. He’d lived alone and, while there was some freedom on that, it wasn’t something he enjoyed anymore. He felt safer around people, even if they were doing nothing more than sleeping beside him, or even in the other room. “It’s weird to be out here,” he said, looking around as they walked. “It’s always terrifying in my nightmares, but right now it’s kind of… serene.” It was just a forest with a bunch of trees and an old railroad running through it. Eventually there would be the tunnel, where they’d hung out over a dozen times before that horrible afternoon. Usually just thinking about it was enough to give him goosebumps, but today felt special. Today was like the more peaceful days, like one of the happier memories that had been so marred by tragedy that he’d forgotten about them.
"Yeah, it's actually really nice out here, without all the spook," Jacob agreed. "Remember how gorgeous it is in the fall?" For the first time in years he kind of wanted to go into the tunnel, to see if any of the graffiti he'd done as a teen was still in there, holding up strong against the passage of time. Even without the fear present, that seemed like a bad idea, he didn't really want to, he was just curious about the art. Going to the tunnel was not the same as going into the tunnel and he had a feeling it'd be years more before he could actually do that - if he ever could. "Maybe we've given this place way too much weight in the narrative, you know? I still have a hard time kinda making sense of everything that happened out here. Like a bad dream you can't really... make sense of." That was repetitive, but his art form was pictures, not words.
“The leaves were amazing,” Sage murmured, feeling slightly nostalgic. The leaves were gorgeous everywhere in the fall, but this had been their hangout. It was so far removed from the center of town that there was nothing but nature out there—nature and their own identifying marks. The scent of spray paint, the sound of his guitar, a disturbance of the leaves where Grayson had tossed a football. Sage almost expected to hear the other three waiting for them up ahead. “Memories bleed into dreams and vice versa. I’m no longer sure which is which.” If he tried to recall everything that happened back then, he wasn’t all that sure he could separate imagination from reality. “It all blurs together, but… it’s possible I’ve made it worse in my head over time.”
"Not just me then," Jacob replied with a wry smile as he stepped over the overgrown tracks and looked up ahead at the mouth of the tunnel. It was always so big in his dreams, a big gaping void ready to suck him in like a black hole in space. Now it just looked... normal. It was just a tunnel for trains, only the train had stopped coming a long time ago so really it was just a sort of memorial, really. He wasn't scared today, just a little sad, thinking of what Grayson might be doing today if he hadn't gone missing. Would they all still be friends? They'd all be saner, that was for sure. "I've had dreams where it all happened somewhere else, like a giant warehouse with endless staircases, it felt so real like it was just an alternative dimension or something. Like, I woke up thinking for a few seconds that's where we actually were."
“It’s always here for me,” Sage said as his steps began to slow. “The tunnel is usually bigger, but it’s still a tunnel. Monster-like, waiting to swallow me whole. It’s the thing inside it that changes, coming at me with a thousand different faces.” He wasn’t even sure what he’d actually seen back then, if there’d been anything to see at all. Sometimes he was sure there was a cloud of some sort, a shadow demon, grappling with Grayson as it dragged him into its depths, but then another nightmare would frame it differently and he’d doubt himself. Looking at it now, it was just a tunnel, with no monster to be seen, but his heart still began to race. It was as if his body sensed danger that his brain was trying to avoid noticing. “I bet this place exists in other dimensions. Maybe one of them is a warehouse.”
Jacob had never dared to fuck with the tunnel in any way after that fateful day but today he felt relaxed and unafraid staring into that darkness. He wasn't going in, he wasn't going anywhere near it for that matter, but that was more like not wanting to jump off a cliff or in front of a train. He knew better, but he wasn't afraid to stand out here and look at it. He reached down for a pebble and then threw it into the mouth of the tunnel, listening to it clank quietly in the dark. "I think it was just my head giving me anxiety nightmares," he said and the thought of this place existing in multiple dimensions was weird, but not necessarily worse. Maybe that meant Grayson was alive somewhere, and maybe that somewhere wasn't even necessarily horrible. It was better than many of the alternative theories, that was for sure. Maybe he just fell into a different reality, maybe he was okay. Jacob picked up another pebble and idly tossed it in the air as he considered throwing it too. "I don't know why a warehouse, but all those hallways and stairs were confusing so that made it worse somehow."
“Definitely sounds like an anxiety nightmare,” Sage said, then grinned, his fear fading away to make room for amusement. “Were you naked?” Typically that made all sorts of nightmares even worse, adding extreme vulnerability on top of everything else. It was the sort of thing that pissed Sage off when it happened to him—if he was going to end up nude in his dreams, couldn’t it be a sexy dream instead of a nightmare? “You can get lost in a warehouse. You can get lost in the woods too, but this place never scared me. Not like it did,” he said, daring to walk a little closer. He hadn’t even considered going inside. That was completely off the table and he was glad that Jacob hadn’t even suggested it. Just being there felt risky, but going inside was insane. “Why does this place still hold so much power over me?” he muttered, shaking his head. It wasn’t a question Jacob could answer for him, but he thought maybe Jacob was feeling the same.
"Guess 'cause it's a place of power," Jacob replied and as Sage walked closer there was a very strong impulse to grab his jacket and pull him back, even if they were at least ten feet from the opening. "Something seriously fucked up happened here," he said instead and stepped forward to toss this pebble inside as well. He wasn't sure why, maybe he wanted to know if he'd hear something - or make sure he didn't. The tunnel was quiet and ominous but it was thankfully quiet so far and he couldn't see anything moving in the dark. "A lot of seriously fucked up somethings," he corrected himself because even if he'd only been here for one of them, there was a long history.
After all that had happened to them, Sage had done a little looking into the tunnel itself. He’d always heard rumors, but thought nothing of them. After though, when he looked into its history, it felt like they’d been playing with fire. It had only been a matter of time before they got burned. Standing there, with the mouth of the tunnel looming before them, felt like facing a sleeping monster. It could wake up at any minute and then they’d be fucked all over again. Sage swallowed a lump in his throat as a chill ran up his spine. “I’d like to say it can’t hurt us, but… I know that’s a lie,” Sage said. He stepped back to be closer to Jacob, close enough to grab him or hold his hand. He considered it, wanting that reassurance, but wasn’t sure it was appropriate. “I’m glad you’re here.”
It was Jacob who took Sage's hand, rarely one to shy away from physical comfort, at least not with his friends he knew liked it too. There was also that feeling that if he didn't hold onto him, he might lose him too. It wasn't a sudden thought or even a terrifying one, more matter-of-fact and sad. "I'm glad you're here too," he said and gave Sage's hand a little squeeze. "I honestly don't know what I was hoping for when I came here alone. It doesn't really feel like closure. Maybe it will, with time, we'll feel glad we were brave enough to come here and now we can... I don't know. Put it all behind us or something."
“Maybe,” Sage said, squeezing Jacob’s hand back. “One less nightmare would be nice.” It felt like a lifeline, a tether to keep him from getting pulled into the storm, keeping the swell of emotion and fear at bay. It did feel brave to come out there, a win he most desperately needed, but it didn’t put the fear to rest as he’d hoped. If anything, it stirred it right back up again. Hopefully Jacob was right and closure would come later. His eyes swept over the scene, taking it in, trying to keep this version of the tunnel in his head. This version wasn’t frightening. It was just a tunnel with some dilapidated old train tracks and overgrown grass where they’d used to sit and hang out. A bit of color caught his eye and Sage frowned. “Did you ever paint rocks?”
"Nah, I thought about it," Jacob said and the question didn't really feel out of the blue to him since he'd been tossing pebbles just seconds ago. "There's this whole thing where people paint rocks and leave them places and-" he trailed off, looking where Sage was looking and realizing why he'd asked in the first place. "Looks like someone already did that here." He let go of Sage's hand and walked past him to take a closer look. It really was a color that caught the eye and as he crouched down he found two beautiful rocks lying side by side just off the tracks. "Except these aren't painted," he said and picked them up, liking the light weight of them in his palm.
Sage trailed after Jacob, unable to let him step too far away from him, especially as they moved closer to the mouth of the tunnel. He refused to look directly at it, as if acknowledging it would give it even more power, something he didn’t want to do when they were standing so close. When Jacob crouched down, Sage rested a hand on his shoulder, needing to maintain that contact. He refused to lose another friend to the tunnel—if something tried to take Jacob, he was going with him. “Can I see?” he asked, holding out his hand as he squatted down beside Jacob to get a closer look. “I wonder where they came from.”
Jacob handed him one of the small rocks, then kept studying the one he was holding. "I don't know, it looks like someone left them here on purpose, like they don't fit in." He rolled it in his palm and then looked at Sage. "I'm gonna keep this one. It's like... a trophy for coming out here or something. A reminder we can be brave." He even knew where he wanted to keep it, perched on the base of his drawing lamp in the study. It would look nice there, a splash of color against the black. "Though my bravery is kinda running out," he admitted and gave Sage a crooked smile. "I'm glad we're here, but I just wanna go, you know?"
It was a beautiful little rock, completely out of place at a site defined by the horrific events that had happened there. Sage wanted to take it away from there and give it a better home. He didn’t know exactly where, since his own home was a mess, but it could sit on his bedside table for now, or just live in his pocket. It was small enough to carry around with him and he liked the way it felt to roll it between his palms. “Then I’ll keep this one. We deserve a prize, but I’m all tapped out now,” Sage said, hooking his arm through Jacob’s as he began pulling him away from the tunnel. “Let’s get out of here. Walk with me to my car and I’ll drive you home.”
"Do you have any time to kill before work?" Jacob asked as he straightened up again and slipped his new rock in his pocket. As much as he wanted to get out of here, he wasn't really in a rush to go home as he'd expected to be home a lot later with the walk back in mind. "We could drop by Joyland and have some coffee before you gotta go," he added in a hopeful tone, bumping gently against Sage. It was easy for him to say though, he didn't have a job he needed to show up for at set hours, he could practically work from anywhere, anytime, so it was really up to Sage.
“Oh yeah, I’ve still got a few hours,” Sage said, more than happy to kill some time with Jacob. He didn’t really feel like being alone at the moment, even with the tunnel put literally behind him. He glanced over his shoulder, just to make sure it stayed there, letting them walk away without even a scratch. “I could use the caffeine, but if Quentin’s working, I’m going to ask that we sit outside. I’m not in the mood to deal with him today.” Going to the tunnel had dredged up all sorts of memories and feelings that he didn’t even want to think about. He’d never wind down if he had to spend the next hour being glared at by Grayson’s brother.
It took Jacob a second to make the connection but then his eyes went wide as he realized how often he'd dodged a bullet when he went there. "Oh shit, he works there?" he asked and he'd had the good fortune of never seeing him there. Not that he went there thatoften, but still. "Maybe we should go check out the new ice cream place instead, I just have a craving for something sweet," he mumbled, not sure that seeing Grayson's brother would be a great way to end the day - though maybe it would all be a part of the same closure. He couldn't imagine that actually happening though, Grayson's family had never been outright violent toward him but they hated all of them, that much was certain.
“Yeah, I think he manages it now,” Sage said, though he’d never officially inquired. He just knew that Quentin seemed to be there all the time, though there were exceptions. Afternoons were generally the safest bet, but Sage still preferred ice cream after a visit to the tunnel. One walk down memory lane was enough for the day. “I’m down for ice cream,” he smiled. “You can help me plan a double date with Jocelyn and Nate. Or a triple date, if you and Connor want to join. Or is that too much? I dunno. I’m irrationally nervous about it.” His friends were cool, and Marsh was awesome, so he wasn’t sure why he was worried about it.
"Oh my god, a triple date," Jacob said and laughed, the more socially phobic part of him bristling a bit at the idea. It had been one thing to introduce Jocelyn and Sage to Connor, but the three of them hanging out with their three boyfriends all at the same time and place was intimidating. "I think I might pass," he said, though he was half-joking. If Sage wanted him there, he'd show up. "What were you thinking about doing?" That was the core of it, wasn't it? It was one thing to go to karaoke or bowling or something and a completely different thing to sit around at a cafe and chat. He thought some activity might be better with that many people, it'd keep them busy at least. He also wasn't sure Connor would want to go, but he knew he would if Jacob really wanted to go.
“Yeah, it sounds overwhelming to me and I actually know everyone,” Sage snickered. He was normally fine with big groups of people, but there was a big difference between a crowd of people he barely knew and introducing his closest friends to his new boyfriend. The only thing that sounded worse would be inviting the guys from his band to join them. It was too much for Sage to juggle. “There was mention of karaoke, but we also talked about dinner and just hanging out. I didn’t wanna not invite you, but I kind of think two separate double dates might be better. If you want to, I mean. I’m not dragging you into something, I swear. You’ve already kind of met him. Kind of.” That brief introduction at the country club might not even count. It was before he and Marsh had hooked up, plus he’d apparently given Marsh vibes that he and Jacob were together. But they’d both been kinda drunk, so that didn’t entirely surprise him.
Jacob couldn't help but wonder if Nate and Marsh already knew each other, they were both from Overlook and Marsh didn't seem that much older than them even if he clearly had his life way more together than either Sage or Jacob did. Connor would feel most like the odd man out, an out-of-towner who was a lot older than the lot of them, but then he'd done just fine with meeting Jocelyn and Sage for the first time. He'd even had fun! "If you're all serious about this guy, we should just have you guys over for dinner sometime," he said and he was pretty sure he and Sage were on the same page here, that a triple date was just a bit too overwhelming for introverts like them. "If you think he wants to meet us, that is," he added a bit cheekily.
“I don’t know if we’re serious,” Sage said with a small frown. “I like him. I like him a lot. I think it’s possible, but we haven’t really been dating that long. I want you to meet him, but I have no idea what he wants.” He thought Marsh would probably be fine with it, but it also felt like making their relationship official in a way and there was always a chance that Marsh would say no. He might back off or disappear completely and then Sage would regret asking—or would it be better that way, to know that Marsh wasn’t even interested in being invested? Sage sighed heavily, his mind connecting dots that weren’t even there yet. “I’m over thinking this and it’s making me crazy.” Saying it out loud helped, even if it didn’t make his insecurities vanish entirely.
Jacob bit his tongue on giving out some clever advice like he was older and more experienced just because his relationship had worked out for him. The truth was he didn't really know shit and his confidence wasn't so much hard earned as it had been given to him on a silver platter. "Overthinking things is kind of our thing," he said instead and he was willing to blame it on the trauma. Sage had so much more trauma now, he was probably worse but that wasn't something he was going to bring up either. "We can just meet up casually, not make a big deal out of it. We'll be somewhere at a set time and you can ask if he wants to meet up and hang out. Doesn't have to be a whole thing, you know?" The only problem with that was that he and Connor tended to be homebodies lately, but he was sure Connor would be willing to make a change there. "Where'd you park the car?" he asked as they neared Seaview again and he already felt calmer, being away from the tunnel.
If there was a time when Sage hadn’t overthought relationship type things, Sage couldn’t remember it. His life had changed so drastically after the tunnel incident that he felt like he was a different person before it happened. He didn’t generally care what people thought of him, but when it came to those he let close things were different. It was why most of his close friends were old ones, friends that predated the trauma and knew him well enough to ignore the rumors. Marsh was unique in a number of ways. “Casual would be good,” Sage agreed. “If it’s not a whole big thing, I might stress less.” Because he was going to stress regardless. That was inevitable. “The car’s just up ahead, on the curb. Pretty close to where we used to park, actually.”
"I'd prefer it if you didn't stress at all," Jacob murmured gently and nudged him playfully, but he understood better than most why that wasn't going to happen. Even now he still had bouts of intense insecurity with Connor, needing to be reassured that everything was okay and that Connor didn't suddenly hate him out of the blue. And that was just one of his anxieties, thanks to the tunnel. In fact it felt weird not to be fretting about that right now, like they were closing a chapter in their lives by going out there, saying goodbye. Or maybe that was wishful thinking. He would still hate that place, would still fear it - but fear was a pretty healthy approach to a place like that.
“I know, I know,” Sage said, offering a small smile in return. “Maybe someday.” He couldn’t imagine getting to a place like that in a relationship, where he was confident enough in himself and the person he was with that he didn’t stress about every little thing, but it was a goal. He knew most people could manage it, but he wasn’t most people. Neither was Jacob. But Jocelyn seemed relatively well balanced, so he knew there was hope. The tunnel incident may have scarred them, but they could move on, even if it took them years to get around to facing their fears. Better late than never, and easier done together.